Treading water

It's yet another late night. I don't seem to be able to get to sleep before the wee hours. I don't know why. I'm exhausted all the time but my mind is just racing.

I want to be better at posting here so maybe I'll start with a little update.

Last week I had a consult with Dr. High FSH (ok, technically it's Dr. High FSH Jr, because Sr. no longer does phone consults). This was a big step for me. I told myself a year ago when I got diagnosed that I'd save the big guns for a rainy day. I was sure I wouldn't need to go to such extremes. They were my last chances.

I have an internet friend with high fsh. Her's is actually higher than mine. She is blessed to live near this clinic. She got diagnosed a couple of months after me. She did one iui and just gave birth last month to a bouncing baby boy. I sooooo want to follow in her footsteps. She gives me so much hope.

If you have high fsh, there are really only two docs that anyone talks about. Lots of other REs get some of us knocked up, even more refuse to treat us or start the donor egg speech. But only 2 clinics are worshipped by those of us with high fsh.

It's interesting because both clinics report a great success rate among high fshers. I think they're both currently at about 38% per ivf cycle depending on age. That could be a couple of cycles, actually, I'm really not sure. The most interesting thing to me is that they have radically different approaches. One uses very minimal stims, the other uses incredibly heavy doses. I've had a cycle on higher dose stim and I didn't produce more eggs so I decided to go with the low stim approach. They also charge a whoooooole lot less so I figure I can get 3 ivf cycles for the price of 1.

And truth be told, right now I only think I have about that many cycles left in me before moving on. I'm feeling a little guilty even saying that as I'm nearing the end of my 2ww. Part of me still wants to feel optimistic, but that's a teeny tiny voice in my head that I'm really not listening to much these days.

Ok. Back to my consult with Jr. It was scheduled for the middle of the afternoon. A fine summer day. I wanted to be as calm and relaxed as possible so I tried to structure the environment. I've got 2 dogs that I love dearly but that for other reasons (another long post) have to be kept completely separate for now due to a little dog-on-dog aggression that's the end result of the younger dog being nearly killed by poisoned dog food. I said it was a long story.

Ok. So I take the baby dog next door so she can happily play with the puppy there and put the older dog in our backyard. So I can concentrate. Then I get on the phone with Jr and it's all going great.

He's telling me about their protocol, what they'd do with me, how I'll be a success and only need iuis even with one tube, how we can convert to ivf if all the eggs are on the bad side, etc. It's going great. Then I hear the screams.

The two dogs next door were totally going at it. My older dog was also freaking out in our yard. I cound't get to the dogs. I had to put Jr on hold and scream at them to stop. Luckily they did. Even luckier, there wasn't any blood.

I don't remember much of the rest of my consult because my adrenaline was pumping so hard. But the plan is for him to work with my RE (or another one he's worked with that's only an hour or two away) from here on out. Or we get a fantastic vacation to his lovely clinic.

The good part is that he brought a little hope back to me. I'm almost anxious to get this negative test out of the way so we can begin this next part of our journey. I really believe that if anything will work, it will be this doctor. If not, then maybe we'll be ready to move on. And moving in some way is so much better than just standing still or treading water.

Comments

[Marla]

I'm glad you've moved on. I hope you're referring to Dr. Sher. I haven't used him, but he is quite popular with high FSH women. Sounds like you have a plan. Good luck!

[Emily]

I know exactly who you're referring to. I've been recommended by most people to only use high stims, so Mr. Famouse High Stim RE is my choice. I live so far away from him and just can't bring myself to pay $20,000 for a cycle (I need the IVIG too which adds and extra $6,000). His assistant keeps emailing me (just got another last night) even though it's been almost a year since we spoke to see if I will cycle with them and I just can't seem to get there because I just don't know how helpful it will be. I already know I can get pregnant and that's all IVF will do for me. Yet, he keeps insisting that I am not a tough case and that he can help. I think he can help me get pregnant, but in my case, it's the staying pregnant that seems to be the issue. Good luck with what you decide and High Stims RE does seem to deliver the goods and personally, I liked him when I consulted with him. I found him very knowledgeable.