Out, damned egg! Out I say!

It's been a long 12, make that 16, years

I know if you're reading this, you're likely hoping for an update on our trip. That is coming. I promise you.

But today there is only one thing I can write about. My boys in blue did an awesome job last night. They played with heart and focus and a passion that is unbelievable. They did it as a team and that game is truly one for the record books.

I have learned to live as an Expat here. Most of the locals don't really get me when it comes to my own basketball obsession. That's ok. We've carved out a niche and found a place where it feels good and right to watch our team. A place where they bring in barbecue and play Jump Around before the game and we all pretend we're thousands of miles away.

Last night was no different. The bar was filled with folks in that lovely shade of light blue. The only green shirts celebrated our Green Light. There were new grads and very old grads like me. We drank from Big Blue Cups. We sang our cheers. We watched a truly great game. We substituted the Haight for Franklin Street. It was a very beautiful thing.

And yet it was almost as sad for me as it was 4 years ago. Back then this blog was still somewhat new and I wasn't nearly as bitter as I am today, but that linked post still captures so much of what I felt last night and today. It's just so bittersweet. It's been nearly 16 years since my voice was on Franklin St, yelling and celebrating with my bff. I still miss her so very much. She should have been with us last night.

I'll be back very soon with a long update about our weekend. I promise. It was great. Really great. Exhausting and exhilarating all at the same time.

But today I raise my Big Blue Cup to all the friends that should still be here to celebrate.

*Now if you're not one of us you might have found it boring or a bit lopsided but that was all vindication for  the slanderous things said about us throughout the season: can't play defense, Psycho T isn't emotional, Ty's toe will slow us down, overrated, etc.

The Boys Are Back in Mo-Town

Well, well, well. My Heels are headed to Detroit. I'm very excited and think they'll do a fantastic job. I'm tired of hearing about all their faults. They can't play another fast team (oh, really...take that Gonzaga). They don't play defense well (um, Oklahoma might feel differently about that now). They've already beaten one of the other Final Four teams on the very same court just a few months ago. Now I don't want to get too far ahead of myself but if they just focus on their game, they will win. They are the team to beat. Even our president thinks so.

Speaking of not getting too far ahead of myself, the mister and I are awfully excited about next weekend. We fly east at the butt crack of dawn. There have been a flurry of emails between NHL and us. I think she's just as excited. I know she's worried we might not like her in person (ha! I sooooo don't think that's even a remote possibility) just as we are worried about the same thing. We're all trying to come up with places to see. She wants to entertain us but is unsure of what to do. We want to see her life and share ours. That means potentially showing her just how crazy about basketball I really am.

I've told her there's a game. And that the word "fan" is clearly derived from "fanatic" when it comes to me. She's being a good sport but we've already told her if she needs to bow out or rest then that is more important.

We've started talking names with NHL. That's several posts all on their own. The mister and I have a hard time with names on our own so this is likely to be even more interesting involving a third party. Since we're finding out the gender I'm hoping to delay some of the name stuff for a bit. We have time, lots of time.

Oh and that 30 minute row? I kicked some serious erg-ass with it! I was ridiculously proud of myself. I beat my own goal. It was a realllllllly long 30 minutes though. Shortly thereafter, my body began to fall apart.

Two hours after finishing the row, my right eye started swelling. I spent that afternoon at a variety of docs and got some great drops and told to rest. I took Saturday easy (um, except for the game, duh!) then Sunday went for a 2 hour bike ride with the mister and my training group. I thought my sore throat that day was from yelling at the tv. The sore throat got worse throughout the week. On Friday night I added sharp, piercing ear pain to the mix and couldn't sleep at all due to the pain. The on-call doc said on Saturday it was likely an ear infection that would heal itself. Um, it hasn't. Today's doc realized I somehow ruptured my eardrum (so that's the source of the blood in my ear) and promised to write my mom a note saying it was not due to loud music (or even basketball)...just way too much fluid. She sent me to the pharmacy to ask for one of those drugs that you have to sign your life away to get these days because they think you might be cooking something at home besides cupcakes. I have a day and a half to get it under control or add steroids to the drug cocktail.

My ear hurts. A lot. But I will do whatever it takes to get on that plane this weekend. My boys may be heading to Motown but I've got a very important date outside Bean Town

Thursday Thoughts

Remember how I said back in January that I started an intensive training program? I thought it was time for an update.

Tomorrow is the last day of said program. Tomorrow we're set to do a 30 minute row. Almost entirely above our threshold heart rates. I thought I should update today because I'm not quite sure I'll make it through tomorrow or be able to type at all after.

Kidding. Sorta.

It's been really great. I missed a few days when I was sick and a few more when we were in Florida but that's it. I'm still not used to the new schedule (alarm goes off at 5, take my synthroid and hit snooze 3-4 times, spring out of bed with just enough time to put on clothes I thoughtfully set out night before, scarf breakfast, leave house just in time to make it to gym by 6 am) but I'm sticking to it.

Over the last few weeks I've increased my fitness dramatically. I now know my exact target heart zones (and realize when I thought I was working out before I was barely aerobic). I also know that I can do a lot of stuff I didn't think I could a few weeks ago. Like row 2k at a race pace. Or do plank for 3 minutes.  I've lost inches in all the right places (which is most places). My resting pulse and blood pressure are much lower. All good things.

I've even lost all the weight I gained with infertility. Plus more. I'm down about 23 pounds overall. There's a lot more to go but so far, so good. I had to even buy new pants because mine were falling off.

My goal is to be a (semi) skinny bitch when Pamplemousse arrives stateside this summer. I had the bitch part down but now have a good start on the rest.

Other bits and pieces:
I'm so very saddened by the death of the lovely Natasha Richardson. I've always adored her, most recently on Top Chef. I've always adored her husband as well and can't imagine the grief he, his sons and the rest of her family are feeling. Love Actually will never be the same again. It's just so sad.

In much happier (not to mention) lighter news,  I am very amused that our president is as concerned with the same toe I mentioned in my last post. And that the current leader of the free world has excellent taste in basketball. Don't believe me? Check it out for yourself here.

It's March Madness, baybee. Bring it on!

The Name On Everybody's Lips

Each of my dogs has a theme song. My older dog's song is from the amazing L@ura L0ve. It's called Woe is Me and the mister and I have often sung it to her when her life seemed hard (at least when she thought her life was hard...say we were only willing to play an hour or two of frisbee). She knows it's her song and she even likes to sing along. We even included it on our wedding cd.

Our younger dog's name came with a song. Since she was named after a character in a musical it was a done deal. And no, she doesn't wear a lavaliere that goes all the way down to her chest.

Lately our Older Dog has way too much woe in her life. And our Younger Dog has as well.

A brief recap for those of you lucky enough to miss the drama the first time around: Younger Dog nearly died due to poisoned dog food when she was 10/11 months old. In fact, she's one of the only survivors. It caused severe liver failure, re-hardwired her brain and made her much more susceptible to stress. She would attack Older Dog without provocation. She's never attacked any other dog or person. She's normally a super sweet dog. She's a 48 pound lap puppy. She lets the kitten attack her. She loves to curl up right next to you. She's just super sensitive.

