We Interrupt Fun With Names

As much as I love talking about names and my crazy naming rules (although from some of your comments I can tell many of you will agree with me), that's not where this post is going.

The last week has been full of drama. The kind of drama that you don't really want but you know is part of this wild ride called "adoption". The kind of drama that has me no longer thinking of names and, instead, canceling all plans to go forward with NHL.

It's ok. Really, really ok. The mister and I are fine with this turn of events. Truly.

We had inklings earlier on there would be drama at some point. When someone gets incredibly angry at other people, you wonder when that anger will turn on you. Because it will. When someone puts you up on a pedestal and over idealizes you, you wonder what will happen when you fall off that pedestal a bit. No one can live on a pedestal forever.

This week that all came to pass. It was something I'd been waiting for since our trip last month. The mister wasn't convinced I was right and thought I was over analyzing things, imagining personality disorders in every nook and cranny. He was busy studying to be the ubergeek while I was mastering the DSM so it's not a big surprise. 

When the proverbial mess hit the proverbial fan, the mister and I had some serious decisions to make. We chose to ride it out a bit and see if we could all get past the drama. We thought perhaps it could be a chance for us all to deal with some tough issues and set the stage for working through even tougher things in the future. Adoption is hard work. The kind of open adoption we want can be even harder at times.

Last night we got an email from NHL saying she was choosing not to move forward with us. I'm not going to lie: we were a bit disappointed but mostly we each let out a huge sigh of relief. There was so much drama in the previous week that we couldn't imagine what the next three months would be like, much less the next 20-30 years.

And we are both very, VERY happy this happened now rather than at the hospital, or after the hospital. That would be so much harder and likely heartbreaking.

Our consultant has been great throughout this time. We keep saying to each other "oh yeah, THAT'S why we chose her and why we paid her". She advised us to bow out gracefully and graciously last week. She's seen these situations many times and they never work out well. We are happy with how we've handled everything and have no regrets.

So we're turning the google ads back on, working on a facebook group, opening our hearts and hoping something great will come our way.

Oh and we know something fabulous will be here soon: The Pamplemousses arrive in a little over a week and I can't imagine anything better for us right now. 

Comments

[wavybrains]

I'm hoping that fabulousness in massive quantities is very, very near. I'm so sorry that you have to go through this. You are an amazing person, and I think that you have brought so much grace and reflection to this whole subject. My thoughts are with you.

[Tonya]

What a craptastic situation! I'm so sorry you've been going through this. You always seem to find a way to move forward with such a calm demeanor after walking through fire, and I really admire that.

Wishing you much calmer seas ahead.

[thalia]

I don't know how you do it, I really don't. I'm glad you were able to bow out gracefully, but I am still deeply, deeply disappointed for you.

I so hope one of these avenues works out for you sooner rather than later.

[elana]

i'm so sorry, millie. it takes strong people to see the big picture and make good decisions..not sure many people could do this all as well as you guys.

[chris]

Sorry. I did start to sound like she wasn't the one for you, so I'm glad it happened now. What a pain, though.

[Angela]

Oh Millie, I don't know what to say other than I'm sorry to hear about this.
Wishing you and the Mister strength and grace as you continue to navigate your journey.

[sharon]

I have to oommend you both on your positive attitudes-I don't know if I could be so accepting and relaxed. Of course I can only imagine what kind of drama was brewing-but a warning bell went off in my head when she mentioned the baby's father. You are both just so great-how about sending me some of that to deal with some of my issues real and imagined-LOL. All right it's onward and upward! Take care!

[Kay/H]

Thinking of you and the mister, sweetie. xx

[JennaM]

Sending all my best thoughts and wishes.
xoxoJennaM

[Liana]

As much as I'm sad about the prospect of your going back into the mix, I do find myself also breathing a bit of an exhale over this one. You up for a call tonight?

[Clover]

Oy- I know its better to end it now rather it turn into a horrid mess right near the baby's birth, but I'm still feeling sad. I hope you'll get a chance to be parents soon because this wait is killing ME, so I can only imagine what it feels like to you and the Mister.

[Pamplemousse]

Much sadness from me, sweetie but you are totally right in it is better now rather than later. But it would have been so terrific for you guys if it had gone smoothly. Ay caramba!

