I should be crying, but I just can't let it show.

Y'all know how I end up having song lyrics as post titles. I  just can't help it. Today's comes from that fab Kate Bush song, This Woman's Work, thanks to the amazing Decorgal.

If you don't know Decorgal, well, you should. Back when I was first dealing with infertiily I found the Empty Arms video and it spoke to me. I sent it to a lot of folks. It was a way for 'normals' to understand a bit about what we go through.

Then I had my first ectopic pregnancy. And thanks to a lovely co-worker of the mister's, I found Decorgal. And the orginal Standing Alone movie. It's a beautiful and haunting piece about loss and I think I wrote about it a long time ago but I'm too lazy to link to that post.

She's recently remade it and it's perhaps even more powerful. Go download it from here.  Have a box of tissues handy. You will cry. I thought I was done with it for a bit but this just hit me and the tears came back, in a cathartic way.

Maybe one day we can twist her arm to make a movie about ivf or art in general?

(It's actually a Sims2 movie and you don't have to know anything about the Sims to be amazed. But if you do play the Sims (Statia, jen and others) you'll be blown away).

She's even got dragonflies! Can you believe that?

Thank you so much, Decorgal. We love you.

PS Here are the lyrics so you can sing through your tears:

Pray God you can cope.
I stand outside this woman's work,
This woman's world.
Ooh, it's hard on the man,
Now his part is over.
Now starts the craft of the father.

I know you have a little life in you yet.
I know you have a lot of strength left.
I know you have a little life in you yet.
I know you have a lot of strength left.

I should be crying, but I just can't let it show.
I should be hoping, but I can't stop thinking

Of all the things I should've said,
That I never said.
All the things we should've done,
That we never did.
All the things I should've given,
But I didn't.

Oh, darling, make it go,
Make it go away.

Give me these moments back.
Give them back to me.
Give me that little kiss.
Give me your hand.

(I know you have a little life in you yet.
I know you have a lot of strength left.
I know you have a little life in you yet.
I know you have a lot of strength left.)

I should be crying, but I just can't let it show.
I should be hoping, but I can't stop thinking

Of all the things we should've said,
That were never said.
All the things we should've done,
That we never did.
All the things that you needed from me.
All the things that you wanted for me.
All the things that I should've given,
But I didn't.

Oh, darling, make it go away.
Just make it go away now.

Comments

[Decorgal]

Thanks Milly for the kind words and thoughts on this movie. It means a lot to me. :)

[Suz]

You know, I didn't think that I would cry. But I did. It's that powerful.

[Lynnette]

I've either loved this song since the SA ex turned me on to Kate Bush or since the movie "She's Having a Baby," with Kevin Bacon and Elizabeth McGovern. The movie came first, I guess. (I even have the soundtrack, c. 1988...I don't know what that says about me...) The video made me think of that movie. Sadder, though. I hope you're doing ok. If you ever feel like talking, I'm here.

[Pamplemousse]

I just cannot listen to that song. Love Kate Bush but I just can't bear it.

[Kay/Hanazono]

That was the song that was going through my head while I was in labor and we knew our son would not survive. Thanks for the link to the movie - it was really well done, although hard to watch.

[hangin'in]

Wow, that one is so much more powerful than the first one. She does great work! I've not played Sims2 in a few weeks.... who has time with a new puppy! I hope you and the mister are doing well. Love the mini cooper..... somehow it is exactly the car I would expect you to drive!

[Donna]

Wow. I absolutely adore Kate Bush, and this song is one of my favorites. A gorgeous and moving visual representation, thanks for sharing it.

[redgemini]

I've always loved that song, but it is hauntingly heartbreaking with the video. I just ended a friendship with someone today who can't comprehend that a pregnancy loss can forever change you. It's reassuring to know that others feel the same way.