When the inter-dog aggression began we sought help right away. We had a trainer for about 2 years. We kept our dogs separated in our very small house except when we were training them or on walks that entire time. The mister and I became experts at moving the dogs through the house, closing one door and opening another. It was a long haul but it seemed to help.

The dogs have been getting along really well for the past few years. We know how to structure the environment and we do that. They're together most of the time and all was pretty ok. Until the river.

It was just too much change for Younger Dog. She really doesn't handle change well. Older Dog has always been really adaptable and she's lived in a variety of houses and traveled more than some people I know. Younger Dog has only lived in this house. The river totally stressed her out. There were 2 fights that sent us to the emergency vet. Both dogs have scars on their cheeks. We were hoping it would get better when we got back home and back to our normal routine.

While we were on our trip to the great state of North Carolina we got a call from our pet-sitter. There had been another fight. It took both the pet-sitter and her boyfriend to break it up. The dogs were ok but everyone was shaken.

Since we've been home we've worked hard to address the situation. Younger dog spends much of her time in a wire crate in our living room (so we're all together). We're keeping them separate when we're not home. I thought we should consider anti-anxiety/anti-depressants so I consulted our vet. Thanks to our vet we know have an appointment next week at the vet school a couple of hours away. They have some amazing behaviorists and we have to fill out a 14 page intake form, submit all medical records (her file is several inches thick thanks to the dog food poisoning) and it will be a 3 hour evaluation with both dogs.

This morning was another fight, thankfully brief. Usually we know what sets them off but there was nothing at all today that we could pinpoint.

Our Older Dog is getting much older (she's 12 now). She's going deaf and startles more easily. Unfortunately that's one of the things that triggers Younger Dog.

We're really pulling out all the stops and trying everything but this is breaking our hearts. We might have to find another home for Younger Dog and that is just too hard to even type.

Last week we went to our monthly drop-in adoption support group. It's a group for waiting couples and is run by one or two adoptive moms, depending. It's a small group and often has some of the same folks so it's very nice. Our dogs were weighing heavily on our minds and everyone in the group was a dog lover so we talked about it a bit.

The leader told us about having to find another home for one of her dogs. About how it broke her heart. About how one of her kid's birthfamilies took the dog in and it was a great situation but it hurt so much to see pics of the dog doing well and to have visits and have to leave all over again. About the pain of knowing it was the right decision but there was so much grief and it took a long time to get through.

And how it gave her a kind of insight and awareness and opened up a new level of empathy for what it was like for her kids' birthfamilies.* And how if we end up having to find another home for our dog it would do the same for us.

While I"m holding onto some hope there will be some thing that works for us and we don't have to split our family up, I'm also wondering a bit if this is another part of our journey. I really really really hope it isn't, but thinking about it this way makes it somewhat easier to at least consider.

*Please understand that we all know this is only a teeny tiny bit of what any birthfamily must go through when grappling with their decisions. I'm not saying it's the remotely the same to place a dog into a new home as a child but for the support leader (and for us) there are similar stages and feelings that will make us more empathetic in the future.

I'm Rocking the River

I wanted my first post from my sabbatical lair to be about how life on the river was free and easy, that sabbatical was doing just what it was supposed to do and the mister and I were getting more and more relaxed each and every day.

We've been here for a little over a week. I can finally write at least some of that. Sabbatical has been far from stress-free so far but we still have high hopes. Or lowered expectations. Either works, right?

It started off amazingly well with a visit to the Emerald City. We got to spend quality time with Bebe, her big man and used-to-be-a-baby-but-is-now-definitely-a-toddler. It was so very good for our souls. I can just hear Eyelashes saying "Hi" over and over in his adorable voice and playing with the bubbles on my iphone. Then we were treated to an amazing dinner by the amazing Ms Scrambled Eggs and her mister. Yes she is as good a cook as you might imagine and yes you should all be very very VERY jealous. They are the perfect hosts and had to kick us out for fear we'd never leave. Then we had some good quality time with our friends, Initial Girl and Sandal Boy. It involved bridge, vintage wine, pedicures and much male bonding time over various video games. Perfect so far, right?

We did make it to the river ok and have been working on getting settled in. We now know the fastest route to the closest 24 hour emergency vet thanks to a butt crack of dawn fight between our two dogs. One has three staples in her cheek (just for another 5-7 days). The other has a long laceration on hers. Both make me cry just thinking about it. Sometimes I think we've come a long way, then we let our guard down and don't recognize signs of stress or structure situations enough and we all learn painful lessons. They're both over it already but the mister and I are still very sad that this kind of thing still happens.

Yesterday I think we all turned a corner. The mister and I had one of those perfect days. We slept in. Had a lazy breakfast. Biked to a famous Champagne winery just down the road on my spiffy new bike. Toured. Tasted. Picnicked. Biked back (in a pretty straight line). Made an amazing root vegetable braise from Local Flavors, our current favorite cookbook. Drank more wine. Watched Weeds. Does it get better than that?

Why, yes it does! Today has been even better. It's my birthday* which has recently been a time for sadness and reflection about what I don't have. Not today.

The mister cooked an amazing breakfast of chorizo scrambled eggs, croissants, coffee and mango mimosas. I'm looking at a rainbow of assorted roses. There was an appliance (R0kU) to aid and abet my on-demand tv/movie watching. Greetings from friends and family far and wide. A wii fit age that is actually lower than my chronological age. Time spent reading. Time spent watching the river flow by. No dog fights. And surprise plans that begin in about an hour.

Life is good. Really good. I'm really really happy and have so much to be grateful for this year.  When I blow out the candles on my birthday cake, I'll wish for the one thing we still seem to be missing but for today I'll be grateful for all that I have. I am truly lucky.

Today's blog title is brought to you in honor of another birthday boy. He is exactly one year younger than me, btw. Check out his new single, the amazing duet called You Don't Know Me which is almost as catchy as that painfully addictive Little Boxes from Weeds.

Lucky Number Seven

I love numbers. I have written about that before. Y'all know I tend to like certain even numbers, especially multiples of 4. I'm weird that way, I know. I tend to like symmetrical things, including numbers.

And I like certain dates. So I was thinking that 07/07/08 (thanks to DD for catching me lost back last year) would be a good one. It's got to be auspicious right?

I spent my day battling stoopid people in stoopid airports, thinking I wouldn't be able to make it home in time. I was still trying to have a good time with the mister and turning lemons into lemonade. Or at least bloody marys.

But other people were having amazing days. A certain famous someone gave birth to a misnamed child. I try to give Nic as many breaks as I can because I think she has had a rough time of it. Another actor had a son. Yawn.

Then I heard the best news of all: my friend The Designer gave birth to her daughter. After many long and very hard years. After a dangerous cervical pregnancy a couple of years back that could have cost her life. After much heartbreak and sadness there is joy and happiness.

So today the mister and I celebrate a beautiful baby girl and are very thankful the Designer gave her a proper name which follows all of my own personal naming rules.

