Taking the High Road

Turns out taking the high road is a lonely one. We just found out minutes ago the NPL chose the other couple. We're sad and disappointed, of course, but truly wish all of them well. We know what a difficult decision this was for her and are touched by how she let us know.

We are proud of the way we've handled the situation and wouldn't do anything differently.

We're really ok. I've been wanting to write a lot more this week and respond to many of your comments because there was some good stuff in there but, once again work-wise, it's been one of those weeks.

Lucky for me Initial Girl and Sandal Boy are coming to town for a short visit. And then I get to meet up with a crazy tarheel in Vegas so I will have many opportunities to console myself.

For now there is a pizza waiting. And some nice diversionary dvds to watch. Name this show:

We will rule over all this land and we will call it ... THIS LAND.

Shiny

Comments

So sorry it didn't work out for you guys. It always sucks not to be picked, even if it is OK with you in the long-run.

I hope you don't find it too hard to let go of the dream. I hope another opportunity will follow soon on its heals too.

[Orodemniades]

Well...crapola. I really thought this was going to be IT for you...I'm so disappointed for you. And sad.

Also, Firefly.

[Kay/H]

I'm so sorry this didn't work out. I think you and the Mister did everything exactly right, with integrity and compassion. You genuinely want what was best for NPL and her baby, and if she had chosen you, she never would have had to wonder later whether she was pressured or coerced.

Sending you both a big squeeze. (BTW, no idea what the TV show is.)

[Katrina]

I really admire your strength and grace in dealing with this entire situation. I'm sorry this ended this way. Sending huge hugs and bringing you a little something to Sin City.

[Not On Fire]

I am sorry that it didn't work out.

[tubeless]

the road to becoming parents through adoption can indeed be a bumpy one and my gosh, this is a huge bump setting you back down the hill to reclimb. I hate it for you. I am so sorry. I hope you got a few good movies to watch. I had to grieve our match loss on a 1000 mile drive home to the mid-west and let me tell you not one country sone was played because I didn't want to listen to more heartaches. I did get out a few CD's of good 80's rock and jammed and replayed them and jammed again. I got the anger out slowly, but it worked. Many cyber pats on your shoulder for having survived this aftermath of a failed situation. I too admire your strength. Hang in there. Email me if you want to chat.

[Boulder]

Millie,

I know that it must *feel* lonely, but it shouldn't. It should feel warm and loving, because that is what people who take the high road are made from emotionally. It was a warm and loving thing to do for NPL and for her child. Rather than going to that cold, manipulative place that could have been easy to feel, you stayed warm and loving. There is another NPL in the world who wants and needs that warmth and love, and she'll be so happy when she meets you and your husband. I know we aren't a child that will come live in your hearts, but we are here with you too. That road is fiilled with people who are happy to know you.

xoxo

[elana]

millie, i'm so sorry. sorry that your "competition" didn't play fair. sorry that NPL didn't realize that she would never be able to find better parents than you guys.

you're amazing, you know that? most people would have crumbled over much less.

[Clover]

Oh that sucks- I'm really surprised, given how impressed you seemed to be with NPL, that she'd choose someone else (particularly that couple) over you two. But what can I say- maybe the right situation is right around the corner? Sorry if that sounds like a platitude, I'm just really hoping there is a point to this that's larger than getting your heart broken- again.

[Trace]

I'm so sorry. Words really don't cut it. You were right to keep your integrity. Especially in a situation where people get so desperate they will do anything.

[anymommy]

I'm sorry too. You two just sound like an amazing couple. There's a NPL out there for you.

[Carrie]

Ooo! Ooo! Firefly! One of the best shows ever and I've lost count of how many times I've seen the movie. Love it.

I am sorry that NPL chose the other couple - it makes you wonder if she did it out of pity for them because of all the things Mrs. Vulture (that's what you called her, right?) was saying to her. Don't you love having an awesome show like Firefly to distract yourself from real life things? Funny how that helps, huh? (My TV drug of choice is X-Files and yes I am totally stoked that there's a new movie coming out in 48 days, 11 hours and 2 minutes. I could use the distraction.)

[Lynnette]

Sigh...I know that the right NPL is out there just waiting to find you guys. I hope its sooner, rather than later. Take care.

Hey, I just left you a message, my friend. Clearly this was not the right situation for you two. I know it feels and reads like a platitude, but I do not mean for it to be one. This NPL felt like her matching with that other couple would solve or resolve her issues. That's all it was. Yet you will find your correct match...the match you were meant to find very soon.

[zhl]

Oh, Millie, I am so sorry for you and the mister. I do believe that your child is still out there and would be lucky to have you as parents, but gosh, this must hurt just a wee bit.

[Sue/Holdingpattern]

Hi Millie, I am so sorry about this. The disappointment must be huge, considering all the baby gear you bought. I am so sorry.

