And it always goes on and on and on and on and on

So I promised a post sooner rather than later. I have had good intentions. Truly I have.

I've been working on a post listing some of the potential complications in some of the situations. I'd love to get feedback from y'all. I'm just going to kind of list the things that are involved but not tie them to the particular situations they represent. I don't want to get too specific as things relate to any particular expectant mom.

So, without further adieu:

• Expectant mom is Hepatitis C+ but HIV- (no treatment for Hep C and never acute phase).
• Expectant mom is long time drug user, other children born addicted to opiates but are fine now (no learning disabilities/ADHD/other effects), used cocaine early in pregnancy but clean for 5 months/never uses alcohol.
• Biological dad died in car accident and no medical history information for him (and not sure it can be verified).
• Expectant mom is 40 and no prenatal testing has been done.
• Expectant mom is currently incarcerated on drug related charges.
• Expectant mom is getting no support from her parents (who she lives with) or her ex-boyfriend, all of whom are trying to prevent adoption.
• Expectant mom placed another child in open adoption and extended family had good relationship with that child. There would be the possibility for relationship with the sibling and adoptive family as well as extended birthfamily.
• Expectant mom smokes heavily (2 packs per day).
• Expectant mom had no access to prenatal care until 8 months but baby appears fine and healthy.

I'd love to hear from folks who've dealt with some of these factors. Please feel free to email me privately.

I got home from the gym a few days ago and the mister was on the phone with yet another expectant mom. It's a bit overwhelming how many leads we have right now but what a great problem to have, right?

The mister and I have been working hard to get the nursery completed. The fresh paint job was completed a week ago. The floors were refinished this week. We were so excited to move all the crap nice baby furniture today. In fact, that's all we planned to do this weekend. Well put up the expensive curtain rods from that store that Emily/Scrambled Eggs used to write so much about AND move the stuff back in.

Our phone rang right in the middle of our brunch. It was the expectant mom who loves her Food Network that we talked to six weeks ago. She wanted to see if we'd matched with anyone yet. She'd been working with another couple but it became clear to her that they hadn't deal with their infertility and their lawyer was being incredibly aggressive. Her mom had a lot of questions for us. We both talked to her mom for a couple of hours. Then we talked to our consultant and other folks. We talked to the expectant mom again tonight and will be burning up the phone lines again tomorrow morning.

She's due on Tuesday. Like in a couple of days this coming TUESDAY. But she thinks the baby won't come until Wednesday or Thursday. OMG. OMG. OMG. (we said a lot of that around our house today). OMFG.

There's a lot to work out between now and then but we might be heading on a very long road trip (her mom doesn't want the baby to fly when it's so little) or flying out and renting a car to drive back or taking the train back or whatever we have to do.

So the last complicating factor would be an expectant mom who's about to pop but wants us to be there at the birth and she lives 1759 miles away. Has anyone driven that distance with a one week old? Hypothetically speaking, that is.

Thanks for all the lovely comments and thanks to all of you that check in on me. Truly.

PS To Sue: my very very fave sprinter is the amazing Aussie himself: Robbie Mc.Ewan. Lurve him so much. He's the reason I joined Twitter. And Robbie Hunter of South Africa. But this year the Man from the Isle of Man won my heart (and 6 stages!) and I was rooting very hard for Tyler. For GCs my heart belongs to VdV. And Levi. Even LA is up in my estimation after this year. Who do you like?

PPS To Oro: For real. WTF was up with Alberto? I loved Lance's tweets about him after the race. My respect for AC plummeted.

PPPS To Chris: Move away from my windows, lady, or I will call the cops.

Comments

[Orodemniades]

Holy crap! Um, I have absolutely no advice for you whatsoever except...holy crap!! A long dry spell and then a bounty of babies!

Who does your gut tell you to go with? And I do mean gut. Don't rationalize you feelings away on this one. Ee, I'm so excited for you!!!

[daisy mae]

For 1800 miles, I'd look into the train. In a car, with stopping to feed every 2 hours, and each feeding, diaper change, etc. takes an hour. Never mind the fact that all you want to do with a newborn is sit there, hold and cuddle him/her while you stare in amazement at those tiny little fingers and toes and ears. And then if you end up with a child who screams every time s/he is strapped into the car seat. . .

Hoping the perfect match comes for you at the perfect time. . .

[Summer]

OMG, OMG, OMFG.

As for the expectant mom situations. I haven't had to deal with any of those things, but I, too, think you need to go with your gut.

But, so wonderful to see how many possibilities there are for you (assuming each situation is a different expectant mom)! You probably don't have time to go into this with everything going on, but was there a reason why so many possibilities became available all of a sudden?

[Krista]

Seriously, take the train!

My son would have made the trip fine ... it would have taken a long time with all the feedings and such but he would have made it. my daughter.... OMG that trip would be a nightmare and we all would be insane! She HATES her carseat and she is only 5 weeks old. I dread driving to the grocery store!

