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Monday, 02 October 2006


I love it. It's totally narcissist day in the IF blog world. Sorry, maybe I shouldn't be so happy about it but sure is making me feel better than a pint of B&J's NY super fudge chunk that I am not the only one dealing with such shits.

Oh, advice, you wanted advice. I'm no emily Post so feel free to write whatever you want. I don't think it will do a bit of good. I've tried explaining to narcissists why they make me mad, but somehow it always ends up being about them.

Good luck, though.

I'm not sure what to add besides a request for the transcript.

Good luck and I hope you save the day! Your cousin will be sooooo grateful.

Laughing out loud! I am a manners freak, and it drives me NUTS when people disregard basic courtesies.

And people really don't pay attention to the inner envelopes of wedding invitations! They think "Mr. and Mrs. John Smith" on the inner invite also means "and their three children."


I think overall though, that Emily Post would advise the bride's parents, or the wedding hosts, call those who are so rude, and let them know what will be allowed...Based on your history with these people, I don't think they'll listen to you. I think that the bride's only hope is for the wedding host to call the offenders and say "no children under age X." Period.

All that said, like Wavery, I can't wait to hear the transcript of your little chat with your sis-in law. Good times! Have I mentioned that I LOVE crazy in-law stories? :-)

Does cousin Sally know all this? I would tell her what asshole plans to do. Also, if you are sure that you dont care what asshole and wife #2 thinks about you - I would go in guns blazing - please, if you can, cut and paste a copy of the letter you send and any reply. Have Fun!

Oh yes, add me to the request for transcript! I thought I had a family full of assholes, but on reading about THE asshole, realize that they're just jerks. I just wonder if email will work since she/they don't have to respond to it.

Good luck - can't wait to hear! Sorry I don't have advice, I think you're going to do a great job.

you can get real bitchy and be brutally honest, but I wouldn't do it via email, it's way too easy to print an email and make you the bad guy, much much more effective to phone and verbalise your distaste at their apparent lack of consideration for others. it's not their day and if they can't follow some simple requests they should just stay away. .... ahhh I'm still anti wedding guests from my own crap fright affair. affair = wedding day not secret lover behind the bike shed.

And how sweet of you to take her up on the offer to chat. Although I second the phone call vs email approach. You can always follow with an email either way, either confirming the conversation so she has something to think about, or to take another swing at the overall message. you know, tell'em, tell'em, & tell'em again. Plus, you get to be bitchy twice that way, and how great is that!

Well you're a braver person than I. After the family crap I've had to deal with in the last few years I'd be a total chicken and give it a w-i-d-e berth.

My mother has always said the most effective statement is the under-statement(not sure if that includes narcissists), but I agree I would reread and reread before I hit send - because some people find it empowering to make an even bigger broohaha by hitting forward and including all family members in such correspondence (as has happened in my family :>)

If this were your side of the family I would fully support this initiative. However, it isn't and I can't. Maybe no one on that side of the family stands up to him because they really don't want that kind of confrontation. Are you sure they will appreciate your interference?

As long as you have Sally's and your husband's blessing, I would certainly bring on the Bitch. If they won't care that it will be them that BIL will forever hold a grudge against, then obviously something should be said. However, BIL will use you as the reason to not come to other family gatherings and even though that probably won't bother you, it may not necessarily be worth it.

My opinion above certainly doesn't negate the fact that BIL is a fucktard deserves to come down with the intestinal flu so he is not able to attend thus resolving the issue on its own.

Okay, I'm not going to read anyone else's response until I cowardly leave my own, because I'm going to assume they go the opposite on this one: I wouldn't do anything. If he's that much of an asshole, he's going to do what he wants, particularly since his mother and other individuals have spoken to him. The duty for this falls on First Cousin, and if not her, her mother or father, to speak up. I'm sure you feel some sense of responsibility because he's your BIL, but it's not your problem.

I also think you hit the nail on the head with your BIL. Narcissists don't respond to much of anything, so what can you do? Sit back, relax, and watch the fall out. I'm sorry your BIL is such a lout, but that's not your fault.

Now I'm going to read what everyone else has to say.

Oh, I am ALL FOR as bitchy as you can! I think it's important to know that the ripples will affect the entire family, and if you perceive that you will be cheered rather than booed, go for it - and in writing! If you think that it may cause undue friction between you and other family members (important ones) , I would still do it but then by phone - less incriminating evidence!!

These people deserve a real beating. I, too, can't WAIT to see the transcript!! Hopefully they will go away for a long, long time. If not, do you think that they may ruin the wedding by being loudly confrontational with you if they still come and bring all their kids?

Frankly I think that the bride and groom should deny them entry - or tell them that their invite is being revoked. Unfortunately some people aren't able to be that confrontational (but I certainly am!)

You GO girl!! I can't wait to hear!

As much as I totally get where you're coming from with these two narcissists, the onus is truly on the bride and groom to take on this behavior and confront them about this plan to bring children. But I know you want to give 'em hell, so have at it and let us know how it goes.

There is only one way to deal with a narcissist and that is to leave them; ignore them like they don't exist. I agree that the bride and groom need to confront them and honestly, what the family needs to do is to exclude them outright. It's the only thing that sends the appropriate message. My ex was a narcissist, my parents as well, I've got lots of experience dealing with it and truly the only healthy thing you can do is carve out a life without them.

They are just awful sounding.

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