Out, damned egg! Out I say!

Trip Report

Man, this work thing sure does get in the way of blog posting. Gone are the great days at Yodeling Inc when I had so much free time on my hands. Also gone are the days when I had a whole cube (or office!) to myself. It's a lot harder to blog when there are 2 other sets of eyes in your cube.

We had a very nice trip to Portland. We got upgraded to first class (both ways!), upgraded to an SUV with a free navigation system (oh-so-nice when you're in an unfamiliar town) and upgraded to a king suite in a very cool hotel.

We got to spend time with some old friends of mine and ours and make some new friends, thanks to our consultant.

But methinks y'all don't care much about any of that.

We met TNPL for lunch on Saturday and it was a nice long lunch. We chatted for almost 3 hours. We showed her a photo album of our house, neighbors and loved ones. We gave her a copy of one of our favorite books (since we're all readers and since we looooove Powell's). We talked about all kinds of things but not much about adoption.

We tried to make plans for Sunday but she was exhausted so we said we'd touch base later. After we dropped TNPL off where she's currently crashing we checked in with OC (Our Consultant...can't remember what I called her before). She said we needed to be a bit pushier and make definite plans.

So I called and left a message early Saturday evening. She didn't call back. The mister called and left a message on Sunday morning. She did call back but said she had an event she wanted to go to on Sunday and couldn't meet with us.

I think this is fairly typical for TNPL. Over the past week or so there's been an approach/avoidance thing going on. I think our time together on Saturday made all of this all too real and she needed time, space, distance. I think she's in a great deal of denial. I don't think she's processing much of this. She's trying to do it all on her own but I'm not sure she's really motivate to do that work right now. She has no plans at all for after the baby comes (in approximately ONE WEEK PEOPLE) and I don't think that's a coincidence.

OC has offered lots of resources to TNPL but she's doing the whole approach/avoidance thing with that as well. I'd love to see her take advantage of some of the resources just because I think it would help her clarify what she wants. There are several birth-mom's in OC's service that have reached out and offered to be a sounding board. OC herself is a great resource for her and has alot of experience helping women find resources, ways to parent, etc. I think she's likely to just stay in denial until after the baby is born.

I do know that she really liked us and we really liked her. The mister thought I was being overly cautious when I told him Saturday afternoon that I didn't think we'd see her again. Right now he thinks there's about a 1:3 chance of us moving forward.

I think he's on some high quality drugs. I do think there is a very slight chance she'll call us again and want to move forward, maybe in the next week, maybe after birth, maybe in a couple of weeks. But I'm pegging it as about 1:100 or so.

And you know what? That's all fine. Really. The mister and I are totally ok with this. We like that we had this experience. It's good practice for when another situation comes along. We love that we reconnected with some people we care a lot about (and we both got to hold a two week old!). Our fertile friends in PDX were among the most sensitive fertiles we've ever met.

We also adore the couple OC hooked us up with in PDX. They are part of her circle of clients and reached out to us. They supported us and gave us a haven and a sounding board on Sunday morning. The took us into their home (with snow all around...so beautiful!) and made us yummy raspberry muffins and home made bacon. And just sat with us and "got us".

THIS is why we are with OC. THIS is where she excels. She will continue to work with this situation but advise and protect all of us. She made sure we and TNPL were taken care of and gave us guidance and support and a very safe and welcoming place in a city a few hundred miles away. 

As always there is more I want to think about and write about but I wanted to at least get this part out there. Thanks to each and every one of you, whether you're reading here or reached out after my cryptic Facebook status today. Your support helps tremendously.

Leaving on a Jet Plane

I'm finishing up my first week at my new work gig. It's been totally fab. The people are great, they are smart and friendly and fun. The commute isn't so bad thanks to a bus that picks me up at the train station and drops me off in front of my building. There's a heavily subsidized cafeteria with all organic food. There is not a free coffee bar like my Yodeling gig but so far this one is much better.

The mister and I are headed up to Portland on a very late flight. The good news is we got upgraded. The other good news is that NPL called us after several days of radio silence and confirmed our plans. We were thisclose to canceling the trip but are very glad to be going.

We broke down and told our parents and that's many more posts in the making. My new mantra is "It's a process...it's a process...it's a process". They're still coming from a place of fear and I suppose that's to be expected. It's very frustrating when one of us calls home, shares our news and wants to talk about all the wonderful possibilities: how we're connecting in an important way, how we want the same kinds of things in an adoption, how we're processing all of this and their 'rent asks the usual questions that people coming from a place of fear ask: when will papers be signed, what's the baby's ethnicity, what's the medical history, were there drugs and/or alcohol.

Not too surprising that's the mister's mom. My own mom didn't ask a single question besides due date (and FREAKED at the answer) and tried to be as supportive as possible when I started talking about "longer transitional periods" and a short period of "co-parenting".

Now I know many of you are likely freaking out about a couple of those things as well and I do mean to fully get into our thoughts and wishes about all of that soon. Truly.

But tonight I'm leaving on a jet plane, headed north, just open to the possibilities and the opportunity to meet this lovely woman and focus on the present and not get too far ahead of myself.

