Out, damned egg! Out I say!

Same As It Ever Was - Monday version

I've clearly run out of ways to say the same thing: still waiting.

We're running out of ways to fill this waiting time so the mister and I are just doing all those things we won't be able to do soon (we hope!) and rubbing in in the faces of any of our friends with kids. Movie night? Oh yah. We saw that new Tarantino film on opening weekend and really liked it. Sleeping in and lounging around reading the Sunday paper? Yup, did that too.

Piece de resistance? Pre-show dinner at a hot new spot known for amazing cocktails and Chinese small plates followed by 4th row center seats (so freakin' center we had a center aisle seat) at Wicked. All planned last minute because that's how we roll.

Now it's Monday and both the mister and I are supposed to be working. He's doing a better job of pretending to do that. I'm trying but just don't really care.

I did find out that I can likely get 6 weeks of paid family leave even though I'm self-employed. I just need to register and start paying for optional disability coverage. I had no idea that was even an option in this state and would have been paying it all along. Since you can take the leave any time in the first year of a newly born or adopted child I will have time to qualify for benefits. Nice, huh?

Ok so perhaps time to clear up some questions several of y'all have asked.

Are we matched?
I honestly am not sure how to answer this question. In short, yes. At least I think so. But we haven't had a "match meeting" or anything like that (which is typical with our consultant). Ms FoodNetwork is no longer talking to any other prospective adoptive parents and has stated it's her desire for us to adopt this baby. She was working with another couple but broke off that match/talks before reconnecting with us.

What is the plan?
The current plan is that Ms FoodNetwork will call/text when she goes into labor. So far she says she'd like us to leave at that time and perhaps visit her at the birthcenter if she's still there but not be at the birth. There are only a couple of direct flights a day with the latest flight at 1:00 pm so it might take us a bit to get there. We'll definitely ask if she's ready for us to fly and offer a few days of alone time first.

Can we spend time one on one with her?
Of course we'd love that and are hoping to make that happen. There are some interesting dynamics at play so I'm not sure how easy that will be while we're still in the Lonestar state. She will be coming back with us for at least 3-4 days and it will likely be just her then which pleases us. We've invited the biological dad as well (through her) but don't think that's likely to happen at this point. We've also suggested something similar to what wavybrains suggested (getting a hotel room near her regular residence and hanging on campus or somehow enabling her to attend her classes during this time) but am not sure that will happen due to said dynamics.

Why don't more people do more of a transitional time in adoptions?
Honestly I think it should be done more often. I think that many of the current practices are based in fear. I totally get that. If you'd told me back when we were originally thinking about adoption that we would seek this out and encourage it, I'd likely have wondered about your drug usage. But after reading and thinking about it, it just makes sense.

I remember reading getupgrrl back when she was writing about taking her son from the only person he'd known and how she wanted that to be easier on him. I have also seen it work remarkably well with other families in our service. People have worked out all kinds of arrangements during this time. One of the considerations is whether it's a local situation or not. Many folks plan on spending 2-4 weeks with the birth family when it's not a local situation. Hearing diverse stories from so many people that we've come to know through their journeys, adoptive parents as well as birth parents and grandparents really demystified it for us. We are lucky because we've experienced this through our friends so many times already and it just seems natural to us.

I think this kind of transition doesn't happen as often as perhaps it should because agencies and lawyers get very fearful that adoptions won't happen if transitions are encouraged. And for the most part this is still a big business. I think there's still too much "she needs to get on with her life" thinking and not enough "how can we make this humane for everyone considered and really think about what the baby needs". I think expectant moms are worried about bonding "too much" and the pain being "too great" and not counseled about that or perhaps just counseled about what possibilities exist and what they might need. And those moms aren't told they can change their mind after birth about what kind of transition they need and that's ok.

It's awfully easy for me to write this because I haven't been through this yet. I fully expect this all to be much harder in real life. I know it's going to be awful to have our greatest joy come at a high cost for another family.

I also know this transitional period is going to be hard for our families to understand. It's hard for many of our friends to understand as well. I know they are protective of us and worried about what might happen. In their minds the worst thing that can happen is for a baby to be "taken away" from us. While it would be incredibly hard for that to happen, and I do not deny that at all, that's not the worst thing that could happen. It isn't about us, it's about a family deciding to parent or to place. We feel strongly that every parent considering an adoption plan revisit their decision after birth. It's up to the mister and I to give them the space to do that. We also agree with our consultant's philosophy that papers are never signed in a hospital.

We get asked a lot about laws in various states and "how long can she change her mind" kind of questions. We spend a lot of time trying to (gently) explain that we don't really know or care. We're trying to approach this from the stand point of building a relationship based on trust and mutual respect. As Ms FoodNetwork's family has repeatedly stated "this is a sacred covenant between our families". Yes we have to make sure the legal parts get done (in a way where the baby's rights are put first and everyone's rights are respected) but that is really just paperwork (no offense to any attorneys reading).

Why doesn't the family want to consider our ideas about transitional time?
Again, there are some pretty strong forces at play and we're trying to respect that. It doesn't mean they aren't open to other ideas or don't want to utilize resources offered but they have a ton on their plate. Keep in mind that all of this would be a lot easier to discuss and process if we had more time. We have had much more time to get to know each other than we thought but really everyone just wants this baby to show up.

I think if it were a few weeks ago we could have longer discussions about this, read up on things even encourage them to talk to some of the other families (including birthmoms) who've experienced this. The reality is that we're all sitting with various bags packed and just wondering when the main event is going to start. I also think it'll be more organic and perhaps easier to have some of these discussions in person.

Last but definitely not least: What do you mix raspberry vodka with?
Everything! Actually I must admit I love me a good Cosmo and nothing makes a better Cosmo than a spectacular raspberry vodka and some fresh lime juice. It is also lovely with lemonade.Or watermelon aqua fresca. I also love Pear Vodka with ginger beer/ale and Vanilla Vodka with Diet Coke. With my in-laws it's good to have a variety of vodka drinks in your back pocket. ;)

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@wavybrains: Thanks so much for your long, thoughtful comment that was chockfull of great info. It's VERY appreciated. I am looking forward to sharing all of it with her. I know she's anxious about getting started with school but apparently can get many of her classes online until she can attend in person. Thanks again!

@Tammy: Thanks so much for delurking! Any friend/reader of Tertia's is a friend of mine. Thanks for the good thoughts and support.

@Sparkle: It is rather full on, isn't it? So far no one thinks it's a boy.

