Out, damned egg! Out I say!

Staycation All I Ever Wanted

Sorry to have been quiet for a bit. It's just been super busy around Chez Millie.

You've all heard that staycations are on the rise, right? No one has money to travel and looks for things to do close to home. Well, I think it's safe to say I had a little staycation of my own the last (nearly) three weeks. The Scots aka Pamplemousse and her mister (who deserves a name of his own so I will now refer to him as the Head Banger) came to town!

I could regale y'all with tales of all we did and saw from cheesy touristy things to fine dining in wine country but I'll leave that to Pamplemousse. She has a few more days off before she returns to work and I think that's plenty of time for a full "What I Did On My Summer Vacation" post. Don't you?

Instead I'll just say how much fun I we had with Pamp and the Head Banger and how good it was for our battered old souls as well. They were such good sports letting us drag them all over the bay area including our monthly adoption group and pub trivia. They were such great guests they even slept on our air mattress and crappy pillows without complaining.

The mister and I truly enjoyed showing them around our adopted state and just hanging out as well. It was so great to finally meet them and so strange to say that to them today when they left because it's like we've known them for many, many years.

As I sit in my all-too-quiet house eyeing the Rock Band guitar and microphone that are silent for the first time in days, I can't help but remember the discussion with my mil  nearly two years ago when she was adamant that you can't have true friends through the internet. She is so very, very wrong.

Safe travels, Pamplemousse and Head Banger.

We Interrupt Fun With Names

As much as I love talking about names and my crazy naming rules (although from some of your comments I can tell many of you will agree with me), that's not where this post is going.

The last week has been full of drama. The kind of drama that you don't really want but you know is part of this wild ride called "adoption". The kind of drama that has me no longer thinking of names and, instead, canceling all plans to go forward with NHL.

It's ok. Really, really ok. The mister and I are fine with this turn of events. Truly.

We had inklings earlier on there would be drama at some point. When someone gets incredibly angry at other people, you wonder when that anger will turn on you. Because it will. When someone puts you up on a pedestal and over idealizes you, you wonder what will happen when you fall off that pedestal a bit. No one can live on a pedestal forever.

This week that all came to pass. It was something I'd been waiting for since our trip last month. The mister wasn't convinced I was right and thought I was over analyzing things, imagining personality disorders in every nook and cranny. He was busy studying to be the ubergeek while I was mastering the DSM so it's not a big surprise. 

When the proverbial mess hit the proverbial fan, the mister and I had some serious decisions to make. We chose to ride it out a bit and see if we could all get past the drama. We thought perhaps it could be a chance for us all to deal with some tough issues and set the stage for working through even tougher things in the future. Adoption is hard work. The kind of open adoption we want can be even harder at times.

Last night we got an email from NHL saying she was choosing not to move forward with us. I'm not going to lie: we were a bit disappointed but mostly we each let out a huge sigh of relief. There was so much drama in the previous week that we couldn't imagine what the next three months would be like, much less the next 20-30 years.

And we are both very, VERY happy this happened now rather than at the hospital, or after the hospital. That would be so much harder and likely heartbreaking.

Our consultant has been great throughout this time. We keep saying to each other "oh yeah, THAT'S why we chose her and why we paid her". She advised us to bow out gracefully and graciously last week. She's seen these situations many times and they never work out well. We are happy with how we've handled everything and have no regrets.

So we're turning the google ads back on, working on a facebook group, opening our hearts and hoping something great will come our way.

Oh and we know something fabulous will be here soon: The Pamplemousses arrive in a little over a week and I can't imagine anything better for us right now. 

What's the Name of the Game?

I know I'm past due for an NHL update. It's been a fairly eventful couple of weeks. I'm struggling with what to write about here and what to leave out.

I'll start by saying that things are good on the whole. Things are progressing, moving forward, feeling right. All of that is positive. We were hoping NHL would visit us here towards the end of June. We wanted her to see our house and our lives. We wanted her to have some time with our consultant one on one, and with all of us together. We hoped to time it over one of the big monthly meetings so she could meet some of the other folks in the service from all parts of the adoption constellation.

