Sitting, Waiting, Wishing, (updated to include) Weeping for My Friends

So the sitting, waiting, wishing part continues on and on. We're getting used to that, trying to live in the present and enjoy this part of the process. I'm trying to not loose my temper with the mister at the drop of a hat. I'm not doing as well on that last part, truth be told.

We're both a ball of nerves. I think all things considered we're doing really well. As long as he doesn't ask me what to get at the grocery store and offer no specific suggestions when we're planning a dinner for friends. Green salad with vegetables? I don't even know what that means. What kind of lettuce/greens? What specific vegetables? What dressing? What fat? Cheese? Fruit? Nuts? WHAT IS A GREEN SALAD???

I wish that was a made up example but I am mortified to say I did completely lose my shit yesterday over just that.

Our lovely friends the game-designing architect and his craft writing/toy designer wife came to dinner. We served our favorite burgers (thank you Jamie O), spicy sweet potato fries, a Cesar salad (nice and specific, don't you think?) and a strawberry rhubarb crumble with vanilla ice cream. Drinks were pitchers of Pimm's Cup (not the plural and all hail Pamplemousse and the Head Banger for supplying the Pimm's).

Then we played a few hours of Rock Band and called it a night. Good clean family fun and an excellent distraction.

Ms FoodNetwork is still very tired and very hot and ready for this to be done. None of that has changed. We're still texting and talking and getting to know each other. I had a lovely chat with her mom this morning and that was very nice for both of us.

Now for the weeping part: a couple of our friends had their hearts broken today. Like so many of us it's been a long, hard road for the Swede and his Yodeling Bride. The Swede and I go way back (well, back to 1999 which is a whole different century, right?) and worked together a lot at our old company. He's the one that started my Yodeling as well. His wife is just absolutely lovely. They've been through the wringer in lots of ways, not the least of it fertility-wise.

Things finally came together for them. The decided they wanted to try a DE cycle and they spent a lot of time finding the perfect donor and coordinating that cycle. We talked to them throughout the process and tried to support them as much as possible. Our heads are really back in those days but I hope we were of some help. The cycle went well. Textbook, even. Lots of great betas, all high and doubling. Off the singleton charts and solidly on the twin charts (yes I also got them hooked on betabase). Their RE referred them to an OB and they had their first ultrasound appointment.

In a perfect world, they should have seen one or two strong heartbeats. This world sucks and there wasn't a heartbeat. Only an embryo that stopped developing a couple of weeks ago.

They are new to this part of it and still trying to be strong and look on the positive. The mister and I are still Extra Bitter and furious at the world for them (just as we've been for far too many people that we care about). I woke up to this news today and the mister and I have cried many tears for them. If we don't leave for a couple of days then I hope to help more concretely as my sisters here have done for me so many times. I had so hoped their journey would be an easier one from here on out. Someone's should be, right?

I can feel all the love and good wishes coming for us and our current situation through the interwebs and it does sustain us. I wish the Swede and his Yodeling Bride could feel that as well.

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@THALIA: You are owed a real email in addition to a reply here. It's only my laziness that kept me focused on the comments from the previous post and in no way at all a reflection of the quality of your comments. Thank you for offering up Horatio but I fear we must pass on that one. ;)

@wavybrains: I guess we're officially matched but not sure? That sounds weird, right? She's only talking to us and committed to us. Thanks so much for the doula information. I think her midwife is also a doula and there will be 3 of them at the birth (or something). I'll pass along the info to Ms FoodNetwork because I'm all about giving her as many resources as possible.

@milenka:Yup, B&J has Smores ice cream. It's awful though. I'm sure you'd hate it. ;) I actually love your kids names. I think they go perfectly together and perfectly with yours.

@francine: Thanks for the recommendation and support. Can't wait until we're using them together recording our kids. Might be taking you up on that excuse.

@jen: I don't even want to think about that heat until it's forced upon me. Here's hoping there are no ac breakdowns while we're in Lonestar State.

@Rebel: I decided to make it as interesting as possible for anyone who went offline even briefly. So not far of me, I totally agree! We don't know the sex yet but will certainly let you know.

@nearlydawn: Thanks for the advice. It is feeling better to be hanging back here, at least for the moment. I do agree that one sling and a bjorn should tide us over.

@michell: Thanks for the company. I think missing the inlaws is too much to even hope for at this point.

@sparkle: Yes please to email the names!

@molly: So good to hear from you!  I don't want to give too much away but you might have just listed one of our very fave names. Great minds and all that.

@RedHeadedMomma: Hayden just confirmed many of my internalized rules and I like using as an example. So how do you feel about babies at weddings? Luckily the grandparents will likely love the excuse to come down. :)

@aimee: OOOOOH! Love your ideas about videotaping the rooms and such. We've mailed photos but will be fun to take some video of all that.

Comments

[Michell]

Still thinking of you and hoping that things keep moving along. So sorry to hear about your friends. How very sad.

