Out, damned egg! Out I say!

It Rode Us All the Way to New Orleans

I didn't want to leave town without an update. Unfortunately I don't have much of an update but do have a request.

TNPL had to cancel today's meeting due to a family medical emergency. I missed her call early this morning (bummer) but left her a message telling her we were thinking of her and her family and sending good wishes and thoughts. So if any of you have any spare good thoughts please put them out in the universe for her family.

We were hoping to have an official "match" today and that was our current requirement for parental (and family) notification. Now I'm not entirely sure we should tell everyone. I'm leaning towards telling them but don't want to have to constantly update and explain. It wouldn't be such a big issue except the mister's 'rents are planning a 50th Anniversary family trip - right over the due date of TNPL in January. I'd feel much more comfortable planning something in February instead but that means spilling the beans about TNPL. Oh and we're going to be spending Thanksgiving with most of the mister's family so it's not like we can go radio silence.

In other news, the mister and I leave early early EARLY tomorrow am for New Orleans. Woot woot! This is Sabbatical Phase 2. We'll be there for a full week! Our plans are to mostly eat and drink our way through the city. We have gotten some great recommendations from our friend Bebe but feel free to pile them on here.

Then we're headed to Washington DC for 10 days of family (his), friends (both of ours) and fun (for everyone!). I'm super stoked to meet my very favorite in-law's relatives. And because I'm not a very nice person I'm also stoked that my least favorite bil won't be able to make it.  I have offered to be my very fave in-law's sous chef and serve at his beck and call. Here's to no repeats of the infamous Sweet Potato episode (he would never be that passive aggressive or rude) of several years ago.

But for now the Big Easy is calling...hurricanes, po' boys, beignets and more. Yummmmmmm.

Super Quick Update

I'm running around today trying to get ready for a Halloween party the mister and I decided to host. I still have a ton of things to make/do but wanted to at least offer a brief update. Y'all are too kind to keep checking when I am one of the worst posters lately.

Dinner was great. This NPL (perhaps I'll call her TNPL for a bit) is super nice (much like the last one) and we really really like her. She really really likes us as well. I think she had memorized our profile. She knew every word of it (down to the color of our kitchen which we mention in our profile).

We also met her mom briefly which was great. They live a little more than an hour north of us in a town we drove through a lot when we were going to and from the river.

TNPL  is from a country we love and spent a few weeks in about 6 years ago. I think it's very interesting that both NPLs we've really talked to are from another country. I'm not sure it's very typical but it did give us a lot to talk about!

Dinner went great. There was a lot of talking. There were a few awkward pauses. I'm sure that's all to be expected. She wants to move forward with us. We're not sure how this will all work but we said we'd love to do that and get to know her over the next bit. She's due in January!

So that's where we are. Right now we're hoping for more dinners or lunches or video game marathons or whatever TNPL would like to do to get to know each other.

It Got Better

I haven't written much about our monthly adoption meetings lately. We didn't go for a couple of months for obvious reasons (at least obvious to us). We didn't want to have our first check-in back with NPL in attendance. We wanted to give her the space and the support of the group when she needed it the most. We never want her to hear what we had to say about our experiences with Mrs. Vulture-Hag and her over-the-top aggressive lawyer. So we skipped June. And then we skipped July when they were all there with the new baby. There wasn't an August meeting, thanks to Labor Day but there were two in September and we went to both. And we made it to October's meeting last weekend.

And it's been really good.

We missed seeing the other people in the group. It was so awesome to see some recent successes. One of our very favorite couples was there with their brand new daughter last weekend.

We also got to hear some stories both shocked us and helped prepare us for the future. Our consultant talked about a couple of recent experiences with social workers who are too new and too green and just don't "get it". One of them in particular had a young woman in tears. Ms Consultant is a kick-ass advocate for the expectant moms she works with and for prospective adoptive parents (PAPs) in the midst of difficult situations. We remembered why we chose her.

I know many of you have questioned having both expectant moms and PAPs at these meetings. I honestly feel this is a really good thing. The last meeting was an example of how nice this can be for all. I think that very few expectant moms have the chance to have a strong network of other expectant moms/birthmoms. I know how much support I get from my friends who have been down this path. It's tremendously important to me and I am so very grateful to have that.

