It's been another incredibly long week around here. Last weekend flew by all too quickly. It was just so lovely having Ms FoodNetwork here with us and it was over in what seemed like an instant.
There was one day that was just for hanging out. We all went out to our favorite local greasy spoon dinner. It just happens to be owned by a member of Ms FoodNetwork's favorite band. It's very artsy, especially for our town. We also went to the local Target and introduced Ms FoodNetwork to the wonderful world of cart escalators (have you all seen them? I am a HUGE fan of interesting escalators. We have both cart escalators AND curved escalators close at hand). The mister cooked us a lovely dinner. We talked and just hung out. It was beyond lovely.
The next day was a longer one, more business and tasks to check off the list. Ms FoodNetwork had her second meeting, the sickeningly named "relinquishment meeting".
Let's just pause here for a minute. Why such hateful terminology? Words have tremendous power. She wasn't relinquishing her daughter with all the negative connotations associated with that word. She was consenting to an adoption plan that she created, she was actively choosing us to parent her daughter because she felt that was best for her daughter. There was nothing negative about her plan or her actions - it came from a place of pure and unselfish love.
Ok. Back to that day. Let's just say the second meeting was held. Papers were signed. Forms were gone over. It was the business part of all this and while it was handled as well as it could have been, and it was in a serene environment in a lovely house surrounded by trees and nature (not some hospital or office building), it was still taxing for all.
After that part we had a lovely lunch. Food is good and good food is even better and it's so connecting to break bread together.
Then a dear friend and amazingly talented photographer joined us. She took the mister and my "signature shot" for our website and materials. Ms FoodNetwork and her mom loved that picture and it played no small role in their desire to get to know us. We were honored that The Photographer wanted to take some pics of all of us. How incredibly generous of her. How lucky we are to have those shots. I've only seen 3 of them so far but they are beyond beautiful. I'll post a couple of them in my next post and you'll see what I mean.
Then Ms FoodNetwork spent some time alone with our consultant. She was given loads of books and additional support and resources. I hope that it will be helpful to her.
After that long draining and emotional day we went back to our house. The mister took over baby duties and Ms FoodNetwork and I had a girls' night out. We got all gussied up, took the train two stops north, had a couple of cocktails and saw a rock opera (written by one of her favorite band and the coolest of said band was THERE...in the audience with us).
I know I keep using words like "awesome" and "amazing" but I just can't come up with anything else. It felt so good to be able to just hang out together and enjoy each other's company. It felt so good to treat her to a very special show, one that meant a lot to her, and just have fun together. She hasn't had a lot of opportunities for pure fun over the last few months and it was just very healing for both of us.
I think it also helped us survive the next day. That day was rough. Rough rough rough rough rough. We all knew it would be but it was even worse.
We had an errand in the morning, some last minute business to take care of and had to head straight to the airport. No one wanted Ms FoodNetwork to miss another flight. No one wanted her to leave either, if truth be told.
Saying "See You Soon" (not goodbye, I don't think we could ever say that in person) and watching her wait through security lines and then walk away all by herself was utterly heartbreaking. The three adults were in tears. The mister and I both hate that she was flying alone that day. We can't even imagine what that was like for her although we thought of little else until we got the call that she had reached her destination and her friend was waiting on the other side.
There is still tremendous grief in open adoption, that is for sure. One of my adult adoptee friends told me how it still breaks her heart when she thinks of her birthmother leaving her baby in the car with her doctor and walking home alone. That is just barbaric. Thank goodness we've come a long way from that. But it's never easy.
So today's post title comes from yet another musical* and I don't really think it needs any other explanation.** I'm so glad Ms FoodNetwork is and will be in our lives. I'm so glad our daughter has so many people that love her. I'm grateful she had that extra time with her first family because I think it's important to all of them and to her. That is part of her story. When she grapples with her own issues related to her adoption she will know how hard we all worked together to do right by each other and more importantly by her, putting her needs above all of ours and that can only be a good thing.
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*Shoutout to MichelleL for correctly identifying the musical a few posts back: Avenue Q. Love those puppets!
**Ok maybe just a tiny explanation if you haven't seen Wicked. And congrats to Elphaba/Maureen and her handsome hubby on the birth of their son ONE DAY after our wee one. They are a lot like the mister and me: dated for 7 years before getting married and it took them nearly 7 years to have a baby. Of course we're far better looking and sing wayyyyyyyyy better than them. ;)
I've been following you for such a long time now. I can't imagine how bittersweet this time is for you. I am however, so happy for you. Sending my love across the ocean xxx
Posted by: Seraphim | Saturday, 26 September 2009 at 01:16
What a wonderful few days you had all together. And how wonderful that in the end, you have your daughter in your arms. I cannot wait to see the pictures!
Posted by: kristylynne | Saturday, 26 September 2009 at 05:06
I'm so excited for you guys. I can't wait to see the photos!
Posted by: Heather | Saturday, 26 September 2009 at 05:24
sounds like a wonderful, heart-breaking time. it must be hard to have those two times intertwined.
Posted by: elana | Saturday, 26 September 2009 at 05:34
I have been following forever, and holding my breath for you these past few weeks. So happy to finally feel comfortable posting a warm and heartfelt "Mazel Tov!!!!!!" to you and the Mister!!!!