In a future post, would you mind talking about why your adoption counselor does events where prospective birth parents network with prospective adoptive parents. It sounds like a very odd situation to me. Is it typical? Why does she do it this way? Given what happened to you I am not sure it is very ethical and has the potential to put so much pressure on the prospective birth parents...

[Julie]

Well, I am fifty kinds of impressed with how you and your husband have handled this, and I wouldn't want you to end up in a situation that wasn't perfectly right for you, a child, and the child's birth family. That said...

...I have to admit I feel a little sad on NPL's behalf, if she felt any whiff of pressure from any quarter at all.

I'm really moved by the generosity of spirit you're showing through all this. All hail millie!

[Mel]

I'm sorry that it didn't work out, Millie.

[Lut C.]

What a sad day for you two. After investing so much emotionally, it must be hard.

[Bonnie]

I'm so very sorry.

[hangin'in]

I find myself with Julie... I feel sad for NPL, and I hope she never found herself coerced, and I hope she never 2nd guesses herself.

I know the right child will find their way to you. I can feel that to my core. I'm sorry it was not this child at this time.

Peace to you and mister....

[PBfish]

I know this must be hard for you because you are so concerned for NPL's wellbeing. I look forward to the day that you find the right match. And, as always, your strength and grace are amazing.
be well.

[chris]

I'm sorry.

[Milenka]

*hugs*

[suzlywoozly]

I'm so sorry M. :(

[tracey]

Can I use the F word ? I'm sorry, Millie.

Tracey

[thalia]

Ah bollocks millie, I'm so sorry, how incredibly disappointing. That child is coming, I just wish he or she was coming a bit faster.

I am speechless and hurting inside for both you and your hubbie. So heartbreakingly disappointing. Let yourself lick your wounds and heal a bit.

This is such a difficult situation to be in and you and your DH were truly admirable throughout. Millie don't ever forget how awesome you are and what a great marriage you have.

I feel you, as I am also still in the trenches trying to become a mommy. It just plan sucks and sometimes it just sucks exponentially - it is at those times I try to go numb to just survive emotionally. Don't know what else to say right now, just sending you warm hugs and support.

Aimee

[PiquantMolly]

Shit. It sucks the most when the people who "win" weren't playing by the rules.

I'll be thinking of you guys. In the meantime, enjoy delicious food and fantastic friends.

[JennaM]

I guess we all just have to cross our fingers and wish them the best. I had such a good gut feeling though. It just seems like the time is right... whatever that means. I'm sending all my best thoughts, Millie. xoxox Love, JennaM

BTW: coming to SF the first week in August. Please let me take you out for some tea and sympathy (okay, so I really mean beer and barbeque, or sangria and polenta, or cheese and chocolate...but you get the point). Are you around that week?

[Nina]

I am so very sorry, M.

[MichelleL]

I'm sorry this did one not work out. On to the next potential match . . . I certainly hope it will not hold such face-to-face drama.

[Jen]

I'm so sorry. Your strength is inspiring!

[Summer]

I'm so sorry to hear about NPL's decision.

The gorram 'verse ain't too kind sometimes, is it?

[Amyesq]

Aw, crap. I am really, really sorry. How hard for you. At the very least you can know that you have lots of friends out there who admire both your strength and your integrity.

[Pamplemousse]

Ach, taking the high road hurts all the same, sweetie. Thinking of you and the mister.

[amber]

Oh Millie, I don't know what to say that hasn't already been covered. To say it's unfair is an understatement. But what else can you do? Stop being compassionate and selfless? I don't think you could do that even if you wanted to.

[Summer]

I'm so sorry to hear the NPL went with the other couple.

The gorram 'verse ain't too kind sometimes, is it?

[Emily]

I am so sorry my friend, so very sorry. The high road is indeed a lonely place but it's definitely the place to be because out there is a NPL who is looking for your special brand of integrity.

xoxo,
E

[Roni]

I am also sorry. The NPL who chooses you and the Mister will know and respect you for the ethical people you are and the loving, incredible future parents you will be. I hope that there are more options for you soon.

[kristylynne]

Ah, that blows. But at least you can look back on it and have no regrets. Hoping that you get to meet the baby that's meant for you ... soon.

[Kimmer]

Millie,
I am so very sorry this didn't work out for you guys Millie. Hope that you guys are holding up. It's so tuff, but it will happen M. Y'all will find the perfect match to build your family. You guys are going to be wonderful parents when it happens also. I'm so sorry once again.
Love,
Kimmer

[Bea]

So sorry this wasn't your match. Glad you have the comfort of knowing you did the right thing.

Bea

[crispy creme]

oh man...not what i was hoping to find...don't give up Millie...the right one is out there waiting for you...

big huge hugs

[beagle]

Damn.

Still, proud of your ability to handle it with grace.