Out, damned egg! Out I say!

Love is All That I Can Give to You

Today marks my 6th wedding anniversary. The traditional gift is iron, the modern variant is wood. I'm not sure the mister is likely to get something of either. I'm not feeling creative at all and trying to curb spending. I think instead I'll cook a nice meal. We haven't spent much time at home lately and staying home sounds oh-so-much better than going out.

He is still the love of my life. Our wedding day is still one of the best days of my life. Maybe we'll just crack a bottle of champagne and watch our dvd.

Last year we were just barely treading water. Same with the year before. There were also blog posts on our third anniversary and even our second one. I suppose I should be thankful I wasn't yet blogging about infertility on our first anniversary but we'd already been diagnosed and had no idea of how much pain and heartache the future had in store for us. Good grief that means I've been blogging about this crap for over four years. Talk about treading water!

Our anniversary is always bittersweet. We married because we were ready after 7 years of living together and loving each other to start our family. It's been a helluva long six years.

This year is hard. We know there will be a baby in our future but we just don't know where or when. The chance at a "second honeymoon" baby would have been a nice thing to hold on to now, instead it's just yet another disappointment.

But each year I am more happy with my mister and our marriage. I am so glad I grew up enough by the time I met him to be done with bad boys really appreciate him. I am a very very lucky girl in that respect.

Insert Clever Post Title Here

I'm finally home after a loooooooong trip. There was much fun, merriment and 10 cent martinis. How can that not be good?

I do have a lot I want to write about but am still processing some of it. My December resolution (why wait until New Year's Day?) is to post much more. I'm not working, not traveling and actually have things to write about so I shall be writing.

New Orleans was totally amazing in ways both good and heartbreaking. I definitely have a lot to say about our trip there.

DC was good but soooooo cold. I survived by shopping (new hat, scarf, gloves and tall black boots) and drinking (that's the family part of it).

We decided to tell our families about TNPL in an email since things seemed to go well. We knew there would be much trip planning while we were in DC and both the mister and I felt strongly about not stealing his brother and partner's thunder.

My MIL was so excited when she got the email that she couldn't nap. How cute is that? How much of a switch from the evil woman who confronted me nearly 4 years ago and spouted off about why we should do donor eggs (at least it would be the mister's baby) and how you never know what you'd get with adoption! There is hope for her after all.

I don't think there's much hope this particular situation will work out though. We haven't heard from TNPL since our canceled meeting. I left a message while we were in New Orleans and another once we got home. I still had some hope until after the second message.

I talked to our consultant today. She had also left 2 messages with no response. She said that probably 9 out of 10 expectant moms who consider adoption do this kind of dance where they consider adoption, read some profiles, maybe even meet with prospective adoptive parents, then disappear. It's often too hard and shameful to let the PAPS know that plans have changed. I hope that isn't the case with TNPL because we, of course, support and honor whatever she decides to do. And we truly wish her and her baby all the very best.

Yes it's disappointing, I'm not going to lie. But it's really as bad as you might think. I know another situation will work out. I just don't know when. Much like our first NPL this seemed almost too easy and too good to be true. But most importantly this really isn't about us. I think it's easier because we've given up all semblance of control: we have surrendered.

In six years of infertility we've never had any control. Oh sure we tried to find things we could control like diet, supplements, positive thinking. But that's all artificial. Truly none of us have any control. That's the hardest part to get past but once you do, it's very freeing.

It's also easier because it's hoops season, baby! My boys in blue are off to a fabulous start and provide a nice diversion. In fact there's a game tonight! Go Heels!