not quite what we were hoping for

In an effort to appease our loyal readers from across the pond, we bring this update much earlier than normal.

We had the ultrasound with Dr Local. It was great to see him. He's such a fab guy. He asked us a lot about Cape Town and South Africa and all the rest.

He wasn't quite nice enough to accomodate us with good news. The ultrasound showed nothing. Well, nothing where it was supposed to be.

There may be a mucus plug down near the cervix. There was nothing else seen in the uterus. Or so far outside of the uterus (so I guess that's the best news we got).

We did another beta test today. Here are the possibilities:

• Our little slow-to-start embie is still very slow. Today should be 6w1d so we should at least see a sac. If the beta has risen appropriately this is still a possibility.
• If the beta is going down on it's own, it's just a non-viable pregnancy. We'll continue to monitor.
• If the beta is rising but not so good now, then we likely have another ectopic. Methotrexate was mentionned. Close monitoring was insisted upon.

So back to waiting. The mister and I are in fairly deep denial and counting on a laid-back South African approach. We'll see what this afternoon's call brings.

I know many of you think the chance of an ectopic is really low with ivf. I think I'll take this chance to remind you that I've already had one, which puts me at MUCH greater risk for another regardless and 40% of my RESOLVE support group had ectopics from ivf. Not to mention a couple of internet buddies. So it remains a real worry for us.

Back to our regularly scheduled waiting.

**************UPDATE********************

Ok. Today is officially a completely crazy day. My house cleaner showed up, which I normally love, but I didn't really feel like seeing anyone. So I left and took the dogs for a long albeit slow walk.

When I got home there were half the cops of my fair city parked in front of my house. Turns out a robbery suspect was apprehended in my backyard. It took many cops, automatic weapons, and police dogs to bring him in. Apparently all is fine now, according to the nice officers who were leaving as I got home.

Then we saw another guy climbing around on my back fence so I called 911. Apparently he was looking for the other guy's stash. Oh the fun of living here!

To top it off my next door neighbor stopped by to fill my in on the activity. And bring it to my attention that we'd all gotten our Japanese maples stolen from our front yard last night. I had two, they had one. I spent hours picking out my favorite specimens and they are were cool as hell.

Then the nurse called with today's number: 1863. That gives us a doubling time of 60 hours which sounds ok. Dr Local is still more than a bit worried that we didn't see anything in the uterus. Repeat beta Monday. Repeat ultrasound Monday. If nothing is seen then we being 'ectopic precautions.' I think they mean methotrexate. I think they're trying not to freak me out too much. If I have pain before then head straight to the emergency room, do not pass go.

As crazy as it sounds I think the mister and I are going to continue to live in the great state of denial and just hope for the best on Monday. Otherwise we'll never be able to survive the weekend.

If anyone has good outcome stories from a scenario like this, I would love to hear them.

Comments

[Tertia]

I am exhausted. My nerves are shot.

Post the MINUTE you get your beta results back.

Still hoping.

xx

[Lori]

I'm so sorry you're back to waiting and more worrying. I am hoping the beta results point toward a slow but viable grower.

[Anna H.]

Here with you. Please keep us posted.

Much love.

[Ornery]

Oh, Millie, I am praying so, so hard that it is possibility #1. Thinking of you and the mister.

[Pamplemousse]

Sending you much love and calmness from across the pond. I know this was not the clear joyous news what you wanted to hear today but I am still hanging in there with you guys. Come on, little embryo that could and can!

[thalia]

I am also hoping from across the pond. Very very hard. It must be horrible to be in limbo again.

[Kath]

Oh, Millie, I'm so hoping for the South African theory. Thinking of you and sending you all my best wishes.

[pixi]

I'm thinking of you, Millie. And really hoping that this goes your way.

[Bonnie]

Well, I'm going to continue to hope that your South African embie is just very easygoing and laid back. There's really no alternative. I so much want you to be pregnant...and not at some undetermined future date, I want this little pregnancy to stick.

