« The Q and A Session | Main | Taking the High Road »

Sunday, 01 June 2008

Comments

Oh my dear Millie! And poor E for having to gut sucker-punched like that! I want to kick Ms. Old-assed Vulture's ass up on side and down the other! Gah. I am so mad for y'all! What a piece of work...

I know y'all would never EVER stoop to that level and I am so proud of you guys for the approach you took to this situation. Cuz y'all know I'd have pulled out the claws and that b**** would be a walking wound. MEOW!!!!!

People are messed up. Unfortunately you see this proven almost on a daily basis, and in places you wouldn't think you'd have to see it proven. I can't help but think the Vulture is not doing herself any favors by acting like the buzzard she is. My thoughts are with you guys.

I don't even know where to start with the vulture family. I can't imagine wanting to manipulate someone in NPL's situation.

As for the otter video - OMG!! I had not seen that before and I totally love otters. TOO CUTE!

What a nightmare- I'm sorry you had to deal with that. It still doesn't seem that the adoption consultant was appropriately apologetic. She should have cut that behavior off immediately and she should be talking to NPL about not allowing anyone to pressure her or make her feel they "deserve" her baby. As for Vulture Lady, what an asshat!

Ugh. Very creepy behavior. I really wonder about people like that. I mean, how can a person have such a fundamental lack of empathy for what NPL is going through right now?
I'm sorry the NPL is being subjected to that crap.

If NPL is as bright as you think she is, she probably picked up a few vibes. I'm sorry you had that experience, and I'm sorry it has caused you pain. It's always better to be the moral giants, even when you want to mow the mother f*ckers to the ground.

To me the Vultures don't seem clueless -- they seem to know just what to say that will exert the most coercion. And that is just abominable. I'm so sorry that the Mister had to sit there for that awful show, and I'm glad that you let the consultant know that you aren't okay with it.

Love love love the otters, especially when they come back together again. And so curious about the kinder, gentler Roberts Rules (although I may be the only one!).

I am so fucking pissed off right now after reading this entry

you and the mister are AMAZING and dont deserve this manipulative bullshit

this is sickening

much love to you

Hmmm, were you speaking to my two daddies? Because I waited all day for them to come get me on Sunday but they didn't show up. Tell them I'm still available for shopping trips and dinners out. Also, I want a pony.

The vultures suck. But I think NPL knows that probably.

oh, millie. i'm so sorry the vultures were so horrible and unethical (and unfair). i'm glad you spoke to the consultant...i hope she helps.

How could the vultures even look at themselves in the mirror after that? Talk about drama queen.

I wouldn't even know what to say to the consultant w/o losing my head.

My dear friend, I completely understand why you are so outraged. Mrs. Vulture is just another example of the all too prevalent person whose universe ends at the tip of her nose. Her behavior was egocentric and disdainful of the NPL's personhood. I absolutely concur.

But, my protective lioness pal, whether we are talking about your husband or the NPL, both are adults who need to be able to deal with their feelings after such a display without you or anyone else rescuing them. Supporting them, yes. Rescuing them, no.

And as much as you want any adoption you enter into to be ethical and free of manipulation or feelings of coercion, no facilitator or agency can totally control the behavior of people like the vultures, especially when contact is occurring without the facilitator's being present. Conceivably there has been much of this inappropriate behavior going on during the NPL's visits with the Vulture couple. The important thing is for *her* to recognize and manage whatever she is feeling about these behaviors. And if she *is* allowing herself to be manipulated, then this is her right and choice as an adult, no matter how wrongheaded we may find it.

The hardest thing for me during that prebirth time with J was to stop being protective of her. You know that I can turn your lioness into a kitty cat when my protective behaviors get going. I just wanted to make everything as easy as possible for her since I knew that her adoption plan, were she to go through with it, would be one of the hardest things she would ever do. I tried to take on anyone who gave her a hard time in any way. Yet, as I have told you before, it took J to finally tell me that my being protective was making her feel like a kid. I had to back off and return to treating her like the then 23 year old adult that she was. And it was hard. She deserved someone taking her under her wing and making things easy for her for once! But I ended up listening to J and not my brain.

So maybe you could just touch base with the NPL and see if the Vulture woman's display made her feel any kind of way. You and I both have the skill to be able to ask without really asking. And you can frame any dialogue you have with the message that a) this decision is one of the biggest (if not the biggest) she will ever make in her life; b) she should only do what feels right to her head, heart, and gut; and c) people who are disappointed WILL GET OVER IT. She owes nothing to anyone but herself and her son.

But whether she bends to manipulation or not, the choice is hers. There will always be Vultures in the world, I'm afraid.

Taking a deep breath and so frustrated for you. I can't say anything more because I am trying to be nice and fair like you are being and I think I would have wanted to punch Mrs. Vulture in the gut and THEN give her the name of a good psychiatrist. Oh, but I wasn't going to say anything more...