Your grace through this amazing time has been inspiring.
Wishing all of you all the best!
Karen
Posted by: (another) karen | Saturday, 26 September 2009 at 05:35
Sounds like a lovely time. Many congratulations on your daughter and the caring, loving way you've integrated her--and her first family--into your lives.
Posted by: Jen | Saturday, 26 September 2009 at 05:50
I hope all the reunions in your future will lessen the pain of having to send Ms. Foodnetwork back home. Now get that baby girl big and strong so she can cheer on the Tarheels when basketball season starts!
Posted by: Sue | Saturday, 26 September 2009 at 07:00
I am so happy for you. You have dealt with a difficult time with grace and poise.
Posted by: Not On Fire | Saturday, 26 September 2009 at 07:02
It sounds like some amazing and some difficult moments but that you all handled them very well. I'm so happy that you were all able to achieve what you wanted for this little girl.
Posted by: Michell | Saturday, 26 September 2009 at 08:22
Oh and yes I have seen and was totally fascinated by the cart escalator.
Posted by: Michell | Saturday, 26 September 2009 at 08:22
Of course you knew that there would be difficult moments when you chose to go this route. But between knowing they'll be there, and actually going through them is a big difference.
I'm so glad this is coming together for you. Congratulations!
Posted by: Lut C. | Saturday, 26 September 2009 at 11:41
I'm sure the title is from a song, but it really is the way you feel when you become a mother.
Posted by: Bonnie | Saturday, 26 September 2009 at 12:43
I can't seem to get through a post of yours without tears...this time both happy and sad.
Thinking of you all.
Posted by: Angela | Saturday, 26 September 2009 at 13:03
wonderful news , congratuations
Posted by: maggie | Saturday, 26 September 2009 at 18:09
Thank you for updating! I figured you were just busy but I was also holding my breath all week. Can't wait to see the pictures and hear more stories about your parenthood bliss.
Posted by: zhl | Saturday, 26 September 2009 at 18:11
Wow, thanks for sharing. A lot of what you say I have felt but haven't been able to find the words to say. I didn't want to say goodbye either. It is hard to feel so happy knowing what someone else is going through because of it. What an amazing story though. :) I am glad to have "shared" the journey with you! Maybe one day our daughters can meet.
Posted by: tigerest | Saturday, 26 September 2009 at 18:22
so glad the time together went so well, even if painful at times. as you say, this is all about your daughter and all of you are doing an amazing job at keeping that in the forefront.
Posted by: Thalia | Saturday, 26 September 2009 at 23:50
Congratulations on having your daughter home.
Since I know so little about the adoption process - are you offcially the adoptive parents now? Or are you guardians awaiting an official adoption? Is there an offical waiting period?
Posted by: daisy mae | Sunday, 27 September 2009 at 17:58
Oh, Millie. I've been waiting for this day with you for so, so long. I think often about our lunch in SA and your dragonfly necklace.
I know that this is bittersweet but also SO incredibly joyous. My most heartfelt congratulations, love and all that other good stuff to you and the Mister.
Posted by: Roni | Monday, 28 September 2009 at 00:58
So happy for all of you.... I can't wait to see the pictures! Might have to go visit the blog and see if she posted some sneaks! I'm just so excited for you both, I told my mom, she teared up and sent her heartfelt warmest wishes to you both.
Posted by: jen | Monday, 28 September 2009 at 07:20
WOW!
Now, I am dying to know the name you've chosen, maybe you can send a secret email to another name-obsessed mama? :-)
Posted by: louise | Monday, 28 September 2009 at 10:03
Congratulations. It sounds very hard and wonderful at the same time. Enjoy your new Mama-hood!
Posted by: PBfish | Monday, 28 September 2009 at 13:11
Amazing...thank you for sharing :)
Posted by: Susan (skim321) | Monday, 28 September 2009 at 21:39
What a lovely post. Tough times but you did what you and your family needed to do to feel comfortable and to make the transition the way it should be for all involved.
I am so pleased to be able to say "Congratulations!" with no reservations.
Posted by: MichelleL | Tuesday, 29 September 2009 at 08:39
Let me add another "amazing" to the mix. You are all an amazing family to do what you did to get here. Cheers to creating as strong a foundation as you can for the chaotic bliss to come. I know this is at least partly influenced by the lumpy-butt-cheek-full of progesterone I am currently sporting, but I'm feeling such love and peace for you all. Thank you so much for sharing your story. Can't wait to hear your take on the next phase!
Posted by: Sue | Tuesday, 29 September 2009 at 13:41
It sounds like you had a lovely, but brief visit together. I'm glad that Ms. FoodNetwork was able to get on the plane and leave her child in your care. It means she felt that her baby was in a very safe, loving, nuturing environment.
I can not wait until I see pictures of the happy family!
Posted by: Val | Wednesday, 30 September 2009 at 12:30
Just reading where you type 'our daughter' is just . . . so beautiful. Yet again, it's all too obvious what wonderful, caring people you are, with your concern for your little one and Ms. FN at the forefront.
Posted by: Jan1902 | Wednesday, 30 September 2009 at 16:32
WOW! I think my heart is breaking with happiness and grief. But honestly, my only question is what is her favorite band? Heh, heh! So happy for you!
Posted by: T | Thursday, 01 October 2009 at 16:06