What to do? What to do?

You don't really want to hear my weak excuses for not blogging, do you?

Yeah, me neither.

I've spent much of the last couple of weeks working or working on stuff for my volunteer organization. See this month is Training Blitz and I foolishly decided to offer a three hour training on the software I foolishly decided to implement pro bono for my group and a group we're spinning off. Because I have so much free time.

It takes a long time to develop a good training. It takes a lot of effort to deliver said training. And since I was really really foolish, I had to go back and revise the training for the second round near the end of the month. Oh and start to have implementation meetings.

So my weekends haven't been very different from my weekdays. I just don't get paid for the long hours on the weekend part. I am pretty passionate about my volunteer group and I'm actually incredibly passionate about this software in a horribly geeky way.

Imagine my surprise when an old friend (the same one who talked me into my stint at that yodeling place, btw) contacted me in the middle of all this and asked if I would be interested in a job. Like, a real job as an FTE and all (that's full time employee for you non-consultant types).

I think I've been on record for more than 5 years as saying I never wanted to be an FTE again. No how. No way. Nopes.

But then he started in with his pitch and it's a very good pitch. It would be for that company I'm so passionate about. It would be strategic and somewhat senior and I would have an incredible amount of autonomy. It would be using a variety of my skills in a really cool way. And it would involve a great deal of money and stock that is actually worth something.

So this weekend I spent even more time updating my resume. But clearly I'm torn. I love the flexibility of consulting. I have more than enough work coming my way. Lately I haven't had strategic positions, though, and I'm tired of the nitty gritty.

It's much more than that, though. The mister and I decided many years ago that one of us would stay home when we had kids. At least through preschool. The one of us that has five years post-graduate education in developmental and child clinical psychology seemed like the best fit (that would be me) but that's not a done deal. We both feel very strongly about our kids not being in full time day care. This in no way reflects on decisions anyone else has made so please don't take it that way. It's just what we want for our family. We are incredibly lucky to be living in the Bay Area and even have that choice.

And truth be told, this all plays a big role in why I haven't been interested in any FTE gigs. If I commit to a full time gig then I see that as a real commitment, for at least a year or two. How can I make that commitment right now? Who knows what will happen with our family? Once our profile is complete (still in the works) it could happen that week or two years later. It's just so nebulous.

Now if this gig does turn into an offer and it's as dreamy as it sounds then I'll be even more conflicted. This company is very open to part time and flex solutions so that would be an option. We could probably even work something where I work 3-4 days a week and the mister does the same and someone is home with our very theoretical kid(s) most of the time.

Really that's what it all comes down to: how much do I let a very theoretical baby influence this decision?

Oh and my friend who's making the pitch is one of us so he does get that. He also remembers my first day at work at that yodeling place, back when I thought the ectopic was under control but it unexpectedly ruptured anyway and the mister had to call him and say I wasn't coming back on Day 2. So I really want to be firm about any commitment that I do make.

Comments

[Clover]

Wow- tough call. I spent years living in job limbo doing consulting stuff and I'm not sure how I feel about whether it was worth it. On the one hand, it allowed me to be flexible when appointments, etc. came up. On the other hand, it allowed me to wallow in it all (IF) for too much of my day. I think if I knew what I knew now (that it took way damn longer than I thought), I'd have looked for something more full-time earlier. Good luck sorting it out.

[Krista]

That's a tough one. Rick and I also want one of us to stay home until our child is in preschool. It was the reason that when I decided to leave my firm two years ago, I went out on my own instead of going to a new firm. I was still doing treatment and didn't want to commit to a new firm and then up and leave. It worked for me. But I wouldn't have had the option of flex-time or part-time and Rick certainly doesn't so we didn't have the same choices. Having said that, now that I have said baby, I am really glad I have no pressure to go back to a full time job.

By the way I also have some background in developmental child psychology.

[Bea]

I say move ahead as if the baby's not happening. I say that not to be discouraging about the possibility of a child, but because if you don't you'll spend every second of your waiting time sitting around letting infertility take, take, take from you.

If it happens quickly, well, it's not as if you whimsically decided it would be like that. Like always, you'll roll with whatever comes about. There's only so much responsibility you can accept for things you have no control over.

Still doesn't help you with the usual consultant/FTE debate, of course, but takes the hypothetical kid out of the equation.

Bea

[Kay/Hanazono]

What Bea said. Also, good for you for doing that training! Getting trained was my favorite part of that volunteer org, and the part I miss the most now that I've "retired." I'm sure the others (in both groups) really appreciate your hard work!

[Jen]

I always need someone else rueing the universe for me. Thanks for your kind thoughts.

[thalia]

I say go for it, you never know what will happen and in the meantime it sounds like a great position.

[Louise]

Ah, this was the story of my life (deciding on jobs based on hypothetical kids).

So...No words of advice.

Hurry up and get that profile done! I am sure it will be gorgeous!

[Sparkle]

If you can manage treatment/adoption etc. with this job then go for it.
Having a baby is still your priority, so that's what you need to protect now.
The choices won't get any easier once the baby comes, but you have a view on how you want things so you'll change what you need to then.

[Geohde]

It's a difficult decision to make, but I guess whatever happens you just have to make the best choice you can at teh time and not second guess things afterwards when things happen. Or babies.

J