nothing to see here

Well, the headaches aren't getting any better. I hoped they would be by this point. They hit me in the late afternoon and suck out all my energy. The poor mister gets to come home to a grumpy, hurt wife most days.

I'm also gaining a bit of weight. This is the oppositie direction I should be going. I'm still following my points (and by following I mean obsessing over them completely), eating right and getting plenty of exercise but they scale is going up. This is why normal people don't try to diet while cycling, right? I get it.

As of last week, I was officially down 14.6 pounds. I was soooooo hoping to hit the 15 pound mark before I get on that plane next week but it's not looking likely. My rational side says I'm not really gaining weight because I'm consuming less than I'm expending. But the scale tells a different story. An ugly story.

I'll begin the steroids soon and that's not going to help any of these side effects. Especially the weight gain. Maybe I'll get all steroid crazy? Won't that be fun? If you here about some air rage incident where a woman continues to demand frozen snickers bars and peartizers on an African-bound plane, you shouldn't be surprised.

I'm trying to surrender. Trying to let this cycle just be whatever it's going to be. I know it's out of my control. I'm now satisfied that I'm doing all I can and should be. Thanks to everyone who commented on my last post. I think y'all were spot on and you know ,

I'm not very excited about the trip. It will be fine. I am thrilled to be able to meet up with a couple of folks from the 'net. And to go to my favorite restaurants. And hang out at my hotel. But I'm not taking a lot of hope with me this time.

Last trip I had all that hope. A big ol' suitcase of hope. This time I'm traveling light. I think the first time I tried a cycle of a new sort I felt some of that hope. With donor I felt a lot of it. Part of me thinks I got a bit too cocky. Most of me knows it was just bad luck.

 

So this trip is all bidness. Get in, get checked, drink some, eat some, transfer and get the hell home.

It's also a bit hard getting excited about this cycle with what my friend  Liana has been dealing with this last week.

I don't mean for this to be a downer of a post, just an honest accounting of where I am and what I'm thinking. I'm going to keep at this until I get what I want; I'm pretty stubborn. A very wise woman said to me a while back that giving up just wasn't an option for her, and it's not for me. I think this is just my way of suiting up for the game.

Comments

[chris]

Good for you. Good luck. I hope you enjoy yourself a little bit too. Sounds like a lovely place to go.

Take care.

[mm]

Don't worry about hoping. We'll do it for you. Sorry about the headaches. Those things are brutal. Hang in there!

[ninaB]

Sounds like a good game plan.
And hey, an extra peartiser never hurt anyone.

[Kate]

Crossing all available parts for you! And congrats on the weight loss so far! Don't worry about not hitting the 15, and the meds will screw ya up any way. Just think of its as a better base for being knocked up!

hugs,
kate

[Beagle]

Hello, visiting via Thalia to wish you luck . . .

[Tertia]

Don't worry about the weight gain, or lack of weight loss now. For the moment, that is not important. Those hormones are a bitch, you are allowed to be a little loopy.

Re feeling blah, it is completely understandable. It is a bit of a protective mechanism as well.

Carry on as you. You are doing fine.

Wine and (shop bought) lunch awaits you.

xxx

[thalia]

I'm glad you are not giving up. In fact, you're doing the opposite and doing lots and lots of good things to help yourself. I'm in awe.

[tracey]

The drugs are so evil and crazy making. And you're going to add the steroids ? Known for their insane hunger increasing properties? You know they give humans and dogs the some of the same steroids for treatment ? I watched my friends dog, on prednisone, nab a raw potato off the kitchen counter and eat it. This was a good dog - a no food off the counter dog. He was CRAZED. We started thinking he might eat us the way he watched us at the table.

I think you've got to let the food and weight stuff go right now. The drugs are too much.

You sound in a very good place to make this trip. There are no jinxes, you were not too cocky last time. I understand not bringing all your hope with you, but just so you know there's buckets of it here with everyone who reads this blog. We'll carry it for you if thats what you need.

Tracey

[fisher queen]

If it's any consolation, I'm having a tough time losing weight on the drugs too. I think we're both on lupron, right? Just remember, most of it is water...Hopefully you'll be a nice fat preggo in a few months anyway.

[Red Headed Momma]

It sounds like it's hard not to hope and it's hard to hope at the same time.

Don't worry about what the scales say (this from the person who obsesses about how to stand on the scale to eek out a bit of loss...HA!), enjoy the healthy eating. You and the mister be good to yourselves, ya hear!

[Alex/Infertile Gourmet]

So weird...I missed this post. No....no giving up and being cocky once in awhile with this game we call infertility is ok. Because most of the time we spend our time down and out over crappy luck and ovaries...or uteri. I am sorry about the weight but do not feel like the lone ranger because if I put on any more bloat I will float out of this place like the goodyear blimp. At least I will not have to share an airplane seat.

[university]

Prejudice will always be a part of society

[lena]

Cigarette ads do influence, don't influence starting to smoke