At the last meeting there was one expectant mom (due in a week or so) and 4 birthmoms with kids ranging from 5 years to 2 months. The very pregnant girl is very scared about a lot of things and who can blame her? And she had a chance to talk for a long time 1:1 with some very supportive women who have truly been there. She's in counseling (another great thing about the service) but having some sisters of the heart is incredibly powerful.

The last meeting was also a bit surreal because there was a camera crew from that music television channel. They're doing an in-depth program on teen pregnancy that will air next spring. The camera crew was fairly unobtrusive. Maybe we'll all be video stars next year.

I started this post planning only to write about how nice the last few meetings have been for us and how much better we're feeling about things. There's even more to feel better about today. We got a call yesterday from a nice pregnant lady. She's talked to our consultant a couple of times and was sent our profile. She really liked it. She's very interested in meeting us as soon as possible. So we're having dinner with her tonight! Now I'm off to bake some treats for our party tomorrow night and that will give me something to take to this nice pregnant lady.

Getting Back in the Groove

Thanks for all the birthday wishes! Makes this old dog feel a lot better.

We're off to our real house for a night to attend an adoption support group meeting, the mister's mysterious ship party (something geeks do after working on a big project for years when their game is finally out and flying off the shelves), and get some quality time with our kitten.

Life on the river is flowing right along. We've had a more relaxing time. We found a fabulous yoga class that meets in a local community center. It feels so good to be this good to my body. I've really missed yoga but just haven't had the energy to be able to do those kind of things.

We've also spent a tremendous amount of time working on our adoption website. We've been working with an amazing woman who does great work. It's a good thing we've had this much time to concentrate on it because even with her doing all the heavy lifting it's taken huge chunks of our time. It's about 90% done today and should get finished tonight or tomorrow night. Then we'll add the statcounter, link to a few carefully-selected-by-our-consultant adoption sites, and wait for the phone to ring. We recently found out that our 800 number is a little too close to one of those cable companies. Perhaps we should just offer to start taking those credit card payments people are offering up?

I'm happy to share our site with anyone who'd like to see it. We're pleased as trash can punch as how it's looking but I'd love to get feedback on it. Just shoot me an email or leave yours in the comments. I'll likely be posting the link in my Facebook status as well for those of you that are on Facebook. And if you're on Facebook but we aren't friends, why the hell not? I need more people to send plants and save the rainforest.

Playing a little catchup

Well this Monday was easy-peasy as far as Mondays go. Or at least as far as they go lately.

Has it really been two weeks since I last posted? Bad millie. BAD MILLIE.

I suppose a lot has happened (and nothing much) in the last two weeks. We had a couple of frustrating calls with our consultant. We had a really nice meeting with her assistant. I think that was last Monday but my brain is a big foggy.

Thank for all the great comments and even greater support. I feel like a broken record but it really does mean a great deal.

We're still not thrilled with our consultant. We're pretty sure she's not thrilled with us. But we have found a way for it to work, for at least the foreseeable future. Her assistant is a total love and gets us. And gets why we're so upset about all of this. She gave us some very concrete ways of dealing with all of this and offered to run interference as much as she can. We met with her for a couple of hours in the middle of the day last week (um, can you say "work from home'?) and it was just such a relief. We've missed seeing her and she's missed us. It's awfully nice to be missed.

She hooked us up with the most amazing adoption site web designer and we're going gangbusters on our web site. We'd hoped to get it done for free by a friend but that's been dragging on for a bit. I think it will be done in another 2 weeks. We already have the domain and the 800 number so this is the last piece. We also got very specific feedback about which sites to link to and which to avoid/not bother with. This will be great because we do have some folks in other states looking out for us and it will be so awesome to just send them to the site.

Last week we went to a drop-in monthly support group for waiting families that our local infertility/adoption group is sponsoring. It was actually GREAT. I think both the mister and I were a bit surprised at how much we both got out of it because lately our attitude has been more along the lines of "why do I want to meet a bunch of other people that are gonna get their kids before us".  It helped tremendously that the lovely luna and her fine man were there. There was another couple who'd been waiting about the same time as us (also domestic), one lone couple doing international (and I felt so bad for them that no one else could commiserate and they're in the whole "our country closed" horrible space) and one couple that had just had a rough patch. Both of the facilitators were adoptive moms and one was a therapist. It really was a great group. We're looking forward to meeting again or getting another more structured group going.

