Out, damned egg! Out I say!

One Ringy dingy

So the mister and I printed out monthly calendars for the rest of the year. We're trying to plan our sabbatical. I mean his sabbatical, technically. Since I'm self-employed that means I can just take the 13 weeks off.

Yup, you read that right: 13 weeks!

Our original plan of Argentina for 2 months plus a few weeks in Hawaii and a couple back east has been scrapped. We're now thinking we'll do several week trips a bit closer to home. Perhaps a month at a cute little place on the Russian River. Followed by my 25th high school reunion at my geek boarding school. Then a few weeks in Tahoe or Mendocino followed up with the mister presenting at a conference here in NorCal. Then New Orleans for a week? Mexico for a couple of weeks? Soooo many options.

Why the change in plans? Well, we don't want to miss any chance on baybees. Mostly we want to use the time to live differently and we don't have to fly to the southern hemisphere to do that. We don't want to miss any potential calls.

Speaking of which...

I got a lovely call from Garden State today. Remember that embryo donation list I put myself on something like three years ago? Well, they finally had some batches we thought were good fits. And the coordinator promised to pass a letter on to the genetic parents (I really can't do totally anonymous so this gives me some hope). It turns out we got our first choice!

Three years on a wait list should do that, right?

So now we're waiting for consents and will be talking to the new-to-me nurse that runs all ED cycles. With a little luck (which we all know I don't have at all), we'll be able to squeeze a cycle in before we'd have to redo infectious disease testing. I don't even want to tell you how many times we've completed the testing. Ok.

SIX. YEARS. INAROW. Well, it will be six if we have to do it again. So it looks like there will be some good fall time spent in the City of Goddaughterly Love with my very favorite goddaughter (hey, she may be my only one but the lovely Zizi would still be my fave) and driving to and from Garden State. I'd better get to see that baby Beagle while I'm there as well.

We're still pursuing adoption as well. We are super greedy and want a couple of kids as quickly as possible. However they come to us.

Oh and many many congrats to the lovely DD on the birth of her daughter! Happy Days!

Well, Stop and Smell the Smoke

It hurts to even look outside the windows here. We have hundreds (there were over 800 at one point) of wildfires in California and the air is just thick with smoke. It's hazy and just getting worse. It hurts to breathe. I don't think there's an end in sight.

So that brought to mind my old friend from the post title. (Quick, someone not named Elana name that artist and song. Way too easy for her). I try to tell myself it's just foggy all the time and conjure up romantic images but it's more like being stuck at a campfire with no smores.

I was my hair and it still smells like smoke. It burns to breathe. This just can't be good for any of us.

In other news we are moving forward on as many fronts as we can find. Garden State sent out a new list and for the first time ever (in something like 3 years I think) there are two sets of embryos that appeal to us. I've also been in talks with the lovely Tertia and Dr Champagne. Tertia has found a mighty fine donor for us and Dr Champagne assures me that we have tons o' sperm in Cape Town so I could do another solo trip.

And we got a call out of the blue on Monday from our local adoption agency. We took classes with them and they did our home study. They offer a la carte pricing so we chose not to use their outreach services (they work with tons of folks and often have a really long wait). Anyway they are working with an expectant birthmother and have done a lot of reaching out to other groups all across Northern California and have not had success. So they thought we might be interested.

Yes, please!

So our profile will be shown to the young lady in question. She has a list of her own and it's fairly short. We meet 2 out of 3 requirements so perhaps she'll pick us. One of her requirements is a biracial couple and that seems to be the sticking point. Can you believe there is not a single biracial couple in Northern California who are interested in an open adoption? Seriously. We have heard the efforts the agency has gone to and unfortunately for the young lady she might have to choose between geographic closeness and ethnicity.

She's also been matched twice already. Both couples got pregnant. BOTH. Can you imagine the pain that must have caused her? At least they told her. If she wants to meet with us, we do plan on telling her we might be adding to our family through both adoption and donor gametes.

We don't have a lot of other information at this point but what we do know matches up nicely with my list from that recent post. I'm still ruminating on my list and truly appreciate all the input from you guys. You had some very thoughtful and thought provoking comments.

So smoke or no smoke, we're marching ahead. It's good to have multiple plates spinning in the air again. I thought the mister might not agree but, like always, we seem to be on exactly the same page.

Oh and one last thing. Guess what I scored on craigslist yesterday? The coolest baby hammock in the world, in exactly the color that I wanted, at a substantial discount. Now if I could just find a wii fit.

So We Meet Again

Everyone should have an arch nemesis. It makes life a lot more interesting and we can all use more drama, right?

Mine is named Fred. We've had a long long battle, Fred and I. Yesterday I was standing in the drugstore looking at a certain section of tests. We had to buy nail clippers and alcohol swaps so I thought I'd cave into peer pressure.

Actually I thought I'd buy tests, tell y'all that, and just stubbornly refuse to take one. Just to be mean.

I debated what to buy. The digital kind perhaps? CBE has a nice ring to it too. But then I saw him. Him and his three pack. Game on.

We met at high noon (if high noon is 10 o'clock). We both drew at the same time.

I think we all know where this is going, right? Fred kicked my ass with his one line against a snowy background. He's such a show off.

I concede defeat. I'll still get the official test tomorrow but Fred has won the battle.

Nothing to Report...Seriously

I'm just stopping by to say there's really nothing to say. I've not yet tested. Mostly because I'm staying at my folks and don't want to carry things that have been peed on in my purse. That's just icky.

Also because I must admit to a certain sadistic pleasure from driving some folks crazy. At least some folks named, say, Chris.

Well this is going to be an incredibly boring post, isn't it? How's about I spice it up with a few details of my NYC trip.

It was fun. Loads of fun. I saw the Drowsy Chaperone. The Red Headed Momma, her sister and I were oh-so-sophisticated and hung out for hours at the Carlyle Room noshing on their yummy snacks then we went to one of the most incredible patisseries in town:Payard! I even got to see an old Wedding Land friend, The Writer, and her adorable daughter! Good times indeed.

Now I'm here in the Tarheel State. Watching basketball. Eating barbecue. Trying to pass the time until Monday.

And not peeing on any sticks of any kind. Because I'm strong like that. Or just stubborn. Y'all can be the judge.

And a HH to You

This time of the year you hear a lot of HHing. Most of the time that means "Happy Holidays". It what we Americans say to each other to try to be culturally sensitive. It's meant to cover all the holidays from Thanksgiving through the New Year. Lately there has been much discussion in popular media of all the HHing.

Well, personally I like it. My favorite holiday this time of year is actually the Solstice. The mister and I try to celebrate it together, a quiet time just the two of us. This year I'm in the Big Apple and he's so far away. It's been a long week and I miss him terribly.

The lovely nurse from Garden State called to wish me a HH on Friday. She had a bit something different in mind: homogeneous hyperechogenic! That's what you want your lining to be 3 days post transfer. Most clinics only talk about the triple stripe part but Garden State likes to check your lining 3 days post transfer to see if it's converting okay. I don't know what they do if it's not but they like to .

After you introduce progesterone your lining is supposed to convert from trilaminar or triple to HH. The triple stripe is actually which appears multilayered with hyperechogenic outer walls and a well-defined central echogenic line. HH is as an entirely echodense endometrium and is more echogenic than the myometrium with no visualization of a central echogenic line. There's also IE (isoechogenic) where where the endometrium has the same echogenicity as the myometrium with a poorly defined central echogenic line. That's awful technical speak to explain the TL, IE and HH.

Anyway the nurse said everything looked beautiful. My numbers (estrogen and progesterone) were great. My lining was HH. Oh and she wished me luck and a Happy Holiday to boot.

I'm wrapping up my stay in NYC tomorrow and heading south for the rest of the holidays. The mister will be waiting for me in the airport. I'm so ready to see him. I'm also ready to turn over shot duty again. I've only been on  it for two nights but it's been a bit tricky. It's not the length of the needle it's more the angle to depress the plunger. I know now that I don't need a major international airport, I just need to be more of a contortionist.

HH to us all, every one.

A Bit More Information on Yesterday's Question

I think I should have been clearer. Only one of those options yesterday is true. And another hint, it's not any of the first three.

There were times in my life it was all of the first three. Perhaps it's even a nice progression of my infertility thinking, from the wide-eyed baby dust of I-just-know-it-will-happen-if-I-believe-in-it-enough-and-have-only-positive-thoughts through the clinic-must-know-what-they-are-doing-so-follow-everything-to-the-letter stage. Then there was a very long period of nothing-I-do-makes-a-whit-of-difference-anyway. That probably came the most natural to me.

Now I'm just a go through the motions kind of girl. Don't get me wrong, I am actually fairly hopeful this time. Perhaps the most hopeful since the first DE cycle. But I also know that obsessing about things is so not going to help. I'm on way too many drugs to be able to attribute anything that I might possible feel to anything other than IM injections. This cycle I'm just hanging with my girlfriends and having a grand ol' time. If this works, perhaps I can even get a book deal? Getting Pregnant With Your Girlfriend or something like that.

I've spent the last little bit going through my archives this year looking for my favorite post. Or just one good one. I was surprised to find three that I'm considering nominating for the fabulous Creme de la Creme that Mel over at Stirrup Queens is putting together. And if you are a blogger and haven't submitted your fave post, get on the stick. Don't be a procrastinator like me.

So here's the three that I'm considering. Feel free to vote (no need to read - judging a post by it's cover is just fine).

• Who Do I Sit With in the Lunchroom? :The one where I talk more about Embryo Donation and how isolating a path it can be but why I think it's such a great one for us.
• How to Deal with a Bitchy Daughter In-law: The one inspired by a Google search that led to my blog. Many helpful tips for creating a BDIL are included.
• But Seriously: The one where I debate when and what to tell my in-laws about our current path to family building because they are so oppositional to all things non-their genetics.

Vote now. Vote often. Call, email, text your votes. Just like on Dancing with the Stars, your votes count for 50% of the total.