PS And to pocket (and anyone else who doesn't know about hushpuppies): hushpuppies are little fried pieces of goodness. They're made from cornmeal and with a little finely chopped onion and should be crispy on the outside and light on the inside. They're typically served with barbecue or seafood (fried seafood like Calabash style shrimp or catfish, of course). Check the wiki link for a picture of some gorgeous ones. I had some of the best hushpuppies of my life this weekend. Too bad it was with some of the worst NC barbecue ever. Sadness.

Well, Stop and Smell the Smoke

It hurts to even look outside the windows here. We have hundreds (there were over 800 at one point) of wildfires in California and the air is just thick with smoke. It's hazy and just getting worse. It hurts to breathe. I don't think there's an end in sight.

So that brought to mind my old friend from the post title. (Quick, someone not named Elana name that artist and song. Way too easy for her). I try to tell myself it's just foggy all the time and conjure up romantic images but it's more like being stuck at a campfire with no smores.

I was my hair and it still smells like smoke. It burns to breathe. This just can't be good for any of us.

In other news we are moving forward on as many fronts as we can find. Garden State sent out a new list and for the first time ever (in something like 3 years I think) there are two sets of embryos that appeal to us. I've also been in talks with the lovely Tertia and Dr Champagne. Tertia has found a mighty fine donor for us and Dr Champagne assures me that we have tons o' sperm in Cape Town so I could do another solo trip.

And we got a call out of the blue on Monday from our local adoption agency. We took classes with them and they did our home study. They offer a la carte pricing so we chose not to use their outreach services (they work with tons of folks and often have a really long wait). Anyway they are working with an expectant birthmother and have done a lot of reaching out to other groups all across Northern California and have not had success. So they thought we might be interested.

Yes, please!

So our profile will be shown to the young lady in question. She has a list of her own and it's fairly short. We meet 2 out of 3 requirements so perhaps she'll pick us. One of her requirements is a biracial couple and that seems to be the sticking point. Can you believe there is not a single biracial couple in Northern California who are interested in an open adoption? Seriously. We have heard the efforts the agency has gone to and unfortunately for the young lady she might have to choose between geographic closeness and ethnicity.

She's also been matched twice already. Both couples got pregnant. BOTH. Can you imagine the pain that must have caused her? At least they told her. If she wants to meet with us, we do plan on telling her we might be adding to our family through both adoption and donor gametes.

We don't have a lot of other information at this point but what we do know matches up nicely with my list from that recent post. I'm still ruminating on my list and truly appreciate all the input from you guys. You had some very thoughtful and thought provoking comments.

So smoke or no smoke, we're marching ahead. It's good to have multiple plates spinning in the air again. I thought the mister might not agree but, like always, we seem to be on exactly the same page.

Oh and one last thing. Guess what I scored on craigslist yesterday? The coolest baby hammock in the world, in exactly the color that I wanted, at a substantial discount. Now if I could just find a wii fit.

Resurfacing

My project went live on Monday. So far, it's a big success. That feels great. Since Tuesday I've been able to leave work by 7 pm every night. That feels even better.

The last few weeks are seriously a blur of 12-18 hour work days. I've barely been home. The mister got sick (and you know how men get sick, right) and I was a horribly unsupportive wife. I slept on the couch and gingerly fed him tea and toast from across the room. I didn't have the luxury of any sick time (he stayed home three days, whining and moaning and playing video games) and had to avoid getting sick at all costs.

I did okay until Friday morning. I woke up sicker than sick but had to conduct an 8 hour training and work an additional 7 hours.

I spent the weekend in a feverish state: alternating between bad movies (The Assassination of Jesse James, anyone?), naps and hallucinations involving my Heels playing horribly. I mean HORRIBLY. That had to be a nightmare, right?

I'm finally getting my head back above water and having the tiniest bit of a real life. I don't have any adoption news but have emailed our consultant a couple of times and we hope to meet with her next week. There is a pile of laundry to do. I'm dreading getting our taxes done this weekend.

And I have a fun new project: a backyard makeover! I have the most fabulous person designing it: the amazing Wavery of Bindweed Heights. I hope she doesn't mind the mention. She is very talented and the mister and I are very lucky. I suppose I should go email her and tell her we're ready to move forward.

Back to life outside the cubicle. I do like it here.

The Boringest Blog Post Ever

Ok this really is going to be the boringest blog post ever. I apologize in advance. We might get back to the whole reason for blogging in the first place (I think it's called "wanting a baby") sometime this year.

For now, we're back to that stuck rut of work kicking my ass. For reals this time. We "go live" with a big project in 3 weeks and 1 day. I honestly have no idea how I'm possibly going to get all the work done that needs to be done. I've been working 12-15 hours a day and it's not enough.

To add a little fun to the mix our niece and nephew have decided to spend their spring break with us. Yes, we did give them airplane tickets for Christmas but honestly we thought they might give us more than a week's notice. Yeah, yeah, yeah I know Y'ALL  know how irresponsible both of their parents are but you'd think WE'D remember. Well, with both of us working like dogs (actually, I wish I were working like either of my dogs as I think it would involve about 20 hours of sleep a day and a little barking at the mailman, but I digress) it's not exactly the best timing.

But since their father is one of the world's biggest jerks and their life is in turmoil, we will make this happen. So please think kind thoughts for both the mister and me from, say next Thursday night through Monday evening. We're trying to plan some fun things for us all to do but having a couple of near 16 year olds for such a long visit is going to wear us out.

They also don't seem to understand that our weekend activities must be scheduled around basketball. Seriously! It's March Madness, baby, and my boys in blue are on a roll. They even get to play in their our home state for the first two weeks, if they continue to win. Then with a little luck and a lot of hard work they'll board a plane and head to the Alamo.

If life were a bit more fair, I'd be able to join them. Remember that part about going live in three weeks and one day? Can you guess when the championship game is (not that I want to get that far ahead of myself)? Yup, same day as my project launch date. Oh, the irony.

I'm not even sure I'll have time to talk to the lovely recruiter who wants to talk to me about the potentially fun job. Of course I'm going to squeeze her in but I do home it's only a plus in her eyes that I'm so very busy working on a project that involves the very software company she's trying to staff. That's a good thing, right?

Until then I'll be nose to the grindstone, peeking up briefly here and there to cheer on my beloved boys in the oh-so-lovely shade of blue that we call Carolina Blue.

GO HEELS!

I Resolve to Not Cry at Work

This really was my resolution for the week. I'm happy to say I didn't cry a single time at work this week. Last week was a completely different story.

Now, I've said it before but I'm a crier. I cry at those old long distance commercials, sappy songs, movies, way too many tv shows (even Law and Order. Did you see that first one with Jeremy Sisto????).  But I usually don't cry at work. At least not much. And not in an open cubicle.

Last week was different. Something got me each and every day. At one of my jobs I have an office with an actual door. The only problem is that the walls are very thin between my office, the office next door and the conference room behind me. It's not a big deal to cry at that office.

My other job site has me sitting in the worst cube I've ever had. It's very open, doesn't even have sides with any real height at all and is right across from business offices in the main through way of the floor. There are always lots and lots of people walking by and they always seem to look at all the bozos with cubicles along the way.

Guess where I did most of my crying? Go ahead. I'll wait.

Yup, nasty cubicle farm.

What had me crying? Luckily it was mostly good things. And one really bad one.