[elana]

still waiting and wishing for you!

i'm so sorry to hear about your friends...just awful. my heart dropped when i read it.

as for names...we had an awful time with names. we had some of the same rules and we ended up dropping the names we decided on after the babies were born and picking new ones. i hope i still love them years from now (the names, not the babies).

[Aimee]

So sorry to hear about your friends, that just isn't fair. I wish I could say I don't understand their situation but it is all too familiar to me and my experiences. I have been doing nothing about becoming a mommy lately (a break from my 6 1/2 year journey) and even looked at a newish book on Amazon - Silent Sorority - about ending the journey to parenthood but it just left me feeling bitter and WANTING the happy ending. I think this all is coming up for me again because I am about to become an Aunt again...always the Auntie...

Millie - may your happy ending happen SOON. Love and strength to you!

[arsela]

the problem with names is everyone has an opinion! we ended up using a popular name - which is one of the spears' kid's name - but we had no idea before hand. we're too out of the loop. but once we told people the name, everyone thought it sounded right for us. and the last name? don't even get me started, but i kept my name after marriage. i'm not sure about you ms. millie and the mister. so that's another consideration. our kid has four names on the birth certificate. tears for your friend? good friends do that. my friends shed tears for me, and it's a bit gratifying to not to have to always do the crying. i'll be crying tears of joy for the gal of emerald city when your baby comes. blessings on your wait.

[Bea]

Please pass on condolences to your friends.

I would love to weigh in on the names, but requires too much thought. Wanted to let you know I'm waiting with you.

Bea

[Not On Fire]

I thought of something that might be already on your list. Do you have a small journal for writing down baby / event things? I found that helpful. I love reading the little things that I wrote down.

[Pamplemousse]

Poor Mister! He has my sympathy haha!

Someone suggested Emma and I love that name. It was one of my Mum's middle names and my great-aunt's too.

Stay cool, toots!

[Francine]

I wish I could say that I'm surprised that you blew up over "Green Salad," but I'm not LOL... Actually though, this sh*t is enough to drive one of God's angels nuts... On a more serious note, I am so terribly saddened for your friends. I do hope that they will give it another try though. As for you, my dear, both you AND the Mr have hearts, well bigger then the state of Texas, for having the emotional wherewithal to help a friend navigate the mine fields of ttc and infertility, while waiting on pins and needles for (is it Emma, as Pamplemousse suggests - smile?) to come into your lives...

Anyhoo, you and Mister remain in my thoughts and prayers and soon, very soon we'll get to take that Flip out for a run together.

xoxx, Francine

[MichelleL]

Hi, Millie:

Just got back from vacation to hear your wonderful news! I am sorry to read of your friends disappointment, though -- the IF world has so many ways to hand out heartbreak.

I am keeping you, your DH, and Ms. Foodnetwork in my thoughts -- I do hope it all turns out the best for everyone involved.

Requiring a train trip is a little weird -- I did want to warn you that my DH came up from Kansas to Portland on the train when we first met (he had always wanted to try it) and ended up being over 24 hours late. I don't think it will be an issue with a newborn (they generally sleep so, so much) but just be prepared for possible delays. This is because commercial/freight trains have precedence over passenger trains. Now, I don't want to freak you out -- but forewarned is forearmed (don't want you to run out of diapers).

Keeping fingers crossed here and will check back for news tomorrow.

Sincerely,

MichelleL

P.S. My kids are Erin Michelle, Dylan Gage and Rebecca Stacey Elise. You are welcome to use any of these. :)

[wavybrains]

Thinking of you! Keeping you in my thoughts!

[Tonya]

Hoping you are on a plane and that good things are happening for you.

That said, I am so, so sorry for your friends' loss. It is utterly heartbreaking to get to that point but not see the heartbeat (BTDT). I am keeping them in my thoughts.

[Red Headed Momma]

Oh wow, that is incredibly sad news for your friends. Especially to get to that point. Ugh.

On a lighter note...the green salad thing made me laugh. Green salad with vegetables is very unclear and disconcerting. Caesar salad is very specific and comforting. I think the facts are very clear. Then again, I am marrying someone who would happily put Vietnamese hot sauce on everything I make for him. Thankfully he is sometimes placated by crushed red peppers. It's hard to be me.

Oh, all kids are invited. There may be about 20 in attendance! I keep telling our officiant this really has to be a quick ceremony. Tell Ms. Food Network to please hurry up because I would hate to send out an incorrectly addresed wedding invitation! Har.

[Lut C.]

50/50?! How do you keep your mind from spinning?!
Hoping it's the right 50 this time.

I'm sorry to hear your friends have had such bad luck. That's just awful.

[PBfish]

My goodness, I'm on pins and needles for you two. I keep checking for updates. I can't imagine how incredibly stressful this time is for you. If you are a planner, it is so hard to be in a position where you can't really plan. Because your brain? Keeps planning no matter what, hence the 3am spinning...
Thanks for all the updates!

I, too, am very sorry for you friends.

[stunteeWabe]

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