when good numbers go bad

What a long weekend!

I woke up around 4 am Friday with a fair amount of pain. All the feelings and pains of the last ectopic came rushing back. It was really weird and strangely familiar, kind of like, "oh yeah, THAT'S what it feels like and man does that ever suck." Not fun at all.

I went in for my bloodwork that morning like the good little trooper that I am. I was quite late thanks to the bridge traffic. I was so late in fact I got a call from my nurse as I was walking up to the building. She was worried that I'd forgotten. I glanced around at all the other women and couples. Most of them looked fairly happy, a few a little scared. I just wanted to get called back because I had nothing in common with anyone there. Good things still don't happen to me in that office.

One vial of blood drawn and I was back on my way home.

The weekend passed. I got to see lots of the lovely Liana and it was so good for me (and I hope for her as well). We had a fab girls' dinner out Friday night. We also had dinner with the mister last night. He was also so very glad to see her. It had been such a long time.

I was able to take pain medicine (I didn't earlier because I was concerned about the whole liver functioning thing) and my outlook certainly improved when I added prescription motrin and a little vicodin to the mix.

The mister had to work all weekend. Many many long hours. I made cupcakes for his team yesterday (vanilla with vanilla frosting and vanilla with lemon frosting...there were also chocolate ones that are best forgotten). They were very appreciated and I even got high praise from a couple of total food snobs. The best part was it brought a smile to many tired and stressed out faces. You just can't eat a cupcake and be stressed at the same time.

I also talked to my folks. My mom had been quietly freaking out but very respectful of the email the mister sent. She was super relieved to hear I was actually ok. Her heart is breaking along with ours and that's as hard for me to bear as the ectopic.

Another beautiful morning in the bay area today meant another drive to the city. I thought I'd be smart and do casual carpool* to save time. Turns out it didn't save any time but at least I feel environmentally friendly today (and I saved the $3 bridge toll so that's a bonus).

More time in a waiting room with nervous and excited folks. To my credit, I didn't tell them all to just flee while they can. I just sat and waited for my turn.

Today was three vials of blood. Gotta make sure those kidneys and liver are still working. Several nurses stopped by to ask how I was while I was waiting. I think that started to freak out some of the other folks waiting. Dr Local even stopped by and was quite concerned.

Just a quick aside: I'm so very touched by and impressed with the medical care I'm getting. I don't think there's any way it could be any better. My nurse updated the weekend nurses about my situation. I got a call each day asking how I was and checking in with me. Everyone has been just so great. The nurses I see most often start to tear up when they see me.

Ok, now for today's results: turns out I still can't trust what I'm feeling. I thought the pain on Friday was just 'separation pain.' The nurse said it might happen and would probably last 24-36 hours. It did last about that long. Now I'm having cramps. And still have bleeding.

My beta was supposed to be 15% lower today than it'd been on Friday. It only dropped 3%. This means that the drug isn't working and earns me another dose. I postponed it until tomorrow due to all the protests today that are snarling traffic but I had to promise to call if things get worse. I even have a couple of super special numbers.

The wait continues.

*Casual carpool works incredibly well. I'm not sure it'd work anywhere else. There are designated spots where if you need a ride you go stand in line and if you've got a car you pick people up. There's even a website devoted to the etiquette and rules. Things like what can be on the radio (NPR or classical music only) and when you can talk. I LOVE casual carpool and was a driver back in the high flying tech boom, and a rider after the bust and I lost my job and free parking. The benefit (besides meeting interesting people and trying out lots of backseats) is that you get to skip the toll and the metering lights. You can save a ton of time that way.

Comments

[EJW]

The Washington, DC area has a similar carpool system called "slug-lines." Like you have, there's designated pickup points and lots of rules about radios and talking and cell phone use. There's a website to help people coordinate rides and for lost-and-found.

My favorite rule is that if two people are at a slug-stop (one man, one woman), even if he got there first, she gets first dibs on the next slug. They don't want women standing alone in the dark, waiting for a ride. The feminist in me balks at this, but given the crime rate in DC, it's probably a good idea.

