I'm cautiously putting my toe back into that murky infertilty sea. I'm shopping for a new acupuncturist, trying to gear up for another ivf cycle in the next few months, just trying to get some kind of plan together.
I feel a little guilty leaving my acupuncturist. It's like cheating on your hairstylist, but with much larger implications. A bad cut will at least grow out. What if my best eggs are waiting in Dr. Fertility's needles?
I've made a tentative appointment with a new girl. Now I'm pretty demanding up front. I wanted to hear about how she'll do things differently and why I should switch to her. Turns out she worked with my old doc for more than a decade. Actually, my old doc literally wrote the book on ivf and acupuncture. She's gotten tons of women pregnant. Just not me. The new girl got a woman in my infertility support group pregnant when no one else could. Hence the call today.
I also finally wrote Dr. FSH jr for my 'post-mortem' consult. I wanted to hear we'd try different drugs, I should take DHEA, something different. He just said I could use whatever drugs I wanted and maybe start the estinyl on CD1. Hopefully that will get me a couple of follies instead of just one.
My new plan is to head east in April or therabouts. I don't think I could deal with winter storms on top of everything else. My mom offered to come up to the Garden State and stay with me on bedrest. She's trying to say all the right things. She's doing a great job right now.
My heart isn't in it. I don't think anything will help at this point. I made a pact with my husband to try 2 more cycles. Might as well get them out of the way. Then maybe I'll be ready for donor embryos or donor eggs. I'm quickly approaching the place where I just want a baby. If it weren't for my evil in-laws, I might get there sooner.
I used to get comfort from success stories. All I cared about was age and FSH. All those women older than me with higher fsh. That was crack. Now it just makes me more bitter.
Why am I taking baby steps now, you might ask? My husband can't take it anymore. He's been incredibly supportive and this is just too hard on both of us. He's got a headache that won't go away and sends him to bed. Neither of us are sleeping. We're barely holding on here and holding on just isn't good enough anymore.
At least we have more in-laws coming to spend the weekend with us. That's sure to make it better, right?
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