One thing that was so clear from the other group members was the general lack of support most people feel. The blogosphere has been such an amazing source of comfort, support and friendship to me that I want EVERYONE to have something like that and that just doesn't seem to be the case. Maybe luna and I will convince everyone to hang out a shingle.

So all the adoption stuff just feels better.

Oh there was an icky part to this Monday. I guess I blanked it out. I had 11 vials of blood drawn. 11. And not a Spinal Tap sort of 11. I had my regular thyroid stuff, annual physical stuff and, just for kicks, infections disease bloodwork as well. It's nearly my birthday and that's how I like to celebrate. For those of you playing along at home, this is the SIXTH straight set of infectious disease blood-work I've had done. Six years of blood-work and no baby yet. I wonder if my lab will through in the 7th for being such a frequent flayer.

The lab was pretty slow today and there were too many idiots like me who decided to take care of everything on a Monday morning. Did I mention it was fasting blood-work? I nearly fainted. Good times.

Then the mister and I went and test drove a couple of cars. We weren't going to buy a car until January but I found out over the weekend there is a certain Zoom Zoom car company that makes a hybrid only available HERE. With a full tax credit. And heated leather seats.

So we tried the zoomy car and we also drove the Sub@ru F0r3ster that we thought we were likely to buy. They are very very similar and we're trying to decide. If you internets have any opinions, bring 'em on. Our goal is to fit one baby, two dogs and a stroller in something. As my love friend from Arkansas pointed out, we might end up with twins. In which case we won't leave the house for several years and the dogs will never get walked again.

Best news of all: THREE DAYS OF WORK LEFT!!!!!! I'm soooooo very excited. And sooooo very done. We're heading north to the lovely SeaTac airport (and surrounding environs) to visit many friends (hoping to see Ms Emily/Scrambled Eggs and perhaps Ms Michele during that time but I've been too busy to email them so perhaps they'll read this). Then we'll be living on the lovely Russian River in NorCal for a month of resting, reading, hot tubbing, dog walking, drinking, biking, yogaing, and napping.

What is it with Mondays?

It seems like it's the same song second verse. This time I'm far less happy about the situation.

The mister and I left town on Friday to go camping (for the first time in 2 years). There was an email from our consultant announcing a situation, for anyone who was interested. We called the consultant within minutes of the email but no answer. Oh and she doesn't have a cell phone so don't even think about that. We called her assistant. We sent emails to both but did not hear back while we were in cell range. We left messages everywhere telling them we were very interested and please submit our profile. We'd be back Monday night but could come back earlier if necessary.

We drove to another site specifically to check emails and voicemails. Nothing.

Finally we heard back on Sunday and called back right away. We learned a bit more about the situation and that only one other family in the service was interested. We said we'd be back Monday night and were told that should be fine.

We ended up coming back a day earlier for a number of reasons but a big one was to meet this nice nearly due lady.

This morning we left messages and sent emails. No word for six hours. Then the word came and it did not make either of us happy.

The nice nearly due lady really liked the other couple and doesn't want to meet with anyone else. Apparently our consultant didn't tell her there were two couples interested. She didn't schedule anything (although she told me she had).

I totally get that she likes them and have no problem with that at all. But I'm really frustrated with our consultant. It seems like every situation is "unusual" and "just can't be predicted".  The mister called her back about something else and she said "well, you should have taken copies of your profile with you and you could have mailed one on Saturday". He asked why she didn't mail one and she said she was out of them.

OUT OF THEM???? This is the first we've heard that she's even showed our profile to anyone or sent any profiles anywhere much less that she'd given all the ones we gave her away. She gives sample profiles to couples she meet with and I'm wondering if that's what's happened to ours. She told us before that she wouldn't present us without asking first and she's never asked. Now she can't even give us a straight answer about those profiles.