1dp3dt: Let the Craziness Begin

So which do you think is me today:

1. OMG!!!! I feel sooo many symptoms. I'm totally tired. My boobs are incredibly sore. There's a strange metallic taste in my mouth. I'm feeling all kinds of uterine twinges. I'm sure I'm pregnant. How soon can I start peeing on sticks? Tomorrow? Can somebody send me some baby dust? I know it'll work if I just get enough baby dust.
2. Bedrest? Seriously? Ok. I'll totally be compliant. I can only go up/down stairs 1x per day? But my bedroom is upstairs and the humongous tv is downstairs. Whatever will I do? Ok. I'll totally limit it to 2-3 times max.I will only lie on my side or back with two pillows behind me. I will not bend over at all. Even though no research supports any of these ideas. Who needs to shower anyway?
3. I know from research that there is noooo connection between my system and said embryos until at least 17 dpo. Teendoc and I got in trouble over on Wedding Land years ago for suggesting this (and you know her, she had tons of research to back it up) but since I'm staying with her I think a bottle or two of wine is totally in order. Does vodka even count since it's so pure?
4. Oh crap. I need two shots tonight and I nearly forgot and am tempted to just go to bed. Guess I need to scrounge up the drugs and needles and tear the lovely Teendoc away from her work so she can take out her aggression on my rear.

Yeah, I know. This is harder than any question on Duel (the stoopidest new show of recent time).

Up next: Watch out when Millie breaks free and heads to the mall.

Three is a Magic Number

Today was transfer. It was incredibly surreal to go back to Garden State. It's been more than three years since I was there last time. So many things were exactly the same.

Everyone at Garden State was super nice. Everything was on schedule. It all went off without a hitch.

We transferred three. The little 2 cell from yesterday was now at 4 and looking pretty good. The 4 cell from yesterday was now a compacting morula and looked really good. And the 5 cell from yesterday was a nice looking 8 cell.

I know this is only my third FET but I've never had three nice embryos to transfer so I'm very excited.

I listened to some nice tunes on my iphone (thanks to Pink Martini, Jack Johnson and Aimee Mann) and took a little nap. Then the lovely teendoc took me back to her house and made sure I was all taken care of. Between her and Dr Valium, I certainly am.

They want me to have a blood test on New Year's Eve. It might be a bit challenging as that's the day we fly back to California but I'm sure we can sneak off to a lab.

Three!!!!!

The Question is Moot, I Get the Embryos

You'd think I'd learn to pack early, wouldn't ya? Back when I was flying 100k miles a year, I kept a bag packed. Now I have to start from scratch. I had a pretty busy weekend so I didn't start packing in earnest until nearly midnight last night.

But this is not why you're here, correct?

Today's call from Garden State came while I was on the train headed to the airport. They called when I was underground, so I got a nice message I could play repeatedly. If none of the embryos survived the thaw, I could have even gone back home and climbed into my warm bed.

Remember that whole "transfer 4 embryos" discussion I had on Saturday? Totally moo.

Garden State hit their stats exactly: 3 out of 4 embryos survived.

They all lost some cells. As of today we're transferring 1 2-cell, 1 4-cell and 1 5-cell at 11 am EST. I've been thinking warm growing and dividing thoughts so I hope that helps. They keep the valium on hand and I have to show up half an hour early to get rewarded.

Oh and why wasn't I packing until late last night? I was incredibly fortunate yesterday and got to hang out with DeadBug and Anna H. Kind of an infertile's slumber party. Only during the day and with yummy Armenian food. It did my bitter soul extra good to just be with them.

And I'm greedy and the goodness continues. Tonight the teendoc herself did my progesterone shot. Why stay in a hotel when you can get a pro right? And there will be much more bloggedy goodness in the days to come.

I'm no longer a believer in positive thinking being a key to a successful cycle. I really don't think it makes any difference to whether or not this cycle is going to work.

But all the good wishes, positive thoughts and wishes from y'all, and incredible support from all over the globe do mean a tremendous amount to me and the mister. I think my own small heart has grown way more than three sizes from the wonderful people in the computer.

Back tomorrow with transfer news. If you're good, I'll do it all hopped up on valium.

How hard is it to subtract three? Or even nine?

Today was my only morning to sleep in for the near future.

Violet's car maker called at 3:30 am. On a Saturday. It was automated and no one was there. Do they not know how to tell computers in Germany what time it is in California?

Garden State called at 6:30 am. It was still Saturday. While I appreciate the enthusiasm of the embryologist, I would have also appreciated another couple of hours of sleep.

Thaw begins Monday. Transfer still on for Tuesday. There's some back and forth about how many to transfer but seriously if that's even a real decision then I'm much better off than my last two cycles.

First progesterone shot was at 9 am, to get my lining on East Coast time. At least my lining knows there's a time difference.

Off to get my hair colored because, you know, I might not be able to do that for a while.

Has Hell Frozen Over?

So I'm taking this cycle really easy. Maybe too easy. All of a sudden the nurses at Garden State are the responsible ones and I'm the flake. I'm guessing they aren't used to that.

I got three calls from them in the last two days. Turns out they never got my update from Dr Local. Turns out they cared enough to follow up repeatedly. Weird, huh?

They even put me through to a live person after hours (there) to make sure to tell me what to do tonight. That included tweaking my protocol. You could have knocked me over with a feather (albeit a really huge feather made out of some super solid material) when they said they had to talk to a DOCTOR and CHANGED things. What is going on at Garden State? Are they trying to lose their Most Chaotic Clinic Award? I'm pretty sure they're unbeaten in that category.

And how sad is it when Garden State can make a normally very anal project manager look so irresponsible?

It's Beginning to Look Like a Cycle

The weekend away was wonderful. Oh, technically it was just one night away but it felt like a weekend.

How awesome is my husband? He found the perfect inn and somehow managed to get it written up in the local paper this week. He planted said article where I'd see it on Thursday and hope that's where we were going. But of course I couldn't tell him that because it was totally unfair to expect him to do all of that. It was totally awesome when we stayed in the now famous inn.

We didn't get to eat at the super famous restaurant but we did eat at one of the chef's other places in town. In fact, we ate at the same one that was in all the gossip columns recently when that new Hollywood couple was in town (RW and JG are their initials). We did *see* the oh-so-famous and expensive restaurant and dream of the night that we'll dine there.

We also went to COPIA which was oh so heavenly. I've been wanting to go forever but it's never worked out. Well, it worked out great on Sunday. We had a nearly private wine tasting class and thoroughly enjoyed the gardens and the gift shop.

Monday was back to the grind. Oh and the stirrups. I had my CD10 ultrasound and blood-work. Lining? A lovely 7-8 mm triple stripe. Dr Local was thrilled. Garden State is happy. One more set on Friday (unless Garden State decides they don't need more) and I leave for the Keystone State on Monday. In SIX days.

It is totally surreal now. I can't believe I'm actually cycling much less this soon. My tickets are purchased. I've even got a hotel room booked in the Big Apple for a long weekend with the Red Headed Momma. I get to stay with the lovely Liana and amazing Zara before that I'm hoping to hang with the Philly gals (Statia and Clover, this means YOU). Then go home for a Southern Christmas with my family and friends in NC. It really doesn't get much better.

I am a lucky, lucky woman.

Second Time Around

I am very happy to report that last night's shot went much, much better. We took care of business earlier and the mister wasn't nearly as grumpy. It make for no pain and, apparently, no interesting blog posts.

I'm also happy to report that I discovered a very important fact today: I am sooooooo much happier when I work 5-6 hours a day. It seriously makes a huge difference that I'm almost ashamed to admit. (Insert large exclamation of admiration for all you women that manage to cycle while working fulltime because this shit is hard. You all rock!) It also allowed me to get a few personal hygiene matters taken care of (no more unibrow for me) and make it to acupuncture on time. Oh, and I cooked a tasty and healthy dinner for the two of us (the mister and me, not my acupuncturist).

I only have a week and a half left before the big flight back east. I have three chiropractic appointments, two more acupuncture sessions, one blood-work run and two ultrasound + blood-work appointments. Oh and two company holiday parties and one anniversary to celebrate. And I'm hosting a meeting for my volunteer organization at my house next week. And a lovely visitor from SoCal is heading up here just before I leave for the Keystone State. I think I can do it all if I keep my hours down to 50-75%.

Wanna here the best news I got today? My very fave nurse scheduled my next two ultrasounds with Dr. Local himself. No more Dr Perky for me! I didn't even ask. It just worked out that way.

Note to Self

Self: do not get all cocky when you decide to change the dates of your injections. And do not spend 13 hours over 2 days at an upholstery class, turning your hands into wizened claws (but your dining room chair seats into Arts and Crafts works of art). And, seriously, do not go out to a shopping event for your service organization with your former infertile support group friends (five kids between the three of them and only one set of twins! can anyone say "lapped"?) and get really drunk and spend too much money on mercury glass. Especially when you have to come home and create an invoice for work. Wine and accounting do not mix, Self, they really don't.

And when it's shortly after midnight and you finally realize you need a big honking shot of estrogen delivered into your hip by your now grumpy husband (because he was not drunk, had no work to do and wanted to go to bed), do not be surprised when it hurts like hell.

One shot down. Hopefully many many more to go.

Shhhh. Let's keep this between us, m k?

Please don't tell on me. But I've already decided not to follow Garden State's instructions.

Let me explain. Hear me out and then validate what I'm chosing to do.

Yesterday when I talked to the nurse she said I should begin my estrogen shots tonight. We went through the whole time line, I sorta agreed to it.

But that's when I thought yesterday would be CD1 or I wouldn't actually have a real CD1 this time around.

Turns out today IS CD1. And the shots are technically supposed to start on CD2. Doing that will make all the math easier ("math is hard") because having CD1 on the first of the month is a beautiful thing.

So I'm tweaking the schedule a bit. I'm also going to do my bw and ultrasound CLOSE to when they're due but probably off by a day or so a couple of times. Hey, ART should all be about my convenience, right? And if I already have to go into The City three days a week then why not just make that work. It's just a FET so I don't think I can screw things up to much. This way will also give me something to blame if it doesn't work.

