No more yodeling for me

Today was my last day of work for the rest of the year. It was also my last day ever at my current job. I was very much looking forward to finishing up so I was a bit shocked when it turned out to be more than a tad bittersweet.

I didn't sleep much last night. I'm not sure if I was keyed up about our upcoming vacation and my long to-do list or if it's the increase in my thyroid meds. Whatever. There was no sleep for me (which meant not much for the mister or the dogs).

As I left my house at a little after 4 for the last long drive to the purple campus, I remembered my first day of work and how differently I felt then. How could I not, right? It's natural to think of the beginning again when you're at the end.

My first day ended in an ectopic rupture and emergency surgery. Not exactly the way you want to start any job. My last day was just a couple of days before my would-have-been due date. Beginnings and endings.

I know I've complained about the tediousness of the work, the horrendous hours and the painful commute. But I do think this job has helped save my sanity and restore a bit of my self-confidence.

Pastry school saved me after my first ectopic. It gave me a place to go just enough days of the week and something to focus on besides my lack of fertility. It also gave me a group of zealots who were as obsessed with the perfect crumb as my infertile friends are with the perfect egg. Actually there was a lot about eggs there as well.

My stint at the Purple Palace did much of the same. I found the Millie that was good at things, even if it was cutting, pasting and saving. I did a kick ass job and I was really good at it. It had been a while since I felt confident and competent at much in my life.

Last week we had a staff meeting and awards were given out. I'm not a fan of this approach. I've never found it particularly motivating, whether I was on the receiving end or not. I think all too often the wrong behaviors (working long hours/holidays/whatever) are reinforced.

I was stunned when I received an award. I'm the first contractor in my group to get one. I really don't think it's fair (hahahahahahaha--what does fair have to do with anything) as I made more money than almost everyone in the room and got to work fewer hours. I thought it was incredibly awkward and wished all of my colleagues had been recognized as well. There was a cash component and a nice letter--too bad it couldn't go in my permanent record.

I'm looking forward to new challenges. My next gig will be much more in line with my skill-set and I think I'm ready for that. That's the lasting gift of the last six months: I really can survive just about anything and I can even begin to thrive.

I'm not sure I'll have much of a chance to post until the new year but I'm looking forward to the solstice and the promise of light in the darkness that comes with that. May we all find a bit of light and hope in the promise of a new year and many good things for all of us. I really do think 2007 will be a much better year.

Comments

[K&M]

Well you know I am going to be in "Millie-withdrawal" now.

So excited about your trip and your moving on to the next cool job though, so maybe I'll be able to live through this. ;o)

Have a wonderful time on vacation!

Hugs,
K

[DD]

I have to admit that this upcoming soltice is my favorite day of the year: it may be the shortest/darkest day of the year, but it also holds the promise of spring.

[thalia]

I'm finding it hard to see any light right now, but I'm glad you're able to find just a pinch.

Have a wonderful break, sweetie, we will miss you.

[JMW]

"I really do think 2007 will be a much better year."

Your lips to Gd's ear! (Does Gd even HAVE ears?)

[roni]

I'm just happy that things are ending well for you at the job, and that you have the anticipation of such a wonderful trip.

I wish you love, happiness, and most of all a successful 2007 in anything and everything you endeavor.

Lotsa love and an early Happy New Year,
Roni

[Julianna]

Have a wonderful trip with your husband and enjoy each other. I wish for your holidays to be filled with lightness and laughter.

If you are not in a better place by this time next year, then there really is no justice in this world.

Love you,

[rosie]

here's to 2007!

[Josie]

Sometimes reflection can be therapeutic. I look back on our ART journey and we are not where I thought we would be at this point, but I know I have changed and grown as a person. I also know how often I would cry before and now as I was leaving the hospital from another lap today I said to my husband while chuckling that we are getting to be pros at this. I guess a lot of the fear is gone.

So, you area pastry chef? I am SO jealous - that is my dream. I think I can bake but at times I am still frusterated. Was it you that I was supposed to share my fabulously and laboriuosly created croissant recipe with? IF so please remind me and I wll get it to you - I can always send a copy with the Christmas card exchange. I would love to have you try it and offer your sugegstions on how to modify it or hear from you if you havea recipe of your own. If you need a distraction some time and want to talk about things other than IF (like baking) I am always available.

Here's to 2007 - at some point things can only get better, right?

[Angela]

"Ring the bells that still can ring
Forget your perfect offering
There is a crack in everything
That's how the light gets in"

Have a great holiday. Looking forward to your return and a happy 2007 for all of us.

[Amyesq]

Have a fantastic vacation. You really deserve it. And please be proud of the great job you've done over the past months.

And then come back, because we'll miss you!