Boy, do I wish I'd gotten a weekend this time around. Instead, I had to drive back and forth to a weekend conference for a volunteer advocacy group I belong to. Normally I look forward to this but I really wasn't in the mood. We are a group of strong and determined women. We sponsor and support legislation around our focus areas (women and children in need) in our state (and now a bit on the federal level). This was our time to get together and talk about all of our wins this year.
The last conference was in May and I wasn't able to attend. You might remember I was dealing with an ectopic pregnancy back then. My doc wouldn't let me drive to our lovely State Capitol because there wasn't guaranteed medical care along the way. Excuses were made, along the lines of a family emergency I suppose.
So I was feeling a bit out of sorts. I missed a few other milestones over the summer (see ectopic pregnancy above) and was feeling pretty disconnected. Often at these conferences there are a few pregnant women. Sometimes even small babies. I dreaded seeing more evidence of everyone else's fertility. But I went anyway.
The leader was one of the first people I saw. I apologized for being absent in May, she definitely hadn't been given any details. I filled her in because even if people don't know much about ectopic pregnancies, they seem to understand how difficult they are (except for my in-laws, of course). She confided that she'd just had a miscarriage within the last 2 weeks and no one else knew. She wasn't looking forward to dealing with any pregnant attendees either. Luckily, we both got off easy.
Later, in the lunch line, I was admiring one of my favorite people's outfit. It was by a designer I love but can never afford. She said she bought it because it was expandable and she was ttc. She said no one had warned her that the part where your ttc is the part where you put on so much weight. Because of the drugs. I told her I was a sister in that journey and we'd have to compare notes. I realized then that her eyes were a bit sadder than the last time I'd seen her.
We got down to the business at hand and I didn't have time to talk to my fellow IFers any more. But it helped me tremendously to know I wasn't alone in the room. I think it helped them as well. We're all about thank you notes and such and I intend to write each of these ladies a lovely one.
See, I was right about the thank-you notes.
Here's hoping that next year the three of you will be talking about baby-related stuff.
Posted by: chris | Monday, 16 October 2006 at 09:09
It does help just to know your not the only one in the room even when it's not talked about. I'm glad the conference wasn't as trying as you were anticipating.
Posted by: Lori | Monday, 16 October 2006 at 09:24
Here's my little thank you note to you, Millie... thank you for helping me (and lots of other people) to feel less alone in all of this.
Love,
A
Posted by: Anna H. | Monday, 16 October 2006 at 10:16
It's amazing how many of us are struggling isn't it? I'm glad it helped.
Posted by: T | Monday, 16 October 2006 at 11:11
It can be so much better when you know that you're not alone.
And, yes, my expandable wardrobe has well, expanded to the extent that I don't buy clothes anymore. Just shoes.
Posted by: Suz | Monday, 16 October 2006 at 12:29
Although it's horrible that others are experiencing IF as well, I love that there is a kind of 'unity' amongst those that 'get it'!
Posted by: Meri-ann | Monday, 16 October 2006 at 13:29
It's funny, you wouldn't wish IF on anyone, but it becomes a great 'equaliser' when you do meet others.
I guess, it means you can bypass so much of the small talk and feel an instand affinity.
You work with the advocacy group sounds great.
Posted by: Sparkle | Tuesday, 17 October 2006 at 02:31
There are more of us than one would think. That's why I'm always talking about it. I want people to know how common IF is, and if there is a fellow IFer in the room, I want her to feel less alone.
Posted by: fisher queen | Tuesday, 17 October 2006 at 05:15
it's lovely when you realise your not alone but it's so very bittersweet as well, so glad you enjoyed your time away but if your neglecting violet, I'll have to step in for voilets sake not mine
Posted by: Jen | Tuesday, 17 October 2006 at 05:41