She was warming up to the idea and tentatively planning on a trip. Then a short while back she was in an accident. She's fine, the baby's fine but she was already wary of flying so far from her home before the baby is born. It adds a lot more stress to her life and we don't want to pressure her.

The trip was planned for about the time we can officially match. We're in this strange place now where we aren't truly matched but we're not seeing other people. There are many good reasons not to be matched until she's around 28 weeks but that doesn't mean we aren't relationship building.

One of the things that's been coming up a lot is the name game. This is also one of the things that's weighing heavy on my mind right now.

Back before we knew it was a girl, NHL had started sending us lists of boy names. I think the idea came from an initial conversation she had with our consultant. Now, I'm sure it's no surprise to anyone who's been reading for a while that our consultant has her own (sometimes peculiar) ways of doing things. One of the things she has a process for is naming the baby.

I'm not sure if all of you know how the process works in adoption situations. All adoptees have an original, unaltered birth certificate with all the information from their birth. This birth certificate is sealed upon finalization of the adoption. (As an aside, we're hoping to get a copy of this for our children before it's sealed so they'll have it). Then a new birth certificate is issued with some old information (time/doctor/witnesses) and some new information (adoptive parents). It can be really hard on some adoptees that have different names on their birth certificates.

I had a long discussion about this last week with a good friend who's an adoptee in reunion. She said she'd had 3 different names during her life (one set from her birth mother, one her foster parents and one from her adoptive parents). She said it didn't bother her to have had different names but she felt bad for her first mom who now had to call her by a different name after not knowing her for such a long time. It's funny because I think both her first name and current name fit her very well. Her adoptive mom was distraught when she found out they'd changed her name. They asked the agency if there had been a name given to her and the agency lied and said it was only "baby girl". Her parents have always seemed ahead of the curve in adoption issues so that wasn't a surprise they'd been concerned about these sorts of things from the beginning.

I  believe that naming your child is an important part of claiming your child but it's also an incredibly charged and sensitive area, especially when trying to form a lasting bond through an open adoption. In a perfect world, our children will have the same name on both birth certificates and that name will be mutually agreed upon.

I think I might lose a lot of you here. I know this sounds strange but bear with me.

Our consultant likes to approach this by having the adoptive parents compose a list of three names and present them to the expectant mom/family. Then you work together to (hopefully) agree on a name that EVERYONE likes. She likes doing it this way because she had a couple of adoptions that nearly fell through because the first family hated the name the adoptive family planned on using.

So this is what she explained to us many months ago. This is also how she explained it to NHL. NHL loves the idea of being involved in the naming of this baby (and I really think she should) but it's been hard because she started sending us lists of names. Long lists of names.

I should digress and tell you I have very specific naming rules of my own. I think they might even deserve a post all to themselves. I think I'll do that post next but for now I want to focus on what all this brought up in me. Let's just say it wasn't exactly pretty.

It was easy enough when we didn't know the sex of the baby to not really engage about the names. I was secretly relieved when the baby was a girl because we had a fresh slate. I'm trying to learn how to navigate these boundaries. I'm trying to process what this all means to me and why it's so much harder to be confronted with this than all the other things I've given up along the way.

But when I get these lists of names its just so very hard. I do want NHL to be involved. I do want to be able to follow our rules and hers and to come up with something that will work for all of us. I want that to be in a way that's comfortable for me. I wasn't sure what that looked like.

I realized I really wanted the mister and I to have a nice solid list first. I wanted to spend some time, just the two of us enjoying this part of impending parenthood. I mean how awesome is it that we're making a list of names? It freakin' ROCKS! It's fun, fun, fun!

There's a lot to negotiate between the two of us. I really want our first child to have my last name. We're not going to be a family that all has the same last name and I have very strong reasons for wanting our first child to have my family name.

As much as we'd like to play the name game with NHL we needed a couple of rounds to ourselves. We've spent the last week or so thinking and ruminating. We have a short list that pleases us both. We're still not quite ready to share that yet. We're currently pinning that one on our "mean ol' consultant" who won't let us talk about names until we're matched.

