Sunday Dinner

The mister and I had a double date last night. You know one of those couple things. We'd been trying to arrange it for a while and it finally worked out. It was with the couple who're donating their embryos to us.

What does one wear to meet the (genetic) parents of their children? Luckily I didn't have much time to think because I was running late. I settled on a nice super soft  blue sweater (to make my eyes 'pop'), taupe pants, boots and my black leather jacket.

We went to their house and talked for a bit then walked to the trendy neighborhood street near them with lots of cool restaurants. We ended up at a new Chinese restaurant. We ordered too much food. We talked and talked and talked.

It was great. Hm, I really think I need some names. How's about George and Martha? Anyway, I'd met Martha before but not George. And the mister hadn't met either of them. It could have been awkward but luckily we had plenty to talk about. The TomKat fake wedding didn't come up (can you believe it took until today for the priest to think it might be a publicity stunt) but we'd all seen the new Bond flick the night before (looooooved it--four thumbs up). Oh and was that little thing called infertility.

It was what we all hope is the first of many dinners or meetings. It's amazing to think we may have an amazing connection with this family. However this cycle works out, I think we'll all be friends.

One of the things an adoptive mom said at the still-yet-to-be-discussed adoption forum, was that you should be able to eat dinner with the prospective match five/ten/whatever years down the line. That you'd be better off (and your children would) if you can honestly find a great deal in common and genuinely like the family you match with.

I'm still not sure how our children will come to us. Could be donor embryos, could be adoption, could be some other way. But I've got to say I hope this works out, partly because I'm so very tired of the hard parts of this journey and just so ready to be a parent, and partly because it would be so easy to have George and Martha and their kids be in our lives forever. 

If our children come to us through adoption, that would be great. But there's no way I can have the same kind of connection with a birthfamily that I can with donor couple. It's not to say that I wouldn't work hard to understand their experience and wouldn't appreciate them and have a connection. Because I would. It would just be different.

The  bond of infertility is a strong one even with people we just meet. There are so many levels: the language we speak, the shared knowledge and pain, and  the safety and ease in just being together. There's definitely something to that. And that's one of the reasons that building our family this way feels so right for us.

Comments

[Sparkle]

What a wonderful post to read. I have found the same thing, infertility is a strong bond. I think it's the reason why I now have no objections to the label for myself - I've met amazing people.

This would be an amazing way for you to build your family. What a great connection for all of you.

Can't wait for the FET.

[thalia]

I hadn't thought about donor embryo that way. I'm so glad that all of you are getting on so well.I do hope that this is the start of a life-long bond.

What was Martha wearing? Presumably not a blue sweater or you would have mentioned it...

[Heather]

I'm so glad you had a good time. IF really is a strong bond. I hope Martha and George are in your lives for a long time - for all the right reasons.

[DD]

I have some questions for you that I'd rather do via email. Would you mind?

[Lut C.]

It's great that you can go into this adventure with a sense of wellbeing and comfort.

[T]

"The bond of infertility is a strong one even with people we just meet." Amen.

So glad you had a nice time. I wonder what trendy street?

['Nilla @ Vanilla Dreams]

So glad to hear you had a good time -- it was very interesting to hear you describe donor embryo that way. In Canada it would appear that if one ever makes it to donor embryo here (which is very difficult!), that it would be anonymous, and there would be no meeting of the families. Clinic does the matching here, I believe...

In any case, I'm so happy that you feel an amazing connection to the donor family, and so hoping this all works out for you!

xx
Nilla

[JJ]

Just a little aside here, when we went to our adoption workshop one of the birthmothers there said "No, I don't understand infertility, but I understand pain. We both have pain. It's not the same pain. But it's pain." And for some reason taht was just so profound for me. We may have more in common with the unexpectedly fertile than we might think. Not being able to care for a child you carry might be just as heartwrenching as not being ably to carry the child you can care for.