Of course I'm also worried that the E2V dose isn't quite high enough (at local clinic I was on .4 CC or 8 mg every three days, Garden State likes to titre up to .35 CC or 7 mg twice a week). I've got plenty of time to change that on my own so I guess I'll save that for another day

Getting My Game Face On

Ahhh, the thrill of cycling combined with the added bonus of coordinating information from two clinics and a blood drawing lab. I'm in for good times. I suppose this will be good for readership, especially if I string it out and make it extra dramatic.

Today started with a conference call at the butt crack of dawn. What is it with that East Coast-centric that can not be bothered to subtract three hours to find a decent time for us lazy West Coasters to join a conference call?

Then I skedaddled to my first blood draw of the day. You know it's going to be a good day when you have multiple phlebomotists trying to find your one good vein. There was a bit of wait at the lab but made up for it with their friendliness. I'm being serious. They totally know me now and asked about the mister and all kinds of stuff.

I tried to speed across the Bay Bridge to be nearly on time for my ultrasound appointment. My clinic totally freaks out over the Bay Bridge and today did nothing to dissuade their poor perception of a fine marvel of civil engineering. Lucky for me they were more behind schedule than I so I only had to wait an hour.

Then it go fun. Remember the one doctor there that I really don't like? The one who I asked never to see again? I think I called her Dr. Perky. Ahhh, we meet again. She's not nearly as good a nemesis as getupgrrl's meditation classmate, but she'll do in a pinch.

She asked how I was doing (which did not cause me to ask for her head on a platter today) and then introduced herself. She followed that up with "I believe we've met before."

Why yes. I believe we have. Either I made a pretty big impression 18 months ago or she saw the huge red sticker on my chart saying "Keep Dr Perky the hell away from this crazy woman!"

She was fine. I was fairly well behaved. I kept telling myself that Design Girl loooooves Dr. Perky and I should give her another chance.

Baseline ultrasound showed an incredibly thin lining on what should be CD1. Estrogen was 19 and progesterone 0.4.  I still don't have the fsh and lh results and I'm pretty sure I don't want to know either of those.

I actually received a timely callback from Garden State. Of course that particular call was just to tell me they didn't have all my results from the local folks. Two phone calls and a flurry of emails later and Garden State had what they needed.

We're calling it CD1. That means estrogen shots commence tomorrow night. The mister is so excited to hone his dart throwing skills. More shots and bloodwork to follow. Garden State requires bloodwork at least 4 times for a FET and at least two more ultrasounds. I'm totally fine with that.

Tickets have now been purchased. I arrive in the lovely Keystone State on December 17th with a probably transfer date of December 18th. I think this is really happening.

2 Tired 2 B Cre8ive

I do believe I promised you an update on the whole Garden State situation.  I thought about making it funny, stretching it out, adding some drama. But I realized it really annoys me when other bloggers play around with time to suit dramatic purposes.

Here's the dealio in bullets:

• Many calls to Garden State.
• All call backs from Garden State come in the only five minutes my phone is not with me.
• So I start carrying my phone with me EVERYWHERE including bathroom.
• Nurses at Garden State must somehow swing a deal with my particular cell phone carrier so their calls (and only their calls) can go straight to voice mail without the phone even ringing.
• Said "missed calls" suspiciously don't even appear in recent call list or missed call list.
• I become a bit more frantic in the messages I leave for them.
• Not nice nurse actually leaves a message saying "if you really want this information perhaps you should answer your phone" when she calls back at 6 pm her time on a Friday - knowing there's no way in hell anyone will answer the phone before Monday noon at the earliest.
• So I resort to email. Lots and lots of emails.
• All my test results suspiciously lost in the fax machine or to be filed round basket.
• My local doctor's office gets a bit frustrated when I ask them to fax something again so I ask for my own copy so I can fax it to Garden State repeatedly.
• Huh, what do you know? My local ob has a patient with the exact name as me. Who lives in the same zip code. Who is only 6 months younger. Who suspiciously has all my test results in her chart. Hmmm. Wonder what HIPPA would have to say about that?
• Finally tests are all faxed to Garden State. No additional follow-up required (woot woot)
• Now the fun of getting them to fax orders to local RE and local lab. Kind of a rinse and repeat of above.
• Schedule baseline ultrasound and bloodwork for tomorrow morning. Finally get confirmation of orders faxed late tonight.
• Bite the bullet and buy plane tickets to Garden State. What's the worst that could happen?

Don't answer that. Seriously. Let the games officially begin tomorrow morning. This time I'm totally prepared for the insanity at Garden State. I will be victorious.

Just one last phone call

I had one last phone call this morning. Can you believe it? It was my FDA consult with Dr. South America (is that even what I'm calling her? I can't remember). You know, the phone they forgot to book for me and couldn't find another FIVE minutes in the schedule until today.

Let's just say I wasn't counting on this call actually happening.

Imagine my surprise when it did.

I was not at all surprised that I spent more time on hold (8 minutes) than on the phone with the actual doctor (3 minutes).

This call was just a formality. I think the clinic needs it for legal reasons as this is how they circumvent some of the stuff with the FDA edict from May 2005. They just wanted me to understand that the donors were not both tested within 7 days of retrieval. I wish my local clinic had allowed a five minute consult instead of forcing the other donors to get retested some six years after retrieval.

So the t's are crossed and the i's are dotted. I also got my cervical cultures done at my ob's office. I really really like this guy. I met him when he did the surgery for my last ectopic. Can you believe he's a one man shop and delivers all of his patients? Yeah, me neither. He did the cultures, tossed in copies of his surgical notes to calm the good doctors and Garden State and told me he looked forward to seeing me next year on a much more regular basis.

All that's left is the hsg!

I'm off to the Windy City for two days of work and two days of relaxing with my good friend the Reader. I leave at the butt crack of dawn. This should be an easy peasy trip after the last one. Maybe I'll even run into Jenna's nemesis and give her a piece of my mind.

Another day, another dozen phone calls

All I needed to do today was schedule one measly little  HSG.  How hard can that be right?

I should have known better.

The incredibly helpful woman at diagnostic imaging place said she'd be happy to schedule me if I had a doctor's order. Then she found out my doctor was in Garden State. It wasn't enough to have an order with the good doc's license number on it, she also had to have the expiration date.

At this point there were six possible appointments for me. Isn't it great that the diagnostic imaging place only does three HSGs a day, max? Nope, she couldn't hold an appointment for me until I could get Garden State to fax the info.

So I called my ob's office. The people in his office actually are nice and give a damn. The nurse said they'd just been talking about me and how to help with the other tests I need for Garden State. And could I come in any day this week? My only availability is Wednesday? No problem.

She also said she'd be happy to get an HSG order and I could pick it up on Wednesday. Think that was good enough for that bitch in DI? Heeeeellllll no.

She had to have an order faxed "if your doctor actually cares about whether you get this test or not." Can you believe she said that? Would any of you be surprised if I said "actually I'm sure my doctor doesn't really care if I get test, it's not like he's trying to save my life and prevent a third ectopic pregnancy or anything. Wait. I think he IS trying to keep me alive. Must be desperate for patients."

So oh-so-nice-nurse was happy to fax the order. And the DI wench called to schedule. By this point there were only 3 of the original 6 slots left. And she let me have one, 'cuz she has a big heart and is all about customer service and such.

Then I got a call back from Garden State. They're happy to change my protocol so that I don't go another 65 freakin' days until I start another cycle. I start bcps tonight and take them for 4 weeks. Then baseline ultrasound and we're off to the races.

Tentative transfer at Garden State on December 17. Tentative hanging out with Liana and other assorted Philly folks thereafter. Tentative weekend in the Big Apple with the Red Headed Momma the following weekend. Tentative cover story for my folks that I have "business on the East Coast" that week so it's not surprising when I arrive home before the mister.

Thank goodness there are a variety of international airports with bathrooms in the Garden State area. That's the only way I think I can do all those pio shots to myself.

I'm so completely giddy. This might actually happen.

More fun in the morning (and a little afternoon delight)

I wouldn't want to disappoint y'all so I feel obligated to report on the continued saga of my upcoming cycle at Garden State.

Remember how I had 9 vials of blood taken? Garden State still hasn't received the results. My recent mornings (and large part of the afternoons) have been spent trying to find if the right labs were done and where the hell the results are. I won't bore you with the details. Let's just say after hours on the phone to various people at the lab's national customer service center (actually located somewhere in this country, go figure), Garden State, and the local blood drawing lab, it was determined late yesterday afternoon that the right tests were done and finally faxed to Garden State.

So I'm sitting here waiting for a call back to tell me what the hell to do. CD 65 for those playing along at home.

Oh and I had a lovely appointment with my colorist yesterday. My hair is now just like my heart: extra bitter. Technically it's a lovely lush, rich, deep, DEEP brown that might be somewhat related to my natural color. I haven't seen my natural color for more than 20 years so I'm not sure but it's my best guess.

How I spent my mornings this week

You might remember that it took me several hours a few weeks ago to schedule a five minute phone consult with Garden State. Or perhaps I didn't post about it because it left me a bit shell-shocked.

It did take multiple hours to schedule a 5 minute appointment. So. very. frustrating. But part of the craziness of Garden State, right?

So yesterday morning the mister and I woke up early. He wanted for us to take the dogs for a lovely walk. I had to beg off due to my 5 minute appointment.

Or so I thought.

I called in promptly 5 minutes before said 5 minute appointment only to find out IT NEVER GOT BOOKED. So I suppose when I was told weeks ago that it was booked that person was smoking something and just not sharing?

The front desk chick tried to mollify me. Turns out the good Dr. did not have five minutes to spare. But she didn't want to make me wait until November so she graciously agreed to fit me in in October. On the 31st.

I decided that with such speedy turn around times if I wanted to jump start my cycle (and on day whatever-the-fuck-it-is-because-I'm-sick-of-counting) I should go ahead and start that process.