[Wavery]

I really feel that was faced with an ectopic, it should be at least an 'easy' ectopic. Not that that's worth a lot, but I wish you some quality down time.

[elana]

still mad that nothing gets to be easy for you.

casual carpool sounds cool. there are carpool things around here, but i don't know much about them since no one really has a car *in* the city. but when we had that transit strike a few months ago, strangers were just meeting and carpooling and it was pretty cool.

[Kath]

Dear Millie, I'm keeping everything crossed that the ectopic responds to the methotrexate very very soon. I wish this could be easier for you. Heck, I wish everything were utterly different for you right now.

[Karen]

I'm so glad you're getting good care and hope the ectopic is resolved soon. It just sucks that you have to go through this process on top of everything else.

[Kate]

I am so sorry that you just can't catch a break. Who do I have to kick? Cuz I will. How I wish that this could just be over and done with or you. It really sucks.

Huge hugs,
Kate

[Linda]

Vanilla/lemon cupcakes sound like a cure all for all stress related disorders. Maybe you will post your recipe for us one day? :-))

[chris]

So sorry about all of this. I'm glad that you are hanging in there despite everything.

They have the riding thing in DC too. I can't remember the name--scabs? Something unpleasant. Apparently it works very well. I never did it because with my luck I'd pick up a freak. Or two.

I'll be thinking of you.

Cupcakes sound lovely, by the way.

[chris]

I just read the first comment: Slugs. See, I knew it was something unpleasant.

[Roni]

I hope that you saved some of the cupcakes for yourself. You deserve some sweetness. I'm so sorry that this is such an awful scenario and on top of that you have to deal with it dragging out like this. My heart is with you.

Love to you and the mister. Very glad you had the chance to hang with Liana.
Roni

[Tonya]

Cupcakes rule. When I am down and out, I cook and bake up a storm. I hope things smooth out for you soon. When is the next round of tests?

[Bonnie]

I wish this could be easier for you.

[Pamplemousse]

The nurses and staff in your clinic are being so good to you. It does my heart in.

I am sorry that this situation is continuing to drag on and cause you such pain. Even in the midst of all that, you are still thinking of how to be a good citizen. I heart you, sweetie. Be good to you and the mister.

[Tertia]

sending you lots of love

xx

[Paisley]

So sorry things are not going smoothly. Been thinking of you lots and lots.

[HoldingPattern]

I hope it works, Millie, but if it doesn't I urge you to get the surgery and just get the tube(s) removed as soon as possible.

You know where I am coming from when I say this, but for your other readers it is because I experienced a horrific ectopic rupture after an unsuccessful dose of
methotrexate:
http://holdingpattern.typepad.com/in_a_holding_pattern/2005/04/the_rupture_par.html

I also decided to later have both tubes removed because the chances of another ectopic once you've had 2 are >50%. The theory was my tubes were screwed and that I might increase my IVF cycle success if I just got rid of them: http://holdingpattern.typepad.com/in_a_holding_pattern/2005/04/cordoning_off_m.html

[thalia]

Why is nothing straightforward here? I'm sorry it's dragging on. Hoping that this dose does it.

[fisher queen]

I hope the drugs start to work Millie. I am so glad to know the staff is taking good care of you. It makes a huge difference to know that they actually care.

[Ornery]

I so hope this next dose does the trick. Thinking of you.

[daisy mae]

just thinking of you today. and hoping your hcg begins to plummet soon.

ok - off to read HoldingPattern's links.

~daisy

[Anna H.]

I'm thinking of you, dear Millie...

xxoo

[Elizabeth]

Thinking of you and hoping all is well.

[Suz]

Oh no, oh no. Bloglines wasn't showing the new posts on your blog for some reason so I've missed it for a while - I'm so sorry about everything that's happened. It just sucks.

[Red Headed Momma]

I hope the drugs do their thing soon. This just sounds awful. I'm really sorry.

[Demeter]

Thinking of you....

[Louise]

wow- i love the idea of a casual carpool. I was thinking of how great that would be now, with the way gas prices are! And I love that listening to NPR is part of the "rules."

Hang in there, dear Millie! Sending you a hug from the southeast,