It started out like so many other days recently. The mister and I got up and planned to day the dogs for a nice long walk. Then I was going to have a leisurely breakfast and wait for him to have his weekly chiropractic.

The first thing that went wrong was the mister slicing his thumb open when he was cutting up an old credit card. I'm not sure why it was imperative to activate his new credit card and cut up the old one before our walk (or more importantly, before our much needed coffee) but it was. Using new scissors that are super sharp. And not paying enough attention. Let's just say there was a lot of blood. And he was more interested in washing it off than applying pressure.

Once I forced him to apply some gauze pads the bleeding stopped. A band-aid was applied but it wasn't one of the cool Harry Potter glow-in-the-dark ones. He likes to save those for me.

We skipped the walk in favor of bagels and lattes. He really needed to eat. We had a nice conversation about the mayor from across the bridge who's been in the news so much lately. I got to continue that particular conversation with a cool woman who was hanging out in the bagel shop. I think it's all people are talking about here.

If you haven't heard, said mayor just admitted to an affair. With someone who worked for him. With someone who worked for him who is married to someone else who worked for him. And that someone else was a really close friend.

Now I generally think we shouldn't be so concerned with our politician's sex lives unless they involve minors. Or subordinates. Or best friend's wives. He would be in a whole heap of trouble if he worked for the private sector. I do have a big problem with sexual harassment and I think when one person has power over the other that's a bad situation. But mostly I feel sorry for the best friend who everybody says is such a good guy. And I question the wife's motives for telling her husband at such a late date.

I digress.

So the dogs and I had our walk and I decided to go and meet the mister near the end of his appointment. I used to see our chiro as well but the yodeling job messed up my schedule.

I had a sinking feeling she was going to be pregnant as I walked up the stairs. I don't know why but it just hit me from the blue.

Then I thought to myself. Don't be silly, Self. She's turning 40 this week. We're scheduled to go to her party. She just barely got married last year. If anything she might need a nudge to see a specialist and she might want a recommendation.

I should have listened to my gut. Yup, she's pregnant. Very early. The mister just found out today. She's taking an early maternity leave because she's feeling so poorly. I wanted to be happy for her. Truly I did. It just felt like such a sucker-punch.

The worst part was the look on the mister's face as he walked out. It hit him hard. We truly don't wish infertility on anyone else and certainly not her. But we've been trying so long and been through so much. I hate that infertility even makes me sad when it's someone else's good news. It is good news. I want to be able to celebrate it. Damn this infertility.

But I couldn't be happy when my man was in tears by the time we got to the car. I drove him to work knowing he was going to continue to have a hard day. It hurts me so deeply to see him hurt so.

I started the recipe testing for his birthday cupcakes. I made 4 dozen Chocolate Stout with Espresso Cream Cheese. I took them to his work for their Friday Happy Hour and everyone loved them. At least the day ended really well.

Comments

[K&M]

Ya know, cupcakes aren't a cure-all, but they make a mighty fine band-aid.

[Bonnie]

I'm sorry about the chiropractor. Stories like that just bring up all the old bitterness and "why me" of being on the wrong side of the statistics.

[thalya]

Yes, baking as a band-aid is something with which I am deeply familiar. I'm glad you got to put some kind of band-aid on yesterday's pain. It sounds like a tough day.

[Kath]

Oh, Millie, I'm so sorry about that chiropractor's news hitting you so hard. A very similar thing happened to me in December and I was so sad and even guilty (on top of all my devastation) that another person's innocent joy could hurt me so much. You're so right, infertility is toxic.

And I'm sorry, too, that the Mister had such a painful day. Seeing my husband crying would shatter me to pieces.

[Lut C.]

Yes, I remember being so pleased when - after a hiatus of a year - I wanted to see my GP again, for something minor and she was unavailable due to maternity leave.
I'm sure she started trying after writing my referral for ob/gyn number one (who by the way also became PG a few months later).

At times I feel a bit alone in this, because my husband simply does not have the urge to have a family. He could go for the childfree option any day. The silver lining in my mind is that I don't have to bear his hurt on top of mine.

[Suz]

Having met your mister and known right away what a good guy he is, this hit me hard, too. I wish he wasn't sad and am glad that your cupcakes were able to put a little bandaid on the day.

[chris]

I hope the cucakes helped as well.

I was surprised by the mayor.

I hope it wasn't naked Harry Potter with a horse bandaids instead. They're making those now, right?

Cupcakes sound great. We want all the details.

Hang in there. I'm sorry about the pregnancy ambush.

[Sparkle]

It's horrible how lethal that infertility toxin is.

I always find that it's not that I wish anything bad on anyone - I just don't want to have to bear witness to all the happy news.

I had a similar thing happen last year - a friend 41 first cycle IVF: BOOM = pregnant = still pregnant 6 months later.

[Red Headed Momma]

First of all, poor E and his finger! Was he channeling my clumsiness? Glad you took care of him. Geesh.

On the mayor -- what a tool. And then he has the nerve to spout off about the inappropriateness of a porn studio in the Mission. Oh Gavin, just zip it, in every sense of the word!

Finally, I'm sorry about the chiro. You can't help how you feel. And you of anyone are usually the most happy for everyone else, kwim? So let yourself be petty for once.

[Louise]

The cupcakes sound divine! Please post the recipe if you are able :-)

Sorry to hear about the pregnancy ambush. ;-(

[KIMMER]

Hate getting gobsmacked with news like that, I'm sorry about the mister having to deal with that. He sounds like a very caring man. And you are a good wife to take the cupcakes over, now you just need to ship some to me;).

[Emily]

In five years, I've never gotten used to the ambushes. Sigh. Like a Pavlovian response I've got a routine that belies the deep pain.

Take care.

[Anna H.]

I'm so sorry, Millie -- I hate the thought of your Mister crying, too.

Much love to you both.

[linda]

Ack, don't you hate it when you psychically know when everyone around you gets knocked up? Geez...

About Newsom. You know. This IS the Bay Area. Maybe Gavin and the wife AND the husband were all having a well, you know, 'swinging' good time?