In my quest to find an answer, some kind of freakin' answer, to why my donor cycle failed I've emailed my local RE and asked him to consider a variety of tests. I'm asking for a mock cycle with endometrial biopsy, hysteroscopy, hsg, anything that might give me an answer or a plan. If any of you lovely readers have additional tests or suggestions, bring them on. Seriously.
I think I'm going to ask for steroids next time. Why not, right? I'm not sure I've got the best immune system going so maybe it will help. I've tested negative on all the immune tests done but just want to cover all bases.
I'm trying to plan for another trip to the far side of the world. If some extra money finds its way to my checking account, then perhaps I'll spring for another fresh cycle.* If not, then let's warm up the totsicles and see what happens.
I'm trying to 'process' everything as well. My lovely therapist found
an open slot in her schedule that allows both the mister and I some
couch time. Very nice of her. Last night was our first night session.
The mister is still grieving. He's doing a bit better but it's going to be a long haul. He's feeling hopeless and I think that's here to stay. I was always the hopeless one. I was the one who'd quote the bad stats and he'd tell me we'd beat them, that the doctors didn't know everything, that something would work. Somehow it's so much worse now.
So I'm on this quest to find an explanation or something I can fix. Because otherwise, there's just no reason except for bad luck. And that's just so hard to even think about. I can change my drugs, I might be able to change my lining but I don't know how to change my luck.
*I know that thing called A JOB would probably help in the money department and I'm working on it. I'm not willing to go to Keyser as an FTE and commit to 2 years but I am pursuing other possibilities. I know I'm incredibly lucky to have this be a choice. I just can't go back to traveling most of the time. Been there, done that.
** I know I didn't have another foot note coming but just had to say a couple more things. I like Wessel's term discriminating soooo much more than snob. I will discuss some of the other things I'm discriminating about in the next few days. Promise.
Oh and that yoga guy. I haven't slept with him. I'm not even worthy to take one of his classes when he's in town and at his studio. But Penelope was right. His initials are RY.
UPDATE FROM LOCAL RE:
It is not uncommon for even the best-looking embryos on day 3 not to cause pregnancy so I would not do anything differently other than to move forward with a frozen embryo transfer again. Your lining sounds like it was optimal for implantation. I have no reason to believe that your uterine cavity is different than the saline ultrasound performed in 2005 and especially if they did not see anything wrong at your most recent ultrasounds. Sorry to hear that the fresh transfer did not work….good luck with the frozen transfer.
So it looks like somebody needs to talk to Howie again and get some tickets for SA. FET it is! (I feel kind of like a Trident gum commercial, 2 out of 2 REs agree...)
Is there really nothing worse than an amorous male yoga instructor? There's something about it that doesn't seem right.
Hope you get some answers.
Take care.
Posted by: chris | Wednesday, 22 February 2006 at 06:46
How about a hyper-coaguability panel, too? Have you already had one? That's how I found out about my compound heterozygous MTHFR status. Taking mega doses of folic acid, BA, and now Lovenox 40 mg BID (when I start estrogen in May) I'm sneaking some Medrol and antibiotics in this cycle. I'm sure I can get my OBGYN to prescribe them. Anxious for you, too...GL!
Posted by: Lynnette | Wednesday, 22 February 2006 at 06:58
Umm, ha ha, I can't really see you and RY getting busy. He just doesn't seem like your type.
Anyway, I'm so glad you and the Mister are doing therapy together. Having space to really focus on communication is so awesome.
From my vantage point (fwiw), it seemed like this last cycle was looking like some good luck, finally. So it seemed extra craptastic went it didn't work out. But fuck it all, we all have to have some good luck at some point right? I mean, after my mom died life seemed so crappy for the longest time, and I had a hard time believeing anything would be good again. I am definitely someone who will chalk a bunch of bad things up to my own horrible luck and feel like everything is doomed. But that's just not fair. Angelina Jolie can't have everything! Millie is going to get her baby.
And all luck aside, hopefully a doctor can give you some answers. It's time for a happy ending. Millie and the Mister need to ride off into the sunset with their bambino.
