monday's number was so much better

Hmmm, so turns out Friday the 13th isn't so lucky after all. I'm feeling incredibly crappy and have a nasty headache so I'll keep this short. I think my daily afternoon headaches are thanks to Viagra but don't even have the energy to look up the side effects. To top it off, I can only take tylenol because of the stupid steroids I'm still taking.

Well, I was hoping for much better news today. I have a couple of follicles that are developing pretty well (both around 12) and another one that's lagging behind at around 9. The other one has pretty much stopped growing. So what was 4 is kind of down to 2 or 2.5 if I'm being generous. Can you tell that I'm not feeling very generous?

My lining isn't improving, even with all the viagra I'm on. I continue stims (I'm staying at 7 amps a day) and go back again on Tuesday and hopefully we'll know more. If my lining doesn't show tremendous improvement then Dr. SheRE wants to freeze whatever embryos we have (she's being oh-so-optimistic at this point and talking about 2 embryos), let all the other drugs out of my system, and try a frozen transfer in a few months. It was a lot to take in today.

I know I said that I'm just doing this cycle so I can move on to something else and feel like I've tried everything. I really meant that at the time, but reality has set in and I really wanted a half-way decent cycle. For me. Not a great one. I'm not looking for 31 follicles like the newbie in the waiting room who chatted me up (she's nice, and all, but sooooooooooo new to all of this and how does someone nearly 40 even get 31 follicles???). I would have been happy with 4. Of course, I was secretly hoping for 6-8 but was so superstitious I couldn't even whisper that. You know, the-number-that-must-not-be-named kind of thing. I should not have been greedy. This is what happens when you get greedy. I learned my lesson.

No more damn rainbows. Bring on the rain. I'm going back to bed. I did stop by Costco on the way home and have a little something called the complete first season of the Partridge Family on dvd to cheer myself up. My love for the singing Partridges is deep and very embarassing to my friends and family.

C'mon get happy.

Comments

[Susan/holdingpattern]

Don't give up yet. When I was taking Viagra for my cycle, my lining totally sucked and then all of a sudden on day 11 it was okay - up to 7 mm with a triple lining. Not awesome but not bad either. Better than expected even.

Also, are you doing acupuncture (sorry if you've mentioned this before, but I've not gone through all your archives yet), because if so I was wondering what your experience was. I heard that improves your lining, etc... in fact my RE strongly recommends it. But I am a bit scared of it.

Also, my RE recently told me that she wants me to try 800 ? of Vitamin E each day for my next cycle to improve my lining further.

Good luck!!!!

[Pamplemousse]

Oh Millie, I was hoping for better news for you but it is not that bad. I have not given up on your follicles yet. Things could really take off over the weekend and I am sure that with a little Partridge family encouragement, they will! You are in the zone now and I know exactly how hard it is to stay positive but you have to dig deep now, kay?

[Suz]

I'm thinking of you, Millie. I haven't given up on your follicles, either, especially since some can be lurking behind the ones they can see. Anything can happen and I hope that good things happen when you return on Tuesday.

[InSpring]

Millie,

"I think I love you so what am I so afraid of
I'm afraid that I'm not sure of a love there is no cure for
I think I love you isn't that what life is made of
Though it worries me to say that I never felt this way

I don't know what I'm up against
I don't know what it's all about
I got so much to think about"

See I can serenade you too!

It sounds like you had a tough situation medically going into this IVF but I think it sounds like your doctor is big into finding solutions for it. To me, novice that I am, any follicles sound like good follicles to me and giving your body some rest in between times might not be so bad.

I've really got to keep believing this is going to work for you Millie, you so fucking deserve it - we all do, I think you're really brave to face such a tough protocol.

I'm sorry all of the medications are playing havoc with your body. We're out here and we love you. Enjoy some rest this weekend.

[Pam CA]

Oh Millie--hang in there. This stuff is just so. hard. (And it seems we are each put through our own unique little version of hell going throughthe process.)

I'm so sorry you are feeling down--but you are absolutely still in the game with those follicles of yours!

Pulling hard for you friend! Pam

[Nina]

Don't give up on those follicles, Mille. I know how hard this must be for you. I'll be thinking of you on Tuesday.

[wessel]

Oh Millie, spit. I was so hoping that you'd have the cycle that you wanted. Well, look, it's not over yet. Two strong blastocysts would be a great outcome and that is still entirely possible.

Laughed out loud at the The Partridge Family dvds. I thought I was the only one who loved that old stuff! My thing is The Brady Bunch. "Here's the story . . . "

Gosh, it would be great to get together and just spend a few weeks lolling around, eating Ho-Ho's and drinking rootbeer, watching bad TV oldies across a coffee table full of half-cracked ampules and old needles. Yeah.

[chris]

I'm sorry. Here's to better news.

Take care.

[Emily]

I'm thinking of you and sending lots of prayers your way.

[crispy creme]

hey....

nothing wrong w/ a couple of good ones in my book. i really don't agree w/ freezing them though. fresh is ALWAYS better than frozen is what i have been told, so this confuses me. ( granted, most things do these dayz)

really pulling for you!

xo

[Pamplemousse]

Millie, you OK? I hope Tuesday went better.

[Pam CA]

Hi Millie--just checking in. Thinking of you.