today for you, tomorrow for ME

Today for you...tomorrow for me. If you know what that means then you can hear the voices in my head. I'll try not to be too paranoid about that.

It's only a little over 1440 minutes until Rent opens! Of course I have to actually work tomorrow so I won't be able to see it until tomorrow night. I'm toying with the idea of a midnight show in the city but

1) I'm old and
2) I have to be up very early for work tomorrow

In other news I'm totally stressed out. I have wayyyyyyy too many decisions to make right now and I'm paralyzed. I'm just completely overwhelmed and not functioning all that great. Here's a peek:

Kitchen stuff:
4 " recessed light baffling, 4" low voltage recessed baffles, 5" wall wash, undercabinet lights, above cabinet lights, 3" or tiny puck lights for niche. (I don't really care about any of this or know about any of this).

Cabinet pulls...knobs and europulls? just europulls? stainless? sating nickel?

Insta hot water dispenser--I just can't decide on one.

Door hardware for Dutch door that finally came in over 6 weeks late.

Upcoming trip:
Rent a car. Seems like that would be easy,no? But I'm soooo paralyzed I just can't even pick a car.

Real Upcoming Trip:
This one is the doozy. I'm so overwhelmed with Cape Town plans that I just can't pick a place. I think this is the real issue.

This trip to South Africa is HUGE. My expectations are through the roof. I want the perfect place to stay. The perfect vacation. The perfect cycle. I'm paralyzed because I'm so afraid of not picking the best place. Crazy, huh?

This trip is also very different from how the mister and I usually travel. We tend to get our flights worked out and only worry about a place to stay the first night, if that. (Except for our honeymoon in Fiji or our trip to the Cook Islands...neither place lends itself to that kind of experience).

I know this is more about my feelings regarding the donor cycle. I have all this anxiety and this is how it's getting expressed. It doesn't make it any easier to know that rationally, however. I'm still not sleeping and still very, very anxious. I'm sure a long visit with the in-laws from hell will just help on all accounts, right?

I did have a lovely session with my therapist yesterday. It helped for a bit. It also enabled me to send out 35 inquiries this am to b&b's all over CPT. That's a start, right?

And I know that getting pregnant this donor cycle has nothing to do with how good the view is from our room or how lovely our surroundings are or anything like that. But I just want everything to be perfect.

Comments

[Donna]

Of course all these details are important, your state of mind is just as important as the physical components. Make a list and see if you can't cross a couple things off, that should help you to feel a little more in control. This is so huge, I would be doing the same thing.

[Pamplemousse]

Ay ay ay! No wonder you think you are losing your mind. Where is Liana staying in Capetown? Have you checked what peeps say on tripadvisor? I never go anywhere now without checking there first. www.tripadvisor.com

Post pics of the hardware decisions and we, the internets, will pick hahaha! I love those metal cup-like handles and I am a sucker for anything Shaker. I am not sure if that helps you ha!

The money you are spending for your trip means you might as well have perfection and I understand how important it is to you both.

[daisy mae]

call ken a 2afrika.com. he did all my arrangements in capetown. tell him you want a hotel down on the beach. it's just gorgeous there. i'm not sure about b&b's. water issues and all.

when i get my act together, i'm going to e-mail you a couple of my pics from capetown as well as some of my other info. which means i need to get my act together fast since you are leaving soon - well soon for someone who takes a month to respon to an e-mail.

thinking of you big time as i go bake my bittersweet espresso cake for thanksgiving dinner.

xoxox

daisy mae and the original daisy mae

[Kate]

Best of luck with all the planning, but don't forget to take some time to breathe! I really hope this works for you.

Hugs,
Kate

[Ann (AusMarchBride)]

I second the tripadvisor recommendation. Totally worth it.

I completely get that you need everything to be perfect. Little bit of superstition never hurt anyone.

Hang in there and just try to make one decision about the house stuff at a time. I know how overwhelming that can get, but try to break it down into more manageable pieces, then it doesn't seem so intimidating.

[chris]

No instant hot water dispenser for you, missy. You'll be surprised how soon your soon-to-be little one will be able to drag a chair over to the sink and get into trouble. Turn your back for one minute and the little darlings are, well, you'll see.

By the way, when are you coming this way? We need to schedule a Triangle infertile meet-up.

Good luck with the decisions.

[Lynnette]

I don't think there is anything wrong with wanting the lodging to be perfect. I mean, its a beatiful place, you might as well make it seem more like a vacation than an IVF cycle. Also, could you please explain RENT to me. I guess I just don't get it. ;-)

[wessel]

Lists. Lists are the only reason I'm alive today. It feels great to be able to cross even just one thing off. It will organize your mind. Most of us are capable of putting our finger on a number in a list of things and then doing it, like a robot. There, one down. Next?

I think that once you get there, you will get caught up in the beauty of the place. I've heard the scenery is breathtaking.

As a last resort, there is always wine to calm jittery nerves.

[daisy mae]

hmmmm. . .chris said no to the hot water dispenser. and here i am, going to sleep each night dreaming about one. apparently the original daisy mae is not yet old enough to push a chair over, climb up, and make herself a cup of tea.

oh how i lusted for one during all those bottle warming days. you can't put ebm in the microwave. and your not supposed to put formula in. and the tap water is just not hot enough - since you have set it to the ridiculously low 120 degrees as per all child safety guidelines. so you end up putting a cup of water in the microwave, waiting for 2 minutes while it warms, so that you can then plunk the bottle in. and then wait for the bottle to warm. all the while you have a little one who is into instant gratification - the fact that you are actually warming the bottle is completely lost and you get no credit for that - just lots of screaming.

so i would still go for the hot water dispenser. and do away with all chairs in my house instead!

[thalia]

Yup, I'd look into where Liana chose to stay, she did quite a lot of research. I am always paralysed by holidays for exactly the same reason, so I absolutely understand. I think wessel is right. One decision at a time.

I'm looking forward to a review of Rent.

[Liana]

Hey lady,

I would like to suggest that you strenuously avoid falling into the perfectionist trap. Nothing is ever perfect and if we are disappointed when we experience this on the trip, I would have been disappointed the minute I got to the airport and found that the nimrods had left my rental cell phone at the international counter and not in domestic, where I was. And then the air conditioning (that we didn't need.) You get my drift.

I think the only benefit of traveling here so soon after losing Mom was that I didn't have the time or energy to focus on making sure that everything was perfect. I'm here and we are having a lovely relaxing time.

Did you check with Richard of Nox Rentals (www.noxrentals.com)? We discovered that one of the places we looked at from his site is across the street, so they get the same beach/mountain view without any road noise. (See more meaningless imperfections: road noise) He also offers a Renew discount.

It is morning here, so you should have answers soon.

Love you!

[pocket]

well there's nothing wrong with a little displaced anxiety i always say.