Trip Report

Man, this work thing sure does get in the way of blog posting. Gone are the great days at Yodeling Inc when I had so much free time on my hands. Also gone are the days when I had a whole cube (or office!) to myself. It's a lot harder to blog when there are 2 other sets of eyes in your cube.

We had a very nice trip to Portland. We got upgraded to first class (both ways!), upgraded to an SUV with a free navigation system (oh-so-nice when you're in an unfamiliar town) and upgraded to a king suite in a very cool hotel.

We got to spend time with some old friends of mine and ours and make some new friends, thanks to our consultant.

But methinks y'all don't care much about any of that.

We met TNPL for lunch on Saturday and it was a nice long lunch. We chatted for almost 3 hours. We showed her a photo album of our house, neighbors and loved ones. We gave her a copy of one of our favorite books (since we're all readers and since we looooove Powell's). We talked about all kinds of things but not much about adoption.

We tried to make plans for Sunday but she was exhausted so we said we'd touch base later. After we dropped TNPL off where she's currently crashing we checked in with OC (Our Consultant...can't remember what I called her before). She said we needed to be a bit pushier and make definite plans.

So I called and left a message early Saturday evening. She didn't call back. The mister called and left a message on Sunday morning. She did call back but said she had an event she wanted to go to on Sunday and couldn't meet with us.

I think this is fairly typical for TNPL. Over the past week or so there's been an approach/avoidance thing going on. I think our time together on Saturday made all of this all too real and she needed time, space, distance. I think she's in a great deal of denial. I don't think she's processing much of this. She's trying to do it all on her own but I'm not sure she's really motivate to do that work right now. She has no plans at all for after the baby comes (in approximately ONE WEEK PEOPLE) and I don't think that's a coincidence.

OC has offered lots of resources to TNPL but she's doing the whole approach/avoidance thing with that as well. I'd love to see her take advantage of some of the resources just because I think it would help her clarify what she wants. There are several birth-mom's in OC's service that have reached out and offered to be a sounding board. OC herself is a great resource for her and has alot of experience helping women find resources, ways to parent, etc. I think she's likely to just stay in denial until after the baby is born.

I do know that she really liked us and we really liked her. The mister thought I was being overly cautious when I told him Saturday afternoon that I didn't think we'd see her again. Right now he thinks there's about a 1:3 chance of us moving forward.

I think he's on some high quality drugs. I do think there is a very slight chance she'll call us again and want to move forward, maybe in the next week, maybe after birth, maybe in a couple of weeks. But I'm pegging it as about 1:100 or so.

And you know what? That's all fine. Really. The mister and I are totally ok with this. We like that we had this experience. It's good practice for when another situation comes along. We love that we reconnected with some people we care a lot about (and we both got to hold a two week old!). Our fertile friends in PDX were among the most sensitive fertiles we've ever met.

We also adore the couple OC hooked us up with in PDX. They are part of her circle of clients and reached out to us. They supported us and gave us a haven and a sounding board on Sunday morning. The took us into their home (with snow all around...so beautiful!) and made us yummy raspberry muffins and home made bacon. And just sat with us and "got us".

THIS is why we are with OC. THIS is where she excels. She will continue to work with this situation but advise and protect all of us. She made sure we and TNPL were taken care of and gave us guidance and support and a very safe and welcoming place in a city a few hundred miles away. 

As always there is more I want to think about and write about but I wanted to at least get this part out there. Thanks to each and every one of you, whether you're reading here or reached out after my cryptic Facebook status today. Your support helps tremendously.

Comments

[Roni]

I'm thinking about you, M.

[louise]

Oh Millie...I don't know what to say. It's so hard to know how these things will go. I am glad that the NPL is being supported and given resources, but she does sound like she is in denial. :-( I will be thinking about you guys!!!

[luna]

oh this is so tough, but you sounds so calm in the midst of this. very admirable. what else can you do? glad you enjoyed your time in portland. and good to know OC is excelling there, supporting everyone in their time of need. thinking of you guys this week!

[Lynnette]

Excruciating. I'll keep holding thumbs...if not this NPL, then another NPL very soon. Oh, hell, just go down to Cape Town with me, I'm trying to talk myself into it...I could use a traveling companion. Doesn't that sound very Forster/James?

[thalia]

Well I've learnt to trust your gut feel, sweetie, so I'll just say I'm sorry it's leading you in this direction. When will a NPL show up where the fit is right and the match is good? you're doing an amazing job at staying calm and just keeping on going. I am v impressed.

[chris]

Hmmmm.

[Michell]

I so love Portland and miss Powells books. I lived there for 6 years and it was one of my favorite places. I'm glad you had a good trip and got to see friends. I was so hoping for things to look fantastic with TNPL. I hope still that somehow things work out for you but if not I believe that something else will. Hang in there. Hugs to you.

[T...]

Lordy you sound incredibly in control and what's that word...sane? How do you do that?!

[tess]

what great discernment and insight you have into how tnpl may or may not be feeling and processing.
good on you for not "making it all about you".

[Angela]

I'm incredibly amazed and impressed with your ability to stay so calm and reasonable during such an emotional time. This kind of up and down would drive most of us lesser mortals around the bend.
Thinking of you and the Mister and hoping that soon, very soon, a NPL will see you both for the amazing parents you will be and entrust you with a very special little baby.

[PBfish]

I'm always so impressed with your take on things. You and the mister have your hearts in the right place. Be well.

[Anna H.]

I'm so glad that you got to be (emphasis on *be*) with OC's other clients up there and especially as the weekend played out -- that kind of support is priceless.

I wish this was more straightforward for you guys, but you've done such a good job of communicating why it's all a part of the process. And man, I am in constant awe of the energy -- mental, emotional and physical -- that you two have. You continue to be an inspiration.

[Lut C.]

It's good to hear you feel well supported, and that you don't feel completely bulldozed by the situation. I don't know where you keep getting the energy.

[Sharon]

Well, I certainly can understand why you have that feeling after your trip. But, I am still hoping that it will work out-but I know that if it doesn't-that eventually it will for you both!

[tubelessinstl]

I would have lost it if it were not for the support of the other couples in our agency that reached out to us in hard times. I wish I were close to offer a shoulder to lean on. This is hard, but I am glad you and the mister are there for each other. I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers during this transition. Glad your OC is there for you too and for npl. uplifting thoughts from someone that understands your feelings.

[Bonnie]

I'm so sorry you continue to be on this rollercoaster. I think you are right about TNPL. Glad you really like your OC.

[Merlot]

I love your positive outlook! We unfortunately had an expectant mother after she had given birth and saw how cute baby was. Like you our time will come!

[Donna]

Ditto what they all said...I am in awe of your composure and attitude.

[Kimmer]

Thinking of you guys..

[louise]

So....did you ever hear anything back from either NPL or your consultant? Thinking of you!

[Roni]

Been thinking about you every day.

[wavybrains]

Thinking of you!

[Pamplemousse]

Just checking in with you!

[Jen]

still over here this side of the pond thinking about you and hoping you are doing ok. come back with some news any news needing a Millie pulse check.