One day I got an email from my friend, hangin'in. I wish y'all could know her. She's another one of the Wedding Land people I met back in the day. She doesn't have a real blog but I so wish she did. Anyway, she's a recent mom to two adorable boys through the foster care system in her state. I wanted to send something to her boys over the holidays so I let my fingers do the walking on a certain Seattle book site. I realized that I hadn't included notes with everything I sent and only my first name. Not so smart, eh? I just wanted to make sure she'd got them all so I'd asked.

And she wrote back one of the sweetest emails ever. It talked about the boys and how much the older one liked the books. But mostly it talked about her mom (who is one of us, btw) and the words of encouragement and support that her mom sent the mister and me when she heard our story. It was my first day back at work after the long break (and negative cycle) and it just really got to me. It gave me hope and strength and was just so very good. These were tears at the thoughtfulness of my friend and her mom.

Then came the tears of complete sadness and grief. I cried at how unfair this world really is and all the heartache that shouldn't be. One of my favorite littlest Tarheels, who fought for his entire life, since last March when he was born at 28 weeks, lost. His mom and dad have been through hell with secondary infertility and when things should have gotten easier, the just got harder.  My heart just breaks for him, his parents and his older sister. I wish them all peace.

The last crying was in the office (finally!). It was last Friday afternoon and my dear friend, Liana, (who has clearly lost her mind) called and asked this heathen to be Godmother to her beautiful daughter. I could not be more honored and touched.  I'm going to be the Fairy Godmother because I don't think the Pope would approve of any other kind. So those last work tears were tears of pure joy.

And to think my evil MIL thinks you can't make real friends on the internets! She is so very, very wrong. Last weeks tears even provide DNA evidence. I rest my case.

Hanging out at the hotel

I'm sitting here in my hotel room in Chicago and wishing I had my previous hotel room. Why is it that when you have no time at all somewhere you get a kickass room and when you're planning on hanging out in your room, ordering room service and working the night away you get a tiny little pillbox of a room?

I'm not complaining. This hotel is nice. The downstairs is gorgeous. I tend to just hunker down when I'm working and just need the basics: high speed internet and room service.

I used to do this a lot more that I do now. I'm so glad that my current work life doesn't involve the kind of travel that my previous one did. I know I've said that before but it bears repeating. I had a pretty low quality of life when I was a road warrior. Sure, I always flew in first class and I was always on a concierge floor in nearly every hotel if I wasn't in some podunk town. It might sound fun or glamorous but it's fair from it. I'd much rather be able to spend almost all of my nights at home with the mister and our dogs and cats.

But you can be sure that I will enjoy a (relatively) snore-free bed where I can stretch out as much as I want and no kitty will be peering down at me at 3 am hoping to play.

Bald Eagles, Humpbacks and Orcas! Oh my!

This morning I got up. Dropped my clothes on the floor and left a mess in the bathroom, just as I'd done all last week, but my new favorite person in the world wasn't there to take care of me. Can you believe those clothes are still there?

And there was no room service. No "good morning, Miss Millie. Sleep well last night?" Just a couple of grunts from the mister.

Then I had to go to work. Public transportation was involved. No one wanted to check my bar-code on the way out. No one offered ideas of what to do. At lunch the people behind the counter actually expected to be paid. Craziness!

There was no trivia at 2 pm and no Indonesian tea at 3. Only a couple of stupid meetings that were long and somewhat painful.

But the rocking and rolling of the ship was still there. Even though I've been back on land since Friday. I'm not digging this land-sickness. Not at all.

The trip was great. The glaciers were AMAZING. Breathtaking. Stupendous. There really were humpback whales, orca whales (not really whales at all but people seem to think they are), bald eagles, sea lions, porpoises and so many wonderful views every time you turned around.

I did eat a lot, some of it was even good, but I also did a couple of yoga classes and my first pilates class ever. The mister and I also participated in a 5k On Deck for the Cure walk in the name of my favorite rabid RedSox phan. (How cool is it that our cruise like raised 500k for that last year?)

We explored Vancouver and it was lovely, simply lovely. We nearly moved there about 8 years ago  so it was a short episode of  Sliding Doors and wondering what life might have been like.

There was even coffee and the most amazing pastry with the most amazing women, Emily and Bebe. I can't believe it had been nearly two years since Emily and I last broke bread. She looks even more amazing now and it was so very wonderful to see her. She's out living and has some great plans for the future. Perhaps in the not-too-distant future there will even be a real update from her.

So I'm back to reality. I got a harsh jolt in the airport last night, reminding me of just how insensitive even the people who claim to "get" infertility can be, even when they make hundreds of thousands of dollars off us.

But that's a post rant for another day. I need to get back to the craig's listings to see if I can find a cabin steward. Or a valet. Even a butler. I think I'll have to settle for calling the mister "Jeeves" and asking him to draw a bath for me.

Taking off to the Great White North

Thanks so much for the birthday wishes. It means an awful lot to an old gal like me.

My parents forgot to call me to wish me a happy birthday. This is the first time that's ever happened. I usually get several calls or messages saying "we tried to reach you but you're never there".

Did they just give up trying? Nope they forgot. My sister ratted them out to me.

She had to pick them up at the butt crack of dawn to drive them to the airport. The mister and I are meeting them tomorrow and embarking on a week-long Alaskan cruise. My sis asked if they called me. My mom said "Why? Was I supposed to? Is something wrong? We're seeing them tomorrow."

Then my sis said, "um, you might want to think about the date". Of course my dad figured it out first. You'd think my mom would remember since she, you know, gave birth to me and all that. And her birthday is only a week from now.

I'm so looking forward to this trip. We'll have a very brief time in the Emerald City at the end of the trip. I get to see my friend Initial Girl and the lovely Bebe (and perhaps Mama Rose as well) and with a little luck I might even see Ms Scrambled Eggs herself, if she isn't too busy shopping at the Pottery Barn. You know how that Emily feels about the Pottery Barn. With a lot of luck I might get to meet up with another fave Seattle mom - but that would involve ferries and schedules and we really won't have much time.

Hmmm, perhaps I need a whole weekend in Seattle?

I'll be back in a little over a week. I'll try not to get too depressed about global warming and just be thankful I get to see the polar bears when they're still alive. And at least calving glaciers are dramatic, right?

Pippi

Thanks for all the great name suggestions. Some of them were pretty close to our other pets names so that didn't work.

Her stripey legs, brute strength and the mister's Swedish heritage* led us to our choice. This was the easiest creature to name that has ever joined our family. It must be a good one.

I wish I had more pics to share but she's so fast it's hard to catch her. She's eating and growing and getting along well with the dogs. She whipped them into shape with her tiny little baby hiss. We try not to laugh.

It's been a lot of work and so very very very very very much fun. Plans have been canceled. Who needs entertainment when you have a crazy kitten to remind you of so many of the good things in life. Everything is a toy. Everything must be examined, biten, jumped on, batted at. I've tried to warn her about the bad mix that is curiosity and felines but she has a mind of her own.

It's even easy to forget how close I am to cycling. I have my consult with Dr. South America (ooooh, I know I'm so clever with the fake names, no one could possibly guess who that is, right?) tomorrow morning. At the butt crack of dawn.