Lately every interaction with her has been frustrating at best. We ask what we could do differently and she doesn't have any answer. We ask ourselves what we'd like to be different with these interactions and we don't have good answers for that either. But definitely more information and at least return calls timely and not just jerk us around. And perhaps keep track of at least whether or not she has our stupid profile.

Do we just never go out of town again? Do we just forget about the thousands of dollars we've paid her and chalk it up as knowledge gained? And if this is one of the most ethical people in adoption, heaven help us all.

Today Put the Manic in Monday

I had plans for today. Plans that involved getting lots of work done and getting back on schedule. It all started off fairly normally: the mister left to take his 'rents to the airport and I left at the same time to go to the pharmacy (I've been off my synthroid for 3 days trying to pick up my refill with the in-laws in town -not good).

I was standing in line at said pharmacy, minding my own business when my cell phone rang. I followed orders (FINISH ALL CELL PHONE CALLS BEFORE STEPPING UP TO THE WINDOW!) and stepped away to take the call.

It was an adoption chick I'd played phone tag with last week. Our social worker had recommended her and I thought I'd see if it might be a good fit for networking, etc.

She asked if I'd be interested in a last minute situation. The nice lady was in labor. She offered to send some info on the nice lady and asked for an electronic copy of our profile. Holy Shit, Batman! That definitely put the Manic into my Monday.

There were a lot of emails back and forth. A medical issue that raised a lot of concerns until I remembered I had a very good friend who could lay out the possibilities for me. A message a baby boy was born. A picture of his mom a bit later. Then the waiting.

I nearly went out of my mind. Beagle chatted me off the ledge and gave me some very helpful tips for preparing for this kind of situation. I then decided to while away the day by shopping and getting the few things we didn't have (diaper bag? check. baby laundry detergent? check. additional cute tiny clothes? check  and check.)

I found myself getting all caught up in the drama of the day. It went from us not sure about whether or not we wanted to be presented to thinking about what would it take if we needed to leave town today. So many emotions! So much nervous energy. My friend pocket gave me the perfect yiddish word to describe it but I was so nervous I couldn't even remember the word! She also suggested I pass the time by organizing the clothes in my closet alphabetically by color (she knew my spices were likely all in a row).

Now I must digress: I don't think I could every organize my clothes that way. I have a number of variables that are taken into account: business vs business casual vs casual, light weight vs heavy (which around here means summer), short sleeves vs long sleeves. Then of course color within each category.

Ok back to the day. I shopped and prepped. I waited impatiently. I thought about the possibilities, always keeping in mind it would never be more than a 50/50 proposition even if we were picked.

I heard back from the adoption chick that while the nice lady liked us a lot we weren't right for her baby. I totally get that but wanted to say "but you haven't even met us". It was  a knee jerk reaction to not getting picked. Of course I totally support her decision. I don't think she'd found what she was looking for in a family today but I hope she gets her whole list.

Mostly I thought "how awful and likely stressful to be thinking about this just a few hours after giving birth." I hope she's getting lots of support in all the ways she might need it. I hope she finds peace and what she's looking for regarding her son. I know the people she's working with have encouraged her to parent and will support her in that if she decides to try that.

And now we're a bit more prepared for a last minute situation. It's still not what either of us would prefer but we'd still take it. This situation had more of the stuff on our Perfect Situation Characteristics but definitely not all of them. The medical thing had us question the entire situation (we're willing to tolerate a lot of risk but there was the possibility of a very rare, lethal genetic disorder) thanks to scary Dr Google.  We did learn we'd need more time to process  and ponder any kind of last minute situation.

But tonight there are freshly laundered baby clothes next to me and the mister is thumbing through a new baby name book. We're hopeful and planning and know that it will work out one day. Today was a fire drill. We're just fine. We're happy tonight thinking about the possibilities of the next call. Or the next.

Please don't feel bad for us when you read this. We're not feeling that at all. Truly. But do send your good thoughts and wishes to the nice lady and her son. And let's all hope I can get some work done tomorrow to pay for all the preparations of today.

One step for right, one step for wrong, step away

I seem to be getting more and more behind. I really do have all these posts swirling around in my head and plan to get them down but it just doesn't seem to happen.