As far as the ectopic, I'm sorry if I added to your burden. My husband likes to spout off about things he knows nothing about.

[PBfish]

Shit. This wait is awful, I'm sorry that you didn't see anything more conclusive. And I hope, hope, hope that it's just a pokey little embryo.

[daisy mae]

i am so sorry to hear that your little emby is being so darn uncooperative. s/he better shape up, and make his/her presence known in your uterus. right now. this instant.

~daisy

[Jan1902]

You are in my thoughts M. The waiting is just a hell unlike any other.

[Roni]

Holy crap, you guys don't deserve this. I'm praying and praying for you that things are just slow to start.

My thoughts are with you.
Roni

[zhl]

Fuck. So sorry that you didn't see the sac. I just hope it's a laidback embie.

[Anouf]

Hi MIllie - can't imagine how you're feeling - I do hope the beta is more promising. Take care Anoufxx

[mm]

Argh!! I'm just here, waiting and hoping for you.

[Kate]

I admit I have the fear on me, but I really hope that its just a stubborn little slow starter. I'm here if you need me.

[chris]

You'd think some things could just be easier.

I'm sorry. Here's hoping for some good news.

[Demeter]

M, this really sucks! But the Beta will give you more answers. Perhaps another u/s? Next week? I am hoping, thinking and wishing you have good news! That little beannie must be there somewhere.

[Karen]

I'm hoping and praying for you.

[Pamplemousse]

I have stayed up late for the update but well, it is Friday night after all! I think you are right in that you may as well just hang out and wait until next week. No point worrying as you can't control the little frostie that can. I am still thinking good thoughts for you and the mister. This ride ain't over yet!

Sucks about your maple trees! I love my Japanese acer and mine is in my front garden too. Beautiful leaves and dreamy colours all summer and autumn.

[EJW]

Here's hoping Monday brings you good news.

[KimberlyW]

Not to sound corny, but if you have a tilted uterus, it can be very hard to see something at 6 weeks 1 day. I just went through this. My uterus is very tilted. They couldn't hardly see a thing even at 10 weeks. Best wishes to you and your husband.

[Leanne in Aus]

No such thing as smooth sailing is there
Wishing you the very best for Monday

[Red Headed Momma]

Hmm, well, not great news, but not horrible news either! You don't have any pain, so that's good! This little embie just seems to take its time. You know what me and my mister's law prof used to say...slow and steady wins the race.

We're rooting for you over on the other coast!

[Ornery]

I don't know what numbers for ectopic pregnancies should look like, but I personally think that a doubling time of 60 hours is very acceptable. I will be thinking about you non-stop this weekend and hope that Monday brings great news.

[Anna H.]

I don't know anything about this stuff, but I'm thinking about you and the mister and sending tons of love your way.

xxoo

[Milenka]

I've got everything crossed for you. I'm sorry that it wasn't better, perfect news today!

[Donna]

Drat, I was hoping for some unequivocably positive news. You aren't living in denial, you are living in the present. That is all you can do at this point. NBHHY

[daisy mae]

just saw the beta results. ugh.

fwiw - my re doesn't like to do u/s until the hcg is over 2000 - he says you can't see anything until then. and since 1863 < 2000 - i'll choose to beleive this theory.

~daisy

[electriclady]

I think you're taking exactly the right approach. You won't know until you know, and then you'll know. You know?

Will be thinking of you. Hoping for great news on Monday and the best of all possible outcomes.

[Linda]

Damn. I am just hoping your next beta continues to rise and that the doc today just didn't know what the heck he was doing with that U/S. That totally sucks about your trees getting stolen. I can't imagine someone would actually steal a plant. Sheeesh!

[Sue]

What an unbelievable, emotional day! Still crossing my fingers for you, and I'm so sorry about this stupid rollercoaster ride. It just sucks.

[elana]

holding out all hope for monday. love.