@Michell: Do the tour! It's awesome and free! Or I'll just make you a killer drink and we'll eat our cupcakes. The coparenting for a time did freak us out a bit before (we're only human) but we've seen it work great so hope we're up for the challenge.

@louise: I think it's amazing how every situation is so different. I think it's challenging to offer that time but also express how excited you are at the same time. Any tips on how to navigate these challenging days/emotions/etc are welcome!

@krista: It does feel like we're getting close, whether this one happens or not. I don't know that we're all that selfless just trying to do what every parent does or should do (put the baby first). I suppose all this extra time has even us the chance to become more equipped to do it this way. Though don't think for a minute I wouldn't rather be an insensitive bitch with a school-age kid.

@Mad Hatter: Your name is one of my very fave Halloween costumes/characters EVA! I wish you all the best with your journey. Feel free to write with more specific questions about high fsh if you have them.

@pocket: You're home! So you have the girl feeling too?

@Summer: Thanks! I'll definitely find a way to post some pics, even if briefly.

@MM: Thanks for the questions and thoughts for my 'rents. It certainly isn't the best time for all of this but when is it ever? Love the xxxxxxxxxs.

@Bonnie: Today or next week? It's next week, right? Big celebratory plans?

@Lut C: Banana bread rocks! I think that sounds yummy. Perhaps I can just substitute coconut oil for the butter? It's interesting to me how adoption still seems to be fairly closed there but at least in many countries (though not sure about yours) all donor stuff is more open. Do you find that to be the case?

@Tricia: LOVE your photo idea!!! That hadn't even occurred to me but I really love it.

@PiquantMolly: Once things get more in motion I'll start updating those other places with statuses and feeds and such. Thanks for the excitement!

@Erin:I'm a longtime reader of you who is touched by the comment. Thanks!

@jen: You are supposed to COME HERE and get it at the source. That would be the most special delivery you could arrange. ;) I do think you have a lot of cute boy stuff that would make great hand-me-downs. Is there good news on your end? Sounds like it!

@tublessinstl: That's how I get you: lull you into a false sense of security with no action and no posting then WHAM!

@Red Headed Momma and PBfish: Welcome to my world! Waiting and more waiting.

vacation - meant to be spent alone

In just a few minutes we'll be leaving the beach house in Florida. It's been a loooooooong week. The mister and I are headed south to the keys for some nice couple time (and to celebrate his birthday) and a chance to regroup from all the family time.

Did I mention it's been a long week?

I have survived and have not said anything too bad. Yet. There has been wine, much lovely wine, and long 2-3 hour trips to the gym that have both helped me maintain my sanity.

I think this post is likely to increase those "bitchy daughter-in-law" hits to my blog. Here are just a few observations I wish my in-laws had had before (or during the trip):

• If you like to plan many activities a day then renting a beach house may not be the best vacation option.

• Doing nothing is a perfectly valid thing to do at the beach and it will only irritate people if you propose 10 activities after people tell you they want to relax.

• Unless you are SURE of their answers do not ask your children to share childhood memories at the only nice dinner out you have all week. The middle child clearly needs many more years in therapy to recover from the fact that he had to briefly share a bedroom and wasn't allowed to play his loud musical instrument 24/7.

• When you're out at said nice dinner do not get loud and obnoxious at the end of the evening and start comparing the service to your beloved Fr@nce. The wait staff heard it all. While you might not be generous your bitchy daughter-in-law certainly is and she and your youngest, sweetest son had already taken care of the bill. If only you stopped being pompous enough to let them explain when they said it had been handled.

• Not everyone likes birds as much as you do. Do not ask your bitchy daughter-in-law who is trying to be nice to go and watch even more birds after she already spent an excruciatingly long day going around a 2.5 mile boardwalk. It really should not take 4 hours. She walked it three times and still saw more than you did.

• When your son and his wife want to go visit friends another island up they do NOT want to go to another bird place. Enough with the birds!

• Don't continuously talk about how you and your granddaughter are the competitive ones in the family and then get all pissy when you find out that your granddaughter cheats at board games and certain people think that shouldn't be allowed. Clearly your daughter-in-law still doesn't know her place because how could she ever say anything negative about someone who is "flesh and blood" like you love to point out.

• Don't continue the whole "flesh and blood" and "genes are so important" conversation with your youngest son who is excited to be adopting.

• If you are a super competitive person (like it turns out my mil is) don't challenge your family to a word game thinking you will beat them all. Don't choose a game that uses Scrabble principles and get upset when one person knows all their 2 letter words and q's without u's. You really don't have to know the meanings of words to play them and good Scrabble players don't know the definitions. Don't keep score and delight in telling everyone how much you're beating them. Until the last round when said daughter-in-law seemingly comes from behind to whup you. Do you really think it was happenstance that she beat you in the last round to shut you up? Do you really have to be such a poor loser at your age?

• Do be thankful that this trip happened because it will be a very long time until you get another chance like this.

I can last the next half hour, right?

The Aftermath

It has been one hell of a long week.

We had a house guest for a week until Friday morning. The mister's parents arrived at our house Friday evening. They leave tomorrow. Do you have any idea how ready I am to have my house all to ourselves? At least for a little bit.

Oh and of course on Friday morning just as we were trying to hurry up and complete a couple of chores and make the house all presentable-like for the folks, our youngest dog caught a squirrel. A full grown adult squirrel. Man oh man, she is FAST.

I made the mister take care of it. I'm such a wuss when it comes to dead or nearly dead animals, especially those put in that state by my dog.

Where was I? Oh, right the in-laws.

All that wanted to talk about all weekend was adoption. Now, I was ready for a bit of a talk (or two) but I had not planned on leading several seminars over the very long weekend. I should have known.

They were mostly nice. They have a lot to learn (and so do we). They are excited. I think there is more hope that we won't have to cut them off than I ever would have guessed.

Remember how surprised I was to get an appropriate email about adoption from my evil BIL? Well, he more than made up for it this weekend.

He simply can not stand to have the focus of attention on anyone else. He always finds some excuse to seek out attention from his parents when they are visiting. This time it was a whopper: he picked this weekend to leave wife #2 and twinset #2.

That's right folks, he's leaving yet another wife right about the time a set of twins turns 3. He's a bit ahead of the game this time (their birthday isn't for a couple of months) but I think I still win the pool. He typically leaves wives and/or fiances on his birthday so I picked that date last year. The mister figured these twins would be in preschool (and it would be right just after twinset #1 started driving) and the other brother picked kindergarten. Of course they had much more faith in him than I did.

