2 years and counting

Today is my second anniversary. I'm not sure it's off to such a great start because I can't sleep. I didn't sleep much the night before the wedding because I was so excited. Now, I'm not sure why I'm not sleeping.

I think this infertility has been taking quite a toll on my. It's been forever since I posted here-maybe self-preservation because I didn't want to lose too much time to the blogs or maybe just denial.

Since my last post, I had my first round of ivf. I had lots and lots of things I wanted to talk about here but obviously that didn't happen. I spent several weeks in the lovely Garden State for my cycle. It went as well as I could have hoped. Ok, I'll be honest. I hoped for more.

I did a minimal stim cycle. I took ethinyl estradiol to lower my fsh (worked like a charm for me) and stimmed for a few days. We only got one follicle, but retrieval went well, it fertilized and grew and was a lover-ly embryo. I've got the picture to prove it.

Transfer was good, bedrest was boring but good. My laptop totally died on me (hard drive crashed) so I wasn't able to do much except watch many episodes of all the flavors of Law and Order.

Anywho, the beta was negative. Of course I took an hpt the day before and day of so I knew what to expect. But this was much much harder than I thought it would be. IVF is soooooo much more intense than iuis or anything else I've done.

So now I'm taking a break. I figure I've got 2 more ivf cycles in me and no money until the new year so why not take a complete break. It's been great. No temping. No fertility monitor. No supplements (for now). Not even acupuncture. I'm thinking of ramping things up again in Jan or Feb but I really need this break for my sanity.

And for my marriage. We were together for 7 years before we got married. We got married to have kids. We both want them so badly. It's been hard on both of us. Anniversaries, holidays, etc. aren't making it any easier.

So for the rest of the post I'm thinking only good thoughts. I love my husband dearly. This if stuff has brought us even closer, and I didn't think that was possible. I know we're going to be parents-it's becoming less important every day how that happens. for the next few days, I'm going to try to rekindle the magic time that surrounded our wedding and honeymoon.

So, in closing this post I'll quote one of my favorite parts of our vows:

I marry you with this ring,

with my heart,

with my body, and

with all the syllables of my soul.

Comments

[Nina]

I'm so sorry your IVF cycle did not work. Take care of yourself during your break.

[media]

A one-night stand is wrong, is not wrong