It's so nice to be planning for the future, with a baby that might be ours (or maybe not and that's ok too). I can't imagine not including the NHL in these talks eventually but I can't handle doing that just yet.

I'm wondering how others have handled this situation. Did you find it as hard as I am? How did you include and/or honor your child's birth family in the process? If your child was given a name when they came to you (or when they were born), did you keep that name?

UP NEXT: The rules of the name game. Feel free to play along from home (or, perhaps a bit more likely for some of you, from work).

Raising a glass to Tertia

I'm so excited that Mel is hosting this book party for Tertia today. Read this and then go mingle with the other guests at Mel's, k?  I'm so excited that Tertia's book is available on Amazon. Did you all know that it is? Here's a link. Go buy it if you haven't already. Seriously. I'll wait.

I am assuming that all of you (or most of you) know of the amazing Tertia. If you don't, you really, really should. Her blog (and her book) is called So Close and can be found at www.tertia.org

Mel thoughtfully provided us with some conversational topics and I'm really looking forward to reading everyone's posts today. I decided to go a slightly different route, something a bit more personal and a little less literary.

I think it's time for a toast. I hope y'all will bear with me.

Like many of us, Tertia's was one of the first blogs I ever found. Now this was in the dawn of the blogosphere (T is that old but not me) and there weren't as many infertility blogs around so most of us started with the classics. And hers was certainly a classic that is full of timeless posts like  IVF Barbie, How to be good friends with an infertile, Giving up- when is enough  enough, Surviving Infertility. Damn fine posts (and all in the book...hint hint).

Over three years ago I flew to South Africa for my first donor egg cycle I had a secret hope of meeting up with her but was way too starstruck to even ask. I don't know how she found out I was there but she did and was miffed I hadn't emailed her, she thought I wasn't interested in meeting her. Can you believe that? Being the bigger person she  invited the mister and I to coffee. It was awesome.

We met up on Friday the 13th in the middle of the mall on the V & A waterfront. I still remember seeing her come down that escalator with her incredibly long legs and dressed to the nines.

The three of us had a grand old time. We got right to the heart of the things quickly and heard all about her twins birthday party that happened just when we'd arrived to Cape Town. We talked about all the stuff we infertiles like to talk about. We shared notes on the doctors and sisters at the clinic. We compared notes on our ectopic pregnancies. We talked a lot about how the emotional part of cycling was so much harder than the physical part but no one warned you about it. We even talked about the book she was working on in her "spare" time. But this one part of the conversation stuck with me all this time. I can replay it over and over in my head. If I close my eyes and concentrate I can see the three of us at that table (all a little younger than now) and hear her words in my mind.

The mister asked Tertia how she was able to keep going, after all the things she'd been through and her long journey. And Tertia said "giving up just wasn't an option. I'm just too stubborn and the alternative is just unacceptable."

And the mister, with more than a tear in his eye, just said "Yes. You're absolutely right."

The other thing the mister said to me after Tertia went back up that escalator is that "she really puts the super in supermom, doesn't she?"

After that coffee, Tertia became one of our biggest cheerleaders. She was gutted along with us when we had our negative beta a couple of weeks later and she helped me get back on the horse (and the plane) a couple of months later.

My next trip was a whirlwind but Tertia found the time to fete the Infertile Gourmet and me. I must have passed the sniff test the previous trip because this time I got to meet the husband, kids and Rose and hang at Casa Tertia. I think she's realized the folly of letting internet friends into her house and has since moved but I've heard I could track down her new house with google or something.

Hm, that sounds a bit stalkerish, doesn't it? I wonder if she's changed her cell number as well? Moving on....

She took Alex and me to a lovely wine farm close by her house. We had the most amazing day. I would say that Alex and I drinking wine with Tertia puts us in a very exclusive club. But if you know Tertia that's not exactly true. ;)

We also talked about her book a lot on that trip. If I remember correctly (and I doubt that I do) it was in the editing stage. She promised to send me a copy when it was done. She said I could be her press person stateside or perhaps her chaperone (she SO clearly needs one).  I knew her book would be a great success. I'm so thrilled that it's climbing the charts on Amazon. I gave up waiting for my autographed copy and ordered one my self.