So now he will have child support for 4 to cough up. It's really too bad his ego got in the way back when he first heard about TESE. I guess he plumb forgot why he got that pesky vasectomy along with the divorce?

I do feel bad for my (formerly) evil SIL. The in-laws have started the campaign of misinformation. They are blaming her entirely. She has been known to get a bit angry and confrontational. Of course he has multiple copies of  family gene for passive-aggression but that can't possibly be a factor, can it? How silly for me to point out that both parties were responsible for this situation.

In all honesty I do feel bad for my SIL and the kids. The marriage never stood a chance. I don't think it's possible for two narcissists to make it last, it was just a matter of time. Now there are two more innocent kids who will be severely impacted. It's really, really sad.

Where to start?

So, the crazy in-laws. There is just so much fodder there. Is it any wonder I get more hits these days from people searching for in-law related stuff instead of infertility stuff?

The mister and I are flying back to Crazyland later this week for the "family reunion". What are some of the plans, you might ask?

Thankfully I planned ahead and we have a quiet tranquil room waiting at a lovely bed and breakfast. With wireless high speed internet, don't cha know. Perhaps I should start twittering?

Well, Saturday we'll be spending the entire day at a local park. On a lake with frigid water. I suppose there will be swimming but the mister says the water will even be too cold for him.

For some insane reason Sunday will find us driving two hours to hang out with geeks who like to think the Renaissance is alive and well. I have no idea why all 20 of us are going to a Ren Faire that is so far away but my SIL demanded it. See, her husband went a couple of years ago and took hundreds of really creepy pictures of buxom young lasses. It gives me hives just thinking about him.

This party has gotten bigger and bigger over the past few weeks. Now the midwest cousins are coming. In fact, one group of them will drive all night Friday night to spend part of the weekend with the rest of the crew. This particular cousin hates to be left out and loooooves to be the center of drama so I'm sure there will be much to report.

And said cousin is bringing her soon-to-be-a-junior-in-high-school daughter. And the daughter's boyfriend who is three years older. Maybe it's just me but what parents let their freshman girl take a senior boy? Don't they know what boys want? And what teenage boy wants to drive all night across many states with his girlfriend's parents to attend a family reunion? I'm guessing there's a big pay off for him.

The mister was not at all amused when I pointed out that it was highly probable that his cousin's kid would have a baby before us. Anybody wanna start a pool?

How To Deal With a Bitchy Daughter-in-law

Well, well, well. Lookit what my statscounter dug up. Apparently a recent google search landed a Buckeye at my blog. Their search terms? "How to deal with a bitchy daughter-in-law."

I think they found the wrong blog. They did stay for quite a while, though. I was a bit scared at just how close they live to someone who was almost my first MIL. At the time, I thought she would have been an awful MIL. Now that I have a real one of my own, I've reconsidered.

So I've put together a few tips and tricks for dealing with a bitchy daughter-in-law. I'm not quite sure if they were looking to make a bad situation better or just continue on a downward spiral. Since I don't have a BDIL of my own, I'll just share what my MIL does. Fair enough?

• Frequently ask for pictures of 'just family.' Everyone knows that 'family' means people to whom you are related by blood. Spouses never count as 'family' even if they are the parents of your grandchildren.
• Relish every opportunity when it's 'just family' at funerals and bring that up every time you are ever with your BDIL. Tell her repeatedly how nice it is when the spouses aren't there.
• When you're together, plan lots and lots of activities. Schedule the days up, get buy-in from your BDIL who is just trying to be agreeable then change the plans at the last minute. You get extra points if she actually believes said plans will happen and rearranges things to suit your schedule. When you cancel the plans, blame it on her and say it was something you never wanted to do anyway.
• Let her walk into the infamous sweet potato casserole trap.
• When you're visiting over the holidays, if your BDIL offers to drive you to the airport, wait until your son leaves to go to work and ambush her with your bigoted thoughts on infertility and adoption. Tell her that it's all her fault anyway and at least if she'd do donor eggs the baby would be your son's (not hers, but his genes are just too good to pass up and genes really are everything).
• Act surprised when she treats you and your patronizing ass of a husband to several really nice dinners when you visit. Never reciprocate.
• When the BDIL has a bit of a career crisis but decides on a new course of action and is very excited about it, tell her she's completely unqualified and question why anyone would hire her. Even though you've never worked a real job in your life and know nothing about the corporate world.
• Get really pissed when your BDIL's parents are super generous to your son. Don't they know better? They should never give more than one present and it shouldn't be something that he actually likes. Make them feel horribly guilty about knowing your son better than you do.
• Use the word "little" as often as possible to refer to anything to do with the BDIL, as in  her "little" job, her "little" volunteer work, her "little"  plans for the future.
• Talk as disdainful as possible about her career. It can't be important and there's certainly no way that she makes more money than your son. That would be impossible, right?
• Start college funds only for grandchildren genetically related to you that also have your last name. Make sure any uppity BDILs who give their children their own last names know what this will cost them. Make sure your entire extended family knows how you make your BDILs pay, or I suppose your grandchildren.
• Let your son and your BDIL know that her life-threatening emergency surgeries aren't going to interfere with your daily life. You have jazzercise to get to and bowling league and all. You can't just be sitting around offering support when your son is freaking out of his mind, alone for hours in a surgical waiting room.
• Get really really really hurt when you find out that your son turns to the BDILs parents for support. Because they actually do support him give him something he needs.

But the biggest thing of all?

• Don't appreciate the wonderful son that you have. Don't remember the things that are important to him. Don't support him and cherish him. Don't be generous with your love and time. Don't refuse to celebrate a milestone birthday with him but do expect him to jeopardize his job to celebrate a minor milestone birthday of yours. Don't ever put his needs or wishes above your own. Don't ever be the kind of parent he deserves.

Hm, I guess my MIL isn't so good at dealing with a BDIL. She's damn good at making one though.

So my Buckeye reader, curious minds want to know, how do you deal with a BDIL?

It's His Birthday...It's His Birthday

I know it's been a while since a good in-law rant around here. Luckily my MIL decided to provide me with a lot of fodder yesterday. She really makes my blogging job incredibly easy sometimes.

I don't know if I've told y'all but the mister has a big birthday coming up. Yup, he's entering his 40s. We've planned a casual but totally fun party at a local diner owned by a rock star and named after a clash song. How can we go wrong with that, right?

