Oh the bitch is back

Let's see, what's new with me? Ahhh, another early morning drive to my local clinic and another round of blood drawing. Admit it, you're all jealous of my life.

Luckily traffic was a breeze on Friday, I flew across the bridge and all through town. I even found a free parking spot on the street. That seems like it should be a good sign but it rarely turns out that way.

It was yet another busy morning at the clinic. So many hopeful faces filled the waiting room. So many hopeful faces that all got called back before I did. Even the ones that came in much later. Finally a nurse came out to tell me they were trying to finish up my paperwork. Apparently, I get special paperwork.

The nurse who drew my blood found a vein without oo much problem, making it a banner day. Then my lovely regular nurse saw me. She was a bit worried. Apparently I was quite pale.

Now if someone thinks I'm paler than normal I must look like a ghost. I'm normally quite pasty white (I suppose it would sound better to say I've got a porcelein complexion but let's just be honest, shall we?). Perhaps I looked albino? Or very ghostlike? I dunno but I do know that qualified me for additional stat bloodwork and an ultrasound.

I was quite relieved to be offered an ultrasound. I finally had the sense to ask what my beta levels had been since the ectopic. I so wanted the methotrexate to work that I thought it would be best not to focus on the numbers, in a superstitious effort to will my body to let the drug do it's thing.

My 'baseline' hcg was above 10k. My repeat hcg where they were hoping for a 15% drop but only got a 3% drop was still above 10k. Ectopics and hcg levels above 10k are a bad combination.

So they put me in a room to await the wand monkey. I had every expectation of seeing Dr Local or Dr Sexy Italian. Oh, how foolish that was.

The wait was loooooong. All I could do was look at the calendar on the wall. The strange 2006 calendar that started with November 2005 and goes through November 2006. What kind of calendar starts and stops at November?

The hard part about that calendar was realizing that if I really have to wait 3 months from the last dose of drugs until I can do any kind of cycle again, it's going to put everything off until August or September. Which blows most of this year. Had everything gone as planned in January, I would have had a September due date. This waiting is gonna suck.

Finally there was a knock at the door. I didn't get either Dr Local or Dr Sexy Italian but instead it was a couple of fellows. Female fellows but still two fairly new and raw REs. The main one I'd never met before. I was not a happy camper. I really don't want to have to deal with someone I don't know right now. But all the other docs were busy and they wanted to do this quickly.

Hmmm, I guess I'll have to call the first one Dr Perky. She started off by asking in a very chipper voice "How are YOU today?"

She didn't like my answer of "pretty shitty, what do you think."

Dr Perky: Oh, why? Is something wrong?

Millie: Well I seem to be having a second ectopic and the drugs aren't working, did you read my chart?

Dr Perky: Um, well, yes I know that but thought it might be something more.

Millie: Isn't that ENOUGH?

Let's just say it went downhill from there. I was in no mood for perkiness. I was in no mood to have to deal with a fellow who should have freakin' known better but didn't. I doubt she'll make the same mistake again. I soooooo do not have the energy to be training fellows in bedside manner and infertile etiquette. I'm not normally a bitch and do have manners but that takes energy I'm sorely lacking these days.

Luckily the ultrasound part went better. It was fairly painful but they saw the mass. Firmly lodged in the left tube. About 2 cm. No bleeding, no fluid, no imminent danger of rupturing. Big sigh of relief from Millie.

My nice nurse called a few hours later. All the bloodwork was good, I'm not bleeding anywhere that I can see and my beta is down to 7k. That doesn't really count and we want to see it 15% lower than that on Monday but it was reassuring to me at least. Maybe, just maybe, this second dose of drugs will work. Maybe I'll even be able to sleep some this weekend.

