I got this pain in my heart, that's all

This is so not the post I wanted to write but I am just heartsick.

I'm tired of the fighting between friends. I'm tired of people saying mean things to people I care about. Or even just to people I don't know at all but who are close to people I care about.

I hated junior high. The lyrics from this song are so appropriate today for a lot of reasons. If you don't know this song, you really should. It's by the amazing Ben Folds back when he was with the full five. Nothing reminds me of home like Ben. We walked the same streets, knew a lot of the same people and have the same cultural references. It's like he writes songs JUST FOR ME.

I suppose that's one more thing that makes me crazy, right? When you think the songs are meant for you?

Why am I heartsick today? I was trying to plan something nice for another friend. How hard could that be right? Turns out a friend thinks I betrayed her. I read the post a while back where she talked about it. I've been so busy I haven't even had a chance to comment. In all honesty I wasn't sure what to say because I thought she was talking about another friend. I sure as hell didn't think she was talking about me.

But she was. She thinks I hurt her. She thinks I did something I'd never do. It just makes me so very sad.

I know there had been problems between some of my blogging friends. I tried to be Switzerland. I don't want to choose sides, especially when I think it really isn't any of my business.

This has always been a place of great support for me. I've always tried to support my infertile sisters (and brothers).  I don't have time or energy for hating of any kind (except perhaps those lying celebrities and annoying SILS, but that is different). I am generally out of the loop when there's insider stuff going on in the blogosphere. Just like I was out of the loop in junior high. Guess some things haven't changed at all.

So now I head into the holiday season with a heavy heart. Maybe a little more BFF is in order:

Underground, underground
Everything's happy underground
You been kicked around
Did life bring you down here
Everything's heavy underground

Comments

[DD]

I have to say something here and try to take the stance of Switzerland as well.

I love all three of you (and I make the assumption of which three based on The Plan Idea, and the link above), and I know that I came to this blogging circle much later in the game but all of you mean something special and unique to me. I had no idea that the post you referred to (and I'm now glad of it) it was about another blogger, but apparently something was confirmed in an email exchange about The Plans for the other friend.

I just want you all to know that I hope you can work things out before it gets out of a hand like a certain something did about a year ago with some other bloggers.

I'm sure you are all hurting from this and isn't that what usually inspires support and selflessness? So I hope the voodoo that is blogging does what it was meant to do.

[Roni]

I don't know these folks. I don't know what fighting. I blog in basic ignorance, so I'm always out of the loop. But I wanted to send you a hug and tell you that I'm sorry you feel so heavy-hearted right now.

[Lynnette]

Well, I've only shared with you a phone call, a couple of emails and numerous comments, and I wouldn't take you for someone who would ever do anything on purpose to hurt somebody else. Surely, this can be worked out, and the air cleared? I'm sorry you have this stuff on your plate. I'm with Roni, kind of oblivious over here in my little world. I hope your Thanksgiving is nice. You'll be happy to know that I'm forcing a pumpkin pie on my in-laws THIS year. I wasn't about to go three years in a row without one...

[PiquantMolly (AKA Mollywogger)]

What DD said. I hope everything gets out in the open and worked out, for I love you three in different ways and for different reasons as well.

[Bonnie]

I'm perpetually out of the loop, but I know you are a kind person who doesn't intentionally hurt others.

I hope it can all get cleared up and you have a happy holiday.

[beagle]

I'm not cool enough to even know all the involved parties so I just want to say that I am sorry that you are hurting and hope you all work it out somehow.

[thalia]

am completely ignorant here, and childishly annoyed that I'm not in the loop enough to know what's going on, but mostly worried that 2 ppl who I love in blogworld (I have no idea who the third person would be) are so upset with each other. Wish I could fix something but I don't think it's up to any of the rest of us to fix it...

[Jenna]

Oh jeez, I guess beagle and I are in the same boat. I haven't got a clue what's going on here, because I too tend to stay locked in my own blogging world much of the time. But I do know that you are a good person. I know that because I've read through your blog and the comments I read from others tell me what a wonderful support you are to others.

I hope this works out the way you want it to sweets.

[Orodemniades]

Add me in with the good person comments. I just can't imagine anyone thinking you betrayed them - I've always seen you as more of a 'straight to the face' kind of gal.

