Sitting, Waiting, Wishing Blah Blah Blah

So it's still going on, this waiting thing. I don't think I've got much else, really.

Some parts of the waiting are easier and some parts are harder. We thought we'd worked through all the legal issues and arrived at a solution that everybody agreed with but that seems to be back up for grabs.

Without going into too many boring details, it seems inherently problematic to Ms FoodNetwork's family that the law requires relinquishment on their part with legal custody held by another agent (agency or lawyer) until finalization. We thought by doing a more specific kind of adoption with an additional contract specifying what would happen if we did not finalize that everyone would be happy. Our agency sent some necessary forms and some sample forms and let's just say not everyone is happy.

The other thing that we're grappling with is what will happen while we're in the Lonestar State. I've alluded to this in the past but our preferred approach is a longer transitional period than many people might like. We totally support Ms FoodNetwork breastfeeding, if she chooses to do so, and some time co-parenting or all together. In a perfect situation that's what would happen.

Right now there is a lot of talk about a "bonding period" where we'd all hang out. That's great. There is not yet any talk about a transitional period which is something we feel needs to be discussed. We're also not sure how much of this is what Ms. FoodNetwork wants versus other people in her life (family, midwives, etc). So luckily this waiting period is giving us potential opportunities to try to talk through some of these issues as well.

As zen as we're trying to be, the mister and I aren't sleeping much. There's just too much chatter going on in our heads.

We're talking to our consultant nearly every day. And getting tremendous support from many of the other families and birthmoms in her service. THIS is the time when she really shines and we just tell ourselves over and over how grateful we are to have this support and help.

I got a funny call from our consultant this afternoon. She told me we owed her "big time" because she'd just spent over 2 hours on the phone with Grandmom. If you've ever met our consultant you would be shocked to find anyone that can out talk her or even keep up with her! I'm sure there's likely to be a similar call from Grandmom saying much the same thing. ;)

I do think these calls are all helping. We're doing a lot of relationship building and even though Ms. FoodNetwork and her family are turning down many of the resources they're being offered (phone consults with the agency here and attorneys, counseling, support from birthmoms or grandmoms, etc) the mere fact the opportunities are there and the communication lines are open is helping a great deal.

So the waiting continues.

To make things even more interesting the mister's parents arrive for a scheduled 41 hour visit (can you tell how much I'm counting down?). I've been doing the math all day. They're here for 41 hours. I'll go to the gym for 2 hours tomorrow and 2 hours on Friday which gets me to 37 hours. We'll all sleep/be in bed for 6-8 hours tonight and tomorrow night which gets me to 21-25 hours. Showering should take another hour. I have a work conference call tomorrow for an hour as well, two if I'm lucky. Couples therapy (clearly NOT something to be skipped when my in-laws are in town) is 50 minutes plus 20 minutes driving and parking. Their plane is currently 2 hours late. Now we're down to approximately 15 -19 hours, right???? RIGHT???? I can do that. I'm sure I can do that. How hard can that be?

Just send vodka.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
@Michell: Thanks again!

@Elana: Your picked the perfect names, however you ended up with them. Simply perfect. I hope we do as well.

@Aimee:You weren't supposed to be a member of this club either. I haven't read the amazing Pamela's book but know her blog well and got to hang with her last year at Blogher. She is as awesome as she seems. Glad to know it's resonating with you.

@Arsela: Why do people think their input matters on names? I hate everyone has strong opinions. That's part of the reason we've always said we'll simply tell them all when it's a done deal. The last name is gonna be a big deal with the mister's family because it's gonna be mine, not his. My evil SIL did that first (although we planned to long before she did) so at least there's a trend but I know they're going to be pissed.

@Bea: Thanks! Don't think any more than necessary!

@NotOnFire: LOVE your idea! Thanks so much!

@Pamplemousse: He knows you can relate all too well! Love Emma but way to popular here.

@Francine: If only he'd be totally reasonable at all times then we'd never fight. ;)

@MichelleL: Hope you had a fabulous vacation! I knew your youngest's names but must say I like all of them! Thanks for the training warning. I passed it on to the mister and he is now also hoping we get to fly back. At least we'll have plenty of diapers/formula/etc.

@wavybrains: Good thoughts are always appreciated. Thanks!

@Tonya: Thanks! It really is heartbreaking for them. I hope they'll read all these lovely comments and take some solace from them.