Last weekend was our adoption consultant's monthly group meeting. I can't believe it's been a whole month since that last debacle. Any bets on whether or not we attended?

We were scheduled to go to a 25th anniversary show for one of my fave bands ever, the delicious Camper van Beethovan (this post's title is from one of my favorite songs of theirs). We didn't, for lots of reasons, but that was our excuse for not making the meeting.

Actually we didn't make excuses. I talked to our consultant late last week when she was asking us to drive out and pick up the young couple I wrote about last week. She thought it would be great for them to attend the meeting, you know because the NPL would be there and it would be great for them to talk to the NPL and some other expectant parents and birthparents and such.*

Honestly I do not know what she was thinking. Now in her defense she did ask the NPL if it would be hard seeing us. The NPL was looking forward to it and just worried it would be hard on us. We were worried it would be hard on her.

And since part of the group is about doing check-ins, we knew we couldn't go. We have no desire to ever deal with Mrs Vulture-Hag again (thanks to Anna H for clarifying her name) and our check-in is not something the NPL should have to hear. The next group we attend (and we are contractually obligated to attend 9 in the first year), my check-in likely will be all about how awful it felt to see overt manipulation and coercion and how important it is for us to be as ethical as possible and how we are very happy with taking the high road and will always be able to tell our children those important truths.

Again, not something the NPL needs to hear, don't cha think? So I wrote this very long email to the consultant explaining why we wouldn't be attending:

I wanted to let y'all know we won't be able to make it this weekend. There are a number of reasons and we were planning on bowing out this month but knowing that NPL (and presumably The Vultures will be there) sealed the deal.

I think it would be very uncomfortable for NPL and I am concerned that no one else seems to be considering this. I don't think anything should be done to bring any discomfort to her and I can't imagine seeing us close to her due date would be anything but uncomfortable. We have no problem seeing NPL but worry that it is might be too hard/unfair to her. We truly want to support her but feel the best way to do that would be not to attend.

It was our understanding that The Vultures were not members of the service but that seems to have changed. Please understand that what I am about to say has nothing to do with the fact that The Mister and I were not chosen. This is not sour grapes at all. I don't know if you will believe that but we have thought a great deal about this and truly that is not where this is coming from.

Due to Mrs Vulture-Hag's incredibly bad (and frankly manipulative and coercive) behavior at the last meeting, we do not want to attend any group they attend. We made this decision before we knew they were chosen by NPL. I thought I made myself clear when I spoke to you the day after the last meeting but apparently I as not as clear as I would have liked.

We have no problems with Mr. Vulture. We had no problems with Mrs. Vulture-Hag until we were subjected to her inappropriate behavior at the last group meeting. We choose not to associate with people we consider unethical and manipulative whenever we can and so we are choosing not to interact with her again. Again, no issues with Mr. Vulture or seeing him, only Mrs. Vulture-Hag.

One of the things that is paramount in whatever adoption The Mister and I do, is that it is as ethical as possible. We chose you and your service because of your commitment to providing ethical adoptions. We want to be able to look our children in the eyes and assure them that everything was done with the utmost thought for them and their birth families, and there was no coercion or manipulation. We just want to do as "right" by them as possible.

We were very careful not to use any coercion or manipulation at all with NPL. Frankly, the idea of it turns our stomaches. Now we feel a bit sullied simply by association and that is very troubling indeed. We came to you and your service to hoping to prevent this sort of scenario but know that can't be predicted. We  were very disturbed by Mrs. Vulture-Hag's behavior during the last meeting and do not wish to subject ourselves to anything like that again.

I am not naive. I know there is often a great deal of even subtle manipulation and coercion that goes on in any adoption situation where there is a match. I know you have probably seen much more overt manipulation but that is not the point. I know that expectant mothers don't want to "let down" couples that they like and they often feel an obligation to the couples that they don't even recognize. I've read too much from birthmothers and adoptive parents who later recognized this for the coercion that is is, and had regrets. I do feel that balancing the relationship building in a match/potential match situation with an attempt to eliminate any coercion is a delicate balancing act.

