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Thursday, 07 April 2005

Comments

It sounds like a book I should read. I'm just glad that people are talking more about the identity issues children of donor gametes may face. A few years ago, when I expressed an interest in communicating with a prospective donor, Dr. Evil just looked at me like I was crazy and the implication was clearly "if you have to know something about the donor, then you must not be ready to do DE yet." Jerk! The psychologist also just couldn't seem to understand why DE children might have any issues in common with adopted children . . . That was when I knew I had to move along, and find other guidance elsewhere. I recently spoke to the psychologist who does the interviews for a CA clinic, and she was outstanding!! I was so impressed. She used to be an adoption counsellor. We talked about this whole issue and she said that CA, in general, tended to be more progressive. Meetings between donors and recipients are supported and encouraged if both sides are willing. I think it is better for the kids in the long run--just my opinion. But only time will tell, and the truth is, everyone will be different.

I have not thought about this before but what you are saying makes total sense to me. Of course there will be feelings like those of adopted children. Helping that be part of their lives from early on certainly seems the only way to go to me. I hope this path is a fruitful one for you.

I've just ordered the new book, by Glazer and Sterling entitled "Having Your Baby Through Egg Donation." I'm sure you have this one already.

I'm of mixed views on this. I don't want my child conceived through DE to have any psychic tension or issues about not being genetically connected to me. I wish this could be a non-issue. People make so much of the abandonment issues faced by adopted children and the need to connect with their biologic parents. Will this be the same for the donor egg child? I wish it didn't have to be that way.

Wessel-I think I'm lucky to be living in such a progessive state. How presumptive of that nasty RE of yours! I wonder what my local one would say. He's the very proud dad of children from donor gametes--and pretty open about it. I do agree that time will tell, and everyone will be different. I just want any of my children to be able to have what THEY feel they need.

Thalia-As you can tell I'm still thinking all of this through and it's rather new to me.

Liana-I got you to post!!! I've got the book you mentionned preordered. Is it out yet? I thought it was a May release. You East Coasters get everything before us.

I also wish it could be a non-issue, and it very well might. I just have no idea how to predict what ANY children will want 20 or 30 years from now. I wouldn't try to do that with my genetic children so I'm just trying to potentially keep doors open for other kids.

Right now I'm just trying to think through the issues and find what works best for us. I think there are tons of adopted children who don't necessarily feel the need to explore their genetic roots (my next door neighbor is one of those)-you just don't hear about those as often.

Hi Millie!

I had the same reaction to that book -- the best and worst parts of it, for me, were the experiences of the adults conceived through donated gametes. "Best," because it was just the information I hadn't found anywhere else. "Worst," because it made me worry about the experiences that I was setting my children up for by getting into donor egg. It still concerns me, gives me dark moments even now that I'm in the 2ww after a DE cycle. We've decided to tell your child(ren) from the beginning where they came from, so that hopefully they will be accepting of it as they grow. I think to some extent, the way our children react to this unconventional start in life is going to vary in ways we can't guess. Some children will have a harder time with it, based on their emotional makeup. Other children won't have any negative reaction. But my very personal opinion is, the ones who have the WORST time of all are those -- both donor conceived and adopted -- who aren't told all their lives, and then for one reason or another find out in their teens or in adulthood. I can't risk that for my kids.

Interesting thoughts. Thanks for posting your review.

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