Slimy! I hate them on your behalf! Just reprehensible.

Deep breaths. Bake delicious things. Keep on doing the right thing, and hopefully this will work.

Wow, Millie, I am so sorry to hear about the vultures. I just hope you and the mister can make it through all this without being subjected to any more from the likes of them.

I can only hope that by displaying their manipulative behavior so blatantly NPL and her mom saw it for what it was and NPL decides that it is not the kind of emotional environment she wants her child to grow up in.

On a different note. The otter video is hilarious and so, so sweet. Thanks for sharing.

Wow, how manipulative. I'm shocked Mrs. V would actually put that overt manipulation on display for the entire group to see.

I hope NPL is a good judge of character. This is open adoption after all, this decision is not a one-off.

All I can say is, sounds like you are sticking to your ethics, and no matter what happens, you will have no regrets because of that. Hopefully, the NPL will see through the Vultures' tactics (or desperation?) and will follow her heart ... straight to you and the Mister.

Oh dear, firefox freaked out when I tried to post a comment, but I will try and piece it together again.

First, I wanted to tell you how much I'm learning from you during this process. You are so smart and strong and thoughtful; I have so much admiration for the way that you and the Mister are navigating this process.

Second, I'm sorry that your sweet Mister was so shaken by that hideous woman, Mrs Vulture. I understand the protective lion instinct -- I have that with my pride, too.

Last, but definitely not least, I am horrified that NPL was put into that position by Mrs Vulture-Hag (didn't you know her last name is hyphenated?). Mrs V-H showed such a profound lack of respect for NPL and her family; she was manipulative, condescending... I could go on, but you already know all of this. Suffice it to say that I can understand your anger.

I'm sorry that such a complex situation has been made even more complicated by this woman who does need to work on her issues; adoption is not a 'cure' for infertility. That said, I have confidence that you and the Mister can navigate all of this in the most ethical, open-hearted and healthiest way possible.

I'm thinking of you two and sending you much love.

Oh, you poor thing. Just keep your head up and keep going. NPL will sense that. I hope! I'm with you.

Wow, I am also just shaking in anger after reading this. And surprisingly, I feel most angry with your consultant for creating this situation to begin with. Why in the world is there an adoption support group where expectant moms are networking with potential adoptive parents? I just don't see that as a good thing for anyone. I think I know who your consultant is, and I am surprised that she is involved in meetings like that. The 1;1 stuff I see as okay, but the group thing just seems odd to me.

You and the mister are lovely and so wanting to do the right thing, but unfortunately that is a rare thing in adoption land, I think.

on a cheerier note, I think NPL is a smart lady, and I think she will see through Vulture-person, BUT, it is totally unfair for her to have been placed in that situation in the first place.

Sending you a huge hug!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I agree that the whole meeting idea sounds really strange. What good can come out of group socialization where potential parents that are being selected between are there? I mean, maybe just adoptive parents or just potential birthmothers, but I don't see any upside to mixing them while decisions are being made.

In any case, I am sorry for the situation you were put in -- will you have to do this with every potential birthmom you are being considered by? Gack.

Personally, I think that NPL should be left alone to make her own choice -- on her timeframe and without more input unless she requests it. I really hope for all concerned that things can cool off and a decision can be made without further need for all of you to "socialize."

I can barely breathe, your post was so upsetting. I'm so sorry the Mr. had to witness that and that it happened at all. I'm kind of curious as well, where was the consultant? Boundaries, anyone ?

You, of course, handled it magnificently. That's one of the (many) reasons I love your blog - I keep finding out how to be more of a grown up. An amazingly ethical grown up.

Love to you and the Mr. -

Tracey

And one more thing. Not everyone has seen the cute otter video. Thanks for making my day.

T.

Aw, honey.
Hang in there. You're doing all the right things.

xoxo
JennaM

OMG MM (Modern Millie)... I am saddened that you and your Mister had to go through this. Hopefully as other PP have mentioned, NPL will clue in to the Vulture family's entirely inappropriate behavior and realize that putting the baby's best interest at heart means you and the Mister as the best parenting choice.

I am praying hard for you both.

xo, Francine

that's the great thing about blogging. you can come in here and call them the vultures, feel better by calling them names, and then take the high road in real life.

I think maybe next time you should pee on the NPL, just to mark your territory. Seriously. Uggh.

How incredibly frustrating. How base and low can people be (the vultures). I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this on top of what is already a complex and difficult situation.

Thinking of you.

The comments to this entry are closed.

My Photo

October 2011

Sun Mon Tue Wed Thu Fri Sat
            1
2 3 4 5 6 7 8
9 10 11 12 13 14 15
16 17 18 19 20 21 22
23 24 25 26 27 28 29
30 31          

Blogs, blogs and more blogs

Blog powered by Typepad

statcounter