Again, just to reiterate: this truly has nothing to do with not being chosen but with the boorish behavior of a particular women that we prefer not to interact with again. Truly. We're a bit disappointed that the environment we were looking to share has turned out to be unsupportive but we do recognize that isn't something we can control.

Please don't think that we don't blame you for any of this but we would like you to understand why we feel the way we do. We look forward to seeing you both at future meetings but request that you respect our wishes.

Pretty wordy, huh? If you have read this far, you truly deserve a medal. I got back a very speedy and considerate email. I do think she heard my concerns. It really is a shame that at a time we could really use the group's support we felt like it would be a painful place for us and put the NPL in an awkward position. I don't think we'll attend next month as they will all likely be there again (with babe in arms) but after that I am hoping the Vultures just go the fuck away and we can go back to the group.

Our homework this month is to connect with some of the group members and talk about some of the other information that was covered. There are a three couples that live nearby and we like quite a lot so perhaps we'll try for a brunch or something. As luck would have it, one of you lovely readers was at the meeting. I'm only sorry I didn't get to meet you then (or hear how the wedding plans for two of my fave guys are coming along).

Oh and the young couple from last week has likely chosen a single mom we know. One of her children is biracial and she's not likely to get pregnant. Sounds like a good fit for all of them and we wish them the best.

The mister and I are off to my hot and humid home state for a family wedding. We'll be weekending in the only urban loft accommodations in a lovely small town known for being the birthplace of Elizabeth Dole and Cheerwine . And if you don't know what Cheerwine is, my friends, you are totally missing out. I see a lot of Diet Cheerwine and tasty NC bbq and hushpuppies in my very near future.

*I know, I KNOW. One of the posts I'm working on in my head is all about why these meetings can actually be good and the expectant and birthparents do get a lot out of these and why our particular situation was so different. It's coming. I promise.

Well, Stop and Smell the Smoke

It hurts to even look outside the windows here. We have hundreds (there were over 800 at one point) of wildfires in California and the air is just thick with smoke. It's hazy and just getting worse. It hurts to breathe. I don't think there's an end in sight.

So that brought to mind my old friend from the post title. (Quick, someone not named Elana name that artist and song. Way too easy for her). I try to tell myself it's just foggy all the time and conjure up romantic images but it's more like being stuck at a campfire with no smores.

I was my hair and it still smells like smoke. It burns to breathe. This just can't be good for any of us.

In other news we are moving forward on as many fronts as we can find. Garden State sent out a new list and for the first time ever (in something like 3 years I think) there are two sets of embryos that appeal to us. I've also been in talks with the lovely Tertia and Dr Champagne. Tertia has found a mighty fine donor for us and Dr Champagne assures me that we have tons o' sperm in Cape Town so I could do another solo trip.

And we got a call out of the blue on Monday from our local adoption agency. We took classes with them and they did our home study. They offer a la carte pricing so we chose not to use their outreach services (they work with tons of folks and often have a really long wait). Anyway they are working with an expectant birthmother and have done a lot of reaching out to other groups all across Northern California and have not had success. So they thought we might be interested.

Yes, please!

So our profile will be shown to the young lady in question. She has a list of her own and it's fairly short. We meet 2 out of 3 requirements so perhaps she'll pick us. One of her requirements is a biracial couple and that seems to be the sticking point. Can you believe there is not a single biracial couple in Northern California who are interested in an open adoption? Seriously. We have heard the efforts the agency has gone to and unfortunately for the young lady she might have to choose between geographic closeness and ethnicity.

She's also been matched twice already. Both couples got pregnant. BOTH. Can you imagine the pain that must have caused her? At least they told her. If she wants to meet with us, we do plan on telling her we might be adding to our family through both adoption and donor gametes.

We don't have a lot of other information at this point but what we do know matches up nicely with my list from that recent post. I'm still ruminating on my list and truly appreciate all the input from you guys. You had some very thoughtful and thought provoking comments.

So smoke or no smoke, we're marching ahead. It's good to have multiple plates spinning in the air again. I thought the mister might not agree but, like always, we seem to be on exactly the same page.

Oh and one last thing. Guess what I scored on craigslist yesterday? The coolest baby hammock in the world, in exactly the color that I wanted, at a substantial discount. Now if I could just find a wii fit.