So far that's only taken three messages and two call backs. Turns out they want blood-work to see where I am in my cycle. Fair enough. And we still have that pesky infectious disease blood work to renew yet again.

So this morning the mister and I did what all couples in love and trying to start a family do: we went to the lab together. He had three vials and a urine specimen. I was the lucky winner of NINE VIALS. I wanted to be under a dozen and at least met my personal goal. So it's all the standard infectious disease stuff, my normal thyroid labs and estrogen/progesterone/lh/fsh/beta hcg.

Are you all laughing that that last one? I am. Through my tears but it's still a bit funny.

Then I left a message on the call back number for Garden State. Anyone care to place wagers on when I hear back? I'm hoping by Friday. I plan on leaving one message a day until I get results.

I also have to schedule my cervical cultures with my ob/gyn but I finally found a fax machine that works so I should be able to get in to see him next week or the week after.

And remember that whole crazy idea I had about "as few drugs as possible"? Yeah, I'm throwing that out the window and begging to be put on bcps to regulate/schedule things.

It looks like my October cycle will be happening around December, if I'm lucky. I shouldn't even type that, should I? December is actually really good timing. I can take a week or so off from work. I can go into the Big Apple and it will be all loverly for the holidays. I can hang out with Liana who won't be in China.

Fresh (well, technically frozen) from Garden State

When my alarm went off at 5:40 all I could do was groan and listen to a precious few minutes of NPR before crawling out of bed. I wasn't quite ready for my consult but what are you going to do?

I started calling Garden State right at the appointed time. It took 15 minutes and a lot of random extensions until I could get someone to transfer me to the good doc for my consult. BTW, it turns out my consult was with Dr. Africa, not Dr. South America. You know us Yanks, we can't tell one continent from another.

As soon as I heard her voice, I remembered that Dr. Africa had done my retrieval and transfer back when I cycled at Garden State with my own eggs. I remembered how kind she had been back then. I was blogging three years ago (in fact my blogaversary passes quietly a few months ago) but I didn't write about that cycle.

She started this consult on a great note by asking for my age. I replied oh-so-cleverly "I'm 41 until tomorrow." See just how witty I am first thing in the morning with no caffeine in my system?

She earned my eternal gratitude by saying "41 it is."

Most of the rest of the consult was pretty straightforward and exactly what I expected. Except when she said I should get an hsg. Whaaaaa? I don't have any tubes and my uterus is just fine, thanks.

Then she told me why: one of her patients had a third ectopic a while back, after losing both her tubes with the previous ectopics. Nothing like preying on my worst fears to send me running for a radiologist.

I'm not totally convinced but am leaning towards the hsg. She says it will confirm whether there are any nubs or stubs left, anything that I should worry about.

I'm going to call my ob, who did the most recent surgery and see what he thinks. He's been up close and personal with my girly bits so he should know.

The hsg will push things back a bit and would mean a likely transfer in November. That's ok. What's one more month when you've been at this for five years? Right? RIGHT?

The Prodigal Blogger Returns

Miss me much? Yeah, I missed you guys too.

It was a great trip. Ok, honestly parts of it were great. Parts like getting to see the second best brother's new house. A lovely chat with Ms Prufrock while we were in the same area code but we didn't get to hang out. And getting to meet little Miss Z (and see Liana but we all know it's about meeting Zara) was definitely the highlight of the trip.

There are other things that weren't quite so much fun but I'll save them for another day. No one asked anything at all about family building and there weren't a lot of stupid things said. There was one heated discussion with my mil but that will definitely get its own post.

Now I'm back and trying to get caught up on work and life and stuff.

There was a package waiting for me when I got back. What a lovely package! It was signed contracts from the donors. Yay! It motivated me to call Garden State and get things a moving.

It only took one phone call to remind me of the craziness associated with Garden State. I hadn't forgotten, you can't really ever forget that level of chaos, but it was such a long time ago that it was just somewhat surreal. I first cycled there nearly three years ago. Three years ago! That's just completely insane to me.

Of course we might need to renew our infectious disease bloodwork. I'm not sure about that because it seems like they should still be valid but I need to find the copies and I'm waiting to hear back from Dr. Local's nice nurse (I'm also hoping Dr Local will agree to monitor me but that remains to be seen).

I probably will have to get cultures done again. Garden State requires a whole host of cultures ( Mycoplasma,  Ureaplasma, Gonorrhea, Chlamydia) in addition to infectious disease bloodwork. Fun, huh?

I'm also required to do another phone consult since it's been a long time (and another ectopic pregnancy) since the first one. My doc there has retired. Yup, it's been a while. So I got to talk to both an IVF nurse and the receptionist. I must say both were really nice and fairly efficient for Garden State.

The first consult I could get was for September 24th. This did not make me happy, what with wanting to cycle in October and all. Luckily the receptionist took pity on me and called me when a cancellation opened up on September 11. At 6 am my time. Totally worth getting up early though, right?

The IVF Nurse is sending me a copy of the FET protocol in the mail (and I think 'scripts as well). I told her I did better with Estradiol Valerate shots than estrace alone. She said that was fine. They don't like to do lupron and I like the sound of that.

So this weekend the mister and I will get the contracts notarized and back in the mail. We also have to get a form signed by him (and notarized) saying he consents to me having a transfer without him present. I guess they've had some issues with married women trying to have transfers without their husbands knowledge.

I'm hoping to get all this done so that I can still cycle in October. A Garden State fall sounds very appealing. But if it slides into November, that's ok too. It's just nice to be moving forward.

But seriously

To make up for my last superficial and extremely glib post about my in-laws, I thought I'd get serious for at least one post.

The thing about family reunions is that it's all about family. My in-laws are extremely rigid about their definition of family. It means genetic ties to them. I'll never be family because, well, spouses don't quite count.

So you can imagine how much I fear how my children will be treated. You might remember that the youngest grandchildren in the family don't get college funds because they have a different last name. Or that my MIL ambushed me several years ago and said we shouldn't pursue adoption or embryo donation but donor eggs would be ok because "at least the children would be" the mister's. You know, "because nature is so much more important than nurture".

So back to this family reunion. We'll be the only ones in attendance with out kids, except for my gay bil and his partner (who don't want kids). The mister and I had planned on laying out the whole State of the Union for the family but that was when it was immediate family only. I'm soooooo not ready to spend a long weekend explaining and defending our choices.

The mister and I spent some time talking over the weekend about what we should say and what our answers should be when we get asked. Because we will get asked. The mister is more than a  bit frustrated with me because he thinks I'm looking for problems that aren't there yet. I think it's in our best interest to role play all this before it comes up in real life. It'll be much easier to plant a few seeds and talk about it now before we have kids. I'd much rather be over-prepared and never get to say that snappy, perfect comeback for my MIL when she makes some ignorant comment about our kids. I would love it if they all suddenly became enlightened, tolerant, accepting people.

But I'm much more of a realist than that. I know there will be many comments and whispers. I fear they will try to persuade us to follow a path they choose and not accept that they get no say in this. I think that even though they've known me for 12 years and they've known their son for 40 years, they don't know us at all. This is about building OUR FAMILY and this is most decidedly not a democracy.

So I'm trying to think of nice, non-hateful things to say when they ask stupid questions or make inane comments. I think for this trip it'll be enough to say that we're still working on building our family. That it's the most important thing to either of us. And that we've been expanding our definitions of family because we know our children will not have genetic ties to us.

I don't want to spend the whole time biting my tongue. I also don't want the mister and I to be inundated with assvice. Assvice that we don't want, won't listen to and will only upset us.

Should we do more? Should we tell them our home-study is done and we are working on our profile? Should we tell them about the generous gift of our friends and how excited we are to be cycling this fall? Should we educate them on why we're only interested in open situations, whether it's embryo donation or adoption? Should we tell them that we did try donor eggs. Twice. And that I nearly died from that as well?

Or is it just enough to tell them that family is who you chose to have in your life and love. And has nothing do do with sharing DNA.

What would you do? What would you say? I can use all the help the internets can offer.

Try to remember the kind of October

I know that's not exactly how the song goes (it's September...quick play Name that Musical) but work with me people.

I think October is a lovely time for a trip. Don't you? Somewhere oh so far away and exotic. My dear friend Pamplemousse put the thought in my head a few weeks ago and ever since then I've been trying to make it happen. I started to get very excited and plan. It seemed like it might be too much time for me to take off from work (since I'm taking a few days in August off and a little over a week off in September). I wasn't sure I wanted to travel far away without the mister again but I was listening to my heart and it was whispering Cape Town.

But now, suddenly, it's whispering something a bit different. Can you hear it? Listen closely.

Garden State...Garden State...Garden State

I'm very excited to say that I might have exciting news soon. I won't be knocking back cocktails with Pamp at the Winchester but I will be swigging caprinhas with Teendoc. And coming full circle from my first cycle in the lovely Garden State, October 2004.

Thanks to the amazing generosity of an incredible friend (and her mister) I'll be attempting Round Two of  Donor Embryo Cycle, back in my old stomping grounds. I'll have to trade in Nick and the girls at the Cape Heritage for a chain hotel with big haired staff whose accents are a far cry from the lilting tones of my favorite city.

There are still many details to be worked out but it's all looking pretty doable. I'm feeling incredibly blessed right now to even be planning for this. The mister and I are so incredibly touched by our friends' offer, I just keep pinching myself.

So, Madame Mousse, what d'ya say we take care of business this fall? I so wish I'd be joining you in Cape Town but here's hoping we both start the real next adventure.

The Day After

I don't know if this really counts as "the day after" if the call actually came today. Does it?

I got a call very very early from one of the nurses. She was quite concerned at the possibility that I hadn't received a call yesterday. She left a carefully worded message expressing this and following all HIPPA regulations.

I called back and got the nurse's station straight away. She apologized profusely and said I should probably talk to Nice Nurse and she'd have her call me immediately. And she did.

And Nice Nurse lived up to her name. She was gentle and kind and oh so sorry. Honestly all I needed was official confirmation. I asked her if it was really truly a negative because I just couldn't bear any kind of limbo. And it was.