Still, I'm sorry you have to go through this. I guess the only other thing I'd say is...consider the source and what they might be going through to make them lash out? I know that sounds like a 'turn the other cheek/take the high road' deal and maybe it is, yet I can't help but think it couldn't hurt.

[Red Headed Momma]

I don't know this chick, but I don't have to be Switzerland. What the hell? Grown women don't set traps for anything other than mice.

[Pamplemousse]

Aaaw, sweetie. You do not deserve to be kicked around. I know nothing of what is going on but I will hurt anyone who is hurting you.

[hangin'in]

I'm with red headed momma, above..... What the hell? I can't imagine you doing anything to anybody with malice in your heart. I don't know these people, or I don't think I know these people..... you want me to beat 'em up for ya? (since we are talking junior high here, and not grown women....)

I lurv you girl, and I don't talk to you enough, and I'm so sorry about that. I hope you have a wonderful Thanksgiving, and put this nonsense out of your mind for a while.

[Suz]

I've apologized to Millie in an email and I wanted to do so here, publically, as well. This whole thing was about my hurt feelings over being attacked on another blog and thinking that Millie had some role in it. I was wrong. I should have gone to her directly and I never should have alluded to the whole thing on my blog. Ever. I really believe that these things need to be handled privately and I have taken down the post. I think that she's accepted my apology and I hope that all of you can, too.

[Bea]

Well, I'm even more behind, because not only do I not know all the people involved, but by the time I find out about the situation it seems to have been resolved. Still, my own dim-wittedness aside, that's a good thing.

Love the song.

Bea

[Teendoc]

I still don't know what is going on even after I went back and read the cached version of the offending blog post. Yet I will say this, one of the things I've loathed about people, especially women, is when they decide to be passive-aggressive and do things like set "traps." Traps? How fucking old are we?

Maybe it is because I am 44 and not 14, but I think that people who need to set "traps" ought to grow a pair, learn to use their mouths and ask questions directly. You haven't got a mean bone in your body and for someone to behave so passive-aggressively to you is heinous.

Women, can we freaking grow up and be adults here?! Now I'm pissed! No one messes with my Millie!

[Julianna]

This so very much sucks. I do hope that you and Suz straightened everything out, I adore both of you so very much.

There have been several times in my life where I jumped the gun or was jumped on a bit and it makes me appreciate the non-dramatic, nice moments in my life.

I hope you had a peaceful Thanksgiving. In a perfect world, there would be no misunderstandings or confrontations, but....alas........

Much love to you and Suz,

[tubeless]

hugs.. I hope today was a better day. I hate this for you.

[Kimmer]

I'm sorry Millie, hope things are getting worked out. I hate arguments, hate them...

[Louise]

Awwww. I have no idea about any of the fuss, but know that I am sending you a big hug. You are a sweetheart and I know you wouldn't hurt anyone on purpose.

[Anna H.]

oh sweets, i'm sorry all of this happened -- that anything took you to a low place. i think of you as someone who works really hard to keep living and loving and giving despite all the shit that's gone on these past few years. so, it's upsetting to think of anyone or anything bringing you down.

i hope you've worked out whatever the problem was in such a way that you feel less sadness and some peace.

sending much love to you up north.

[JennaM]

What Anna said, and just... well, there's not enough time for stuff like this. Walk away with the confidence that you've done/said all you can, dearie.

We're all on our own paths at the end of the day. Leave her to hers... she'll find what she needs eventually, with or without your participation.

All good things,
JennaM

[JennaM]

Ah, sorry. Never read the original post, saw the public apology, or put two and two together.

Best to all, and ignore my thoughtless pontificating...

JennaM

[Jan1902]

I am sorry you are dealing with this - all I can say is that you are SUCH a source of support to so, so many. Not to mention that you are a wonderful and kind person. And I don't even know you IRL. :-)
Did you get any news on the HSG front? I was hoping for a good report . . .

[daisy]

As one of your new number one fans...I cannot stand for this. You have extended such kindness and advice to me that I can only assume that this other person is looking for ways to me malicious. Not acceptable. I am sorry you are hurt.
Daisy