[fisher queen]

Hoping hoping hoping for option #1.

[redgemini]

oh wow :( I am kind of floored and don't know where to start. So sorry about the Japanese maples and the police activity in the backyard.

I SO want this little embie to work for you. I am in denial also. I have heard of cases in my mind/body and resolve groups where nothing was seen at 6 weeks and a healthy baby did appear later.

[tee-tee]

jeeeeeeeze...this is torture. hang in there sweets we are all pulling for you.

xx

[meg]

I am not much of a commenter, but when I was pregnant I started bleeding a few days after I found out. The Dr sent me for an u/s at 6 weeks, five days-and my cycle was always exact. They saw just a sac, no heartbeat, no fetal pole. My dr called just after I arrived home, and said if I didn't begin to bleed within 10 days , they would do a d&C. Three days later, he called to tell me to have one more u/s just to make sure, so I took my husband for the bad news, and they found a heartbeat! Thank God we went back. Sammie will be two in August, and has not been still since.

I really hope all goes well for you and there is always hope. Sometimes all the stuff we know is wrong. And there just isn't any reason. Keep hoping. Good luck Monday.-megan

[Alex/Infertile Gourmet]

Ohno...no no no this is bad. I want you to stew in good news not bad. David and I are hoping for you guys. It just has too. Limbo sucks.

[Wavery]

If only insisting everything be okay made it so . . .

[thalia]

I understand deciding to live in denial. I'm not sure I'd be able to do it, but as you say, what choice is there? I'm going to continue to hope. I wish it was less equivocal news.

[Kath]

What a day indeed. I am hoping you can get some form of distraction this weekend so it doesn't feel endless. And most of all I'm hoping for a positive ultrasound finding on Monday. Thinking of you.

[ninaB]

Ahh denial..a river in Egypt. I know it well.
I really really hope that somehow you were stuck with a bad ultrasound machine and nearsighted doctor or perhaps the little bean is shy and wanted some privacy. I am keeping everything crossed and sending good vibes your way.

[Red Headed Momma]

I just reread the update. I was so eager to get to the bottom I missed the fact that the suspect was actually aprehended in your backyard!! What the heck?! We had people breaking into our building in SF too. The crappy part of living in an urban environment, huh? If you guys start to feel uneasy, you could get an alarm. My inlaws have one, and it's pretty unintrusive.

And someone stole your Japanese maples? How bizarre and downright evil!!!! WTF!

I've read everyone's replies and it all seems rather confusing. Do ectopics have the same beta results? It seems like some people think it's too early to see anything, too. I know I didn't have a us until 6 weeks. Also, they didn't see anything else in there either. That seems bizarre! I don't know, I just think it's too close to call right now.

I'll be checking in Monday. I hope I don't get too busy with work! I need an instant message telling me when your blog has been updated. Blog alerts. Maybe I should patent that. ;)

[Nico]

So sorry that the u/s news wasn't better. But with the rising beta, it's not necessarily bad either. I'm hoping that Monday shows a nice embryo, growing right where it's supposed to be.

[coloratura]

I'm with you: go for denial until you have to do otherwise. This blows, but I am really hoping for you too. Hang in there... try another cupcake recipe?

Who the fuck would steal a goddamn tree? More proof that the human race is doomed.

[Kellie]

Thinking of you and praying you get better news on Monday.

[Kellie]

PS. They stold your trees? I had NO idea people stold trees.

[tracey]

Oh Millie, this is so torturous. I can really get behind the denial option at this point in time, plus you got some good positive comments about this situation. I'm thinking of you two constantly.

Tracey

P.S. Apparently the tree stealing has been going on all over the bay area this year - Palo Alto area made the paper a few months ago for the hits they were getting.(certain evil landscapers who are going to bill their clients for the trees they got for free. You know, those couple of year old specimens get pricy. ASSHOLES !)Sorry about your trees, they are some of my favorites.

[Beagle]

Wishing you only the best of news . . .