A year ago I would have been at work for more than an hour at the time my fingers will be doing the walking. But that was a long time ago. I'm far from an early bird these days.

So I'll be asking the good Dr. South America all about their fets. And the protocol. And the rumor that one doctor there has much lower success rates than the others. And if I really need to have another sonohysterogram. Isn't doing the infectious disease bloodwork for the 5th time enough? There's nothing more to be said about my uterus except it's pretty damn empty. Oh and I'll be asking her about how many embryos to transfer. That's one of the big questions.

But tonight Pippi needs some more attention. And millie needs some more kitten kisses.

*Who dares me to tell my evil MIL that Pippi will be the only other Swedish named member of the family? Do you think they'll cough up money for Pippi's college fund since she shares the mister's last name?

Raindrops on roses

Everyone knows this song, right? I love this song. It's so happy and random. Who really likes brown paper packages tied up with string? And woolen mittens are a bit scratchy. But this song always makes me smile.

And it's so very appropriate tonight. Wanna see my newest favorite thing:

Most definitely whiskers on kittens. 

The mister has been hankering for a kitten for a looooong time. This one will be coming home with us tomorrow. She's barely two months old and the cutest and sweetest thing you've ever seen.

Now we just need to name her.

It's Alive!!!!!

Yesterday was that day that we techies love. Or dread. It was "go-live" for a whole host of projects for one of my big clients. This was the reason I'd been working insane hours for the last month.

It all went smooth as glass. We don't make widgets. We don't have something you can hold in your hands and admire. But yesterday we had a whole foundation excited to try out the new systems that so many people had worked so hard to make from scratch.

Of course I baked to honor the day. And this time there was nothing from a mix. It was so restorative for me to bake. I made the dough and rolled it out. I formed dozens of tiny tart shells and baked them to a nice deep golden color. I even let the mister help with the Thai tea ganache. Perhaps I shouldn't have let him pour that into the tiny shells but it wasn't that hard to clean up.

And mostly I realized that I need to find the time to do what I love. I don't want to let work overtake all else. The money is good, the distraction from all things baby related is great, but the feeling I get from creating something like I did on Sunday and sharing with my teams is even better.

About that thinking thing

Last week there was much talk here of thinking bloggers and such. It a cruel twist of irony it became pretty apparent to me that I'm out of shape when it comes to thinking.

I finally started a new gig. I'm totally excited about this one, it's two days a week and a great organization in the city, as we locals like to say. It's only for a couple of months but I suppose that could get extended if I prove my worth. This organization does great things, truly, and I can feel really good about working for them.

But it does require thinking. A lot of thinking. I learned this the hard way on my first day last week.

It turns out I haven't actually done any thinking in a really long time. Some of you might be saying, "But millie, what about your many months at the Land of Purple? Did you not think there?"

The sad truth is no. Not at all. It wasn't really a requirement of my job. I was doing something I could do in my sleep. There was nothing new to learn and I wasn't given much authority to do process re-engineering and make things better. I got up very early. had a long drive, lots of free coffee drinks and spent my day cutting, pasting, saving and instant messaging. But not thinking.

The mister wanted to celebrate last week after my first day at the new gig. I begged him to let me eat cereal for dinner and go to bed early. My brain hurt. I was exhausted from all that thinking.

Friday, my second day, was a bit better. I'm glad to only be a couple of days a week. I think I'll get back into thinking shape in no time, at least I hope so. I'm worried that lupron that I'm scheduled to start in just three days might put a crimp in my training plans but I'll just power through. Feel the burn. No pain, no gain. All that good stuff.

Baby Don't Ya Go, Don't Go To Goleta

The mister and I headed south to our old stomping grounds this weekend. I had a conference that included a huge hotel room overlooking the ocean. We hopped in Violet, popped in some great music, opened the sun roof and enjoyed the long drive. We got into town just in time to watch my Heels play their first game of the weekend.*

I did lots of work while the sun should have been up but the marine layer was too think to see any real sunshine. My days involved long meetings with lots of women and parliamentary procedure. I'm proud of the work we do (and especially did this weekend) but it's very draining. I tend to bring the mister along (he was the only husband this time!) so I can get a break from all the estrogen.

We took long walks on along the beach and the bird sanctuary. We dined al fresco, listening to jazz, at our favorite Argentinian cafe. Yes, the empanadas were as good as we remembered. We went to our favorite sushi house and it was just as good as we remembered. The mister went for a really long walk on our most favorite beach, one that only locals frequent and mostly only locals with dogs. He'll probably be mad at me for writing about this but he got really sad our oldest dog wasn't with us this trip because she loves that beach so very much.

We checked out the two houses we lived in and they're both still there. Both look cute, each with a red tile roof and blue or green trim, so very Santa Barbara, don't cha know.

Our life there was truly surreal. I spent so much time on planes that I the people I knew the best worked the check in counter at my favorite airline and I slept in hotels many more nights than I did my own bed. But it is a magical place and was an easy place to live. If we ever win the lottery perhaps we'll retire there. That's the only way we could ever afford a house there.

It was great to spend so much time with the mister, reliving good times, not thinking so much about the less good we've had since we left there. But this weekend was just about connecting and enjoying so many things. Just being.

We also spent a lot of time talking about how we might spend his sabbatical next year (he gets at least six weeks that he can easily stretch to a couple of months). Current ideas include going to Italy for at least a month and talking cooking classes, perhaps Argentina to learn Spanish and the tango, or a trip down under seeing all the amazing sights in New Zealand. It's not often that you get that kind of opportunity to experience something else.

We're still open to ideas so I put it to the internets, if you had a couple of months to do something really different from your normal life and regular job what would it be? Where would you go or how would you spend that time?  Let's even pretend money isn't a factor.

*I watched their second game when we got home late last night. Even though someone I thought was friend basically hinted the outcome after I told her not to, we still watched the game. I'm now counting down to midnight practice and hoping our freshmen all become sophomores. And a bit relieved to save all that money that would have gone into a trip to Atlanta.

The Perfect Shower

Today I went to a baby shower. Can you believe that? I did and had a fabulous time. This was no ordinary baby shower, it was the infertile's perfect shower.

There were no games. In fact there were no activities of any sort. There was great food, great wine and interesting women to talk to. What could be better? All that and not a pregnant woman in sight.

The mom-to-be is leaving in hours, mere hours, to fly across the ocean and meet her son, then bring him home. The hostess knows infertility all too well as did several of the other guests. One of the guests is also adopting through the same program as the guest of honor. There were also a fair number of women who didn't seem to know much about kids and were interested in talking about other topics. Oh and nearly everyone wore black. I wore dark brown because I wasn't entirely sure of the dress code but it was an urban group.

I'm so honored I was invited to this shower and truly happy that I went. It was so amazing to see my friend feted and watch her celebrate. It's finally happening for her after a long, hard road. There were normal baby shower things at the party too. Cake, of course, and so many adorable clothes (a tiny leather jacket), toys and a library full of books.  But the best part of all were the many, many tears of joy.

Bon Voyage, my friend. Safe travels. No more holding patterns for you, just a soft landing and a whole new ride.

