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Friday, 04 February 2005


You and I are in the same place in this shitty journey -- thinking about egg donors. If, there's always an "If"; If my husband's sperm test comes back fine then I think that my 40th birthday present to myself (hahahahaha, yeah, just what I've always wanted) is to start seriously investigating egg donors. I can't do it here in WA because they are all closed and I want to meet the donor.

Egg donation is actually something I got my arms around o.k. I had such a shitty childhood and realized that all my parents gave me was DNA and not much more. I believe that I will see myself in my child, even though it won't be my egg because I can teach kindness and compassion and that will be my legacy.

It still hurts to know that you can't pass 'you' on but I guess I've come to terms with it because I have to and like every other shitty thing in my life, I only had one choice -- accept it or not because it's the only way I'd get what I want (a baby). It's taken me a while to get on the egg donor train because even though I've always said I'm comfortable with egg donation I guess I've always held out hope that we would still beat the odds. And it's just not happening because the reality is that every single period a new and nasty surprise (one month it's substandard rise indicating poor egg quality that month; another, it's a very short luteal phase after and excellent rise in temperature we get a huge crash on 9dop, etc., etc.).

But I hear you, I'm just ready to get myself back because it feels like I'll never be happy again.

Thinking of you and wishing you luck.


Do you turn 40 this year too? I've got a few months left but just trying to get things sorted out before then. I thought we'd beat the odds as well but I'm just feeling like they're beating me right now. I'm lurking over on the pink and yellow boards these days, just trying to figure it all out. I'm also a sister of the short luteal phase. I've given up temping and all that stuff. Ready for us all to be happy again.

Oh Millie, this is the first time I visited your blog and now I understand why my post resonated with you so much. And I am so glad that I found you, because I have been secretly hoping for a DE blogger buddy, and most bloggers are either pregnant or still trying with their own eggs or moving on to adoption.

I can't help feeling angry at the universe that after you did such a kind and generous thing for someone else, twice, this is how you should be repaid. I will scream at G-d for you.

Sending you blessings and clarity and good luck.

Wow. I'm commenting on this post more than a year after you wrote it, but I just had to tell you how much it meant to me to read this.

We are just starting to think about DC (I havent't even really adressed it yet on my blog), either DS or embryo "adoption" and I have some qualms about what sort of reasons people donate for . . . and it was really an eye-opener to read a donor's point of view, especially from someone who now hopes to be a recipient.

Amazing, the circles of life!

Also just want to say how amazing that you were able to do that then and how amazing your attitude now.

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