Out, damned egg! Out I say!

Highs and Lows, Tears and Laughter, Gimme Happy Ever After

I can't believe it's been two months since I've posted! I've started lots of posts in my head but they've not made it past that point. I do apologize.

Seven years ago today I married my mister. I can't believe it's already been seven years. I can't believe it's only been seven years (though there were seven more together before that walk down the aisle).

I've had a rough couple of days, work wise. I'm the only one bringing home any kind of a paycheck right now so even though my heart isn't in it, I have to push through. I'm on a strict deadline and trying to do a month's worth of work in a couple of days. I made good progress today while the mister took care of the wee one.

And now he's taking care of me. He asked if I wanted to go out to eat and celebrate at a nice restaurant.

But honestly? There were an awful lot of nice dinners out over the past seven years while we were waiting for our honeymoon baby. Tonight she's sleeping in her crib, in the most adorable sleep sack you've ever seen thanks to InAHoldingPattern/Finally Arrived. There's  no place on earth I'd rather be.

Life is really really really really good. The only thing that could be better is if some of my friends who are still waiting could join me here.

One of my friends (and many of yours!) has joined me and she said I could share her news here. She was there when I started blogging five and a half years ago. There weren't many of us talking about "other" paths  back then(actually there weren't many infertility bloggers at all). She has such a distinctive voice, I miss it still on the interwebs.

Without further adieu, shortly before Thanksgiving Emily aka Scrambled Eggs gave birth to a beautiful and healthy daughter with the second most perfect name in the world. Our daughters share the same initials and in face share a last name (although we spell ours a tad bit differently). Here's a bit of what she said:

I'm a little sore but blissfully happy.  I can't believe this day has come.  There is still this part of me that can't believe it and still is afraid someone will come and snatch it away from me.  Once an infertile, always an infertile to some degree.

And not that anyone has asked about me or followed my story for a long time now, but you can let anyone in blogland that cares to know, know :)

It was seven years for us and seven years for Emily and her mister. And someday (perhaps very soon) our two daughters will meet. That gives me a warm fuzzy feeling even on a bitterly cold night like tonight.

So life really is good. I've got my green glass loves and my happy ever after. I wish the same for each of you.

PS I'll be back soon to talk adoption stuff, I promise.

PPS Thanks to all who checked in with me. I don't deserve such great readers.

PPPS I'm hoping to have another happy announcement from another old-timer, as soon as I get permission (hint, hint).

question for the internets

So my mister is thinking of starting a blog.  He mentionned it to me last  night as we were trying to settle down for the night.  He should have known that would keep me talking for a loooong time. Bad move on his part.

I told him it would be fab. I think the blogosphere needs more infertility blogs. Always. You can't have too many shoes (or really nice sets of china, at least in my family) and you can't have too many blogs.

I still miss babyhungryman and wish their were more male voices. What do y'all think? He's mulling over his name and that of his blog. I know it took me months to come up with mine (silly, isn't it?). I'm hoping a little prodding from the internets might help.

Are their other guys out there writing about infertility? Please give me some links because I'd love to get all caught up.

So tell me what you think. And suggest names and such. If he picks your entry there will be a prize package. Perhaps an (extra) bitter tshirt?

It's the longest night of the year

I love the Winter Solstice. Most people think of it as the shortest day of the year but I prefer to think of it as the Longest Night. Somehow, it just sounds more positive, kwim?

For a long time now the mister and I have claimed this as our holiday. We try to celebrate it together and not let family and other craziness get in the way. Neither of us are religious and this holiday speaks to the pagans and druids in us (or at least my ancestors). We light candles and our Swedish stars that serve as the only decoration for our house. Hey, at least it looks sophisticated.

Today was a crazy day for both of us: a morning filled with errands, trips to the grocery store and post office, and an afternoon filled with work (for him) and a long appointment at the beauty salon (for me) followed by coffee with one friend and dinner with another.

But then I came home and we caught up. We drank mulled wine and ate cookies (thanks to emily and akeeyu) and shared our holiday. We're both stressed out beyond belief. He's not functioning well at all and I'm more than a little worried. I hope we can just survive until we get on the plane for the first part of our trip.

For a few hours tonight we were able to leave the stress behind and just emjoy each other. In the hurriedness of our day it was really nice to have some quiet time, amidst the twinkling lights.

three years and counting

Today is my anniversary. This one is leather and crystal/glass. AKA lucky number three.