And thanks to everyone who commented on my last post. As always, your support is amazing and oh-so-wonderful.

BTW my friend Amie is loving Cape Town (how could she not?), the good Dr. Champagne and will see the gorgeous and divine one very soon if not earlier today. Holding thumbs for a great transfer for Amie perhaps on Monday. Did any of you former Cape Town gals know they do 5 day transfers now? I had no idea!

Happy Belated New Year!

It's still 2009, right? I'm sure anyone who still reads this must wonder what hole I've been hiding under.

I've started a post in my head at least 100 times in the past few weeks but just never got very far. One of my goals for the year is really to blog more but this isn't the most auspicious start.

Soooooo, where did we leave off? Oh that's right. Before the holidays.

Well the holidays came and went. The mister and I went over the river and through the woods (on a place) to grandmother's house (where my parents live now) for a short visit. There were presents and merriment. The first present I got is still my favorite (it's a visit in exactly 19 weeks from the amazing Pamplemousse!) but there were others that were nice too. We made it back home in time to celebrate New Year's with friends, games and bacon ice cream.

Yes, you read that right. I made this candied bacon ice cream by the fabulous David Lebovitz because our NYE hostess with the mostess is a huge bacon fan. I know it might not sound great but trust me: it rocked the loft. The new year came in on a champagne and bacon induced high.

We made it a full two days until the first dog fight of the year. It was awful. It was also entirely the mister's fault so he feels a great deal of guilt. I know we're making progress but it's just so draining. My poor pups were both sore for days. The mister and I were sad and overwhelmed for days. Suddenly the year didn't look so bright.

I've never liked January much as it seems to be full of bad memories for me. I tore two ligaments in my knee on the first ski run of the season fifteen years ago. The first ectopic pregnancy was over the MLK holiday weekend five years ago. Our failed donor cycle was about the same time three years ago.

I've tried to work on my attitude in the last few weeks. I've been hammering out a contract work gig at a local Big Pharma. It took more time to finalize the details than I would have liked but I start next week and am pretty excited about the gig.

The same day I was told for sure that I'd get the gig, I signed up for an intensive training/workout program for the next 11 weeks. I suppose part of it is New Year's resolutions but most of it is I want to get in much better shape this year and might as well use the time before we get a baby to focus on me. Once I got the contract I knew I could pay for the training program at my gym so I signed on the dotted line.

Oh and that same night? I got a call on our 800 number from an actual pregnant woman, not someone trying to pay their cable bill.* She had called our adoption consultant earlier in the day and really liked our profile. We talked for a little over an hour and it was one of the best conversations ever. She's just very lovely and incredibly articulate about what she wants in an adoption and for her daughter. We skipped the small talk and dove deep into much more important matters like our journey to open adoption; what our ideal match situation looked like now and in 5 years, 10 years, etc; why we chose our consultant and how we defined an "ethical adoption".  She asked really tough questions that made for a great conversation.

I was so excited when I got off the phone I couldn't sit still! Thank goodness for facebook. Our consultant's assistant was online and we started chatting. She asked what we'd talked about and I told her. She asked what the baby's ethnicity was and I said I had no idea because we'd been talking about trust, openness and honesty and much more important things to me than ethnicity. She laughed and said that was what she loved about us and one of the reasons we'd make great parents.

To cap it all off this NPL is due FEBRUARY 2ND!!!!! And if you missed it, it's a GIRL!

I've been told time and time again that if I start moving forward with other things in my life that adoption would just fall into place. I still don't think I believe that. I do think I would love the problem  of having to cancel my contract job or losing money for my exercise program because there was a baby. What an awesome "problem"!

There have been several other calls since that first call. The mister had a lovely and long conversation with her the following night. We've sent some information to her. She sent us a long email profile that she wrote for herself with a homework assignment that took most of last weekend (just another example of how seriously she is taking the process). We've talked a couple of times this week.

And we're flying up to meet her next weekend! We would prefer to fly her down so she can see our house and such but she's due on FEBRUARY 2!!!!!! so that's not just not possible. We're very excited to meet her. Honestly we're just excited to be moving forward and not feeling stuck.

We've gotten several other calls this week but none of them were good matches for us. It's nice to see the website hits and even nicer to get calls.

The process with this NPL is going well, it just feels good. The other ones did as well but in somewhat different ways.

So I guess you're all caught up! Not much going on here. ;) New job starts Monday. Working my ass off 5 days a week, 2 hours a day continues. Trip up north to a city I love to visit to meet a woman I think I'll like even more in person (Portland, by the way).

And I want to send a special shoutout to my friend Amie. She's in CAPE TOWN by now for her donor cycle. I'm so freakin' jealous. She gets to be in my very favorite city. See my favorite doctor. AND meet up with the gorgeous and divine asshole herself. Lucky girl. The mister and I are holding thumbs and sending much love to you and your mister across the miles.

What's new with the rest of you?

*Our 800 number used to belong to one of the very big cable companies and it's still in automated messages they leave for customers. I have called many times trying to get it resolved but I think I'll just get a credit card machine and start paying off some of my own bills. ;)