I just got off the phone with the nurse. My beta, was in fact, negative. I guess the good news was my progesterone was quite nice. I'll tell that to my sore hips. Pretty damn sure they don't care.
I called the mister. I made a promise to him once that he'd get all news before the internet. I suppose it's only fair.
The nurse was really supportive. She thinks we should do a FET and we could even do as soon as I could get my sore butt back on a plane to Cape Town. She's seen a lot of success with FET after fresh failures.
She also claims that the donor embryo program there is moving along. We joked about that a bit because I've heard it so many times before.
I'll write the good Dr. L now and see what he thinks. Maybe add some medrol to the protocol? I suppose that couldn't hurt. Maybe try another fresh? Our donor can't cycle again until spring--and I think she's probably already snapped up for her next cycle.
I want to thank all of y'all for your support. It means a tremendous amount to me-and the mister. I know I've said it before but truly it does.
There have been a lot of tears at my house the past few days. Mostly when the mister wasn't around because I know how much he's hurting too. He didn't give up hope for this cycle until my phone call a few minutes ago. He even berated me when I refused my shot last night (I told him I was willing to do a suppository but I didn't see the point to any kind of shot).
I'm sure there will be lots more tears. Right now, I'm just devastated. Kind of numb but totally devastated. How could this not have worked? How much more are we going to have to go through? I know we're going to be parents some how, some day. It just seems like it keeps getting farther and farther away from us.
I'm so sorry my friend. So sorry.
xo,
Posted by: Emily | Tuesday, 24 January 2006 at 10:53
Millie I'm so so sorry. I was hoping for door no 1 but secretly suspected the other, I just didn't want to lose hope. I'm so sorry it wasn't the right outcome this time. I'm glad you've got thoughts on further options but this must just suck. I'm thinking of you.
Posted by: thalia | Tuesday, 24 January 2006 at 11:06
I'm so sorry Millie, just so sorry.
(And I totally get the previous post - with high fsh we miss out a couple of steps.)
Posted by: T | Tuesday, 24 January 2006 at 11:11
Oh, I'm so sorry. I don't know what to say. This sucks. I'll be thinking of you and the mister.
Posted by: Elizabeth | Tuesday, 24 January 2006 at 11:19
Oh M, I just want to sit and hold your hand and give you some kind of comfort right now. I feel for you and the mister. I am so sorry, my friend.
Posted by: Pamplemousse | Tuesday, 24 January 2006 at 11:25
I'm sorry Millie. I wish there was something I could say. Sometimes there are no words.
Posted by: statia | Tuesday, 24 January 2006 at 11:25
shedding tears for you right now. this totally sux. i wish there was something i could do to make it all better for you.
Posted by: daisy mae | Tuesday, 24 January 2006 at 11:35
I'm so sorry, Millie...more than words can describe...
Posted by: Lynnette | Tuesday, 24 January 2006 at 11:35
I'm so sorry to hear this and am thinking of you.
Posted by: Suz | Tuesday, 24 January 2006 at 11:42
Oh sweet Millie, I am so sorry. I wish that I was there to give you a big hug. If there's anything I can do, send, or even think for you, let me know.
Huge hugs,
Kate
Posted by: Kate | Tuesday, 24 January 2006 at 11:50
Damn it. It's so unfair. No rhyme or reason to it. I'm so very sorry. You deserve better than this.
Posted by: Amber | Tuesday, 24 January 2006 at 11:52
Damn, Millie... I'm just so sorry.
Posted by: mm | Tuesday, 24 January 2006 at 12:04
I'm so very sorry, Millie.
Posted by: susie | Tuesday, 24 January 2006 at 12:37
Hi There,
I'm just so terribly sorry.
-Anne (a fellow high fsh-er)
Posted by: PBfish | Tuesday, 24 January 2006 at 13:00
I'm so sorry this cycle didn't work, and even more sorry that you're hurting. Hang in there. Not all doors have been closed yet.
Posted by: GiBee | Tuesday, 24 January 2006 at 13:01
I'm horribly sorry Millie.
Posted by: MsPrufrock | Tuesday, 24 January 2006 at 13:06
I know this doesn't help you much, but I'm so sorry to hear your news.
Posted by: Summer | Tuesday, 24 January 2006 at 13:08
I'm so sad this didn't go your way.
Posted by: Wavery | Tuesday, 24 January 2006 at 13:20
I'm so sorry this time didn't work out. When you give up as much as we do moving on to DE you should at least be able to come out on the positive side of the statistics.
I was really hoping it was positive. Hugs to you and the mister...
Posted by: Bonnie | Tuesday, 24 January 2006 at 13:31
I'm so sorry Millie.
Sending love your way...
xxoo
Posted by: Anna H. | Tuesday, 24 January 2006 at 13:34
I'm sorry for that this hasn't worked out, it's just not fair.
I'm glad that you have the frozen embryos to make plans for.
Posted by: Sparkle | Tuesday, 24 January 2006 at 14:32
I'm so sorry Millie. This is so unfair. Much love to you and the Mister.