The mister's parents knew we were planning a party and I'm pretty sure they knew the date he turns the big 4-0. They were both there if you kwim. I'm also guessing if your youngest is turning 40 you feel especially old.

They sent me an email and said they wanted to do something "big" for him, something "meaningful and substantial" and needed ideas from me. My first worry was that we have different ideas about defining those words and radically different ideas about attaching a dollar figure to those particular words. You'd think since his dad is a linguist he's be a bit better at this, but I suppose he's not very cunning.

I called them and asked for some clarification about what they wanted and suggested we might have different frames of reference and I needed a bit more to go on. All they'd say was "big". I knew this was going to be a problem. In my family big means BIG, like a car, a down payment or a piece of jewelry. My parents prefer spending money on their children to anything else and are generous with their money, time and attention (y'all know it's not really about the money, right?). You know, because they aren't raging narcissists like the mister's family.

So I gave the in-laws a couple of ideas. All were well over their budget. So I gave them some ideas within their budget. None were meaningful enough. I suppose it's no surprise that my in-laws only like to give gifts they think are worthy and it has very little to do with what the recipient actually likes. Gotta love that narcissism.

Finally we decided they could send a check and the mister could spend it on whatever he wants.

Then my MIL started in on how it was too expensive to fly cross country for a birthday party. And it takes way too long. Sure, they'd love to be here for his party but they have another trip (camping in their RV so not like it can't be moved) and it's just too expensive.

Ok, I'll admit that I was a bit bitchy. To mirror her passive aggressiveness, I said something about how I guess that's why my parents made it into a week long trip when they came out for my 40th birthday and my own party. She was not pleased. You'd think she'd think about the next thing to come out of her mouth. I suppose she couldn't help it.

She asked if the mister had discussed what my FIL wants for his birthday this year. He's turning a round number as well, not one of the most significant ones but there is a 0. He wants his whole family to fly out to celebrate his birthday.

I swear. The very next thing, after saying how long it took and how expensive it was to fly cross country so they won't be there for their son's birthday is they expect us to do just that. Without a shred of irony. Oh yes she did.

But wait. It gets better. Originally the plan was to rent a large house on a lake or a couple of houses on a lake but that actually costs money. So they expect 8 adults, 2 teens and 2 toddlers to stay in their incredibly poorly designed house* with 3 bedrooms and 2 bathrooms. This fun will last at least five days. Some folks will be sleeping in the RV. This lovely burg is in the middle of nowhere where the only things of interest are a state penitentiary made famous by the Tony Soprano and a third rate private college for rich kids who weren't smart enough to get into a "real" Ivy league college.

I guess it's shorter and cheaper to fly east then west? We also have to rent a car and the mister is likely to be in crunch mode at work which means it will be very difficult for him to use vacation time. If his deadline slips (which it probably will), then we can't go at all. At least the mister promised me we'd stay in a b&b if we end up going. He's not happy with his 'rents right now and even he can't believe this latest chapter in the ongoing saga.

*The great thing about my narcissistic FIL is he thinks he can do anything including design a house. Who needs an architect when you have a narcissist with no experience in real estate or house design? Their house has the flow of a stopped up toilet.

Calling all you Emily Posts

I'm about to become the bitch in the family. I suppose that's assuming I'm not already. Hmm, I'm about to solidify my bitch standing. There's a wedding this coming weekend and there's already a brouhaha.

The mister's older brother, the Asshole, is at it again. Just to get y'all up to speed:

• Cousin Sally is getting married next Saturday. This marks the last of the first cousin's to get married until the divorces start.
• Cousin Sally wrote this on her wedding website, over in Wedding Land: For those guests with children, we will do everything we can to provide or help you find babysitters for the evening. Please contact us with any questions or concerns.
• Last year at Cousin Sally's little sister's wedding, the Asshole and his wife brought their 3 month old twins (one special needs) and his 13 year old daughter to the wedding and reception. They parked the younger twins in their carseat under the table in the banquet hall and were generally across the room from them most of the night. They assume other people will look after the kids. This is how it's been since the first set of twins were born.
• Much like at my wedding, the Asshole and his 2nd wife danced before the traditional first dance. No one said anything at my wedding. We were all a bit stunned. Much was said last year.
• The Asshole has decided against all of his family's advice to bring ALL FOUR KIDS to the wedding. They are flying in from UT. I'm guessing he plans on having the older kids do a fair amount of looking after the younger ones. Especially while he's in his speedo oogling young girls at the pool. (He's soooooo icky).
• The Asshole has decided to ignore all of the bride's requests, the family's request and common sense and his bringing ALL FOUR KIDS to the ceremony and reception. He's caving in by having 2nd wife and him take turns with the 16 month olds outside the ceremony.
• The Asshole has decided it's too expensive to use the babysitters provided so he will ignore what everyone wants and do what he damn well pleases. Apparently it's not too expensive to fly 4 childeren from UT to CA just to pay for babysitters.
• All the other cousins that are coming who have children (3 cousins with a total of 6 kids) are leaving their kids at home with their spouses.
• The mister has suggested he not do this. My MIL has suggested he not do this. She got a lot of shit from her brother and sister after the last debacle.

Why am I ranting about this? I'm planning on writing an email to 2nd wife and bringing much of this to her attention. The nice phone calls haven't worked between other family members. I don't think you can be nice with 2 narcissists. 2nd wife has been complaining for a long time (oh let's say since her ill advised pregnancy when both she and bil rubbed it in our faces) that she wishes she and I talked more. I have a feeling that's about to change.

So please bring on the assvice. How bitchy can I be? If it were my MIL I'd fight passive-aggression with passive-aggression but I don't think fighting narcissism with narcissism will work as well. My goal is actually to bring on a narcissistic rage. I'm not kidding. I honestly believe that if flattery doesn't work with narcissists, accessing the rage is the only way to change. I'm willing to get them so pissed at me that the don't come, or at least leave all 4 kids at home. No one has asked if the older twins are on the invitation so I definitely need to ask that. And point out that if a name isn't on the invite they don't freakin' come to a wedding.

So my plan is to call Younger Sister and get just a bit of scoopage (like were the older twins names on the invite) and then email 2nd wife. Since neither of us are 'family'. Just between us girls.