We talked a few logistics about future cycles. Dr. Local must be in cahoots with Dr. Champagne because he's away on holiday. I'm sure I'll hear from him when he gets back but I'll probably email him in a few days.

I still need to let the donors know. That's what has me the saddest right now. I know it's a kind of a loss for them as well. I want to find just the right words to thank them for the gift and acknowledge all we've been through. I know they'll still be in our lives, just not in the same way.

The mister and I are incredibly touched, as always, by the outpouring of support from the internets. I know I sound like a broken record but we read and cherish every comment and every email. Several of you have told us how strong you think we are. We're not strong, don't be fooled. We're just stubborn. Incredibly stubborn. Tertia said it best back when we had that first coffee with her in Cape Town: "Giving up just wasn't an option." *

And so life goes on. I got the calls on my way to work in the 'burbs. I now have a security pass so I can leave my temporary cubicle and go to the bathroom, any time I need to. This means less working from home and more free fountain cokes. I am jonesing for that coffee bar at Yodeling Inc! though. Good times.

In my infinite wisdom, I scheduled a girls night out with a pastry chef/high level management type friend of mine. She brought along a savory chef who promised not to diss our knife skills. And we had the bestest time of all. We ate parsley ice cream with macerated berries, mocha sherbet with salty almonds and so many other good things that I can't even begin to tell you about. It was the most amazing class taught by the incredibly talented and very entertaining David Lebovitz. I swear he knows everything. While I love his books, I would not want to play Trivial Pursuit against him. His new book is called Perfect Scoop and it is amazing. Go buy it now. I'm sure it will put a smile on your face as well.

I had to arm wrestle Chris from barefoot and... to get dibs on this but there are some advantages to living in the Bay Area .  She might have the expensive new ice cream maker but I had time with the man himself.

It really was healing (and if DL ever reads this "refreshing", very very refreshing) and I honestly can not imagine a better ending to the day.   I guess my Southern roots are coming out. I feel my inner Scarlett making herself known "After all...tomorrow is another day."

And there will be reasons to smile and reasons to keep going on. And if I'm really lucky, ice cream and good friends to share it all.

*Of course she said it in her killer accent and while she was looking all gorgeous and divine with her legs that just go on for days, but you get the idea.

The Word

The nice nurse at my clinic gave me a STAT quantitative hcg lab request. The offer was good at any lab but only for one day (today). She told me to make sure to remind them to run it STAT.

Now, I have a loooooot of experience with STAT hcgs. Last year I racked up quite the collection of them. If it didn't depress me so much I'd figure out just how many. I know it was more than a dozen. Probably less than two dozen. Maybe not, come to think of it.

So I hauled my bed out of bed early to get to the lab right when it opened (7:30 am) so I could still get into work in time for my 9:00 meeting. I was the 6th person to sign in on the waiting list. Of course, it being a Monday morning it was super busy there. Most of the other folks were even grouchier than I (they'd all been fasting, I snacked on a croissant from an adorable organic bakery in Wine Country) and of course two of the lab folks called in sick so one poor woman had to process everyone's forms and draw all the blood. She was very careful to call for the STAT pickup even before she drew my blood.

I'm guessing y'all know where this is going, right? My clinic got the results by noon at the latest. I didn't call to harass anyone until 3:30. I still haven't gotten the call with the official word. My fave nurse is off Mondays so I have a feeling I'll hear from her bright and early tomorrow.

But I know the word. I didn't want to mess around with any white pee sticks today so I joined the 21st century. I went digital. As an aside isn't it ironic that you hope for two lines but only one word?

I had no false hope. I faced the reality head on. Not pregnant.

And that's the word.

(And while I'm disappointed it's not gut wrenching. It's not like that first failed donor cycle. I'm just hoping the official call really is 0 tomorrow. I'm totally ok. The mister is ok. I'm wearing my tiara from Ms Scrambled Eggs and drinking even more wine. Lovely, lovely wine we picked up on our lovely weekend. We're working on our dear expectant person letter this weekend. We're reviewing some other options. I'll harass Dr Local about officially starting his ED program and letting me get first dibs. But for tonight I'll just be thankful for no shots. It's been such a long time since I had a day without shots. Back in March I think?)

Weekend Plans

So you'd probably think my weekend plans were full of peeing on sticks, right? I'm a tiny bit smarter than that so I planned a weekend away. We're headed here . Vi0let is all loaded up. The dogs are sharing the backseat, one secretly happy that it's so cozy back there and the other not at all thrilled with the proximity of her sister. She's a border collie, don't ya know, and that means she likes her independence.

Another single-lined test this morning has me at least convinced that I won't feel guilty doing a bit of wine tasting. We're headed to one of the best (and least well known) wine regions in NorCal so it was just a question of spitting and swallowing. I'm a swallowing kind of gal so today's test will let me swallow away.

While I'm gone, please go say "Hi" to a new neighbor in the blogosphere. Drop off some cookies or lemon bars. Her name is Jenna of The Epiblog at Inconceivable Journey. You might have seen her on 0prah. She did an amazing job of giving her infertile sisters an incredibly articulate voice on a less than welcoming platform. She's doing amazing things at RESOLVE and I'm so very happy that she's started a blog of her own.

I'll be back Sunday night. Official test results due late Monday afternoon my time.

I'm Still Standing

I know I haven't updated in a couple of days. There's still not so much to report. I am totally digging what this cycling is doing to my stats though. All the drama is good.

I did break down and test yesterday. I  haven't seen such a snow white color in a long time. I know there's a chance it's too early. I'm also pretty realistic about what my chances are at this point.

I'm trying hard not to have flashbacks to last year, when I had a negative hpt the same day as my positive beta (though, seriously, how positive is 5?). We all know how that worked out, right?

Ok, maybe you new readers don't but long story short it was an ectopic pregnancy (my second) and I lost a tube (my last to loose). I'm pretty confident nothing like that will happen this time. I'm just not terribly confident that Monday's results will be any better.

I'd love to write a long chatty post about telling/not telling, in-laws and all. But I've worked a super long day and am off to the city to rendezvous with the mister, my bil, his partner and an assorted group (kind of like The Cook, The Thief, His Wife and Her Lover, 'member that one?).

So again, long story short: NOT telling is not an option for me for a variety of reasons, whether it's donor gametes or adoption. My children have the right to know their genetic history. I personally feel that every child has the right to know and any situation where that isn't possible makes me uncomfortable to say the least.

I KNOW my in-laws will have problems with any child that is not genetically related to them. Hell, my kids were never going to have their last name and we've seen how they are total assholes about that.  I'm willing to do a tiny bit of education but my gut instinct is to cut them out of all of our lives so they can never say or do a hurtful thing to my children. Will that be hard for my husband? Sure but I know that not having kids is sooooooo much harder on him.

We will definitely tell our families about adoption before we bring a baby home. But I'm not sure how much we want to divulge before we match. I know we should be talking about this more with them but we're still so unsure of what will happen (and when).

Same goes for donor embryo. If I am pregnant, we tell them. We tell everyone. Not everything (I don't think they need any specific info about the donors even though I'm sure they'll want to know) because that is my children's story. But my biggest goal is to make sure my children know how much they were wanted, how they will always come first and how they will have a beautiful story of how they joined our family.

Still not much to report

I feel an obligation to write something since so many folks are checking in here but I honestly don't have much to say.

I'm so relieved to hear stories of successful cycles where tsh spiked over 4. I just can't even tell you how relieved that makes me. It almost takes me back to those innocent days when I knew a success story for everything.

Remember when I met the urban myth? The woman who's fsh was triple digits and who only produced ONE egg in FIVE years and she had a gorgeous daughter to show for it? Ahhh, I was such a newbie back then.

I have a very busy work week so that is helping me pass the time. My favorite bil (and really, how favorite could he be when I only have two and one is such an ass) is coming to town for a long weekend. Even better, he's bringing his partner. I ADORE his partner. He's my very very fave family member of the mister's, although I know my MIL would say he's "not technically family".

Speaking of family and not technically family, we're thinking of coming out a bit to ours, though maybe not all of ours. I have much to process (and write) about the fabulous adoption workshop of last weekend. We haven't told family members about our adoption plans for a variety of reasons. Mostly I'm not sure I'm ready to deal with them.

I think my family will be thrilled. Until they find out we're committed to an open adoption. I think that's going to scare my parents. I'm sure all they know is bad tv movies. I know they'll support us and our kids, we'll just have to do a bit of education.

Now my in-laws are a totally different story. I'm feeling strongly that we should take a zero tolerance approach. The mister thinks that smacks of an ultimatum. I think I'm seeing that in all honesty as a "when" not "if." Remember, these are the people who refused to start a college fund for grandchildren that didn't carry their last name much less their (in their minds) amazing genetic lineage. I don't have the energy to educate them. They can read. They have the internet. My feeling (stubborn and probably wrong but it's mine all the same) is that they can educate their own damn selves.

And frankly if they are cut out of our lives (and it will be alllllllll of our lives, not just me and the kids), I'm not sure it's such a loss. It's huge for the mister, though, and I know he's really worried about that.

So if we get some time alone with the bil (and his loverly partner), we might tell him of our plans. And ask for assvice on dealing with the 'rents. He didn't have the easiest time coming out to them and it took them years to come to terms and accept him. If anyone knows how to gauge them,  and whether this is something they'll ever accept, it's him.

One week down, one to go

Today marks half of my two week wait. Why does my clinic force an entire fourteen days post transfer? Doesn't that seem like cruel and unusual punishment? Or is it just me.

Since I can't get any face time with the RE for another week I was very glad to see my E this week. Yup, I had a regularly scheduled appointment with Dr Endo. The plan was I'd admire her shoes. She'd admire my tsh, t3 and t4 levels. I thought we had a deal.

To be fair, she made it easy wearing cream color kitten heels with the tiniest of ribbon bows. So cute, so practical. I did my part.