Posted by: Paisley | Tuesday, 24 January 2006 at 14:37
Oh no... I'm so very sorry. All the words seem so hollow... I don't know what to say.
This sux...
~hangin'in
Posted by: Jen | Tuesday, 24 January 2006 at 14:42
I'm so very sorry. Please know that I'm thinking of you and wishing it had turned out differently.
Much love,
Bugs
Posted by: Dead Bug | Tuesday, 24 January 2006 at 14:47
I'm so sorry, Millie, and so pissed off at the world right now. Please know that you and the mister are in my thoughts.
Posted by: Jen | Tuesday, 24 January 2006 at 14:50
this just sucks big green donkey d!cks. we are so sad for you guys. let us know if you need ANYTHING at all.
Posted by: amygrrl | Tuesday, 24 January 2006 at 15:44
So sorry it didn't work. Any thoughts on having the embryos travel to you instead of you traveling to them? Believe it or not the big shot clinic in NY will FedEx your frozen embryos for you and I know a lovely 3 year old who had such a beginning.
Posted by: Kettle | Tuesday, 24 January 2006 at 16:35
Damn damn damn. I'm so sorry. I'm glad you have the FET option, when you're ready.
Posted by: Karen | Tuesday, 24 January 2006 at 16:37
So, so, so sorry. I'm hoping FET is your ticket.
Posted by: Patti | Tuesday, 24 January 2006 at 17:20
Sometimes I'm overwhelmed by how unfair this all is.
I'm sorry.
Posted by: chris | Tuesday, 24 January 2006 at 18:20
I am so very sad and angry about your news. This just isn't fair. Coherent words are failing me. Just know that I am so sorry and I am here for you and the Mister.
Posted by: Liana | Tuesday, 24 January 2006 at 18:47
Millie,
I am so very sorry. My sorry than I can say. I'm so completely and utterly disappointed. I wish I could fix this all for you, but all I can do is demand that you let me buy you copious amounts of highly alcoholic drinks in the city later this week, and that you let me give you a big hug.
Posted by: Susan / holdingpattern | Tuesday, 24 January 2006 at 18:52
I'm with Susan ! A round of drinks for my friend, she needs em.
I'm so sorry, Millie.
Tracey
Posted by: tracey | Tuesday, 24 January 2006 at 19:26
I'm so sorry.
Posted by: Julianna | Tuesday, 24 January 2006 at 19:46
Honey I'm so sorry, I know how that negative feels, be kind to yourself and your man.
Posted by: Chrissy | Tuesday, 24 January 2006 at 19:54
I am so sorry.
Posted by: Portlairge | Tuesday, 24 January 2006 at 19:56
I am so so sorry. There just isn't any fairness or logic in this fucked up world of ours.
Wish I was there to get drunk with you.
So sorry
Sending all my love
Txx
Posted by: Tertia | Tuesday, 24 January 2006 at 20:22
Oh no. no. NO!
Millie-I'm so sorry. Dammit! This is just terrible.
Love and strength to you and DH.
Posted by: Pam in CA | Tuesday, 24 January 2006 at 20:35
I'm so sorry to read your news. So sorry
Posted by: Mary Scarlet | Wednesday, 25 January 2006 at 05:10
Oh, M. I am so very sorry. If there is anything at I all I can do for you, please let me know.
love
Nina
Posted by: Nina | Wednesday, 25 January 2006 at 05:25
Nothing left to do but send you my love.
Posted by: wessel | Wednesday, 25 January 2006 at 06:36
I am so sorry honey.
Posted by: fisher queen | Wednesday, 25 January 2006 at 06:37
I'm so sorry.
Nothing else to say.
Posted by: Kellie | Wednesday, 25 January 2006 at 07:01
Shoot, Millie, I'm so very, very sorry.
Posted by: Claudia | Wednesday, 25 January 2006 at 11:57
Let the tears flow, do whatever you need to do, we'll be here. Sometimes it just seems like too much to bear. I'm sorry, Millie.
Posted by: Donna | Wednesday, 25 January 2006 at 12:57
Millie, I am so so sorry.
I've been internetless for a few days & am only now catching up with your posts. This sucks and is completely totally unfair. I'm sorry the universe is crappy and unjust. It's not supposed to be like this. Please take care of yourself.
Posted by: ninaB | Wednesday, 25 January 2006 at 13:33
This is just devastating. Again.
I'm glad you already have some new plans laid out.
Posted by: Lut C. | Wednesday, 25 January 2006 at 14:42
Millie:
I wanted to be sure you knew how sad I was to read your news. But it does sound like you have very nice back-up plans in place and I am hoping for success with these.
Posted by: MichelleL | Wednesday, 25 January 2006 at 14:55
DAMMIT! Call me when you can.
xox, Fran
Posted by: Fran | Wednesday, 25 January 2006 at 18:13
DAMMIT! Call me when you can.
xox, Fran
Posted by: Fran | Wednesday, 25 January 2006 at 18:13