We will do our best to provide comic relief when we arrive next week!! Next week OMG!!! I have just arranged travel insurance and this weekend, the suitcases come out!!! Too many exclamation marks tsk tsk.....calm down, dear.

Smooches to you and the mister. Onwards and upwards, eh??

[Summer]

Sounds like in the long run, it was probably best this didn't go through.

In the short run, though, this completely sucks and I so wish it had worked out.

[Red headed momma]

Glad you dodged that bullet, but not glad you had to deal with all that drama and, now, starting over.

[Peeveme]

Everyone has said 10 times better than I could have. Sad for you guys, relieved since it wasn't a good situation, marvel at your ability to have perspective. I'm not a hugger but I do feel like sending you one.

[DD]

Even though you are at peace with what happened, I am bummed out. I can't even begin to imagine what the drama had to be in order for there to have been such a definitive breakup.

However, I am totally envious that Pamplemousse is going to be IN YOUR HOME!! Will you tell her "hi" from me?

[Orodemniades]

Dammit. While I am so very glad that things have worked out for the best, I too am bummed that they didn't work out for the best the way I wanted them to.

Is Pampy (because that's how I think of her in my head) bring the dog? I could have asked her on her own blog, yeah...but I'm lazy like that.

[Michell]

I'm so sorry. Even though you know its the best thing it still has to be hard. I'm hoping something great comes along soon. Thinking of you and sending many hugs.

[Mel]

This line: "When someone gets incredibly angry at other people, you wonder when that anger will turn on you." was so damn profound and perfect. I am really sorry, sweetie. But it sounds like you're at peace with everything.

[Lut C.]

I'm really disappointed you have to take the role of "gracefully and graciously" again. :-(

[MichelleL]

Aw geez, Millie. I am so sorry to read this. Of course, you are right that it is better now rather than later, but that doesn't make it any more easy to live through at the moment.

Thinking of you up in the Pacific Northwest.

[roni]

Crap.

[statia]

Oh Millie, I'm so sorry. I know you're OK, but I still think it really sucks.

[Milenka]

*hug* Will be sending many positive vibes out that your time is coming sooner rather than later!

[Donna]

I suppose when it's right it will happen and all that, but seriously, I can't imagine having to go through all of this again. You are a better man than I.

[louise]

Thinking of you!!! I can only imagine the drama...But why in the world was she angry with YOU?! Wow! Take care!!!

[Sparkle]

I'm sorry to read how this has gone. Its so hard, and I think that since you haven't told us the full story ie anger issues, you've had alot to deal with.
Hoping you find your perfect match soon.

[T]

uh hello? no more boston visit - does anyone think of ME?! yes, of course I'm kidding. Sorry for the drama and the bull - I hope something beautiful ( and easy!) comes very soon.

[tubeless]

do you know how many curse words I just said for you both?! Well, sending the understanding hug of a failed "match" It hurts, sure, but dammit, kick each other in the behind and march forward. You are on my list of priority to see a match and placement happen very soon. (I sometimes can feel the pull of good to come and I feel it here!)

Deep breath, give each other a hug from us all and lean on us all when you need. We care and keep on caring to carry through this with you. Thanks for updating us.

[Dead Bug]

Late but heartfelt sympathy on the whole situation. Your positive attitude is nothing short of amazing. Hoping the right match comes along very, very soon.

[Emily]

I'm so sorry. While I know this was the best thing for you and the mister, I'm sorry you're not already at the situation where you finally get your baby. Hoping that is coming for you very soon.

Many big hugs your way.

[tess]

i also loved the line about the anger. absolutely absolutely absolutely.

glad you got out with most of your heart intact.

your time is coming.

[Mary Ellen]

Millie I am just catching up, and I am so sorry that you are going through this. I hope that fabulousness beyond your wildest expectations comes your way very very soon. Hugs.

[Michelle]

I'm so sorry that the situation did not work out for you. As an adoptive mom, my heart breaks every time a child who could become part of a loving, special family does not get that chance. I have been in your shoes, know that nothing take away the paid of being "deselected" and that no words offer enough empathy. But, also as an adoptive mom I can promise you that the child who is meant to be yours, will find his or her way to you. And, I can also promise you that there are wonderful, happy adoption "beginnings" (as I call them).