You'd better remember all the little people and at least sign my damn book on your triumphant book tour!

Now Tertia has added best selling author to her very long resume. She has done so much good for her sisters that were and are still in the trenches first with her blog then the book and now her Egg Donor Agency (btw I'm beyond thrilled that I can recommend Nurture to my friends). I honestly don't know where she finds the time.

Just like the mister said so many years ago, she really does put the super in supermom. And superwriter. And superfriend. Asshole.

So let's all raise our glass to Tertia, thank her for all she's done for us, wish her every success, and hope that baby Max comes soon. Gesondheid!

Now it's your turn to toast (or roast... up to you).

I should be outside enjoying this weather

Good grief but the weather here this weekend is gorgeous. Just spectacular. It's in the low 80s and sunny. My plan was to spend as much time outside as possible. Instead, I'm still in my pjs on our formerly comfy couch.

It's been a catch up kind of weekend around here. Last weekend was all about taxes. It was a rough one. When you're a self-employed consultant who's never committed to setting up your own business, you pay every April 15. And pay and pay and pay (actually I pay every quarter but this one is always the worst). I'm hoping to decide between an LLC and an S Corp in the next week or two and finally get off my duff. If this means anything to any of you and you have assvice/input/horror stories please feel free to email me. I could use all the help I can get about now.

What I really planned to write about here was one of the bumps in this potential adoption. I'm not sure it's really a true bump but it does complicate things a bit and we're not sure how it's going to play out. I'm also struggling with how much and what I want to write about here so bear with me as I struggle through this.

It's about the biological dad. That's the term I'm going to use because that's the language NHL uses. It's about him and it's about the two of them.

I think it's likely very common to have issues between the biological parents in a potential adoption situation. In fact, it's probably the norm. I know in other situations we didn't have much information to go on so that would be easier in some respects (terminating rights) but much harder in others (we really want to include as much of biofamily as possible).

I know it's not uncommon that a biodad will leave once there's a pregnancy. Many of the birthmoms I know were very upset during their pregnancies because they didn't get the kind of support they wanted/hoped for from the biodads for a variety of reasons.

That's certainly part of this situation. But this biodad wasn't given much of a chance to provide any support either. I can understand why he's shocked and surprised to find out that NHL is pursuing an adoption plan. He was lied to for months and that's a tough thing to find out.

Right now we're in the middle of all this. NHL has asked us to go along with not naming the biodad on the birth certificate. We've explained to her why that is unethical and wrong and we would not move forward with her if she felt that way. She's also asked us to promise that he wouldn't have contact with the baby. I can understand why that feels unfair to her but that is not a promise either of us would make for a number of reasons.

We can see a path where we develop a relationship with him that is separate from our relationship with NHL. She can't see that. I do understand that. She feels like he has no rights because he didn't support her in the way she wanted/hoped for from the beginning. I understand that as well.

In our minds, it's about what's best for the baby. There are many reasons why we think it's important to forge a relationship with the biodad. We'd feel that way in any situation because in our perfect situation our children will know as much of their biofamily as possible. I think in this particular situation it's even more important because this baby is biracial. I especially want her to know the side of her family that has a different heritage from NHL (and us). There are also half-siblings involved and that contact is not something I want to deny any child of mine.

We knew there would be challenges in any situation. We're moving forward as best as we can. This is where our consultant is so great and truly earning her keep. She's dealt with these situations time and time again. She'll make sure that we all proceed in an ethical manner and that no one's rights will be trampled on. I know there are lawyers and adoption "professionals" who would encourage NHL to lie and then terminate parental rights however possible. I'm so very glad that group doesn't include our consultant.

I'm sure there will be a lot more to come about this. I'm interested in hearing from anyone who's dealt with similar situations. We're trying to find a balance here of supporting NHL while trying to feel out the other side and just navigate through all of this

Weekend in New England: Finally The Recap!

I know. I know. I KNOW.

I've been back for a week and all I talked about here is basketball. Please forgive me.