I celebrated with a matinee and a lunch of movie nachos. I even laughed a bit at the movie (Friends with Money). Of course there was the unexpected infertility discussion but that was ok.

~~~~~~~
I'm working on the next big plan. I don't want to jinx it yet or talk about it here but there might be a plan to put into place as soon as I'm able. I still need to get all this stuff straightened out. I need to take out or tie off my tubes and I'm not sure how that will work timing wise or how long of a recovery I need before I can cycle again. But I'm hoping to have a reason to cycle as soon as I can. Cross your fingers but it just might work out.

Giving up just isn't an option. Even now.

Comments

[Krista]

Delurking to say how inspiring it is to see that you continue to follow your dream. I love your blog and am wishing the best for you, whatever your plan is.

[Paisley]

Awww geez,
I wish with all my heart that this was easier for you. I am sorry you had to lead a session at RE boot camp. Hoping you are quickly catching a break and your plan works out beautifully.

[Lori]

Ugh - training the newbies is just a pain. Sorry you had to deal with that on top of everything else.
As for the tubes - when the RE diagnosed me with hydrosalpinx I had a lap in January to check it out and clip my tubes if need be. I was on the pill at the time and it would've been okay for me to start cycling right away at the end of the pill pack. It ended up not being necessary though. If it is what you do, I hope it doesn't cause any further delays.

[Bonnie]

I'm so sorry you had to deal with that at the RE's office. After my second miscarriage I had an appointment to go over what went wrong. It was with Maternal-Fetal medicine, and the waiting room was packed with hugely pregnant women. Pregnant women came and left, including a number who came in after me. Finally, after an hour and a half I just walked out. I don't have your patience.

[Roni]

What a fucking moron Dr Perky was. You'd think that after med school and a fellowship in RE they would be smart enough to be a bit more circumspect when they walk into a patient's room where they know that the patient has gone through such tragedy. I was going to offer to rip her face off, but Paul told me that I should probably dial it back a bit. Um, why??

In any event I'm sorry you had to deal with such stupidity. But I am so grateful to hear that it looks like there is no sign of rupture and that the 2nd dose may work.

I'm praying for your plan. And I'm thinking about you.

Love and hugs
Roni

[chris]

No, I'm not a big fan of giving up over here either.

And for the record, I wouldn't call you pasty. Although your bright complexion when I saw you may have merely been excitement from meeting me, of course. It's been known to happen. Sure.

Take care.

[coloratura]

You gave her the bitch slapping she deserved. Please do not ever feeling guilty about calling her on her completely and total lack of sensitivity. And didn't I hear all this talk about how the wonderful training residents and fellows are getting on connecting with their patients and sensitivity and whatnot? WTF!?

You keep on keepin' gfren'... good things are coming for you, I am sure.

And yes, your complexion is a beautiful porcelain... it was one of the things I noticed when I met you... :)

[Aames]

Glad to hear things are moving in the right direction and THRILLED to hear you have a plan! It makes all the difference to be able to focus on the NEXT thing, especially when you're going through such a difficult experience. I continue to cheer for you......something good is around the corner.....I just KNOW it!!!

[HoldingPattern]

I am so glad that things seem to be resolving. Hang in there. Give me a call if you want to talk.

Don't just get those tubes tied off. Get them taken OUT.

If they are just tied off or if there is a stump or two still attached to the uterus, there is still a chance of an ectopic.

After a January 2005 ectopic, I had my tubes taken out in mid-March 2005, and was cleared to start cycling in early June 2006.
If it is not done for an imminent emergency, it is a very easy operation - outpatient, lap, go home the same day.

[thalia]

It is always extraordinary to me how completely crap some of the doctors are. It's like they have special insensitivity training or something. Well done you for not ripping her a new one.

Looking forward to hearing about the new plan.

[ninaB]

I hate clueless physicians. I'll bet she hadn't even looked at your chart. I really hope this comes to a resolution soon. You've dealt with too too much crap these past few weeks.

[Jennie]

you'll forever be "that" woman to her but your right i doubt she'll ever make the same mistake again I'm just sorry you got her today.

I had my tubes out in feb at the end of that cycle of pills I started my fresh, there's no waiting involved and recovery was a day laying around making the most of DH's attention.

[KIMMER]

What is it with Doctors and charts now days? I'm sorry you have to have a second round of the evil Methotrexate. I do hope that you are able to get some rest. If they tie the tubes through a lab or remove them, the recovery is fairly easy (couple of days) and you should be able to cycle with your next period (of course after waiting 3 months for the Meth. to be gone), with my last ectopic I had my last tube taken out via laparoscopy, the recovery was short and sweet and the drugs were divine. I’m so sorry once again.

[Teendoc]

You and I are so freaking similar. Tragedy strikes and we feel sad, but the most important thing is for us to plan out the next steps. The thing we hate most is the waiting. Waiting sucks.

Mason and I just started our adoption agency paperwork. We're going to approach this from a two directions. Hopefully this time next year, we will at least have one child that we can call our own.

Love you!

[fisher queen]

'Is something wrong?' File that under 'The Dumbest Things Ever Said' heading.

[Laura]

I HATE seeing doctors who don't know my situation. They always say something lame. Good for you putting idiot doctors in their place!
My tubes came out and I cycled about a month and 1/2 later so it shouldn't delay you at all if that is the way you go.
Take care of yourself and many thanks for having lunch with me!:)

[Linda]

I am so sorry that your "fellows" didn't have the brains to be more sensitive to your situation. 2cm sound really big to me - verging on scary-sized. I hope that this gets resolved quickly so that you can move on with your plans. ((hugs))

[Red Headed Momma]

Good for you for putting that obnoxious female fellow in her place! What a dipshit.

I hope this dose does what it's supposed to already.