@Red Headed Momma: See??? YOU totally get it. Ceasar salad is totally clear and comforting. NO ambiguity whatsoever. He knows how crazy I am about the screws in my electrical sockets. Why should side dishes be any different? Perhaps our men should run off together and we can just plan the perfect meals for each other. I'm sure you of all people would never commit any wedding etiquette faux pas.

@LutC: I tend to just spin myself counterclockwise 10 times then clockwise 10 times. Repeat. That helps maintain a bit of equilibrium. ;)

Comments

[Jen]

I don't have any vodka, but I will gladly share my margarita with you. :)

Hoping that you get the call and get to head out within 10 minutes of the in-laws' arrival!

[jen]

What is the preferred brand? If I don't have it, I know where to get it. You won't mind if I've had a drink or three out of the bottle, right?

I agree with the above Jen... here's hoping the stars align, and you hold your mouth juuuuuuust right and you have to leave right before their plane lands, making that zero hours spent....

[MollyMorgan]

Okay if I ignore the more stressful issues and just distract a little? Here's hoping it helps----

1. Very complex baking &/or cooking you need to do which may take up 2+ hours per meal. Preferably to include methods which require you to be present, not like roasting, maybe making pate feuillete with all the millions of layers of butter and tender dough, having to be popped in & out of the fridge repeatedly? Anything classically French may fit the bill. Allows you to appear incredibly giving of yourself to provide them with slaved-over vittles.

2. Forget crucial ingredients at the store. Twice. Or having to go to a 2nd store to get them. Should give you an hour or more if you work it right.

3. Arrange a couple of phone calls from friends you haven't heard from since high school or who need elaborate assistance about IF. Another 2 hours.

4. Make an appt. with a "doctor". For anything that simply can't be rescheduled, maybe with the "dentist". Everyone knows how difficult it is to re-schedule with the dentist & how endless the wait for appts. Another 2 hours, minimum.

Can you tell I've got some rather unpleasant outlaws myself?

[luna]

by now you're probably well into the vodka, hopefully. and they are probably asleep. you forgot to account for the time difference in which they might be in bed before you. ;)

I'm interested in hearing more about the bonding vs. transitional period and what it could look like.

sounds like you've got a lot to think about. how about a mindless movie distraction or nice dinner out? enjoy that while you can, my friend...

[Michell]

Hell after the inlaws visit I'll bring the vodka. And we'll go get cupcakes cause I've been craving them for months.
It does sound like there is a lot going on and it sounds like your dealing with it very well. Still hoping that things start to move a bit more smoothly here soon and that soon your on your way.

[Heather]

I hate waiting. I'm horrible at it. I'm thinking of you. Sending all the zen I can!

You can do it - less than 20 hours, that isn't even one day. I think you need to go to the grocery store somewhere in there for something you "forgot" and that can kill a LONG time. Maybe get a flat tire? The registers got a computer virus and it took two hours for them to fix it? Hmmmm, I'm sure I can come up with some more.

[Becc]

Hi, I have been reading your blog for ages and have always wanted to write to you, but have been too shy. Anyway I just wanted to say thank you for updating us on what is happenning in your family and I truly hope for the best for you and your hubby you are truly inspiring.

[Red Headed Momma]

I'm terrible with etiquette, but let's pretend I make no mistakes! A actually has some things he is ocd about but sadly they do not involve food.

Legal stuff - so a side agreement cannot solve the issues here?

[Pamplemousse]

Ay ay ay!!! Have you got any Pimms left haha??

My advice....just keep smiling and v.v. busy!!! You can do it!

[Sue]

I like your thinking. Will need to consider your method for my next MIL visit. Send you strength to hang in there and survive both the visit and the waiting.

[Lut C.]

I have butterflies in my stomach reading your posts, oh my nerves!

Good luck with the in-laws visit.

[louise]

Ack, now I'm even more pins and needles after reading your update, lol!! We want to hear any and all updates you may have!

At the risk of sounding too presumptuous, why is the family asking ya'll to come out there for the birth if they want bonding time? It seems like it might be "easier" if ya'll just came out a week after birth to start the transitional time? I dunno... I know, it is so complicated, and each situation is so different, unique and personal. Hope my question was not too annoying. We are all just deeply protective of YOU! :-) Thinking of you!!

[Roni]

Holy Shit M, I space out for a little while, and then come back to a speeding train. Although I understand that this last week has felt like anything but.

All I can say is that I'm praying big time for you and the Mister. I'll be waiting and wishing with you.

Roni

[pocket]

Waiting and wishing too. Am back online and will be home tomorrow. Hope the ILs are not making you batty!

[Dead Bug]

Hoping things are still going well and stalking your blog like a lunatic.