Still Hangin On

Ok so it's been a much harder week than I predicted. I knew the mister and I would be a bit down but I thought we'd both bounce back pretty quickly. We are bouncing back don't get me wrong but I've realized how much I was counting on this situation to work out and am very disappointed that it didn't.

I have had many good distractions this past week and that has helped tremendously. Last Friday was full of pizza and Firefly (kudos to Oro for knowing her sci-fi tv...perhaps we share an affection for the oh-so-yummy captain?). Saturday was yet another long volunteer-oriented day for me but it was actually very fun and inspiring and all that stuff it should be.

A little digression: please help me in welcoming a new blogger to our fold, the lovely IVF Diva of the new blog IVF Drama. She's a vet, through and through, and I'm hoping her current cycle is lucky #4. We're in the same volunteer group and share a love of those Real Housewives, when we aren't talking needles and drugs. So go say hi and welcome her to the blogosphere.

After a long hard day of saving the world in my pumps and pearls, I cooked a lovely dinner for Initial Girl and Sandal Boy. Oh it was so very very nice to have them visit. We did lots of eating and talking but not enough bridge playing. Guess we'll have to take a trip up to the Seattle to see them (and the very sweet Emily who we all miss so much and who sends the best cards when a girl needs them the most and perhaps the lovely Michelle as well).

Sunday I jetted off to Vegas to hang with Katrina and her high school buddies. They were kind enough to let me horn in on their fun. I must admit that Vegas is not my kind of town. First, it's just way too smokey. I live in a state that is practically cigarette free so the casinos do me in. BUT a half day at the Bellagio spa was just what the doctor ordered and it was very cool to hang with Vegas Virgins who had a lot of fun whatever we were doing. That part was infectious. I am sure it will ruin my reputation but I can not stay out late and drink like my younger, wilder days so I don't have wild with which to regale you.

Tuesday was straight back to work although I managed to work from home three days this week. It's been nice hanging out at home even though it's a bit melancholy. I told the folks at work that the NPL situation didn't work out since they needed to know for planning purposes.

Did I mention that one of the guys I work most closely with is going to become a first time dad in the next couple of weeks? Yah, that makes this so much easier. (not) Luckily I missed their shower thanks to my volunteer commitment.

Ok. This is turning out to be quite a bit whinier than I planned. Time to turn this post around.

Please know that all of your comments mean the world to me and the mister. Truly. I owe so many of you responses and am continually awed by your kindness and support. I also have lots of posts swirling around in my head and I do have things of more substance to write about in the coming days.

Here's a taste: I promise to talk about the monthly meetings and why I actually do think it's a good idea to have expectant parents and prospective adoptive parents together. How our situation was so unusual. How we'll never let that happen again. The jonesing I'm getting for another donor cycle or so while we wait. Next steps with adoption (or how to get a friend to build a website).

But I think I want to end this post with a list of things that are important to me for a match situation, many of which were not part of this last situation. While this last situation would have been nice for a number of reasons it was far from our "perfect situation". I know I got all caught up in the drama and my affection for NPL but if I'm being completely honest it was not a perfect situation. We were very concerned that the only info we'd have on the birthdad would be a first name and a city. I know there are situations like that but one compelling reason we want to do open domestic adoption is that our children could have as much information as possible. I know there is no real perfect situation but if I'm making a wish list here's what I'd want on that list:

• Involvement of both expectant birthmother and birthfather
• Medical histories on both sides
• Good prenatal care, or at least some from somewhat early on
• Chance to have both sides (including other relatives) involved in open adoption
• If that's not possible, then at least as much info to give our kid as possible
• Shared experiences/values
• Both sides working with therapist with good knowledge of adoption issues
• Strong reason for expectant parents/families not to parent
• Birth families live somewhere that we'd like to spend a lot of time (I know this one might sound superficial but what I'm getting at is if they aren't close to where we live now, our perfect match might be one of our home states or somewhere we already visit or would love to visit because I'd hope we'd spend time there regularly and would hope they'd want to visit us as well)

What else should I add to my list? If you were thinking about your perfect match or situation, what would be important to you? If you've been through this, what mattered or what ended up not mattering to you? Don't be shy.