My email will:

• rehash their inappropriate behavior at the last two weddings
• remind them it's not their day
• remind them of the bridal couple's wishes
• tell them these wishes are due in no small part to their behavior at the last wedding
• remind them that no other cousin is bringing any children
• give them a little math lesson regarding 4 airfares vs 1 babysitter
• remind them that ONLY names listed on the inner invite are allowed at the ceremony AND the reception
• remind them that NO ONE dances before the bride and groom
• let them know their inappropriate behavior is causing problems for the family, particularly my MIL
• let them know everyone is talking about them in a negative way
• let them know everyone will be looking out for inappropriate behavior from the two of them

The mister is fed up with them. But he hates confrontation. I don't think I'm lucky enough to get another 7 year reprieve from the Asshole (when his aunt told him years ago that he couldn't attend Thanksgiving Dinner with his Mistress he stayed away from all family events for 7 years).  Even if the still attend with children in tow, at least someone will have stood up to them.

So, how much bitchier should I get?

Reason 1495 why I Hate My In-laws

There are sooooo many reasons why I dislike and sometimes despise my in-laws. The latest of these happened today.

The mister finally caught up with his parents after a long trip they took. There was much banter (all about their stuff and them---oh the joys of narcissism) and finally he got a word in edgewise.

He said we were thinking of buying a new car. Now, y'all know this car is a big deal. It's only partly about the car and mostly about beginning to live life again and enjoy it. And obviously since our cars are 11 and 12 years old, respectively,  this isn't something we do very often.

When his folks bought their current cars you can believe we heard about it in great detail.

So he tells them about the Mini. And they say, I swear to god, have you seen the new Smart car? You should get a Smart car or maybe a Prius like us. And so the conversation turned back to their favorite subject:them.

No excitement or even faked interest in something important to their son. I hate them for how they treat him.

How did my folks react, you might wonder? Well, my sister spilt the beans (not terribly cool but no harm done) and they called right away. They wanted to hear all about what we wanted exactly. They wanted to see pictures. They got offended when we told them we didn't need their help buying it, that their money was no good to us. They went to the dealership closest to them and checked it out online, just because they were so excited.

Because that's what parents do. They care about what is important to their children.

a tale of two sisters

I have one sister and one sister-in-law. It's the old story of good vs. evil. No contest.

Actually I was just trying to come up with a way to blog about a couple of different incidents and they involved these two very, VERY different women.

Sports & Wine*

Ahhhh, revenge. Sweet, sweet revenge.

After debating various options, I determined the best course was to fight fire with fire.  I decided that perhaps mil could use a dose or ten of her own medicine: passive aggression.

Now, I'm first in line to protest this particular personality disorder but I figured mil would would hate this most of all, but be completely paralyzed to do anything.

Oh, it was fun. Here's a little taste of the Evil Millie.

The Arrogant Professor and his wife invited us to a little sporting event at the local college. They know I love basketball as much as the next gal so it seemed like a winning opportunity for all. Local College had just beaten a highly ranked team so it was a good time for the inlaws to show off.

The Mr and I ended up sitting in in the student section away from his parents (long story for another time), after the game MIL asked what I thought of the game and their fab new 'state of the art' stadium.

"It's so quaint" I sweetly replied. "It's nice that it's so intimate. More like a high school arena than a college one, wouldn't you say?."

Evil MIL: Quaint?!?! But it's brand new and we can now seat so many people. It was great to see what a big crowd it could hold tonight. All those fans streaming in!

Evil MILLIE:Oh, was this a big crowd? I guess there were a couple of thousand people. How many does this stadium hold?

Evil MIL: We're so excited that we can now seat 3000 people but we never have that many.

Evil MILLIE: Wow, 3000. Things sure are different here. Even our old stadium held more than double that. And we haven't played there in more than 20 years.

Evil MIL (in a weak attempt to counter such a strong opponent) "At least you can see well from everywhere in our stadium because it's so small."

Evil MILLIE: "Really? I thought I'd be able to see a lot better from so close to the floor. I guess I'm just a little spoiled by how our stadium was designed because you climb so high to some of the seats but you still have an amazing view."

The sweet but clueless MR MILLIE: "Yeah, it's amazing how good all the seats in that place are. It really rocks."

Ouch. That sucker punch came from out of the blue.

--------------------------------------------

Evil MIL: "Oh. Well, I'm sure the game wasn't much fun for you because it was such a rout."

Evil MILLIE:"Oh, I love lopsided games. Especially when my team wins by so much. I was a little surprised, though, at how frustrated LC seemed defensively."

Evil MIL: "What do you mean, they played great?"

Evil MILLIE: "Well, usually a team that is playing good defense doesn't commit so many fouls. Certainly not twice as many fouls in each half as the other team."

Evil MIL: " Oh, I hardly think that was the case. They didn't foul much at all."

Evil MILLIE: "Well, 18 fouls in the first half and 16 in the second is actually a lot of fouls. Especially for the winning team. The Ivy Leaguers didn't even get to double digits either half. Good thing those Ivy Leaguers didn't do so well from the foul line.

Evil MIL: "Oh."

--------------------------------------------
Fast forward to a couple of hours later. Imagine two happy couples seated around a kitchen table.

Arrogant Professor:"We totally forgot to show you the mural. It's really amazing. The class of 2005 donated it because of how well the team did."

Evil MIL: "It was so exciting this year! We had a big parade and pep rally to welcome the team back. They played so well in the tournament."

Evil MILLIE: "So LC had their best year in the tourney this year? I saw the banner 'Round of 32' and thought it was sweet of the school to notice that. Usually it takes more to get a banner."

Evil MIL: "Well, we're just so proud of the team. Everyone around here just couldn't stop talking about it. They just played so incredibly well and basketball is a huge deal around here. You really should see that mural!"

Evil MILLIE: "Yeah, I heard we had a little welcome home party for my team. It was a pretty good year for our team, what with winning the national championship and all."

Game, set, Match. At least for the Turkey Day Tournament 2005.

*Extra Credit Question for you commenters who like to totally suck up: Why is this such a good title for this post? There are multiple reasons. I'm guessing Suz and Elana have unfair advantages when it comes to this one.

Boy are My Arms Tired

This is going to have to be a short post because I'm completely exhausted. We were supposed to arrive home around midnight last night but there were delays. Unfortunate long delays. We finally got into the airport at at nearly 1:30 am and home around 2:30. I have to read a little before I go to bed so that meant lights out at 3:30 and back on at 6:30. Ouch. Unlike Wessel,  I am far from a morning person.

It took me hours and hours to catch up on the goings-on around the blogosphere so here I am finally with my little update.