Eye of the Hurricane

I'm right in the middle of the storm. Last week was all about preparing for our annual Oscar Party. This week is all about the mister's 40th party. I'm hoping to just catch my breath today but there is so much to do.

I spent all last week cooking for the party. I had a ton of fun doing it. Here are a few things I made:

• Shrimp and Grits Wedges (from my fave NC restaurant)
• Moroccan Lamb Meat Balls with Dill Sauce
• Wild Mushroom Palmiers
• Dates stuffed with Blue Cheese and Wrapped with Proscuitto
• Herbed Goat Cheese Balls
• Champagne Marinated Grapes
• Manchego Cheese with Membrillo (aka quince paste)
• Candied Kumquats
• Blood Orange Gelees
• Mexican Wedding Cookies

I'm almost ashamed to say there was actually a lot more. A LOT MORE. We tend to go overboard and this year was no exception. There are a lot of leftovers (the rain kept some of our guests away) so I won't have to cook for at least a week.

I'm pretty proud of my organization skills this year. I had almost everything done by Sunday morning and just had to bake things off and finish a few things. We even had the rooms set up including a borrowed projector and furniture all moved around. The Oscars  themselves were incredibly boring but we had a ton of fun. Our red carpet is still a big soggy but the house is mostly back together.

I have about 7-8 dozen cupcakes to make, a couple of presents to buy for the mister which require long treks across bridges and through tunnels, and I need to figure out some fun yet cheap decorations for the diner where we're hosting the party.

I'm sure it will be fun. I'm even more sure that I'll be ready for a break. Back soon.

In My Mind I'm Going to Carolina

Today was a busy day. I'm planning a couple of parties and trying to get a lot finished up around the house before the first one. There are errands to run, light fixtures to order on line and dogs to walk. But it is my favorite time of the year so all comes to a halt when there is a big game.

Now I know some of my fellow IF bloggers from my home state don't bleed that lovely shade of light blue that I seem to. Some even plan baby showers at the only hotel in town on the day of a home game. How could they forget so quickly? You always memorize the schedule early in the season.

Tonight's game was one of the biggest. My boys in blue were playing those pesky devils in their lair. Only eight miles separate us on Tobacco Road. We beat them in their house last year. Beating them is always great. Beating them on their turf is the sweetest thing of all. In fact, beating them is even better than winning a national championship. But perhaps this year we can have it all?

My voice is gone from screaming at the tv. The mister's voice is a bit hoarse. Even my oldest dog has lost her voice from cheering so hard (my youngest dog is unfortunately missing the basketball gene). Even though I'm 3000 miles away and I watched the game a bit later than real time it's a serious thing.

And what a great game. We got behind. We played pretty poorly at first, letting the devils have their way.The officials were horribly biased. But we came back and showed grit and determination. And we walked away with a great victory.

What a great night! Perhaps it really is time to start thinking about Atlanta. A certain video games company seems to think so.

In My Mind I'm Going to Carolina

Today was a busy day. I'm planning a couple of parties and trying to get a lot finished up around the house before the first one. There are errands to run, light fixtures to order on line and dogs to walk. But it is my favorite time of the year so all comes to a halt when there is a big game.

Now I know some of my fellow IF bloggers from my home state don't bleed that lovely shade of light blue that I seem to. Some even plan baby showers at the only hotel in town on the day of a home game. How could they forget so quickly? You always memorize the schedule early in the season.

Tonight's game was one of the biggest. My boys in blue were playing those pesky devils in their lair. Only eight miles separate us on Tobacco Road. We beat them in their house last year. Beating them is always great. Beating them on their turf is the sweetest thing of all. In fact, beating them is even better than winning a national championship. But perhaps this year we can have it all?

My voice is gone from screaming at the tv. The mister's voice is a bit hoarse. Even my oldest dog has lost her voice from cheering so hard (my youngest dog is unfortunately missing the basketball gene). Even though I'm 3000 miles away and I watched the game a bit later than real time it's a serious thing.

And what a great game. We got behind. We played pretty poorly at first, letting the devils have their way.The officials were horribly biased. But we came back and showed grit and determination. And we walked away with a great victory.

What a great night! Perhaps it really is time to start thinking about Atlanta. A certain video games company seems to think so.

Einstein's Dreams

I'm pretty brain dead with jet lag today so I thought I'd share something that amused the hell out of me. Probably just me but that's ok.

They say that you'll spend the next year doing what you did on New Year's Day (let's hope that doesn't include bombs). The mister and I decided to test this by having Starbucks twice in one day. On two very separate continents.

First, I had a lovely chai latte at Narita airport in Japan at about 4:30 pm. Then much later (or is it earlier?) I had another lovely chai latte in California at 2 pm when we went to pick up our dogs at their 'camp'. Of course I had to tell the barristas. They all thought it was pretty cool. I didn't even pay them to say that.

I'm sure ol' Albert could have done it faster, bending the space-time continuum and all but this was the only way we could do it.

I'm halfway there

I'm very happy to report that I've half-way quit my job. I know I was shooting for all-the-way but I'm an optimist (HA!) and trying to look at this particular glass as being half full.

I realized that I procrastinated giving notice for so long that I've only got about 3.5 weeks left on my contract. I said I had to go to no more than 3 days on-site a week beginning next week due to medical reasons. Some weeks it might be 2 days. I might not be able to give much notice on some of the days off I need. Or we'd have to look at moving up my contract end date dramatically.

My manager, and friend, was super supportive and said he'd do anything he could. He'd love it if I could work part-time from home on those other 2 days, depending on my appointments. He said the sweetest words of all: I'll make it happen. And I'll talk to our chief.

Woo hoo! What a relief! Unemployment here I come. Well, halfway.

I'm just trying to be a better person

I've obviously missed the blog-post-a-day thing. I was hoping the challenge would encourage me to write more often but it seems to just put more pressure on me. I don't want to just throw something up but it gets to be late and night and I'm so very tired and not happy with what comes to mind.

Last night I was all set to write about the lovely walk I took with my dogs along the bay. Just as the sun was setting. The colors were absolutely gorgeous. It's late enough in the year that the sun sets over hills north of the Golden Gate and not the Golden Gate itself. I hadn't really wanted to go for a walk but I forced myself. It felt good. I loved it. The dogs loved it. But I was just to tired to tell y'all about it.

I'm bone tired this week. Bone. Tired. I can't shake this last cold. It just lingers and I malinger. My nose is a spigot. My voice is raspy, not that sexy raspy just an old, sick, tired raspy. I wake up tired. I drive to work tired. I sleep walk through my days. I go to bed tired. I just want to feel a bit better.

I'm getting anxious about this potential job. I polished up my resume, got great feedback on the current incarnation of said resume, wrote a great cover letter, and worked my contacts. I sent everything in MONDAY NIGHT. That's more than THREE DAYS AGO, people. Now I'm obsessing over what that means.

How long do I give the first email? It's a bit strange because I got referred to a Very High Up from someone else there who is also, well, at least Fairly High Up. Usually in these situations the VHU at least gives the FHU's contact the benefit of the doubt and a courtesy email. Perhaps even a phone call. But so far, there is no love. What could this mean?

