It's been another long weekend at Casa Millie. I had to spend a lot of time at a board retreat for a volunteer group I'm involved with. I think it's safe to say that's about the last thing I wanted to do this weekend. I am proud of the fact that I attended and even paid attention to some of it.
I am happy to say I watched a lot of bad tv and some bad movies. Seems to be a recurrent theme around here, no?
The mister had to work a lot this weekend. That was good for both of us. He was able to get lots done at a quiet office and I was able to watch even more bad tv. Oh the joy!
I also spent a lot of time consulting Dr Google. I found a few things that made me thing I wasn't a complete idiot for continuing to hope. Most of those indicated that a beta hcg level of 2000 was a better diagnostic criteria than the previously quoted 1500. This site even gave me the following quote:
3.) Criteria for presumptive diagnosis of Ectopic pregnancy:
Positive Serum HCG and absence of detectable intrauterine pregnancy when:
Gestation of 5 week menstrual age or more. Gestations of less then 5 weeks are not reliably seen by ultrasound. Since menstrual age is not 100% accurate, verification by serum HCG levels above the "discrimination" level of 2000 mIu/ml. (1 IS, 3rd IRP) suggests that an intrauterine gestation below the ultrasound detection threshold is present.
Note: In this case, diagnostic laproscopy is often indicated because of a high probability of ectopic pregnancy. None the less, as many as 35% of patients with a value of 2000 units and negative ultrasoud will have ongoing intrauterine pregnancy. Because of this, negative ultrasound and HCG > 2000 units should not be the basis for therapeutic termination, such as methotrexate injection, but only further diagnostic manueuvers.
Not one to split hairs, I'm definitely more than 5 weeks gestation but I do like the fact that up to 35% of patients with betas above 2000 and negative ultrasound will have ongoing intrauterine pregnancy. That's a real number that I can hold on to, right?
I've been paying close attention to every twinge, twitch and cramp I've felt all weekend. I've convinced myself it's definitely ectopic then a few minutes later am just as sure that it's just gas. I thought a lot about pushing back the ultraound and bloodwork a couple of days, you know just being more than a bit passive-aggressive.
The mister and I talked long and hard about it. For a while it looked like we wouldn't be making the long trek into the city during rush hour on a Monday morning. I thought about asking you lovely folks for advice, maybe even doing a poll and letting you pick.
But fear has gotten the better of me. I don't want to end up back in that scary place I was a couple of years ago. I really need another beta level regardless of what I see on the ultrasound tomorrow. If it is ectopic then now is the time the beta is likely to slow down. If the beta is still going up then I won't care as much if the ultrasound is negative. I'll still care but I'll clutch that 35% statistic and not allow them to do anything except more monitoring for a bit. Maybe I'll see if TomKat would like to see me their us machine.
I'm even toying with the idea of leting one of the new docs do the ultrasound. I'm not sure Dr Local will be there tomorrow. I don't doubt his skill, he's truly my favorite American RE. Hands down. No question about it. And I've been to a lot and met even more. I hear there's a new Dr Italian with a fab accent. Maybe he'll have the magic touch?
Ok, now time to be honest with y'all on how I spent the rest of my weekend. I am trying to follow my dear friend Liana's advice. I'm trying to enjoy this pregnancy. It might not be here all that long but damn it I've got a beta level of more than a thousand. I've been checking out pregnancy websites and figuring out my symptoms. I've looked at a few new strollers that I'm lusting after (I have a hankering for expensive ones that are not yet availabile in the US but I do have a Dutch supplier that can feed my addiction). I've looked at a few bedding sets (modern patterns, very fun). All of this is online, of course. I've let myself dream just a little bit. I figure that if there's a big fall it's going to hurt just as much. I hope I'm not being too greedy but I just can't help myself. This is the closest I've gotten. I hope I get a bit closer tomorrow.
keeping everything crossed that tomorrow brings a beautiful doubling beta so you can breathe a little easier until scan day. I so hope you get to do more than dream of your expensive imported stroller but that you get to use it.
Posted by: Jennie | Sunday, 23 April 2006 at 22:10
Good luck Millie - I'll be thinking of you. Anoufx
Posted by: Anouf | Monday, 24 April 2006 at 03:58
Good luck. I will be thinking of you and your husband today.
Posted by: Isabel | Monday, 24 April 2006 at 04:10
Millie, praying so hard for the high beta and a good u/s result. Thinking of you constantly.
Roni
Posted by: Roni | Monday, 24 April 2006 at 05:14
Millie -- I am hoping so hard for you. Glad you let yourself enjoy it a little, I think that's wonderful.
Also, just so you know, my RE's office doesn't do the first ultrasound until the beta is over 2000.
Good luck today!
Posted by: susie | Monday, 24 April 2006 at 05:21
Millie, I think you are very brave for continuing to enjoy this pregnancy. It's exactly the right thing to do, although I'm not sure I would be able to. I will be thinking of you all day today.
Posted by: thalia | Monday, 24 April 2006 at 05:40
Thinking of you... Take care!
Posted by: Jenn | Monday, 24 April 2006 at 05:55
Good luck. I'm home sick today with food poisening, so I'll be checking frequently.
Posted by: Bonnie | Monday, 24 April 2006 at 06:45
Oh hell. I think it is amazing you've decided to enjoy this pregnancy, amazing in an admirable way, when it'd be so easy not to. I hope you have good news, I hope you have excellent news soon.
Posted by: Lioness | Monday, 24 April 2006 at 06:55
Greedy? Hardly. You have the right to be happy. Liana's advice is very good advice.
Good luck today.
Posted by: chris | Monday, 24 April 2006 at 07:02
Millie, I hope you get some encouraging news today - and that your enjoyment of this is only just beginning. Good luck, good luck, good luck!
Posted by: pixi | Monday, 24 April 2006 at 07:42
Wishing you all the very best today. You have lots of internets pulling for you!!!
Posted by: Nico | Monday, 24 April 2006 at 07:59
I've been thinking about you all weekend, hoping, praying that today's news will be good. I continue to keep everything crossed and am anxiously waiting to hear from you.
Posted by: Ornery | Monday, 24 April 2006 at 08:58
By sheer force of will from across the pond, I am pulling so hard for you that I even quizzed the nurse at my baseline today about 6wk scans and not seeing anything. She said it is very common and for that exact reason, they only do 7 wk scans routinely after ART cycles. She says it saves a lot of angst all round.
Feel free to enjoy every moment of dreaming. You so deserve it and you ARE pregnant.
BTW I am home from work now so feel free to update anytime soon with the good news, although it is only 9am your time here hahaha!
Posted by: Pamplemousse | Monday, 24 April 2006 at 09:03
Hoping and praying to hear good news from you soon!
Posted by: Karen | Monday, 24 April 2006 at 10:03
good luck today Millie!!! cant wait to see an uypdate
Posted by: T | Monday, 24 April 2006 at 10:46
Millie sweetie, I am praying hard for you, the MAN and your little one. I hope that today's news is good. I'm here if you need me.
xo,
Fran
Posted by: Fran | Monday, 24 April 2006 at 11:37