vacation - meant to be spent alone

In just a few minutes we'll be leaving the beach house in Florida. It's been a loooooooong week. The mister and I are headed south to the keys for some nice couple time (and to celebrate his birthday) and a chance to regroup from all the family time.

Did I mention it's been a long week?

I have survived and have not said anything too bad. Yet. There has been wine, much lovely wine, and long 2-3 hour trips to the gym that have both helped me maintain my sanity.

I think this post is likely to increase those "bitchy daughter-in-law" hits to my blog. Here are just a few observations I wish my in-laws had had before (or during the trip):

• If you like to plan many activities a day then renting a beach house may not be the best vacation option.

• Doing nothing is a perfectly valid thing to do at the beach and it will only irritate people if you propose 10 activities after people tell you they want to relax.

• Unless you are SURE of their answers do not ask your children to share childhood memories at the only nice dinner out you have all week. The middle child clearly needs many more years in therapy to recover from the fact that he had to briefly share a bedroom and wasn't allowed to play his loud musical instrument 24/7.

• When you're out at said nice dinner do not get loud and obnoxious at the end of the evening and start comparing the service to your beloved Fr@nce. The wait staff heard it all. While you might not be generous your bitchy daughter-in-law certainly is and she and your youngest, sweetest son had already taken care of the bill. If only you stopped being pompous enough to let them explain when they said it had been handled.

• Not everyone likes birds as much as you do. Do not ask your bitchy daughter-in-law who is trying to be nice to go and watch even more birds after she already spent an excruciatingly long day going around a 2.5 mile boardwalk. It really should not take 4 hours. She walked it three times and still saw more than you did.

• When your son and his wife want to go visit friends another island up they do NOT want to go to another bird place. Enough with the birds!

• Don't continuously talk about how you and your granddaughter are the competitive ones in the family and then get all pissy when you find out that your granddaughter cheats at board games and certain people think that shouldn't be allowed. Clearly your daughter-in-law still doesn't know her place because how could she ever say anything negative about someone who is "flesh and blood" like you love to point out.

• Don't continue the whole "flesh and blood" and "genes are so important" conversation with your youngest son who is excited to be adopting.

• If you are a super competitive person (like it turns out my mil is) don't challenge your family to a word game thinking you will beat them all. Don't choose a game that uses Scrabble principles and get upset when one person knows all their 2 letter words and q's without u's. You really don't have to know the meanings of words to play them and good Scrabble players don't know the definitions. Don't keep score and delight in telling everyone how much you're beating them. Until the last round when said daughter-in-law seemingly comes from behind to whup you. Do you really think it was happenstance that she beat you in the last round to shut you up? Do you really have to be such a poor loser at your age?

• Do be thankful that this trip happened because it will be a very long time until you get another chance like this.

I can last the next half hour, right?

Comments

[Heather]

Depends on how much wine is left.

They need a good thrashing.

[daisy mae]

at least my mil is a few continents away. i definitely feel your pain. just not as often.

[luna]

yikes. that's all I've got.

we'll miss you today. but sounds like you've got some good plans. happy bday to the mr!

[Lut C.]

You're human after all! Not always zen. :-)

Flesh and blood, grrrr.

[Rachel]

Oh. My. God. I can only imagine the hellish week you have just survived. I hope you can get a massage or something. Not that that would be enough to get over this. She sounds so awful... just... awful. You are a strong chickie, I don't think I could handle it. Hats off to you and you write some good snark, g'fren.

[Sharon]

Oh my, it's no wonder you haven't slit your wrists! I hope the Keys is great-cause you you need after all that!

[Pamplemousse]

Oh sweetie, I needed that giggle but I think you have the patience and forebearance of a saint for dealing with all that shit. Enjoy the time with the mister in the sun!

[PBfish]

Oh girl. I'm so sorry. Hope your time in the Keys helps you forget.

[Michell]

Wow. sounds tiring. Hope that the time alone you have soon is much more peaceful.

[Red Headed Momma]

Eek! Sounds like a dream vacation. Eek, eek, triple eek. And a yikes for good measure. Maybe next time you can rent Hitchcock's The Birds and play it on the first night. Hope you guys can have a nice getaway now and recover!

[Tonya]

Well, you certainly did your time. That woman sounds simply horrid! So glad you'll be able to hang with the hubby to truly relax before your return home.

[thalia]

ah yes, i think I would be writing a post of similar temperament, if not actual content, if forced to spend family time with inlaws. They are nice people (not sure that's true for yours) but they drive me crazy!

[pocket]

qat. faqir. someday I want you to kick Pita's ass at scrabble. it will make me so happy.

and what is up with the birds?

[Jan]

Like birds a tiny bit, do they? Good gosh, I hope you are enjoying some well-deserved quiet time doing nothing in the Keys now.

[tess]

have i told you about the lovely birds you can see in the keys?

seriously, i am quite a competitive person and that is one reason i don't want to play games like scrabble, because i know i don't show the best side of my personality! puzzles, sudoku, acrostics..better!!

xo

[tess]

oh, and loving the bow to the gogo's.

very appropriate, because by the end of the trip,
"vacation...got to get away!"

xo

[Sparkle]

I can't even imagine how you could engineer a conversation about flesh and blood and genes being so important ...

[Term Papers]

Nice post. I agree with u. keep it up.