As my friend pocket would say, this could be my dreamy dream job. I think it's an incredibly good fit for me, leads me in just the direction I want to go, and frankly I have the PERFECT background for it.

Almost like the time I applied for a Corporate Trainer position where they wanted someone who could train product knowledge for a Large Garden Supply Company and a really large Toy Company. I have degrees in biology and psychology and worked in the maggot lab as well as a child developement lab (not to mention expensive toy store back in the Southern Part of Heaven).  I knew I was the perfect candidate for that job when I saw it in the newspaper. (Kind of tells you how long ago that was since it wasn't on Craigslist.)

I'm trying to hold on to Monday when I will initiate some other form of contact. I'm not sure what. That may be too much but dammit I'm truly excited about this opportunity.

I'm also thinking about other opportunities similar to this one. There are some other possibilities but of course none of them seem as exciting or interesting as this particular golden ring.  If I were being sane, I would just focus on researching other possibilities and getting the hell out of my current situation because I'm going to be gone most of December. January is a much better time to really begin looking for a job anyway, right?

And it's not like I'll have anything much going on then, right? OK, a little FET but how big is that really?

Steppin' Out With My Baby

Now, I know that most of you think I've lost my everloving mind by even considering entering a store that sells baby good, much less strollers. You probably think I've been sent off in a straight jacket to recover. *So let me tell you how it went.

It was so much freakin' fun. I swear.

Not to go tell someone else's business but lets just say, hypothetically speaking, that I was able to walk in with a friend and say we want to look around because she's adopting and may have a baby very very very early in the New Year. Hypothetically, of course.

My Huckleberry Friend, Moon River and Me

We interrupt the regularly scheduled stoopid sister-in-law rant* at Chez Millie to bring you a story with an appropriate, if not happy, ending.

A long time ago in a galaxy far far away (I know that's a different story but I couldn't help myself) there was a fairly young woman who was ready to give up her wild stallion. No no no. Not a hunky man: a sports car. See, she'd moved to the high mountain desert and found that her zippy black sports car wasn't the best choice. She'd met her prince and thought they might settle down (it had been two years by this point, after all) and have little princes and princesses. Or she just wanted all wheel drive so that she could safely and speedily zip up the mountains and around the town in the snow. Whatever.

She researched and she looked and she decided on a silver car that she named Holly Golightly. Now Holly wasn't just another silver car--she was platinum. Hence the name. And if you know the movie (and if you don't--you really should), you know that Holly was a "working gir"l. So the fairly young woman and Holly made a pact to have safe adventures and make room for the kids to come. Holly loved the mountains.

Then Holly moved to the beach and boy did she love the beach as well. It was the American Riviera--the perfect place for our Holly. She loved to zip along the gorgeous coast and around the rich people's houses.

Then Holly moved up north. There wasn't much to challenge her and she grew a bit bored. The now-not-so young woman and her prince settled down and did their best to procreate and continue the lineage. But it wasn't to be for quite some time.

And both Holly and the now-much-older woman grew older and a bit sadder. Holly became a reminder of carseats that were never installed (although she wasn't even LATCH compliant which was apparently a big deal). And the now-much-older woman wanted a new toy to zip around in. A younger sister for Holly, if you will. And that's how Violet joined the family.

Holly longed for the mountains of her youth. One day the now-much-older woman turned to her guide for an answer. The amazing List of Craig came through yet again. There was someone who was moving back to Holly's birthplace and wanted a car just like her. It was an earnest young couple who will take her back home and lavish her with attention and new dreams. It couldn't have been any easier for the now-much-older woman. She merely had to respond to the young couple and they fell in love with Holly right away. They even respected her enough to pay cash. You know how Holly likes her cash.

So the now-much-older woman and Holly each get a happy ending. It doesn't get better than that at least until January. Oh and Violet, while sad to see Holly go, is very glad that's she's LATCH compliant.

*FWIW I haven't sent the email yet. I've edited it and thought about it and perhaps it helped enough to just write it. I'm waiting to talk to the Sister of the Bride to see what she thinks.

Announcing our new arrival...

It's (nearly) official.* We have a new addition to our family:

Name: Vi0let Be@ureg@rde (given to her by her current family but we love it so we're keepiing it)
Length: 143 inches
Weight: 1 ton, 524 pounds

We can bring her home sometime next week. Millie, Mr Millie and Violet are well. Life is good. Really really good. And yes, she is THAT purple.

Violet, you're turning violet, Violet.

Can you believe I actually had a super busy day at work? It was completely insane. I'm off for a week. My folks are in town, we're heading up to a lake tomorrow. I promise to write more soon.

*There are papers to be signed, some notarized and such and then keys will be exchanged.

These are a few of my favorite things

Today's subject: “Things can be fun in fours” 

I was tagged by the lovely Erin so I just can't refuse. I think I did one similar to this before but I'm too lazy to look back.

Four jobs I have had in my life:
1.  Maggot wrangler
2.  Elf (aka clerk)  in an expensive, yuppie toy store in the Southern Part of Heaven
3.  Statewide Autism Expert
4.  High paid/high flying professional services consultant

Four movies I watch over and over:
1.  The Princess Bride
2.  Breakfast at Tiffany's
3.  Fargo/Blood Simple/Raising Arizona (no way I can pick just one Coen brothers movie)
4.  Chicago/Rent/Moulin Rouge (I do love a musical)

Four places I have lived:
1.  All over NC
2.  Santa Barbara, CA
3.  Bucks County, PA
4.  UT--yep, that UT

Four TV shows I love to watch:
1.  House
2.  Deadwood
3.  The Shield
4.  The Closer (see, it's not entirely about the snark. Thank you!)

Four places I have been on vacation:
1. Linkoping, Sweden
2. Aitutaki, Cook Islands
3. Lagos, Portugal
4. Costa Rica

Four websites I visit daily:
1.  Celebrity Baby Blog
2.  Daily Candy
3.  Google News
4.  IMDB

Four of my favorite foods: (you've got to be kidding me! 4? How about 4 of my fave chocolates?)
1. Sharffenberger Cocoa Nibs--best ice cream ever uses these. And awesome cookies.
2. Sharffen Berger 62%/70%/82% and especially their Milk Chocolate
3. Valrhona anything--especially if you need to temper. Sooooo nice. Sooooo smooth.
4. El Rey White Chocolate (I know it's not real chocolate but this is my very fave white chocolate--in fact it's the only one  I use. Trust me and try it.).

Four places I would rather be right now:
1. Cape Town, Baby
2. On nearly any NC beach--with bathtub-warm water
3. In the audience of nearly any Broadway musical--or West End
4. Watching the sunset in Fiji

Four favorite bands/singers:
1. Ben Folds--Five or not
2. Aimee Mann
3. Greg Brown
4. Pink Martini

Four folks I'm tagging, just because...
anyone who'd like to play along 

I should be crying, but I just can't let it show.

Y'all know how I end up having song lyrics as post titles. I  just can't help it. Today's comes from that fab Kate Bush song, This Woman's Work, thanks to the amazing Decorgal.

If you don't know Decorgal, well, you should. Back when I was first dealing with infertiily I found the Empty Arms video and it spoke to me. I sent it to a lot of folks. It was a way for 'normals' to understand a bit about what we go through.