Unfortunately my tsh was a whopping 4.88. WTF? I mean, SERIOUSLY, WTF?????

Here's where I started freaking out just a bit. See we worked so hard to get it perfect before transfer. PERFECT. When we last saw our tsh it was gorgeous. So I guess I got a bit complacent. Hell, she did too. She thought we'd finally got the right dose.

She started asking me about symptoms and I said I'd been exhausted lately. How the hell was I supposed to know it was my thyroid fucking up again? I thought it was the progesterone. or the estrogen. or the lupron. All of which mess me up.

Dr Endo thinks all is not lost. She even tried to say it could be partially due to being pregnant, assuming I'm pregnant, because my tsh will likely rise. I find this highly suspect since I had the blood drawn last Thursday when I was only 3dp3dt.

So now I increase my synthroid just a smidge. And continue to hope for the best.

First POAS says...

Hahahahaaha. Even I wouldn't pee on any sticks this soon. I must admit I have had bad tendencies in the past to pee on many sticks. But I've also had bad luck with said sticks. So I'm a bit conflicted.

I know I'll break down and test. It's just a matter of time. I also need to schedule an eye exam  or pick up some reading glasses. You know, in case the line is so faint.

I took it nice and easy on Monday but was back to work on Tuesday. Since my work involves sitting and talking (well, on Tuesday it did) that was pretty low key. I am finding that work is a nice distraction.

At least it was until today when I found myself googling all kinds of various FET outcomes. I'm trying to be zen, honest, but it's hard to stop the googling once it starts.

The mister and I have a fairly low key weekend planned. Our realtor/fellow infertiles are coming for dinner tomorrow night. We have an all day Transracial Adoption Seminar on Saturday. And Sunday we're going to hang out at the beach and eat barbecued oysters here. Luckily we have a foodie friend who planned the whole outing. All we have to do is show up and eat. Easy enough.

I got the loveliest email from the donors the other day. I'm so very glad we lucked into this situation. We're just so very, very lucky.

Thanks to everyone who has commented or sent emails this week. It really, truly means so very much to the mister and I. We've read them all and are just so very touched. And turns out nothing to get a nice spike in hits like a transfer. Bet I can even keep that up until beta.

So this is how my clinic does transfer

I'm back from the city and an easy peasy transfer. It was a bit surreal to actually have a transfer at my local clinic. Yah I've been there for 4 years now but I never did an ivf cycle there.

It all went exceedingly well. We had a lovely nurse who'd actually read my full chart (it's quite thick) and who knew our donors. She was just so nice and accommodating. I changed into some pretty sexy scrubs and hung out in a lovely reclining recovery chair with a heating pad until Dr Local was ready.

Out of the 3 embryos, all of them survived. Some did better than others but all survived the thaw. There was a 6 cell that thawed totally intact. A 7 cell and a 5 cell embryo each lost a few cells on thaw so we transferred 1 6 cell, 1 4 cell and 1 2 cell. It was a super smooth transfer. I'd forgotten how cool the ultrasound guided transfers are (Dr Champagne does it old school).

The checked the cather, confirmed the embryos were indeed in my uterus and we were done.

A quick trip back across the bridge, a nice acupuncture session and now the mister is off to pick up Indian food for lunch.

Thanks so very much for all the good thoughts and well wishes. It really helps us both.

Oh and there was  bit of comic relief when we checked in on the main floor of the clinic. The lovely receptionist couldn't find our chart. She looked and looked and then said really loud "OH YOU"RE HERE FOR TRANSFER! YAY!" The other receptionists chimed in as well. I felt more than a tad uncomfortable but there was only one woman in the waiting room. She was clearly in a better space than I often am and wished us luck with a big smile.

Now we just wait. Nothing else I can do. It's going to be what it's going to be.

Off to watch some bad tv.

The Countdown is On

Yesterday was a pretty busy day here at the House of Millie. We had a lot of cleaning and prepping to do. We were having friend over for dinner. Friends we watch basketball with. Friends who went to my college but I didn't know there. Friends who are even our friends though they can't help us buy a house, decorate a house or get an appointment at my salon. Yeah, they're probably our only friends we can't use in any way.

I think most of our frantic cleaning was so we could hunker down a bit this week. And also to pass the time until the call came.

What call you might ask? The call from the clinic with our transfer time.

The phone finally rang around 2 and it was a very nice nurse. She told me my transfer time is 10:15 and that she'd scheduled me with Dr. Local himself. She said all the nurses were pulling for me and they all wanted to make sure I didn't have to deal with any other doctors. I do appreciate that.

And as Dr. Local was there from the very beginning with these embryos (he did both the retrieval and the transfer for the donors!), I think it's nice in a whole Circle of Life thing. Perhaps I should out on the Lion King score on my ipod to listen to after transfer. The embryos will know what do do, right?

So after the call it really began to seem real. Holy shit, transfer on MONDAY.

Luckily our plans for the evening were exactly what I needed: home cookin'. That's right, we had bbq that I hand-carried back from my home state. There is NOTHING like eastern NC bobbycue. There is only one true bbq and that is most definitely pulled pork with a hot pepper vinegar sauce.

We rounded out our meal with freshly made hush puppies (thanks to our friends huge fryer they brought over), cole slaw, sweet tea and a peach/blackberry crisp. We ate and talked and ate and played Apples to Apples. It was exactly what I needed and a welcome reminder of home.

Today I hoped to earn a little extra good karma by telling another blogger about a great deal on an expensive stroller she'd been hankering. I do like to support a sister with good taste in fine European prams and she was able to benefit. That's got to appease some fertility gods, no?

Now I'm going to go walk my dogs along the water and enjoy our beautiful weather.

Any of y'all that want to think good thawing vibes for me, go right ahead. I'd ask for easy transfer vibes too but I think the valium will take care of that.

Just how many needles does it take to fill a sharp's container?

This cycle is finally starting to seem real. And really close. After nearly a year of waiting, testing, talking and various delays it's going to be here so very soon.

Last night was the last lupron shot. Oh how very glad I am not to be getting ready to give myself the easiest of easy shots.

Tonight is the first double shot night for the mister: progesterone and E2V. I know he's really grateful to only have to do the double shots every third night. He's getting very good at it though (well, he's getting really good at the E2V, we'll see how he is with our old friend progesterone in sesame oil).

Tomorrow night I add medrol to the mix. I should get a call on Saturday with our scheduled transfer time. I'm fairly relieved to not have a weekend transfer as I think this will increase the likelihood of Dr Local doing the transfer himself. I suppose this is one of the only perks of being such a frequent (and sometimes difficult) patient.

I don't think I'll have any information about the thaw until we get to the clinic on Monday. They like to thaw just before. I like to be on valium when I get the thaw information (like, say, last year when only 1 out of 4 PERFECT embryos thawed ok). I do have extra drugs if I need them. I do not intend to share said drugs so don't even ask. I highly recommend including a psychiatrist in your closest circle of friends (along with the previously mentioned realtor, decorator, etc). Honestly I'm not strictly about befriending people I can use, it just often works out nicely for me.

Ok, enough lolly-gagging. Time to create some medical waste.

Forward, Ho

This morning I got up at the butt crack of dawn. I had an early lining check appointment with Dr. Local and I didn't want to be late. My clinic makes a really, really big deal about the Bay Bridge and I didn't want to give them any ammunition. They are also being super cool about always scheduling me with my real doctor and not whatever Joe is walking around in a white lab coat wielding the dildocam that day.

So my appointment was at 8:30. And the bridge traffic was actually bad. I'm glad I allowed plenty of time. I even had enough time to find a free parking spot and get chai before my appointment.

If I had more time I'd write about the PTSD that hits me as soon as I get off the elevator on the 7th floor or the sad faces in the waiting room. Or even worse, the red teary face that passed through the room quickly as a couple just tried to get to the elevator. That has been me so many times.

But I've got a work call in 6 minutes so I'll get down to business:

9 mm. Triple Stripe. Very Consistent and gawgeous.

Dr. Local was the most excited I've ever seen him. I was quite pleased as well. All that acupuncture/red meat/lamb/no cold drinks/baby aspirin/sub-lingual B vitamin/yoga/visualization have totally paid off. Not to mention the ginormous shots of E2V that have been loaded into my butt every third night.

Lupron ends tomorrow. Progesterone begins on Thursday. Transfer will happen on Monday.

Finally I feel like I'm moving forward and not just treading water.

The drugs...the drugs

Here's the thing: it's getting to me. I think it's the drugs but I'm not 100% sure.

I now remember all-too-well what it is they do to me and it's not good. The headaches are getting worse, not better. They're starting much earlier in the day and the normal drugs don't seem to help. I know this can be a side effect of estrogen so maybe it's just that.

I'm also edging in on my old friend depression. I'm completely unmotivated. I'm unable to get things done that I need to get done. I'm not answering the phone. Messages are piling up but they can't be that important, right? I'm not in my happy space, that's for damn sure.

I have been in darker places before. Hell, I was in a much darker place after my first cycle in South Africa. It's just so tiresome.

This time two years ago I had that horrible last cycle with my own eggs where I stimmed for 17 flipping days on more than the maximum dosage before it really went to hell.

A year ago I had one of my biggest fears realized when I had my second ectopic pregnancy. The day after Memorial Day last year was my first day at Yodeling Inc! and I commemorated my new job with a little thing I like to call the Emergency Room Tango.

You'd think that I'd know better than to attempt any sort of family building this time of the year. I guess I'm just stubborn. That sounds some what better than I don't seem to have an ability to learn.

I know this is really just the drugs doing their thing and things will seem better soon.

I see the good Dr Local in a mere seven days and I'm hoping that all this angst is at least a front for a nice thick lining. If every cloud has a silver lining then surely a surly bitter infertile nearly at the end of her rope should at least get a fluffy, plush, triple-striped lining, right?

Hump Day

I do love Wednesdays. The anticipation of the weekend is high, the hardest part of the week is behind you and the newspaper has both a food section and a home section. And then there's that whole Wednesday's child and the coolest of the Addams Family.