I think I'll save the really good parts for other posts. Instead here's a little menu to tide y'all over:

You like potato and I like potahto

Since things are going so well with the momster in law at this point in time, I figured why not play an oldie but a goodie.

The Lullaby of the Sweet Potatoes

This is dedicated to all who have suffered through a painful holiday meal.

The first time I went to the Mister's family of origin for a holiday it was over Christmas. We foolishly decided to fly east and visit my folks in the Tarheel State and his in the Keystone state--driving betwixt the two. We ended up driving 1800 miles that trip.

His dad, the Arrogant Professor, made a comment that he really wanted sweet potatoes and was upset that his wife wasn't making them that year. I foolishly FOOLISHLY offered to make him some. Oh, he was so very grateful. He said he'd go to the store and get me whatever I needed. He thanked me profusely.

When the time came for actually going to the store, he backed out. Get a clue, Millie, right? You all know this isn't going to end well but I was still in the 'trying to make a good impression' stage so I said "No problem, Mr M will take me and you don't need to worry."

When I started cooking the MIL-to-be from hell SAID it was a fine time for me to be in her kitchen but she really didn't mean it. She didn't want me making sweet potatoes. She didn't want to lose any control at all but only showed this in an extremely passive aggressive manner.

Now, y'all know I'm from the South and you probably know what that means when it comes to making a dish. See, my reciped served 4 and we were having 12 for dinner so I doubled it. We tend to be generous with all things and certainly want to make enough food. That turned out to be a big mistake.

Also, being from the South I use a lot of butter and sugar in my sweet potato casserole. NO marshmallows of course but lots of brown sugar, eggs and butter. It's more of a sweet potato souffle or custard. It's really, really good.

When dinner time rolled around I received more than my fair share of back-handed compliments. "Oh, Millie, that is so good but really more of a dessert wouldn't you say?" "Wow, that sure is sweet." "Millie, you sure are generous. We're going to have this dish to enjoy for quite a long time. There's just sooooo much of it."

Not one single thank-you escaped from their mouths. Remember, I didn't want to make stupid sweet potatoes I was just trying to appease the Arrogant Professor.

Fast forward to Thanksgiving two years later. Mr. M and I had wised up and decided to alternate visits with the 'rents. We also decided that every other year we would go back east for both major holidays and not travel at all in the off years.(Well, not travel to family but take some REALLY fun trips instead).

We're just relaxing and enjoying our day. MIL from hell is in the kitchen. I walk in to get a glass of ice water. She growls at me. Ok, not really but she used a really low voice. Low and threatening.

"Millie, you know that the Mr's cousin is coming for dinner. Just so you know,we're having mashed potatoes because that's what her family has for Thankgiving. We're not having YOUR sweet potatoes, just her mashed ones. Because, well, SHE'S family and YOU'RE not so she gets what she wants."

Yup. That was the first ambush. The first of many. Boy, she put me in my place. She also made me very, VERY thankful that my sweetheart of a husband was her third born and more than a little neglected. That's my only explanation for why the rest of the family is so crazy.

Hope y'all enjoy your sweet potatoes...or mashed. I know what I'll be getting.

follow-up to assvice request

So I turned to you guys for a little help. I even ask for assvice. Do I get any? Nope. Not one single.

I got some damn good advice though. Really. Lots of it. I'm touched by all the time, trouble and specifics you guys took in helping me out.

Now, I knew that email needed a lot of work (and judicious editing) and I needed a cooling off period before I sent it. I'd already made a number of changes but trust me when I say how much I took your words to heart.

It felt good to vent but I'm really proud of the email I plan on sending out tonight (after bedtime on the east coast because I'm just that much of a chicken). Y'all wouldn't even recognize it. There's not a single barb left. Not an insulting adjective in the lot. Short sentences with little words that I know she'll understand. Much as I would like to really tell her off, I know she's going to be in my life for a looooooong time. I truly want this to be about ME setting boundaries. I know she probably won't get it. She'll likely not follow them. But now I'll be able to say "this is one of those boundaries and this is the consequence."

Both my husband and my therapist approved the email. My therapist said I should be very proud of it. I felt like such a good girl.I am going to CC my husband on it so his mother is very clear that he's in on it. I changed all the "I"s to "We"s and that is more than cool with him. I thought about asking him to send it but this is really my thing and he's very non-confrontational so it'll be like baby steps for him.

I know several folks recommended not doing this by email at all. I thought about that carefully but for a number of reasons I think it's important to do it this way. One reason is that his whole freakin' family will be arriving at the same time and there won't be a chance to talk to her alone for a while. I really need to start off this visit feeling like I've taken steps to protect myself.

The other reason, and perhaps more important one, is that I really don't think I could control my anger if I did this over the phone or in person. It took a lot of edits and time to  get all of that out. It's easier for me to see what's inflammatory when it's in black and white. I don't want it to become a 'but I never said that' or 'that's not what I meant' kind of thing. I don't want for each of us to get all defensive. I just want to focus on very clear directives. With clear consequences.

My husband asked for a 'script' last weekend. He's really struggling with this because he feels passionately that we advocate for fertility issues and be very open with our infertility. I'm also very open in general about it. It's been such a huge part of my life but have no energy to educate his unsupportive family. Now he has some specific ways to deal with them.

The other part of my nefarious plan this weekend is to turn myself from 'the bitch who is my daughter-in-law" to at least "the drunk bitch who married my son." Maybe even do enough damage to get rid of bitch altogether. It's been a looooooong time since I've been this glad to not be pregnant. I've been doing a great job detoxing my liver so time to cut loose!

In other  POSITIVE news (and I do have some!) I got the first list of donor embryos from Garden State today. They send out a packet every other month with a lot of information. You can pick up to 10 sets and rank them according to your preference. We have super low priority so are unlikely to get any of our matches but that's ok. Each set of embryos has a full page of info--info on the parents, medical history of each side, info on the embryos, etc.

I've really got no idea of how to rank these. There's a couple with very similar educational backgrounds to us who are in somewhat similar careers so that sounds pretty cool. She works in a helping profession and he's a geek. Totally sounds like the two of us! There's also a guy who likes dogs and we like dogs. There are a few with family history of seasonal allergies or senile grandparents. I've got those as well so we could sneeze together. I'm not too sure about all the athletes/sports folks but maybe we could trade up there?

