trying to follow the rules

Since the lovely Thalia tagged me with the old 23rd post thingy, I'm more than happy to play along.*

THE RULES:
1. Go into your archive.
2. Find your 23rd post.
3. Find the fifth sentence.
4. Post the text of the sentence in your blog along with these instructions.
5. Tag five people to do the same. (I'm too slow to catch anyone so I'll just let it die here).

It was from a post of mine titled High FSH-the beginnings. Here's the sentence in question:

See, the mister and I got married after many happy years of living in sin together because we wanted to start a family.

I think that's pretty telling but the previous two sentences are even more so: When you get diagnosed with high FSH it feels like the whole world crashes down upon you. I remember when it happened to me.

I wish I could recapture how happy we were when we got married. We're still happy together and love each other to bits but this overwhelming/overarching sadness is just there. I know we'll resolve it but there's just no end in sight at present. I just want to flip to the end of the book and know there's some kind of happy ending.

Now we've passed the 10 year mark in togetherness and are closing in on three years of marriage. Our anniversary is also tied to how long we've been trying (and the ectopic) so it's always bittersweet. While I love that in my chocolate I'm not as keen on it in the rest of my life.

Yesterday I spent a lot of time with my therapist discussing the upcoming RESOLVE conference. We've been the last two years and I'm ambivalent about this one. Last year we went with friends. They've got a baby now so I'm guessing they won't be going. It feels like all the other infertiles we knew don't need to go anymore. That's a hard thing.

There are a couple of sessions that I think would be great for us. One is titled "Letting Go of Genetic Ties" and the other is "Speaking to Children Born Through Egg Donation." The mister is hassling me on im right now reminding me of the one last year he called "you should be scared of adoption."**

I'm also trying to lure him with the promise of new friends who are still infertile! Not much of a sellling point but I'm a little stuck right now. Maybe we could just treat it as a cocktail party? If we bring a thermos of bloody mary's or screwdrivers it should be a lot easier to get to the vets right away, right? No freaking baby dust or perkiness. Just snarkiness and cynicism. Any other bay area folks want to tag along?

Speaking of new friends, I had brunch with the lovely and amazing Susan/In a Holding Pattern  on Sunday and she was awesome. I know y'all probably knew that already but I just had to write it out loud. We talked and talked and talked. In fact we talked so long once we left the restaurant that people came, ate, and noticed we were still there! She rescued me from a day packing up my kitchen and sent me back home to my husband all jacked up on coffee (she was good and only had decaf) and talking about how great it was hanging with her. Hope she's having fun in the land of the beef.

*Am I a total dork if I admit how happy I was to be tagged? I think it's the first time ever. Thanks, T!

** It wasn't called that at all but was the first session of the day and had a panel who were all quite adamant that ALL adoptees were traumatized for life no matter what else happened and that trauma couldn't be resolved. It scared him quite a bit but I prefer to think they were a fringe group. I'm not saying that adoption isn't traumatic and you shouldn't be sensitive you all parties but I think there is a whole spectrum of experiences.

Comments

[Susan / holdingpattern]

Millie, you are far too kind. It was WICKED AWESOME to meet you in person.

And I will most definitely be at this year's Resolve conference. T and I already sent in our money. If you go, we can introduce the Misters.

And come to think of it, I did see something on the Resolve brochure that said "As a courtesy to our other guests, we would appreciate it if IF vets would show up drunk with emotions suitably numbed." So, we can all identify each other by who is slurring his/her questions and falling out of the chairs.

[thalia]

I'm so jealous I don't get to hang out with you cool kids! We don't have resolve in the UK so let me know how it goes.

[Anna H.]

How lovely that you two met! And now it looks like they'll be a little bit of laughter (and drunken antics)at the conference, along with the requisite heaviness.

I know there are happier days -- the milk choclate kind -- ahead for you, dear Millie...

xxoo

[Anna H.]

ps. excuse the typos -- I'd like to blame it on something delicious and fun like a dirty martini, but it's just mid-afternoon brain sludge.

[nina]

hello,
i did one IVM cycle at the clinic you're referring to you. feel free to ask questions if you have any.