I love this Wednesday even more because I've got a hot date with a 22 gauge needle tonight. That lovely lovely estradial valerate will be coursing through my veins later on tonight. It's CD2, babies, and we're off to the races again.

They're Baaaaaaack

Yesterday I began to wonder if my whole hurry-through-this-crappy-lining-news-and-get-to-the-next-damn-cycle approach was actually the best. Because those lupron headaches? They're back and badder than ever.

I'm not seriously all woe is me but, dudes, this sucks. I didn't even get to the cool part of the cycle. I didn't even get to take the valium. All I get is another set of headaches? So not cool.

Today is the last bcp so with a little luck CD1 should come this weekend. And on CD2 I get to add in lots and lots (well, 8 mg at least) of estrogen right into my system. I never thought I'd be jonesing this hard  for an IM shot but there you have it.

The mister is not so thrilled about this turn of events. He asked if I could get Mr. Infertile Gourmet to give me the shots again. He even offered to drive me to the local international airport where they have a Sharp's container in the bathrooms. I should have never told him I could do it myself. I did tell him that I could only do it myself if I was on foreign soil so he'd have to pony up  a real ticket.

Vancouver, anyone?

Apparently you don't do voodoo so well

Well, you can disregard all that stuff from the last post. 'Cause it didn't help, at least not enough.

My lining was a whopping 6 today. I suppose the good news was it was consistent (unlike the other day where it varied a lot). Dr. Local says there some theoretical reasons to not stay on estrace without progesterone for more than 19 days so we're canceling the cycle.

It won't be that bad. Here's the new plan:

• BCP for 7 days
• Get period which should be light because lining is so thin
• Start 8 mg shots of estradiol valerate on CD 2 and every 3 days thereafter
• Stay on lupron the whole time
• Build a whopping lining
• Develop incredibly tender breasts

Oh, wait, about that last item. I guess it's not a requirement just something Dr Local said I had to look forward to. He does have a strange sense of humor, doesn't he?

I'll continue some of that other stuff I started. I asked him about Viagra, he's not impressed. He tried it with several patients and it did nothing. He thinks this is the big guns and this should more than do the trick.

The cool thing is I'm totally fine with all of this. So it sets us back a few weeks, so what? It's still a really easy cycle and what's 4 weeks after 4.5 years? I do want things to be as optimal for this cycle as possible and this is no real hardship.

Do that voodoo that you do so well

I have taken all your wonderful comments (and assvice) to heart. It does feel more than a bit like voodoo but if it works, I will continue to appease the lining gods with whatever offerings they require.

What am I doing differently now?

• Eating lots and lots of red meat. Not every meal but at least a couple of times a day.
• Eating at least a little lamb every day (it's extra warming according to some of you and my acupuncturist).
• Taking extra vitamin b12 sub-lingually.
• No cold drinks. This one is killing me but it's only a few more days, right? I think I had eight mugs of hot tea at work yesterday. I'm grateful it's cooled off a bit because I couldn't handle this if the temperature was still in the 80s here.
• No salads or raw fruits or vegetables. This one isn't much fun either but it's not killing me like lack of cold Diet Coke.
• I'm trying the electro-acupuncture today. Apparently those Colorado folks think that is the best-est thing you can do and my acupuncturist has done it occasionally.
• I did increase my estrace and am having fun putting that tiny blue pill up my va jay jay.
• I'm doing a little bit of uterine massage and giving myself Reiki.*
• I tried to do the femoral artery thing but had a hard time finding my femoral arteries. And it kind of freaks me out to think about stopping the blood flow.
• Added in a baby aspirin a day because it can't hurt.
• Missing Wessel intensely because this is right up her alley.

*Have I told y'all I'm a Reiki master, I can't remember if I've mentioned that before. I know some of you probably think that's an awful lot of voodoo in and of itself. I still don't know how much I believe it but the great thing about Reiki is that it works whether or not you believe it. I've been doing it for about 8 or 9 years and am much more comfortable not questioning how it works and what it is and just accepting it. Yes, my friends who are still in science and psychology think I'm nuts. But they also come to me when they have headaches.

Getting a Wee Bit off Track

I had my lining check today. I could write about what it was like to go back to the clinic a year after living through beta limbo hell. I could write about how nice everyone was and how positive they were. I could write about how Dr. Local is excited to be doing this cyce after all that happened last year.

Instead I'll just write about my mediocre lining. It's very inconsistent and measures from 7 (with a nice triple line pattern) all the way down to 4. I like the 7 part. Neither Dr Local nor I were pleased with the other measurements (a couple of 6s, a couple of 5s, and a 4 that I'm betting is from the Russian judge or perhaps the German). So now I up the estrace a tiny bit and stick it where the sun doesn't shine.

I'm also strict orders from my acupunturist to eat only 'warm' foods, especially red meat.

I go back for another FEM (frozen embryo monitoring, don't cha know) on Friday. Think thick thoughts for me. Assvice on lining tricks is more than welcome. Bring on any tips, as strange as they may be (although I'm not currently willing to go to the extremes of wearing orange all the time).

One Love Affair Ends, Another Begins

You might remember how excited I was to start estrace not so very long ago. I must admit, that was a short-sighted view. While I'm very glad to have those pesky headaches taken care of, we've clearly moved on to the bloating and emotional portion of this week's program.

I'm a crier. I cry often. I cry at least once during every Grey's Anatomy and even a few Law and Orders. The mister uses my crying at television shows as a barometer for my hormone levels more than my moods. A couple of weeks ago even Ace of Cakes got me. This week I was bawling at anything and everything from the former Dobie Gillis star we gave an award to on Monday to Dancing with the Stars. It has not been a pretty week. The mister is mostly steering clear and offering tissues and chocolate at appropriate times.

Now I'm bloated on top of everything else. It's even less fun. I do know the end is in sight and that is a huge relief.

This cycle will seem a bit more real tomorrow after I go into my clinic. It's surreal to be this close to transfer with nary a visit with the dildocam. I've just been taking my shots and my drugs in a medical vacuum, if you will.

Last night we cooked dinner for some friends of ours who are remodeling their kitchen. We really missed home cooked meals during the great remodel of 2005 so we thought we'd pay it forward. Since it was Cinco de Mayo we had an appropriately themed menu of Chipotle Shrimp Tacos with Avocado Salsa Verde, Chicken Enchiladas, and a Tres Leches cake with fresh strawberries (that was a combination of several recipes and I'm not entirely happy with any of them so no link for you). I'm feeling extra generous so I'll even share the best recipe of the night here: the most fantastic margarita I've ever had it my life.

       

ingredients

        1/2 ounce agave nectar
1/2 water
2 ounces tequila made from 100 percent agave, such as Patron, Don Julio, and Corazón
1 ounce freshly squeezed lime juice
   

               

preparation

In glass or small bowl, combine agave nectar and water, and stir until combined. In cocktail shaker filled with ice, combine tequila, agave nectar mixture, and lime juice. Shake vigorously, then strain into old-fashioned glass filled with fresh ice.

This is a recipe from Tres Agaves in San Francisco and I found the recipe on Epicurious. Oh. My. Goodess. It's truly the only way I'll make margaritas from here on out.

Now, I bet y'all thought this was what I was talking about in the title of this post with a new love affair beginning. Nope. This was just a bonus.

The other best thing to happen yesterday was I got to talk to Liana again. If you haven't heard her good news, and I know a few of you lurkers from Wedding Land or some folks who are Constantly Chattering away, might not know: she's the mom to a brand new daughter. Go here and congratulate her and read more. Or maybe here. Or both, whatever you like (but the first link has pictures).

She has all kinds of things she wants to post about but as you can imagine she's a bit  busy. I assured her that no one expected her to do anything right now but spend time with her baby and her man.

She's still waiting for ICPC so she can take her daughter home but all is going very well indeed. She sounds so very happy and it's more than a bit adorable to hear her talk a bit of baby talk. As you might be able to surmise from her writing she's not really a "baby talk" kind of woman. But now that she's a mom all those other things are out the window.

Like too many of us, Liana has had a long hard road to motherhood.  While I'm sure it won't all be peaches and cream in the days/months/years ahead, I do know that I've never heard my friend sound so happy and there's a lightness back in her voice that was missing for such a long time.

I hope to hear that same happiness and lightness in the rest of my friends' voices soon, be they friends in real life or my wonderful friends in the computer.

TGIF

So it's finally the weekend. I must say I do appreciate a real weekend so much more now that I'm working so much more.

I had a very good  work week at both gigs, always a nice thing. I'm still trying to decide if I'm going sole proprietorship, S Corp or LLC. If any of you have assvice I'd dearly love to hear it. I'm currently leaning towards an S Corp but not sure it'll be worth it if I only consult for another year or so. My tax advisor is recommending a sole proprietorship but it seems to me like an S corp might be in my better interests.

I was a total Clock Watcher when I got a call late in the day from my clinic. It was someone in the financial office apologizing for not getting a letter to me sooner. Can you believe someone in the financial office called and apologized?

She also made my day when she said I just had to pay a copay of $15 and my 10% of the FET which will be about $200 (and I can even use my handy dandy flexible medical debit card so it won't actually cost a dime). I'm still having a hard time believing this coverage thing is for real. It also seems pretty low for FET costs so it looks like we could very theoretically get 4-5 FETS covered. I'm speechless over that. Of course I only have embryos for one FET so no reason to get too excited.

Lining check is still on for Monday. Transfer is still on for Friday. My belly is getting more and more bruised but that's a very small price to pay. I get to sleep in tomorrow and the next day. We have friends coming over for dinner. We saw an incredibly hysterical movie tonight (Hot Fuzz--bad title, very very funny movie if you like quirky English comedies). Life is good indeed.

Mixed Bay of Things Today

I know, I know, I still need to blog about our child care class (btw, I truly did not mean to offend anyone and of course I think people need to do what's right for their families and there are many good ideas in AP but I just don't have time to go into all of that today) and our last home study appointment but I've got a couple of big things on my mind.