I'm joking about this but all that really matters are that these are all incredible couples that are doing a truly great thing to help other couples. That's the bottom line. The first time I read through the packet I was struck by the diversity in ages/jobs/ethnicities/interests. It really drove home the point of how many people have difficulties with fertility. It also gave me a bunch of new heroes to think about.

It feels soooooooo incredibly good to even have a chance to do something this positive. It's been such a long time since we had any hope at all. This couldn't come at a better time.

assvice request

Ok, I've been working on an email to my mother-in-law for the longest time. It's been percolationg for a few months but I have to get it out the door (so to speak) in the next day or so. In fact, my therapist will ask me about this on Tuesday. I guess it's homework at this point.

For those keeping track, the evil ones are coming to town for way too freaking long this Friday. MIL, FIL, both BILS, their wife/partners and 3 of the 4 twins. I'm so very happy not to be pregnant because I plan on self-medicating heavily.

I have not spoken with my mil since she ambushed me in my own living room on the last day of their visit over the holidays. She launched into a long harrangue of how 'you never know what you get with adoption' and how 'genetics is soo important', 'its really nature not nuture that counts.' Hell, you can read it here for yourselves if you want.

Anyway, I feel I need to set some boundaries before she arrives. This version of the email is MUCH nicer than what I had planned earlier. I'd love to get some advice from y'all. I don't want to alienate her forever, but do want to tell her how unacceptable her behavior was and make it clear Mr. Millie and I are a united front and don't need asvice from them.

Just to be clear: Assvice from you, of course. Bring it on. From them, no how, no way.

Here's what I have so far:

MIL,

I've been ruminating over this email for quite some time, since your last visit as a matter of fact. It's important that I send it before your trip.

On the bright side, this email is actually much more restrained than the previous versions. I hope that you understand why I feel this is so necessary for me to do at this point but don't really expect you to understand. It's simply about setting boundaries for what is and is not acceptable for me.

During your last visit, you ambushed me as soon as Mr. left for work. This was obviously by design and far from the first time this has happened. I should have confronted you about this type of behavior much earlier in our relationship but figured it was just better to ignore it and not let it get to me too much. I also didn't want to hurt Mr. This is clearly unacceptable behavior and I will not tolerate it in the future.

To his credit, Mr. warned me from the beginning of our relationship that you were not very accepting of new people into your family. He was concerned about how I'd be treated but knew that I was strong and could take care of myself.

My last conversation with you changed the playing field. I feel that now it's not just about me but about my children. Although our children are not yet born and we're not quite sure how they'll come to us, I'm already very protective of them.

While I was somewhat stunned by your prejudice and bigoted thinking about adoption as well as our situation, I must admit that I'm very grateful to know how you feel now than to find out in the future. It also helped me understand why Mr. always assumed you would be accepting of adoption--I realized after this conversation that you always waited until he was out of the room to let your true feelings known. While some of this is certainly due to ignorance and could likely be changed with education, I think your feelings about 'genetics' run very deeply and, while you might not recognize it, are quite bigoted and prejudicial.

You can be very sure that Mr. and I are on the same page and want the same things when it comes to our family and how we choose to build it. We don't need or want any advice on these matters. We have a healthy, robust network of people who 'get it' and are supportive of us and our choices. When we have news that we want to share with others (including family), then we will.

As for the impending family visits, I'm looking forward to meeting the newest set of twins. I'm sure there must be some confusion about this and it may be thought that their presence will be difficult for us. Please understand it's their parents (especially their father) who we have issues with. Not them.

Also, do not ever again ask either Mr. or me to be "more supportive of BIL #1". While he is family, it is difficult to be supportive of anyone as self-centered and selfish as he has been for many, many years.

In terms of the wedding weekend, Mr. and I have a reservation at the hotel for Saturday night and plan on also attending the brunch on Sunday. I know we're all leaving after the brunch on Sunday and will have a long drive for a short trip away. We aren't yet sure about Friday night, as it's a long way for us to drive and traffic will be very heavy. We should decide in the next day or so. I know Mr. needs to discuss these specifics with you and am hopeful that he'll do that before you arrive.

Thanks for taking the time to read this. I know this is difficult for all of us but hope it will lead to better understanding in the future.

Wishing you both safe travels,

So what do y'all think?

riddle me this

Golly gee, batman, what's a gal like me to do?

Just a quick question for anyone reading.

If I happen to like most of the people I meet (in varying degrees of course) and feel like I can get along with almost anyone and there are sooooooo very few people that I truly intensely dislike, hate even, why do such a huge percentage of the that last group have close genetic ties to my husband? Really close genetic ties. ARRRRGGGGGHHHH.

Preview of coming attractions:

Watch next post where Millie takes on her evil mother-in-law in an email duel...to the death. It's been six months since the last ambush contact and Millie is finally ready to let her have it. Kerpow! Bam!

Stay tuned for sweeps posts when Millie must spend way-too-much time with narcissistic evil brother-in-law and his slightly-less-evil-but-much-more-stupid second wife at the first family event he's attended in more than 10 years. You don't think he has something he wants to show off and get attention for, do you? Of course it's on Millie's turf and at least alcohol will be served. If we're really lucky, we'll get a glimpse of the evil ones brazenly showing off dancing in a whorish dress with knee-high hose modest clothing.

Same bat time, same bat channel.

what's up with names these days?

Am I the only person left who thinks it's crazy to name your kids unusual names? Seriously. What's with the whole 'my kid has to be totally different and have an unusual name or a normal name spelled weird' philosophy that is permeating parenthood these days?

I'm not talking about cultural differences (or at least I don't think I am), I'm just talking about the general trend.

Did it start with celebrities? If so, why is everyone copying them? Hello....Apple is a fruit. Hazel is a maid (though technically that's just an old fashioned name and is easily spelled. There are sooooo many reasons for an infertile to make fun of Ms. Julia-I guess I'm just an overachiever-R).

Brooklyn? Last I checked it was a city. Hell, it was ok for a girls name on a soap opera but for a boy?

Hmmm, why is Millie ranting about this today? Do I smell displaced anger and resentment? Is this the work of an evil brother and sister-in-law?

You bet sure sweet potatoes, it is that indeed. The Mister got a call from evil bil just last night. I tried to be supportive. Seriously. Mister knows how much I don't like bil so it's hard. So, he got off the phone and said something like "well, that was a strange and difficult call."

"Oh?" I said in my most non-judgemental voice (I can usually squeeze a syllable or sometimes two out that aren't dripping in loathing and sarcasm).