Posted by: Red Headed Momma | Wednesday, 22 February 2006 at 09:22
I really hope you find some answers. Bad luck alone is just unacceptable.
Posted by: Ornery | Wednesday, 22 February 2006 at 09:37
Is this ZFC?
Posted by: statia | Wednesday, 22 February 2006 at 11:33
Millie,
I hope you find the answer soon.
Posted by: Bonnie | Wednesday, 22 February 2006 at 13:51
I went on a miscarriage management program after I had 3 failed fresh IVF cycles (my eggs), + I'd also had a miscarriage (spontaneous). (Run via FU).
This included all the immunology tests ie the APA/ACA tests, and both Mr. S and I had the MFTHR dna testing done. For Mr. S it was another semen analysis (he also had to have blood tests).
There was also every other test we've all already had, but also ovulation tracking, ultra sound (got out of that), and the biopsy done around Day 26.
The only thing that came back was slightly elevated ACA levels (detected earlier but dismissed). When I did my next 2 cycles, I had to have heparin injections at transfer.
Might be worth considering?
Now that we are moving to DE, I feel confident that at least we know that Mr S does not have any dna issues (we have morphology issues).
Not sure if you and the mister have had all these tests?
Posted by: Sparkle | Wednesday, 22 February 2006 at 16:15
OK, dumb, dumb question that may be an insult to your incredibly well-informed intelligence, but here goes anyway: Did you have assisted hatching with the fresh donor cycle? Do they do assisted hatching with frozen cycles? I ask only because it may possibly have accounted for the difference in our two IVFs (similar quality embryos both cycles, but we had an implantation rate of 0 for 3 without AH and 3 for 4 with).
--Bugs
Posted by: Dead Bug | Wednesday, 22 February 2006 at 18:05
No good advice to offer but just wanted to say I'm glad you're going for your FET. Been thinking about you and hoping you'd be making plans soon. Hugs to the mister.
Roni
Posted by: Roni | Thursday, 23 February 2006 at 12:29
Hysteroscopy and/or repeat pg loss, implantation failure panel are good tests. What about endometrial biopsies? There are two or three of those these days.
Posted by: T | Thursday, 23 February 2006 at 13:33
I'm sorry the mister has lost his optimism. I don't know what I'd do if my husband lost his optimism, it's what keeps me going. But good for him (for both of you) for going along for therapy. That sounds pretty helpful.
Me, I'm pretty damn discriminating.
Posted by: thalia | Friday, 24 February 2006 at 08:52
I love to discriminate, gives me something else to obsess about.
I like local RE's opinion and I would agree. Get those tickets booked!
Posted by: Pamplemousse | Friday, 24 February 2006 at 12:09
My own mister is feeling pretty hopeless too, and that's also a role reversal in our house. Glad that you have a therapist to help you both process through things.
Classic answer from the RE! That's what mine keeps saying. Grrrrrr.
Posted by: wessel | Saturday, 25 February 2006 at 23:12
Before my acceptance for DE cycle with Cornell it was required that I have mock cycle with endometrial biopsy (this is true for all DE patients and the big man himself personally reviews all slides). My protocol included antibiotics and steroids prior and during transfer. I had never had a miscarriage or even gotten to transfer due to poor response, but the Cornell protocol worked for me. Good luck, my philosophy is to test, test, test, what can it hurt.
Anyone out there reading this who is considering a DE cycle with Cornell I can't say enough wonderful things about DE team at Cornell they were very hands on and very invested in our success. Yes they make you jump through a lot of hoops but it is only because they want the same thing you do.
Posted by: kettle0416 | Monday, 27 February 2006 at 12:46
Hey, Millie. No good advice, but wanted you to know I was thinking of you.
Posted by: Sue | Monday, 27 February 2006 at 14:54
Well, I haven't been there (yet) or done that, so I don't know what to say. Maybe skip the saffari next time?
Posted by: In-Spring | Monday, 27 February 2006 at 20:54
Hang in there, Millie... I hope things will turn around for you, and soon! Your mister sounds like a sweet man... btw, do you live in Oaktown currently? I was reading your previous post on yoga...
Posted by: coloratura | Tuesday, 28 February 2006 at 10:38