[Michell]

Wow. You do have a lot going on. Lots to think about. As far as the driving vs train thing, I'd pick driving but I suppose the train could work if you did like a sleeper thing. To me though you're going to end up with as many germ issues on a train as a plane and you're going to be on it much longer. It's sometimes slower than car because they can stop so often.
As far as some of the expectant mom things I've seen some of it when I worked NICU. Hep C may not transmit to infant, especially if they go with C section which I believe they usually do in that situation to avoid contamination. With the dad who is gone, not having concrete health information on both parents isn't the end of the world. The moms with no prenatal care is there a reason why? Often that's a tip off that there has been drug use etc but if there isn't signs of that it could be fine. The expectant mom who isn't getting any support sounds like someone who could potentially back out at the end. The smoker? What the hell? that's a lot of cigarettes. Not sure what the studies are showing now other than low birth weight. Has prenatal care been ok? Good luck with whatever happens!

[Angela]

I have no advice about the potential complications, but I can vouch for the fact that a 1800M car trip with a newborn could be a nightmare, unless you planned to take a month to drive it. I have one child who is GREAT in the car, and one that could never EVER survive such a journey.

Wishing you SOOOOOOOOO much peace and clarity as you manouver through the next few weeks. Please keep us posted. I am really, really rooting for you guys.

[luna]

wow. so much to consider!

definitely train with a sleeper car. stopping every couple of hours with a crying baby would be a nightmare. plus you'll want to HOLD that baby!

I think michell's comments about the others= scenarios are good. no prenatal care wouldn't be as much of a concern if the mom is relatively healthy or young.

keep us posted!

[T]

Holy smokes! I'm voting for the one that's ready to pop - oh it's not a poll? Shite. I have no advice, but just so excited for you!

[wavybrains]

Oh I am crossing absolutely everything I have that the next two weeks brings you a baby. I would do the train and do a private sleeper compartment. Most tiny babies hate carseats and there's not a lot you can do to comfort them. In a private compartment, you can wipe everything down with sanitizing wipes and keep the baby in with you. You can wear the baby in a sling, bounce, jiggle, feed on demand, and promote attachment and bonding way more than in a car. For any type of long journey with a teeny tiny one, a sling is essential. I recommend a ring sling or moby because you can tuck the baby completely against you and guard against unwanted stranger attention.

Of all the scenarios you mention, the one that scares me the most is the one where the mom is getting no support from those closest to her. I wouldn't want to touch that one with a ten-foot pole, especially since you want a very open adoption, I personally wouldn't want those kinds of toxic people muddying the waters. What she needs most from an adoption relationship and what you need most might be in conflict. I love that Food Network Mom has her mother in support of her, and while I'm sure that that has its own host of potential problems, I'm glad that she has some one supporting her.

[Bea]

Wow! Yes, the train is a better idea than the car. Otherwise it could be a ssuuuuuperlong road trip. On the other hand, you could start road-trip v-blogging, so, there's pros and cons.

At first I thought your list was all from the one situation (I didn't read your intro properly) and I thought, holy crap! But now I'm breathing somewhat easier. I have no advice about any of it, but hope you get some that's good.

Bea

[PBfish]

Whoa, yeah, that's a long car trip with a newborn. Although they do sleep most of the time. Still, it might be better to be on a train, you could get maximum snuggle time that way. Otherwise, the little peanut would have to be in a car seat the whole time, which would be a drag for everyone. I totally agree about the sling, you'll definitely want one. My recommendation is to try one on in the store, don't be like me and buy it online, because you just don't know how it will work for your body until you try it...

Sounds like you have a ton going on right now. Anxiously awaiting updates!

[Lut C.]

Well, I hope you got some insights through private messages. I'm clueless about all of these things.
I think I would be paralyzed by indecision, moping that I even have to make such a decision whereas others ... I'd be part of the couple that hasn't dealt with IF yet.

Hope that fab nursery will be in use soon!

[Thalia]

Addicted to opiates is often fine, as I'm sure your research will tell you. One of our blog friends has adopted a child with that background, as has one of my RL friends, happy to put you in touch if that would be helpful, the blog friend in particular did lots of research.

I say stay away from unsupportive families.

Lack of antenatal care might be fine dependng on why.

Poss sibling relationship sounds good to me, how do you feel about it?

All this sounds v exciting. Can't wait for hte next installment!

[Tonya]

Definitely joining the crowd to vote for the train/sleeper instead of car. More expensive, but better for all the reasons mentioned.

Wishing you best of luck with the remaining paperwork and legal schtuff, and hope you get a great match (soon)!

[Sue]

Wow, so much to consider. I wish you well in managing it all. My only useful experience is having had to become very knowledgable in the in utero developmental effects of frequently abused substances for one of my post-doctoral positions. The opiates and cocaine use show no obvious pattern of congenital malformations or intellectual development particularly in the face of nurturing post-natal care. The smoking is primarily an issue of hypoxia. Intrauterine growth restriction could be a concern. Otherwise, with smoking, consider that many people of our generation were gestated in similar conditions and only through many years of research are we able to tease out the specific concerns of smoking on the fetus, i.e., not good but not a guarantee for issues either. Ok, I will stop blabbing now. Wishing you all the best and Robbie Mc.is my favorite sprinter too. I missed him at the tour. I was cheering for Thor this year too. LA does seem like a changed man. Made for an interesting year and gotta love the speed on the Columbia youngster.