I'll cut to the chase: our trip was wonderful. It was amazing, exhilarating, intense and exhausting all at once. I can't believe it's already been a week since we returned. I can't believe it's only been a week since we've returned.

It really was a whirlwind trip. We left super early on Friday morning. One in-flight movie and a couple of episodes of The Office and we landed in Boston. (The last person I want on my case is the lovely daisy mae: I only called it Bean Town in that other post because it worked so nicely as a foil against Mo-Town. PROMISE!) We actually packed light (for once!) so we quickly picked up our car (thank you, thank you, Gold Service) and headed north.

We make it to our lovely b&b in a very quaint town in record time. We had a brief nap and freshened up. Then it was time to meet NHL. She wanted to try a nearby Thai restaurant and we're always in the mood for Thai, so what could be better, right?

Now, I really must digress. You know sometimes you meet people that you've felt you've known your whole life? Maybe you're internet friends and you've emailed and talked on the phone but not yet met in person? Or maybe it's just me. I've had a lot of experiences like that. There are a lot of folks from Wedding Land that I met after much internet discussion. Usually it was ok. Sometimes it was great the great from the very first time we met IRL and we couldn't stop talking for hours and hours(I'm looking at you Aimee and Bebe and the one formerly known as FirstTimer; and Emily and InAHoldingPattern/FinallyArrived and Anna H and Scrambled Eggs and all you NC gals from Blog Land).

And even more rarely it's just so incredibly easy and natural and just so very right you know that's just how it was always supposed to be? Like when I showed up on Liana's (teendoc's) doorstep all those years ago and now I can barely comprehend that was actually the first time we "met" in person.*

Yeah, it was like that. NHL is family. Whatever happens going forward, she is part of us. It was great. We talked for hours. We had a few things to share with her including some books from our consultant and some cookies I baked for her.

We met early the next morning for the ultrasound and regular appointment. It was amazing. Truly amazing. We were so honored to be invited to share such an incredible experience. We saw the fetus in such incredible detail: every vertebrae, the bladder, all 4 chamber of the heart, a tiny foot.

The midwife was really great too. She answered all NHL's questions and said she was doing great. They can continue her Saturday appointments for a while which works great for NHL's job. All is going smoothly with the pregnancy and NHL and the baby are both in great hands.

After the appointment we went out for a leisurely breakfast and some shopping on Main Street. It was just great hanging out and all getting to know each other. Then we took a bit of a break. We all needed naps before dinner.

We met closer to NHL's home for a lovely dinner overlooking a pond. Dinner was nice but it started to cut into basketball time. I'm serious. I had warned NHL that I was obsessed and there was a game. I wasn't sure I wanted her to see just how fanatic of a fan I really was but figured she should see us warts and all.

Even with the warning, she was a bit stunned. She stayed for part of the first half but then it was past her bedtime so she headed for home. It was past mine as well but there was round ball to be played.

The mister and I had a more leisurely morning on Sunday. We enjoyed the nice breakfast at our b and b and then checked out a possible longer term rental for the fall. Then we met up with NHL for a brief visit. We got to see her home and take a few photos. So nice!

We headed to the Big City and a short visit with a friend of mine from my geeky high school. It was so great to visit with him and his family. His wife is also an incredible midwife who is very connected in that area. She embarrassed their oldest, reminding him that I was there when they took him on his very first march! He was only 6 week old and one of the youngest activists on the mall for a large ProChoice march back in the day. Yes he's driving now and applying to colleges (he was more interested in talking about his rowing with me than his activist infant-hood). It's nice to have local folks who are super supportive about this next chapter of our life.

The flight home was easy as well. We got 2 movies (TWO!) including one we wanted to see (Frost/Nixon) and one we didn't know we wanted to see but still enjoyed (7 Pounds). It was pretty late when we finally made it home to our dogs and cat but they were glad to see us.

There are more plans with NHL. We're hoping she'll take us up on our offer to head west in a few months and visit us and attend one of our crazy monthly meetings with our consultant. She's invited me to be her labor coach and signed us up for an all day birthing class in July. We've put down a (refundable) deposit on a lovely in-law apartment in Quaint Town, overlooking the river and just down from Main Streets for a month at the end of the summer/beginning of the school year. We're not officially matched (that can't happen until she's 28 weeks or so) but still getting to know each other and enjoying the process and journey.

