How To Deal With a Bitchy Daughter-in-law

Well, well, well. Lookit what my statscounter dug up. Apparently a recent google search landed a Buckeye at my blog. Their search terms? "How to deal with a bitchy daughter-in-law."

I think they found the wrong blog. They did stay for quite a while, though. I was a bit scared at just how close they live to someone who was almost my first MIL. At the time, I thought she would have been an awful MIL. Now that I have a real one of my own, I've reconsidered.

So I've put together a few tips and tricks for dealing with a bitchy daughter-in-law. I'm not quite sure if they were looking to make a bad situation better or just continue on a downward spiral. Since I don't have a BDIL of my own, I'll just share what my MIL does. Fair enough?

• Frequently ask for pictures of 'just family.' Everyone knows that 'family' means people to whom you are related by blood. Spouses never count as 'family' even if they are the parents of your grandchildren.
• Relish every opportunity when it's 'just family' at funerals and bring that up every time you are ever with your BDIL. Tell her repeatedly how nice it is when the spouses aren't there.
• When you're together, plan lots and lots of activities. Schedule the days up, get buy-in from your BDIL who is just trying to be agreeable then change the plans at the last minute. You get extra points if she actually believes said plans will happen and rearranges things to suit your schedule. When you cancel the plans, blame it on her and say it was something you never wanted to do anyway.
• Let her walk into the infamous sweet potato casserole trap.
• When you're visiting over the holidays, if your BDIL offers to drive you to the airport, wait until your son leaves to go to work and ambush her with your bigoted thoughts on infertility and adoption. Tell her that it's all her fault anyway and at least if she'd do donor eggs the baby would be your son's (not hers, but his genes are just too good to pass up and genes really are everything).
• Act surprised when she treats you and your patronizing ass of a husband to several really nice dinners when you visit. Never reciprocate.
• When the BDIL has a bit of a career crisis but decides on a new course of action and is very excited about it, tell her she's completely unqualified and question why anyone would hire her. Even though you've never worked a real job in your life and know nothing about the corporate world.
• Get really pissed when your BDIL's parents are super generous to your son. Don't they know better? They should never give more than one present and it shouldn't be something that he actually likes. Make them feel horribly guilty about knowing your son better than you do.
• Use the word "little" as often as possible to refer to anything to do with the BDIL, as in  her "little" job, her "little" volunteer work, her "little"  plans for the future.
• Talk as disdainful as possible about her career. It can't be important and there's certainly no way that she makes more money than your son. That would be impossible, right?
• Start college funds only for grandchildren genetically related to you that also have your last name. Make sure any uppity BDILs who give their children their own last names know what this will cost them. Make sure your entire extended family knows how you make your BDILs pay, or I suppose your grandchildren.
• Let your son and your BDIL know that her life-threatening emergency surgeries aren't going to interfere with your daily life. You have jazzercise to get to and bowling league and all. You can't just be sitting around offering support when your son is freaking out of his mind, alone for hours in a surgical waiting room.
• Get really really really hurt when you find out that your son turns to the BDILs parents for support. Because they actually do support him give him something he needs.

But the biggest thing of all?

• Don't appreciate the wonderful son that you have. Don't remember the things that are important to him. Don't support him and cherish him. Don't be generous with your love and time. Don't refuse to celebrate a milestone birthday with him but do expect him to jeopardize his job to celebrate a minor milestone birthday of yours. Don't ever put his needs or wishes above your own. Don't ever be the kind of parent he deserves.

Hm, I guess my MIL isn't so good at dealing with a BDIL. She's damn good at making one though.

So my Buckeye reader, curious minds want to know, how do you deal with a BDIL?

Comments

[K&M]

Oh lordy lordy, I swear we have the same MIL...they must clone them up there. Maybe they take BMIL classes?

How about this one...don't let your son see his dad (who has cancer) on father's day because BDIL will come along on the visit? Grrrrrr.

[Kath]

Oh, Millie, that is just awful! What a horrendous bunch of crap to contend with from your own family...

Except -- I just remembered -- she's not YOUR family, is she?? (What a horrible thought in the first place, and what an act of aggression to rub it in your face constantly!)

[Roni]

What an uber bitch your MIL is. And what a great post - frankly, I hope she finds it somehow.

I'm happy to fly out and beat her up for you. I'll bring my brass knuckles :)

[DD]

Oh, Honey-Child, you HAVE to submit these for publication on the inlawssuck site. I guess if you're going to be a Bad DIL, you might as well be very, VERY bad. ;)

[thalia]

I can't really comment as i am incredibly lukcy and my MIL is lovely, so I am not a BDIL, but this was hilarious (as well as really sad).

[Louise]

Oh honey...our MILs must be sisters or something (per earlier emails!).

I can relate to the first thing on your list...Before I got married, never once in my life had I been asked to step out of a photo opp "because I was not family!"

[Not on Fire]

Yes, I have one like yours. She shows surprise that you made something to eat that is passable. "Oh, I thought DH made it." The frowns and complaints. She is totally unable to praise anything. The most positive thing that I have ever heard her say about a meal was "That was good, usually it is no good and too expensive." The thing that I love the most about dear MIL is that she is loves to discuss death and disease in front of the children. My oldest is 5. I have to remind her that the kids understand and maybe could we discuss it later (like next century maybe).

[PBfish]

What is wrong with people? Is it so hard to be a decent human being?
She sounds like she feels threatened by you and your "little" career...

[Ova Girl]

Oh god, she's APPALLING. I cannot believe the words ARSENIC and SLAP FIGHT have not come up in your list...

[Mary Ellen]

Oh my goodness Millie! Your MIL sounds awful. I can't even imagine.

[Bea]

Hm. Goodness gracious me. That's my restrained version, of course.

Bea

[Changing Expectations]

Your MIL sounds just awful. I can't imagine how the travel year holidays just suck. I am so sorry that you have to deal with this shxx.

[Tiffanni]

Holy crap! I am sorry. I do have to say this did make me appreciate my in laws a lot more. Wow!

[Liana]

I think my MIL is afraid that I'm going to eat her...

[Patience]

I think my MIL may have found this list....

[moo]

My MIL is passive aggressive bt I wish she could somehow "stumble" on this list. Funny and sad.

Bitchily yours,

Moo

[Buffy]

I'm the MIL. I am trying to get some insights from this site. I don't understand why there is so much innate tension in this relationship.