Then I had my first ectopic pregnancy. And thanks to a lovely co-worker of the mister's, I found Decorgal. And the orginal Standing Alone movie. It's a beautiful and haunting piece about loss and I think I wrote about it a long time ago but I'm too lazy to link to that post.

She's recently remade it and it's perhaps even more powerful. Go download it from here.  Have a box of tissues handy. You will cry. I thought I was done with it for a bit but this just hit me and the tears came back, in a cathartic way.

Maybe one day we can twist her arm to make a movie about ivf or art in general?

(It's actually a Sims2 movie and you don't have to know anything about the Sims to be amazed. But if you do play the Sims (Statia, jen and others) you'll be blown away).

She's even got dragonflies! Can you believe that?

Thank you so much, Decorgal. We love you.

PS Here are the lyrics so you can sing through your tears:

Pray God you can cope.
I stand outside this woman's work,
This woman's world.
Ooh, it's hard on the man,
Now his part is over.
Now starts the craft of the father.

I know you have a little life in you yet.
I know you have a lot of strength left.
I know you have a little life in you yet.
I know you have a lot of strength left.

I should be crying, but I just can't let it show.
I should be hoping, but I can't stop thinking

Of all the things I should've said,
That I never said.
All the things we should've done,
That we never did.
All the things I should've given,
But I didn't.

Oh, darling, make it go,
Make it go away.

Give me these moments back.
Give them back to me.
Give me that little kiss.
Give me your hand.

(I know you have a little life in you yet.
I know you have a lot of strength left.
I know you have a little life in you yet.
I know you have a lot of strength left.)

I should be crying, but I just can't let it show.
I should be hoping, but I can't stop thinking

Of all the things we should've said,
That were never said.
All the things we should've done,
That we never did.
All the things that you needed from me.
All the things that you wanted for me.
All the things that I should've given,
But I didn't.

Oh, darling, make it go away.
Just make it go away now.

Baby, don’t ya go, don’t ya go to goleta

I had great plans to come write a long chatty post about all the fun things I did on my road trip. Really, I did.

Instead I'll throw out a few highlights for now and just let you know we're back, safe and sound. I'm completely exhausted from all the driving. We're both still stuffed from the great food we ate. Our oldest dog is still relaxed and happy from her vacation (we'll talk about my troublemaker dog some other day). She's sleeping now with a new stuffed animal in her mouth, having happy dreams about Butterfly Beaches.

It was great. The time with the mister in the car just flying down the highway, listening to new tunes and reading the paper aloud to him was restorative. There were many, many walks along a variety of beaches. Celebs were spotted behind beefy security folks. Bread was broken with old friends and an old friend we just hadn't met in person until this trip. We drove by our old haunts and abodes in Santa Barbara. We talked and laughed and hugged and kissed. We cried some but did much more of the former.

Good times. It's a nice to be feeling a little better.

When I said a ton I didn't think I was being literal...

So time for a break from all things related to fertility and infertilty for this special kitchen remodeling bulletin.

The cabinets have been ordered!

That's right boys and girls. We're well on our way now. Yesterday we finally, finally, finally put in the order for our cabinets. All 2137 pounds of them. Yup, a ton. A little less than a long ton (which everybody knows is 2240 lbs and is the British measurement*) and definitely more than the standard American short ton (a mere 2000 lbs).

After the mister and I put down a ton o'money they even gave us one drawer front. With a couple of nicks. It's not actually our door pattern but it is the honey-spiced cherry we call our own. Now we can pick out countertops and lots of other fun things.

Let's see if I can include a picture of the door (but ours will be a lighter finish with different drawer pulls.

I'll try to scan the plans when I have some free time next week. So it will be obvious why I need a ton of cabinets.

The cabinets should come arrive in around 5-6 weeks. Demo can begin a couple of weeks before that. With any luck at all we'll be deep in construction on my 40th birthday.

*I confess. I knew there were long tons and short tons but had no idea exactly how heavy a long ton was until my old friend the Black Wizard told me yesterday when I mentionned how much our cabinets weighed.

hi ho, hi ho it's off to family we go

Just a quick little update on me. I sent the email. I got back a fairly civilized email denying all.

No big surprise there. I'm truly glad I sent the email and think it will help me survive not only this weekend but also my life (or at least their lives).

I'm off in just a bit to run final errands and finish packing. Then the mister and I are off for a fun-filled (or at least booze-filled) weekend. Wish us well!

And if you're looking for something to do, decorgirl (one of the best Sims movie makers around) is up for an MTV People's Choice Award. You can vote for her here if you're so inclined.

While you're out it, check out her work at www.decorgal.com. She's got some really great stuff. Even if you don't know anything about the Sims. There's a funny series called This Married Life and an incredibly touching video about a pregnancy loss called Standing Alone that you can see on the movies page. It's very sad so make sure you have kleenex ready.

You might hear from me while I'm gone. I'm going to try the whole delayed posting thing. We'll see if it works.

One down...many to go

The first house project is officially done!

We are now the proud owners (and even prouder users) of the amazing tankless water heater hereby known as the TK2, one of the finest water heaters on the market today. The name and sleekness remind me of my favorite video game, The Sims. If you aren't familiar with the Sims it's great. If you know me in real life you can probably already hear me saying the words "nonviolent and prosocial" right now because I think there are more than enough violent video games and for a lot of reasons I really love the Sims. You have people, give them personalities, design their houses, help them get jobs and buy cool stuff. You can even get them pregnant (sometimes you get twins) or adopt babies. That part is way easier in the game than real life. There's always a bunch of super-expensive high end designer stuff with silly explanations. I'm always a sucker for buying stuff like that for my Sims. Much like my TK 2.

See, this is what happened.

We have tons of windows in our current kitchen. On one side they face our neighbor's house. Our neighbor's run down, gonna be fixed up sometime but no time soon, wreck of a house. Not my idea of a great view. The back windows face our yard/garden. People here are always telling me what a big yard we have but I don't believe them. I grew up 'back east' as the locals like to say. Where yards are measured in acres or at least fractions of acres but definitely not square feet.

Anyway, the new design plan calls for closing and filling in two huge windows that are about 8 feet from the ugly house and putting a smaller one in (that one will be over my Baking Center and will be art glass or something to obstruct the view). Of course the vent for the old water heater ran right by the purdy window-to-be.

Estimate to move said vent: $500

So I said, why should we just throw $500 away when we can spend a bit more to get the marvelous tankless water heater. It is oh-so-energy efficient (that always goes a long way with my hubby) and we'll never ever ever run out of hot water.

In my professional life, this is what we call  Scope Creep. A bit more turned out to be about 2k more. But, oh the joys of unending hot water.

We also got the plumbing lines for our washer and dryer (New! Front Loaders! Dare I say it: BLACK) so the doors actually bookend like they are supposed to do. While we were at it we had a new dryer vent put in. This one is actually to code and unlikely to burn the house down, which I'm told is a good thing.

See, this is how the Scope Creep happens!

Next up: replacing the original floor furnace from 1910 with a central heating system. Work begins next week on Project 2!

TK2:

Hygiene 10

Comfort 10

Energy 10

Your Sim will love you for it!