"Well, of course it was all about him and his agenda. Which includes how he's realizing that he's going to have less money and free time now that the next set of twins is nearly here."

"Did he ask about you? Did you get to share anything?" I tried to keep it up but see how it gets hard very quickly when the narcissistic bil is on the other end?

"Of course not. He never asks and I never do."

"How is the sil doing? Do they know the sexes of the babies? Any info?" See, I can even ask these kinds of questions occasionally.

"Well, they're painting the nursery and have names picked out."

Ok. I know some of you have issues with people using your names and that totally would suck. I was reading this post over at Within the Woods (which, why didn't I find that awesome blog earlier? Am I always the last to know) where I wanted to throttle her entire family. See, I'm personally lucky and it's only the in-laws that need throttling. I do feel very lucky about that. I was very sure I wouldn't have to worry about any of the names I love. Man, was I ever right about that!

So guess what the names are. The boy name is ok if not too trendy. In fact, bil almost used it for the boy in his first set of twins years ago. He's big into the 'reuse' part of the recycling mantra. In fact, the current wife has a whole set of jewelry, all the way down to the engagement ring, that belonged to the mistress that came between wife #1 and wife #2.

The girl name is the character from a certain movie that had a couple of sequels in the past couple of years. The first movie was really good, and each sequel was progressively worse. I don't want to write it here for fear of being found on search engines by the narcissists but see if you can guess it. They are soooo setting her up to be a stripper or something. I feel for that kid, already.

Justifiable Homicide? I think I'd get off with a jury of my peers...

Yesterday was the anniversary of our ectopic. I guess you could say we celebrated it because we hosted our IF support group. Pretty much the best way to mark the occassion, I guess.

We only had 5 folks show up for group. If you're counting, that's only half the group. I was a little sad about it but one couple just had a tranfer and she's still on bed rest, one-half of a couple got invited to big time dinner with superhot Silicon Valley guy who wanted to "get to know him better personally." For those of you that follow technology, it's one of the Steves, and not the one in the movies. Talk about a cool opportunity.

The sad thing is that the couple that probably needs group the most right now is the one that didn't make it. She's the one with the most recent ectopic. She called yesterday to say she just couldn't deal with it. I know where she's coming from but it is a support group. It probably would have been extra hard because the 2 that were there are the preggo ones.

It was kind of nice for them because we could talk about all the fun baby things. I don't think I'm as sensitive about that, at least right now. And I looooove talking about baby furniture and bedding and all that stuff. I think it was good for them to be able to talk about it.

One of them just had her big US the day before and she's having a GIRL!! So very excited for her.

I was good and at least called my hometown clinic to check on the status of their donor embryo program. I'd been meaning to do that for quite some time. I talked to the coordinator who said they were still about 6 months out from starting it but I should call back in 3 months and check-in. She was really, really sweet. It seemed like our position had changed a bit (now we're 18 instead of 16) but she thought that was just because a couple of folks on the list were actually doing donor eggs, not embryos. My friend is now #19 (and she thought she was #17) so I hadn't lost my mind.

So, I told the group (and Jimmy at the same time) the update. It was interesting because they all asked if we were "there" yet. I said, not really but I don't really think ivf will work for us but we still have to try it. Jimmy said he was practially there. He said he didn't know if he could deal with 2 more ivf cycles either and was getting really close to moving on.

We talked a bit about donor eggs as well. I said I was still concerned about his parents and he nearly lost it. (For those of you that know Jimmy, it's hard to believe and a pretty scary thing when it happens). Basically it went like this:

This has nothing to do with my damn stupid parents. I will NOT let them prevent us from having our family or ANY INPUT into how we create our family. Do not let them have anything to say about this because I refuse to allow them ANY say in this.

Then he really got upset.

He's totally willing to cut his parents out and not deal with them at all if they're going to act the way they have been. That makes me sad and will definitely cause a showdown, but I don't think they've ever seen him mad. My mom has once and was blown away by it. His parents have nooooooo idea.

Which brings me to the not-yet-discussed last conversation with his mom:

She waited until Jimmy left for work on her last day here. Seriously, I think he'd been out of the house for maybe 10 minutes when she cornered me in the living room. She has a history of cornering me and then being really mean, in a passive-aggressive way. I realllllllly hate passive-aggressiveness.  (Almost as much as narcissim, but that's another story).

She started off all nice (BIG CLUE TO WHAT WAS COMING) and saying: We just hope you guys get pregnant soon and have a baby. We know how important it is to you.

Me: Um, well, thanks, Nice to have your support. We know we'll be parents one way or another so...We have a back-up plan...we've told you that before.

MIL: Oh? What's that?

ME: Donor Embryos. (explantion of that)

MIL: Why wouldn't you use Donor Eggs? I mean, Jimmy's sperm is fine, right? HE doesn't have any problems, right? The problem is ALL WITH YOU, right?

ME (what I should have said): I guess his problem is wasting 7 years of my 30s because he couldn't commit...back when I was fertile...that's HIS problem.

ME (what I actually said with my jaw on the floor):

MIL:Well, I guess with donor embryos you know at least the couple is successful enough to afford ivf so they're probably pretty smart. Because Nature is so much more important to Nuture....Although if you did donor eggs it would at least be Jimmy's baby, right? And have his genes? Isn't it better that it would really be one of yours REAL baby?

Then the conversation actually degenerated into a discussion about nature vs nurture, how adoption was "bad" because you never know what you're going to get and "those kids" just didn't perform as well as genetic offspring, etc. I couldn't believe it. I really got into it with her but quickly ended the conversation because it didn't matter if I convinced her. She made her true feelings about the situation know. Clearly, she will never fully accept a child we have, unless it's our genetic child. If we do choose donor eggs, there's no way in hell we can tell her because it will be Jimmy's child and not mine. Guess I'd just be the breed cow or something?

I realized after this discussion that Jimmy had no idea how his parents really felt because they always waited until he wasn't around. I really didn't look forward to telling him about our little chat.

I haven't talked to his parents since then. He hasn't really talked to them much either. He deserves so much more from his family.

She did send an email about how we should be more supportive of his idiot brother as he has to deal with another set of twins that he really doesn't want. (He had a vasectomy years ago but when his second wife was going through ivf he decided he'd do a testicular sample...narcissim always brings out the best in him. He calls it 'her little project.' He left is first wife when the first set of twins weren't very old. He wasn't getting enough sex and his needs weren't important enough.)

Yeah, right. I'm sure we'll be VERY supportive.