Oh by the way, the mister and I are working on our list of girl names. The NHL was convinced before the ultrasound that she was pregnant with a boy but it turns out she's not. It's a feisty, future soccer-playing, very strong girl in there. There's still time to get used to the idea that it's a girl.

There's a lot that can happen in the next few months. We're not assuming this girl will be our girl. We firmly believe that NHL will need to remake her decision after birth and we need to give her the space and support to freely do just that. But for now we're moving forward and trying to navigate this particular ambiguity. That's all good. There have already been some bumps this last week and I'm struggling with what I will and won't write about here. But, for now, we're just living day to day and trying to do the best that we can.

And we are working on that list of girl names.

*For those of you that don't know, that's how I met teendoc the first time. She (and her Adoring Husband) took me in at a crucial time for me. We cycled together at the same clinic at the same time. It was also a pivotal time for her for a lot of reasons. Even though that cycle didn't work for either of us from a baby perspective, it certainly added a very important person to my family.

It's been a long 12, make that 16, years

I know if you're reading this, you're likely hoping for an update on our trip. That is coming. I promise you.

But today there is only one thing I can write about. My boys in blue did an awesome job last night. They played with heart and focus and a passion that is unbelievable. They did it as a team and that game is truly one for the record books.

I have learned to live as an Expat here. Most of the locals don't really get me when it comes to my own basketball obsession. That's ok. We've carved out a niche and found a place where it feels good and right to watch our team. A place where they bring in barbecue and play Jump Around before the game and we all pretend we're thousands of miles away.

Last night was no different. The bar was filled with folks in that lovely shade of light blue. The only green shirts celebrated our Green Light. There were new grads and very old grads like me. We drank from Big Blue Cups. We sang our cheers. We watched a truly great game. We substituted the Haight for Franklin Street. It was a very beautiful thing.

And yet it was almost as sad for me as it was 4 years ago. Back then this blog was still somewhat new and I wasn't nearly as bitter as I am today, but that linked post still captures so much of what I felt last night and today. It's just so bittersweet. It's been nearly 16 years since my voice was on Franklin St, yelling and celebrating with my bff. I still miss her so very much. She should have been with us last night.

I'll be back very soon with a long update about our weekend. I promise. It was great. Really great. Exhausting and exhilarating all at the same time.

But today I raise my Big Blue Cup to all the friends that should still be here to celebrate.

*Now if you're not one of us you might have found it boring or a bit lopsided but that was all vindication for  the slanderous things said about us throughout the season: can't play defense, Psycho T isn't emotional, Ty's toe will slow us down, overrated, etc.

The Boys Are Back in Mo-Town

Well, well, well. My Heels are headed to Detroit. I'm very excited and think they'll do a fantastic job. I'm tired of hearing about all their faults. They can't play another fast team (oh, really...take that Gonzaga). They don't play defense well (um, Oklahoma might feel differently about that now). They've already beaten one of the other Final Four teams on the very same court just a few months ago. Now I don't want to get too far ahead of myself but if they just focus on their game, they will win. They are the team to beat. Even our president thinks so.

Speaking of not getting too far ahead of myself, the mister and I are awfully excited about next weekend. We fly east at the butt crack of dawn. There have been a flurry of emails between NHL and us. I think she's just as excited. I know she's worried we might not like her in person (ha! I sooooo don't think that's even a remote possibility) just as we are worried about the same thing. We're all trying to come up with places to see. She wants to entertain us but is unsure of what to do. We want to see her life and share ours. That means potentially showing her just how crazy about basketball I really am.

I've told her there's a game. And that the word "fan" is clearly derived from "fanatic" when it comes to me. She's being a good sport but we've already told her if she needs to bow out or rest then that is more important.

We've started talking names with NHL. That's several posts all on their own. The mister and I have a hard time with names on our own so this is likely to be even more interesting involving a third party. Since we're finding out the gender I'm hoping to delay some of the name stuff for a bit. We have time, lots of time.

