It seems like the only songs I hear these days are Yo Gabba Gabba songs. This is partly because Tall Girl is completely obsessed with YGG and also because some dear friends gave us one of the cds for Tall Girl's second birthday.
She rides to and from the hospital a couple of times a day and almost always asks for Gabba. It makes her happy and keeps her from crying. We all listen to a lot of Gabba.
This is from one of her favorite songs. Well, she also loves the "Wiggle Wiggle Wiggle" song more than most. But this is from Beautiful Day. And Tall Girl thinks every day is a beautiful day.
When we first head outside each day, she looks around and exclaims "Beautiful Day, mama! It's a beautiful day!" And she's right. No matter what the weather is EVERY day is a beautiful day.
I'm so glad I have this girl and this man and this boy. And this blog to come and vent to where you are all way too understanding.
I got some crying done the other night and got some good times with friends, on the computer and on the phone. I needed all of that.
Last night was my night at the hospital. Sydney and I were hanging out in my room, watching movies and watching baby boy sleep. She gingerly mentioned it was time to buy a ticket home for her.
That was the start of a poignant conversation. There is just so very much to talk about and sort through.
This was never part of our plan and so we need to talk through it all. I wanted her to know what her options are and get a sense for what she thinks she needs. I overwhelmed her with possibilities and said the three of us needed to just talk through it all and figure out a plan that worked.
She's looking forward to going to the monthly meeting at our consultant's but said she's worried that it will be "sad". I told her I think it will be lots and lots of things. It will be sad and happy and validating and a relief to be with people who get it - all the parts of what we're going through.
We talked about some of our options for the time we're together, things she hadn't thought she wanted or perhaps been afraid to let her self want. Things like maybe she and baby boy have some time together, just the two of them. That's something we've always wanted for the two of them and I'm so glad she wants that now as well.
And we talked about how no matter what happened during our time together, it was going to be sad and hard on all of us to take her to the airport. It doesn't mean she regrets her decision or wants to parent, just the truth of what willl happen when that day comes.
So on this beautiful Sunday we talked with the mister and came up with a plan we all like. A plan that involves time together, time with our adoption community, time for Sydney to be alone with her baby outside of a hospital, time for Sydney to do the tourist thing she wanted to do so badly on her previous visit, time for the mister and I to take Tall Girl to preschool and focus only on her, and time for us to take Sydney to the airport. There's also time after that for the mister and I to focus on our new little family before he has to go back to work.
If all continues to go well, baby boy will come home to this lake house in two days. He'll get to finally feel the sun on his skin and watch the leaves blow in the trees. It will be the most beautiful day.