Last year I was really sad on this date. It was very bittersweet. The first ivf failure was still fresh. The previous year's anniversary which, while very celebratory but resulted in an ectopic pregnancy, was still raw. My, how times change!

It is so incredible freeing to be moving on today of all days. I can really celebrate my husband and my marriage. We're both incredibly excited about our upcoming trip. It's been a long, hard three years but we're closer and stronger than ever. I have so much to be grateful for and today I'm focusing on that.

Three years ago I didn't sleep much because I was so excited. We were both fairly calm on our wedding day. The mister helped our florist set out arrangements. She commented on his lack-of-stress and he said "Why would I be stressed? I'm marrying the most wonderful person today. There's nothing to be stressed about."

I wasn't very stressed either. My coordinator called me her 'zen bride.' Of course, I was her first bride but I do think I was fairly zen. I was focused on having a good marriage and the wedding was just one day. I wanted a marriage that would last for decades. It helped me let go of the things that just didn't matter and focus on the goal. It also made our wedding pretty damn fun because we just wanted to celebrate with our loved ones.

I think I feel the same way about building a family. I want to be a parent--however that happens. The longer I've dealt with infertility the more I am able to focus on that goal. I'm extremely grateful that the mister and I want the same thing-to be parents and have a family together. I know that will happen.

Now, if I can just find some leather present to go along with the new wine glasses. We're definitely toasting tonight!

My love is like a storybook story

I hope I'm not too late to the engagement ring party. I wanna show mine off too. But ya gotta pay the price first.

I don't know if i've told the whole story about how we met, how he asked and all that good stuff.

It was a dark and stormy night....

let's hear it for the boy

Ok, this is really truly a short post. I promise to come back later with a long, chatty one all about my recent visit to the Emerald City (including an AWESOME time with Emily of Scrambled Eggs ) but I've got to give a shout-out to my husband.

He has spent the last year or so single-handedly fighting for infertility coverage at his company. He put together a group of interested folks and then started requesting meetings with HR. He searched the net for relevant research and put together an impressive list of rebuttal points to counter anything they threw his way. All this from a guy who a couple of years ago didn't even want to ask about coverage.

He did this so that  no one else there would have to spend tens of thousands of their own dollars like several of our friends.

He did this not even thinking that it would happen in time to help or even apply to us.

He did it because it's the right thing to do for everyone.

Today his company announced open enrollment for next year. And for the first time ever, they are covering infertility.

Damn he's good. And I am so incredibly proud of him. And love him even more for this.

geek love

My mom has a new addiction: sud0ku . Have you guys played this game?  You have to fill in the rows, columns and blocks with the numbers 1-9. It's getting really popular. Apparently the NPR puzzle-master Will Shortz (and one of my biggest crushes) thinks it will be as big as crossword puzzles were for a while or the Rubik's cube was in the 80s.

So my mom is very generous. To a fault. Now the mister and I share this addiction. The two of us spent a long while Saturday working on a very difficult sud0ku. It didn't help that we were both trying to get over hangovers. We finally solved it and were quite pleased with ourselves. We thought we had this logic thing down.

Until Sunday. And the Sud0ku M0nster.

We waited for my mom to arrive and thought it would be fun to work the puzzle together. We were wrong. Very very wrong.

The three of us spent hours and hours on this stupid thing. We all got butt sores from our inability to leave the couch. We went without food and water. The dogs went unfed. Luckily my dad had a football game to watch. The three of us got completely frustrated.

Then the mister said "I could just write a program to solve this. That would be a lot quicker."

I said that would be totally cheating and even more would show him for the geek that he is. He's in a bit of a tight place: won't work on the puzzle any more but definitely won't let the monster win.

By the time I'd gotten up this morning he'd been coding for a couple of hours. He's got both the classic and the monster accounted for and didn't like how any of the other programs handled hints so it's working out a better way. Gotta put that artificial intelligence specialty of his to good use. He was late to work (where he actually gets paid for such coding) because the hints weren't doing as well as they should be at this point.

I gave him hell because he doesn't have the pretty formatting down yet. Of course that's what  I care most about. And teased him about all the time he'd wasted today. But he did make me chortle with glee because he was so cute programming in his pj's today.

As soon as he left I did the puzzles from the paper. Yesterday's and today's. I made myself do a bit of real work before getting lost in the computer forever doing sud0ku. I instant messaged him to tell him he what a bad influence he was. His response: i am a good influence, btw. i made you laugh before 10am, so i figure today is already successful."

He's not quite as happy about providing so much grist for the blog. I figure I'm just getting started. He gives me tons of material.