I feel like I've been living in a time warp this last week. Suddenly my life is like it was five years ago.
Back then I was in a very technical position (which I realized I soooooo didn't like) and managed an offshore team. We bonded over biryanis and tikka masala. My team was mostly young and all male and it took longer for me to establish credibility with them than any time in my career. There was a big time difference (11.5 hours) and my schedule got a bit wonky.
I'd work a pretty full day at my incredibly huge cubicle (actually 4 cubes combined) on the penthouse floor of a very tall building with incredibly city views. Gotta love that dot.com mentality: all of the money went into incredibly expensive office space so by the time I joined all we really had were views. After my regular work day, I'd go home, relax, then get online again around 10-11 and work until midnight or 1. The day crew was at work and they needed more attention than the night (my day) team. We did a lot of training and server maintenance and such.
After that job I decided I never wanted to be that technical again, and I didn't really want to manage an offshore team. But you're now thinking, "millie, what about your yodeling days?"
I know. I wasn't thrilled with the whole offshore aspect during my yodeling career (and it bit big time to have to be at work at the butt crack of dawn) but I was there to support a team, not manage one. If they weren't in touch with me it only meant their needs didn't get met.
So fast forward five years. Exchange the biryani for borscht. And the chai for vodka and my life is looking pretty similar. I've spent the last few nights trying to wrangle a far away team into doing what I need and it's really hard. My project is slipping and I really hate that. Luckily there was great progress last night so we're only 4 days behind.
It's funny because I took that biryani contract so long ago because I didn't want another FTE position. We'd started trying to build our family and I didn't want to commit to something that I knew I'd be leaving once we had a baby. It was at that extra large cube that I first heard the words "High FSH" applied to me. That was one of the first days I ever cried at work and the tears just poured. It was there that one of my pumps and pearls friends, seven months pregnant with an adorable bump I found myself hating, told me there was hope and that donor eggs were a wonderful thing. It was there that I found Dr Local and the message boards and my first infertility blog.
And what has changed in those last five years? I'm still doing more technical work than I prefer. I still stay up late at night thinking about how I should be rocking a baby and not chatting with developers. I still don't want to be an FTE because I'll be leaving any time now to stay home with a baby.
What's changed? Not nearly enough.
*Yes I used to spend an awful lot of time at that particular midnight movie. I still know all the songs. The lp I played all through high school and college is one of the only ones I kept. I wanted to be Janet for Halloween but always ended up as Magenta. You did know I was a redhead for more than 10 years, right?
Awww my sweet sweet Millie. I am sending mommy /baby/daddy thoughts your way all the time and 34985834503495 hugs.
Posted by: Katrina | Friday, 01 February 2008 at 20:21
As someone who used to work for a tech company, I can appreciate how hard it must be to manage an offshore team!
Thinking of you,
Posted by: Louise | Saturday, 02 February 2008 at 05:41
I hope this long journey is over for you guys soon.
Posted by: Red Headed Momma | Sunday, 03 February 2008 at 08:15
Your right, not nearly enough has changed. I really hope that's over soon. And then you can also ditch the job, because it sounds terribly hard.
Posted by: Krista | Wednesday, 06 February 2008 at 21:29
I hope your journey is over soon. It has been such a long hard road for you.
Posted by: Bonnie | Thursday, 07 February 2008 at 02:57
Where ARE you, dear Millie?! I wanna hear more about last weekend's adoption meeting!!!
Posted by: Louise | Saturday, 09 February 2008 at 18:33