One is I got great news today: my most recent thyroid tests came back with boffo numbers (tsh = 1.848, t4 = .94. t3 = 2.4). My hip endo had her nurse call me and there were many !!! in her notes because she was so happy.

We have also restored tv access around here which his huge. I'm so far behind on Ace of Cakes and Survivor. The store we bought our oh-so-lovely-big television 4 years and 3 days ago agreed to order a free replacement lamp for said tv when the previous lamp failed ONE DAY after the warranty was over. Yup, almost like there was a timer in the tv calling for planned obsolescence at the very earliest opportunity.

Oh, and that TB test that so annoyed me two days ago? Turned out it was positive. So I got a bonus chest x-ray today. I asked my real doc (who I saw for the first time in forever) if lupron could cause a false positive because I was grasping at straws (and I'd read in the warnings that lupron could cause nerve related things to flare up).

More likely it's my traveling in the last couple of years. If you look at the highest incidences of TB around the world guess what some of the top countries are? Go ahead. I'll wait.

South Africa. Botswana (we were less than a mile from the border). Cambodia. Thailand.

So while I'd like to blame lupron, it's much more likely my wandering soul.

I'm holding thumbs and hoping hard the chest x-ray comes back clean. Then I'll likely need to do the treatment sometime in the next year or two (it involves 9-12 months of drugs that can harm the liver so there are also regular liver panels, and you have to take extra Vitamin B6 which I'm already doing with the folgard. Oh and you can't drink at all. Shades of methotrexate).

But this is soooo not how I wanted to start my weekend. I'm off to see some wacky cakes and those wacky Gilmore Girls.

UPDATE:
I heart my doctor. She called back late tonight because she somehow got the x-ray results in an incredibly speedy manner. They weren't taken until about 4 pm so I figured I wouldn't hear anything until Monday at the earliest. She didn't want me to worrry all weekend. The x-rays were clear, so I'm not actively infected (and there are no signs of previous infection). I will need to do a chest x-ray anytime I'm asked for a TB test and I will have to consider the drug therapy in the next few years. I'm now wondering what the mister's test will show next week. We've been most places together on our travels, though I did one extra trip to South Africa.

It's a good thing

I don't know if I've ever admitted my strange fascination with all things Martha. I am fascinated. I have a friend who knows her pretty well. Apparently she's not quite what you'd expect (of course friend never worked for her only with her) and I was pleasantly surprised to hear this. I do not, however, like her recipes. I know they're not really 'hers' but they tend to not work. I dunno if there's a dearth of recipe testers or they just assume you can scale up or scale down or exactly what the problem is. Martha is a maven when it comes to all things house-keeping related.

I do enjoy her whole "It's a good thing." I remember the first one I saw in her magazine years ago. It involved using a vintage decanter or such to store your dish soap. Why not have a spot of loveliness at your fingertips?

Of course I know have a matching soap dispenser so I don't have some whimsical cruet by the side of the sink.

Instead, I thought I'd take this opportunity to share my  own most recent good thing. Chewable extra-strength pain relievers (that the one that starts ty and ends lenol. Oh. my. word. It is SUCH A GOOD THING.

When you are jacked up on lupron and you wake up with a headache and are just trying to get through your day without totally losing it (especially when a certain medical office gives you the runaround when you go back for your tb test and it takes MUCH longer than the 5 minutes you were promised and let's face it, customer service is not a concept most medical receptionists understand) and your head is pounding and your work day is just staring. Then you make it into the city and near your job  where the prospect of doing any work is just daunting but you sneak into the drugstore kitty corner from your  office building and there on the shelves you see the beautiful thing known as chewable extra strength whatever. You think to yourself, it's probably not that good but it can't be worse, right? And you go up to your office cubicle and you chew and you don't even mind the  aftertaste because they really are that good.

So please feel free to learn from my example. Or tell me of your own favorite good thing. We all need more goodness right?

Oh and the donors passed all their tests with flying colors and Nice Nurse will set me up with free big ass needles and all systems are go.

And yes, AP stands for attach.ment pa.renting which boils down to baby wearing, family bed sleeping, cloth diapering, breast feeding (though you must be more open to the other AP (adoptive parents) difficulty if not impossibility of said breast feeding), totally child centered and often not very disciplined, typically fairly judgmental parenting style.

Oh there's more, there's always more. It's quite trendy here in my neck of the woods. AP folks like to claim it comes from attach.ment theory but this former child psychologist fails to see the links. Most of the proponents that write books are pediatricians NOT developmental psychologists who actually study child development.  And worst thing of all? AP zealots are anti-stroller! Now you know that's not gonna fly with me.

But that's still another post. I don't want anything to harsh my chewable mellow.

Two down, too many to go

How's that title for getting all the forms of two/to/too in one sentence? I supposed I could add an Et Tu, Brute or something like that but then I'd have to think and we all know my current stance on that.

Lupron began Saturday evening. Lupron began kicking my ass Sunday morning.

That hope that the normal strength would be oh-so-much-easier than the depot? HA!

I've got eight more shots until I can start that nectar of the gods aka estrace. Only eight more. It won't be that bad.

I work Wednesday and Thursday this week. We have the hip social worker coming tomorrow for our second (and last) appointments. I have my physical tomorrow morning for said home-study. I'm also officially starting (at least officially enough that I can start keeping track of my hours) consulting gig #2 today or tomorrow. There are some documents and web tutorials to review and a meeting to attend (online, in my jammies) on Friday.

I just realized that this is one of the first cycles I've ever done while attempting to work. I honestly don't know how you FTEs do it. I'm banking on my part-time status and a big ol' bottle of non-steroidals to get me through the next week.

Perhaps when my head isn't pounding I'll tell the tale of how the mister and I attended an adoption baby care class last weekend or how we were ambushed by an AP zealot who cleverly tried to hide her affiliation. 

Speedy Delivery, Speedy Delivery

Lucky for me the nice Fed Ex lady came early this morning. I'd been told it could be anytime between 8 and 3 so I was prepared for a wait but I spied the truck well before 10 am.

I was drawn to that package like a moth to the flame. Oh, it's been a long, sad drugless year! I must admit I felt like I was cheating on the oh-so-sexy Howie a bit when I placed my order but I've got that lovely insurance coverage to use now. Thank goodness the lovely daisy mae told me the pharmacists at my new choice were total hot ties. Maybe I need to devise a way to talk to one of them?

But now I have Lipton and progesterone in sesame oil, oh my! And Valium, the bes test friend a gal could want at transfer. A few Merola tablets, some es trace, insulin needles and a spanking new sharps container rounded out my goodies.

But there were no I'M needles. None. How am I supposed to get that progesterone into my more than ample ass? I called Freedom and it wasn't included in the order. I suppose I'll have to get a local 'script once Nice Nurse gets back from her well deserved vacation.

I also realized the other day that I need 3 additional birth control pills. Just three. I didn't want to waste nearly a whole pack so I contacted a reputable drug, um,  source and will have just the right number of pills. I was even given a choice in which bcps I wanted.

The Virgo in me is happy to have my drugs all nicely linely up on my dresser. First shot in four days.

Well, well, well, lookit what we got here

There was a flurry of emails between Nice Nurse and me this week. I kept asking for a calendar. She kept saying she'd get one to me soon. Very soon.

We're still waiting on some more tests on the donors. Can you believe that? Yup, even more tests. Genetic tests this time around. I don't remember the geneticist-to-the-stars having any concerns when we met with her but apparently some one did at some point. The blood was drawn three weeks ago (!) and we still don't have the results yet. We're assuming they'll come back fine but if they don't then the other donor will also have to be tested (they're from different backgrounds so they tested each for the most common problems in each group).

But I'm getting very itchy to get this show on the road so I asked for a tentative calendar to give me something different to obsess over. Yesterday afternoon, I finally got my calendar.

Of course I needed to change it right away. You saw that coming, right? Not a lot, just a little. I really, really, really want a Friday transfer which apparently means an earlier-in-the-same-week-on-Monday ultrasound to check my lining. And it was tentatively scheduled for the one Monday that I have to be out of town.

Nice Nurse was nice enough to change my calendar to suit my needs. I also asked for her to shorten the time period I'd be on lupron without estrace. I want that window as teensy as it could be because I just can't deal with those side effects. I know it'll be better on regular old lupron that Depot but I just can't deal with daily headaches.

Today I order my drugs from Freedom. I even get to use my spiffy new insurance coverage. Woot woot.

Here are the details:

• Start Lupron on April 14 (that's in ONE WEEK!)
• Last birth control pill on April 18
• Start estrace on April 24
• Lining check ultrasound on May 7
• Expected transfer on May 11

Nice Nurse was amused that I was so thrilled to only have one ultrasound plus transfer. This really is going to be easy. It's kind of like going back to Cape Town, without the long flight. Or the Tisers. Or lovely Dr. Champagne. I just need to get Dr Local to buy a vineyard and start his own sparkling wine label and we'll be all set.

Think good negative thoughts for those tests.

Omigod You Guys

Omigod you guys. I'm very happy to report that we have a signed and notarized contract on it's way to our reproductive rights attorney. We got it in the mail from the donors yesterday, ran to our fabo local UPS store, signed, notarized, copied, and mailed it out! It's about 12 pages I think and very very official. Elle would be so proud.*

The clinic should get the get the last of the bloodwork this week and I should get a calendar this week as well. I'm thinking of starting the lupron and then checking my tsh. If it's still too low I can cancel.

Oh, and we're hosting our adoption class turned support group tonight. I've decided to reset the bar and we're just doing take-out Mexican food (burritos, quesadillas and a super yummy jicama salad), sangria and Mexican wedding cookies. Off to bake those cookies.

*Btw, Legally Blond the musical opens on Broadway in just a few weeks. It previewed here and while I didn't get a chance to see it (booooo!) I know a lot of folks who did and really enjoyed it. The link above goes to a Myspace page where you can hear three of the songs. It's by the same team that did Thoroughly Modern Millie so you can guess how I feel about that. ;)