Yes it's that time of the year. I'm another year older. Not sure about the wiser part. So is my pal, Ben. He's a youngster who is just turning 40 this year.
Four years ago today I got engaged. In an incredibly romantic spot, overlooking the pacific ocean, at sunset. We were ready to start our family and hoping for a honeymoon baby.
Three years ago this weekend I went to my first RESOLVE conference and met Krispy Kreme and her pals. I was still reeling from the high fsh diagnosis but sure it would all work out soon.
Two years ago I was planning my first ivf at Garden State. I figured it was my best shot at the best clinic for us high fshers.
Last year I was hopeful at this time. Cape Town was ahead of me. Life was looking good. I was hoping I'd have my baby in my arms by this birthday. That softened the blow a bit.
This year I'm working hard to regain my life. I'm learning to smile again. I know it's a fake smile (no cheek raise--I used to study smiles with the best of them so I can fake a real one if I really want to but it's so much effort). I'm zipping around in Violet. Planning trips to exotic locations. Buying some new furniture. I'm trying hard not to be too wistful or regretful today but I'm definitely not where I wanted to be. Not by a long shot.
Here's to having a child by next year. Until then, I'll continue to do the best imitation of myself.
Birthdays are always bittersweet. Here's to more sweet for yours. Planning trips to exotic places is always good. Always good.
Posted by: Sandy | Tuesday, 12 September 2006 at 10:06
I will raise my glass to that, Millie. May next year bring you that dream.
Posted by: Suz | Tuesday, 12 September 2006 at 10:22
I was telling my hubbie this weekend that your birthday was soon! I admit, I couldn't remember exactly which day..... but Happy Birthday! Here is to a great year filled with bliss....
Posted by: hangin'in | Tuesday, 12 September 2006 at 10:22
Oh my god, it's your birthday again? Weren't we just celebrating the big 4-0 a minute ago? I feel totally blindsided! Where did the year go?
I can't believe all that you've been through these past four years. You make it look easy, even though I know it's not.
Happy Birthday, and I hope this year we'll be stroller shopping.
Posted by: Red Headed Momma | Tuesday, 12 September 2006 at 10:37
Happy, Happy Birthday!
May you have all that wish for and more by this time next year.
Posted by: Julianna | Tuesday, 12 September 2006 at 12:46
Happy Birthday Millie - and I'm hoping that this coming year brings happiness and everything for which you have been hoping and dreaming. You deserve all the happiness and success that is your due. I'm praying that this dream is realized fully in this next year.
Thinking of you.
Roni
Posted by: Roni | Tuesday, 12 September 2006 at 13:11
Happy Birthday, Millie. One way or another you are going to have your baby. I'm not going to throw any empty platitudes at you because I know how hard it was waiting for 4+ years for my own baby to make his appearance.
Posted by: Bonnie | Tuesday, 12 September 2006 at 13:53
Happy Birthday
I hope this is the last birthday that comes without your dearest wish fulfilled.
Posted by: Krista | Tuesday, 12 September 2006 at 15:22
Happy birthday. I hope by next year, you have that baby you desire so much.
Posted by: statia | Tuesday, 12 September 2006 at 17:00
happy birthday beautiful! may violet soften the wait and may you really do get to have your dream come true.
PS. of course if they do come true well violet will be lonely might I suggest this really cool city living chick as a placement option I have all mod cons including and not limited to a burning desire to drive violet er one just like her.
Posted by: Jennie | Tuesday, 12 September 2006 at 23:29
Happy Birthday Millie,
I'm glad you have this place where "the good and bad comes through" ... we all need that in between doing the best imitation...
best wishes.. Leanne
Posted by: Leanne in Aus | Wednesday, 13 September 2006 at 02:04
I just call it "Imitation of Life" after the film. Happy birthday sweetie. I am right behind you as the big 4-1 sneaks up on me too!
Posted by: Pamplemousse | Wednesday, 13 September 2006 at 03:51
I bloody hate birthdays now, I never used to. I hope taht you have as good a one as possible, and I hope that this year is absolutely fabulous, as you deserve.
Lots of hugs and kisses.
Posted by: thalia | Wednesday, 13 September 2006 at 05:19
Happy Birthday!!!!!! May the next year bring you love, happiness, good food, and two lines on a plastic stick.
Posted by: Alex/Infertile Gourmet | Wednesday, 13 September 2006 at 09:27
Happy birthday millie!
I echo everyone's sentiments.
I hope the upcoming year brings you everything you've been hoping for. It's about time I think.
Posted by: ninaB | Wednesday, 13 September 2006 at 13:18
Wishing you a great birthday!
Birthdays and Christmases and other holidays can be very bittersweet.
Beyond today, I am wishing that the next year bring you even more blessings and wonderful surprises than you could ever imagine.
Posted by: Louise | Wednesday, 13 September 2006 at 13:27
Happy birthday. I hope this coming year brings you everything you want.
Posted by: chris | Wednesday, 13 September 2006 at 15:46
Happy birthday! I hope that you will have an entirely different post next year.
Posted by: zhl | Sunday, 17 September 2006 at 09:23