Oh and that 30 minute row? I kicked some serious erg-ass with it! I was ridiculously proud of myself. I beat my own goal. It was a realllllllly long 30 minutes though. Shortly thereafter, my body began to fall apart.

Two hours after finishing the row, my right eye started swelling. I spent that afternoon at a variety of docs and got some great drops and told to rest. I took Saturday easy (um, except for the game, duh!) then Sunday went for a 2 hour bike ride with the mister and my training group. I thought my sore throat that day was from yelling at the tv. The sore throat got worse throughout the week. On Friday night I added sharp, piercing ear pain to the mix and couldn't sleep at all due to the pain. The on-call doc said on Saturday it was likely an ear infection that would heal itself. Um, it hasn't. Today's doc realized I somehow ruptured my eardrum (so that's the source of the blood in my ear) and promised to write my mom a note saying it was not due to loud music (or even basketball)...just way too much fluid. She sent me to the pharmacy to ask for one of those drugs that you have to sign your life away to get these days because they think you might be cooking something at home besides cupcakes. I have a day and a half to get it under control or add steroids to the drug cocktail.

My ear hurts. A lot. But I will do whatever it takes to get on that plane this weekend. My boys may be heading to Motown but I've got a very important date outside Bean Town

I Want My, I Want My, I Want My M.TV

I'm not sure how many of you are regular M.TV viewers. I know that I'm not. Well, not anymore. I was back in the day way back when it first started and involved actual videos (and The Young Ones. I heart The Young Ones and think about that show every time I eat lentils). I digress. But there is a very special show that just began airing this weekend. It's an episode of Tr.ue Li.fe called Tr.ue Li.fe: I'm Plac.ing My Ba.by Up For Adopt.ion. It's a documentary look at two expectant moms who are considering open adoption.

You can see more information here and the production blog here. Check your local listings for airing times or check back in a few weeks and you can watch the episode online.

I think the producers did a great job. I think it's a very realistic, honest look at the process. I'm amazed and humbled by the families involved and how much they shared.

I'm really interested in hearing what y'all think of this episode.

Thursday Thoughts

Remember how I said back in January that I started an intensive training program? I thought it was time for an update.

Tomorrow is the last day of said program. Tomorrow we're set to do a 30 minute row. Almost entirely above our threshold heart rates. I thought I should update today because I'm not quite sure I'll make it through tomorrow or be able to type at all after.

Kidding. Sorta.

It's been really great. I missed a few days when I was sick and a few more when we were in Florida but that's it. I'm still not used to the new schedule (alarm goes off at 5, take my synthroid and hit snooze 3-4 times, spring out of bed with just enough time to put on clothes I thoughtfully set out night before, scarf breakfast, leave house just in time to make it to gym by 6 am) but I'm sticking to it.

Over the last few weeks I've increased my fitness dramatically. I now know my exact target heart zones (and realize when I thought I was working out before I was barely aerobic). I also know that I can do a lot of stuff I didn't think I could a few weeks ago. Like row 2k at a race pace. Or do plank for 3 minutes.  I've lost inches in all the right places (which is most places). My resting pulse and blood pressure are much lower. All good things.

I've even lost all the weight I gained with infertility. Plus more. I'm down about 23 pounds overall. There's a lot more to go but so far, so good. I had to even buy new pants because mine were falling off.

My goal is to be a (semi) skinny bitch when Pamplemousse arrives stateside this summer. I had the bitch part down but now have a good start on the rest.

Other bits and pieces:
I'm so very saddened by the death of the lovely Natasha Richardson. I've always adored her, most recently on Top Chef. I've always adored her husband as well and can't imagine the grief he, his sons and the rest of her family are feeling. Love Actually will never be the same again. It's just so sad.

In much happier (not to mention) lighter news,  I am very amused that our president is as concerned with the same toe I mentioned in my last post. And that the current leader of the free world has excellent taste in basketball. Don't believe me? Check it out for yourself here.

It's March Madness, baybee. Bring it on!